Girl on the Net

Sex blogger, audio porn producer, collection of atoms and stories.

Https://www.girlonthenet.com 
https://www.patreon.com/girlonthenet

Location: London

Public Key

npub10gl8h68zlvq56hd5d96xg0pmzvygdl6hnz540fjythvujc6n4c7qs5seww

NIP-05 Address

[email protected]

Profile Code

nprofile1qqs850nmar30kq2dtk6xjary8sa3xzyxlate322h5ez9mkwfvdf6u0qprpmhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0d4hhxarj9ecxjmntqyqqezv2aj

Publishing to

relay.momostr.pink

Author Public Key

npub10gl8h68zlvq56hd5d96xg0pmzvygdl6hnz540fjythvujc6n4c7qs5seww

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Last Notes

2026-04-16 19:15:30 UTC

"I cannot be discarded again, left to the whims of the assembled crowd."
I fucking love a bit of #kink jeopardy. And today's NEW guest blog, by Gemini, delivers a fabulous bit of #BDSM drama: will he please the Mistress enough to earn his release?
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/earn-my-release/

2026-04-14 17:08:42 UTC

Bonus guest blog for you today, featuring yet another reason to hate #AI. Huge thanks to Kate O’Kelly for contributing it.
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/ai-online-sex-work-dangerous/
#SexWork

2026-04-13 17:29:03 UTC

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ooh thanks! Is Doors of Eden sci fi or fantasy? I’ve not read any of his fantasy as it’s not normally my genre, but I might make an exception because his work is JUST SO AMAZING 😍

2026-04-13 17:26:22 UTC

If you’ve finished reading the ‘Children Of...’ series and you’re wondering which @npub1e3a…kl4s book to pick up next, just FYI it’s ‘Shroud’. Alien Clay & Service Model are also amazing, but Shroud scratches similar itches as Children of Time/Ruin/Memory/Strife.

2026-04-12 18:30:06 UTC

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I’ve been a bit lonely and in need of human connection, so walking into a family-run Italian restaurant was absolutely the right choice. Was greeted by a round guy in his late 60s/early 70s, who spoke in Italian and was charmingly flattering about my poor attempts to join him in that language. He poured me massive wines, offered to let me stay in his house, brought me piles of extra delicious bread and olive oil, recommended me a bike mechanic and then gave me grappa. Nearly wept 👌

2026-04-12 18:27:11 UTC

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“Fill me with delicious food pls”
The people at this restaurant understood the assignment! 👏
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/116/393/171/530/945/131/original/875ce42205fd0660.jpeg
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/116/393/140/680/533/417/original/31e95bc910721050.jpeg

2026-04-12 16:30:53 UTC

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Anyway sorry for moaning, I am having an incredible time. My puncture-proof tyres are holding up and my thighs could crush a man’s rib cage. Now I’m going to find an Italian restaurant and give them all of my money in exchange for as much wine and lasagne as I can fit in this bruised-up body.

2026-04-12 16:17:33 UTC

Well over 700 miles now and a quick update on my feelings about cycling: I fucking hate it.

2026-04-10 07:09:58 UTC

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Yesterday I brute forced it by cycling 2km out of my way until my phone said ‘welcome to [country I actually want to be in]!’

2026-04-10 07:06:42 UTC

Nerds! Is there any way to tell an iPhone which country I’m in and stop it forcing me into another country? Or telling it NOT to connect to a particular country’s internet? I’m riding along the border between two countries, one of which has absolutely shit 4g, and I want to somehow force my phone to know I’m always staying on the good side of the border. Is this a thing I can do?
[SOLVED thank you! The solution was ‘turn it off and on again and then you can disable automatic’ 😂]

2026-04-10 07:03:43 UTC

PORN ON A TRAIN KLAXON! 😍
RE: https://mastodon.art/@JenJen/116374821088948740

2026-03-29 17:02:33 UTC

Shame is what embarrassment becomes if you give it enough food and water.
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/embarrassed-talk-about-sex/
NEW blog: someone asked me an interesting question - "do you ever get embarrassed?" and I had a lot of fun exploring the answer.

2026-03-29 12:46:33 UTC

Eternal dilemma: if I do something cool in the Real World but forget to brag about it on the internet, did it even really happen at all?

