Why do you keep saying "should?"
I don't know if I should stop myself from enjoying books, it feels like enjoying anything can make Digit think I don't need her alive. But she also might not be looking to me for proof she should live, she might just feel bad if she found out I never enjoyed anything without her. So I don't know if I should enjoy books.
I don't think I should enjoy storytelling, that's definitely just failing to make it clear to Digit how badly I need her. I only enjoy storytelling because I'm "not loyal" like Digit said. This isn't how I should be.
It seems good that I don't really want to do any of those other things, none of them except the book club are worth weighing the "Digit is sad I didn't enjoy shit without her" risk against the "Digit fucking dies because I'm not good enough at making her feel needed" risk.
