this looks fun but "I looked at a ton of static site generators and all of them were complicated js" is so unserious. Why not just say "I looked at a couple trendy js options and didn't like either one?"
Why blow smoke as if you invented the concept of the simple php static site generator, a category with an embarrassment of existing options? Why lie when anybody can web search "no dependency php static site generator" and find multiple options on the first page of results?