2026-03-26 01:12:10 UTC

"Making someone orgasm – when you know their body well – is more of a science. The main point of a 'bells and whistles' #BlowJob is to make them weep at the beauty of your *art*."
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/5-different-types-blow-job/

2026-03-19 10:22:19 UTC

Want to feel old? "Girl" on the Net is now 42.
Feel free to shower me with gifts in the form of Patreon subs to support the audio project.
https://www.patreon.com/girlonthenet
https://www.patreon.com/girlonthenet

2026-03-15 19:32:51 UTC

Legend tells of a woman who reaches her early forties and suddenly realises that she’s sick of your bullshit.
NEW blog: Bitch (complimentary)
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/bitch-complimentary/
Amazing art by [@stuart_cb](https://mastodon.social/@stuart_cb )! Captures the vibe perfectly ❤️
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/116/234/857/413/528/010/original/ae2b55be68609ee9.png

2026-03-13 19:39:58 UTC

Him: maybe we could do some anal after we’ve watched Project Hail Mary?
Me: ooh, good idea! We can go from ‘wholesome’ to ‘some hole’!

2026-03-12 12:03:45 UTC

Masto, I don't wanna assume your feelings or anything but... I suspect you're gonna like this.
Kinky DIY, a creative #threesome idea, buckets of playfulness and GALLONS of precum.
Brand NEW guest blog by the fabulous @npub1n7m…22sz https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/drink-under-the-table/

2026-03-08 08:39:48 UTC

NEW blog. I had a ball writing this one. Body swap fantasy!
“If I had your dick and you had my cunt, here's how I would go about fucking you.”
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/body-swap-your-dick-my-cunt/
How COOL is [@stuart_cb](https://mastodon.social/@stuart_cb ) ‘s art for this? It’s such a clever, playful way to illustrate the concept 😍

2026-03-06 15:29:05 UTC

You can tell I'm having a scatty time because today I paid an invoice on the day it was due rather than immediately when it hit my inbox. If you need me I'll be cringing with shame in a corner.

2026-03-06 12:36:32 UTC

"I want nothing more than to obey his command."
Exquisite NEW #AudioPorn from @npub1n60…s00e - the next in her phenomenal Sunday series. This time she's gonna be a doll... or is she?
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/sunday-8-be-a-doll-for-me/ Big thanks to [@stuart_cb](https://mastodon.social/@stuart_cb ) for hot new art!
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/116/182/259/565/706/388/original/aa51bd448c064c18.png

2026-03-06 00:20:59 UTC

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Anyway I went out this evening and at the end I asked my mate which tube she was taking, then I took the same one so we could keep chatting for a bit. It didn’t matter - any of the four options would have intersected with a line that got me home, in roughly the same time. On the way home I stopped at the 24hr shop for snacks.
Fucking love this city with my whole soul.

2026-03-06 00:19:13 UTC

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If I want to go out, there is not only frequent, cheap public transport, but *multiple options* depending on my route preference.
I’m not just ‘never leaving London’ - you can try to drag my decaying corpse from this city and it’ll come back to life and shriek in outrage.

2026-03-06 00:14:26 UTC

For every person who reaches a certain age and decides London is too busy for them there’s another like me who understands we could never survive without this convenience.
It has been two decades since I lived more than a 5 minute walk from a 24 hour shop.

2026-02-27 07:53:55 UTC

Beside myself with hope this morning! 40%+ vote share!
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/ckglkz1rp01o

2026-02-20 20:37:35 UTC

Gentle reminder: I (and my amazing guest writers/readers/illustrators) can only keep doing what we do if the site continues to get traffic. That means if you like it, share it. Especially the guest blogs and audio. 'Likes' don't help, please share.

2026-02-19 22:25:48 UTC

When YouTube says 'this is not available in your country' it should also list the countries where it *is* available, so I know which one to set my VPN to.

2026-02-18 11:42:36 UTC

Second bout of either food poisoning or norovirus or whatnot in 2 months. My body is really collecting ALL the bugs right now.

2026-02-15 15:42:04 UTC

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My favourite weird GOTN thing, incidentally, happened to my best mate. He was on a date with a lovely lady who asked if he read 'GirlOnTheNet'. He said 'not regularly, but I'm familiar with the blog'. She then told him that she and I were really good friends. He sent me a pic of her dating site picture and was like 'I'm on a date with your pal [X]!' and I had to tell him that sadly I had never seen her before in my life 😂

2026-02-15 15:40:18 UTC

Weird that the only time someone's ever seriously tried to dox me and they've got the wrong person. In 15 years of sex blogging, I've had one fuck-up (where I accidentally showed a group of people my real name), a few emails from guys saying 'this info about you is out there, you should hide it' (but the info is usually fake so it's fine), and plenty of random strangers claiming they know me for kudos. But no one's ever actually tried to dox the real me. I think people are mainly nice, innit.

2026-02-15 14:10:17 UTC

Just had the weirdest batch of comments in. Some dude, writing entirely in German, as if he's an ex boyfriend of mine who I've cheated on.
He's very very angry, and threatening to dox 'me' (the details he has posted are not mine, and they won't ever be published). But Christ, who fucking does that.

