It did not occur to me as a child that she didn't actually personally have preferences she was enforcing on me. I thought she was demanding that I conform to HER ideas, & I got the impression that I would need to learn to conform to the ideas of all those around me or be the subject of constant critique.
If only I had fucking know that that type of social pressure has nothing to do with what individual people actually feel, I would perhaps never have had this fear instilled in me at all.