2026-02-12 09:57:54 UTC

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In all seriousness though, if you’re in the UK and you would like to feel hopeful (and inspire hope in other people too), join the Green Party.
https://join.greenparty.org.uk

2026-02-12 09:56:32 UTC

Sex blogger, audio porn producer, and now POWERFUL LEFT WING INFLUENCER.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/116/057/055/322/741/854/original/1c3ce090e03188a5.jpeg

2026-02-10 02:15:36 UTC

Being read to, like it's storytime, by a hot dominant person... UNNGH.
This time in '24, Lou Kane showed us how hot it can be. https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/pleasing-you-good-job-kitten/

2026-02-09 21:21:45 UTC

"I have to switch from ‘slut’ to ‘sorry’, change my attitude from ‘no ticket, what you gonna do about it?’ to ‘I am so sorry Mr Powerful Inspector Man, please don’t dispense any punishment!’"
Not all of my porn is set on trains. But THIS one absolutely is!
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/train-guard-face-fucked/

2026-02-06 11:41:40 UTC

"The more difficult it is to find those moments, the more important they feel to me, and the gladder I am when they arrive."
A fabulous and timely guest blog this week from [@bright_helpings](https://mspsocial.net/@bright_helpings ) - sex in the time of fascism ❤️
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/sex-in-the-time-of-fascism/

2026-02-04 20:08:33 UTC

If you’re wondering what to get me for Valentine’s Day, it’s a hot boy to meet me after work, and an end to all the apocalyptic problems. If you’re shagging someone who’s easier to please, though, try one of the following:
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/valentines-day-respite-the-horror/ #ValentinesDay

2026-02-02 22:12:47 UTC

Mamdani really is just Getting Shit Done and it’s beautiful
https://futurism.com/future-society/mamdani-nyc-delivery-apps

2026-01-31 22:18:42 UTC

Archive #AudioPorn in which I attempt to kink something dominants do that really annoys me.
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/come-for-me/

2026-01-30 10:37:52 UTC

I’d be far more turned on by going to sex clubs and testing out new kinks if there were someone beside me who I trusted to join me on that journey.
It is not a trip I get horny for taking alone.
NEW #AudioPorn, though maybe it's more feelings than porn.
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/decades-of-sex/

2026-01-29 18:44:48 UTC

Don't wanna speak too soon but I think I've found The One.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/979/862/745/873/528/original/368d617a8c8e11f9.png

2026-01-28 19:51:32 UTC

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thank you!!! It’s niche but I reckon it *works*

2026-01-28 13:17:52 UTC

How exactly do you fuck someone in the soul?
An #archive post that was inspired by me and a dominant guy getting weird over the concept of a daemon.
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/fuck-your-soul-kinky-sex-in-dark-materials/

2026-01-26 20:44:40 UTC

Quality tube nerdery here:
https://www.mylondon.news/news/transport/brilliant-3d-maps-tube-show-33287109

2026-01-25 11:09:08 UTC

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haha 'train nerd'?

2026-01-25 10:18:44 UTC

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Anyway I was quite proud of this one, so if your in the mood for distractions have a little read/listen. I guarantee even if you don’t have one of these toys, you’ll understand how that audio piece should work with one.
There’s also a fun idea in here about how to almost literally fuck a train. For my fellow train nerds.

2026-01-25 10:06:57 UTC

NEW blog - I wrote some #AudioPorn tailored to the sound-activated mode on the Lovense Osci.
You can use any of their toys for this - butt plugs, dick vibes etc. Literally *feel* the filthy words resonating inside you.
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/lovense-osci-fuck-you-with-words/
Most fun I’ve had with a sponsor product since I ate a chocolate dick. 👌

2026-01-15 12:24:30 UTC

"This woman is helping me be myself."
NEW guest blog by @npub1ffz…xqjl
If you don't believe something can be incredibly hot AND deeply touching at the same time, I urge you to read this beautiful post about #anal fingering, and #trust.
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/anal-fingering-i-trust-you/

2026-01-15 01:27:20 UTC

"A private smile twitches at the corners of my lips as she kisses my stomach before wrapping her lips around my pulsing clit."
Want a nice relaxing sexy experience? Step into Dr Pryde's Relaxation Centre... courtesy of Ella Scandal
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/relaxation-centre-erotic-story/

2026-01-14 11:43:20 UTC

"When people treat your love like it is cheap, worthless trash, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that *you* are trash too. But you aren't."
This time last year, I encouraged men of London to up their game.
[Possibly one of my favourite posts, I felt it so good]
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/up-your-game/

2026-01-13 01:12:33 UTC

Can't quite believe that there's now a SEVEN part series up on the site. Ludicrously hot, beautifully read, and a journey that takes in so many different #kinky experiences. Come check out the latest in this series on the site!
Huge thanks to @npub1n60…s00e 😍 (and there's MORE coming soon!)
#AudioPorn #Kink #BJ https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/sunday-7-blow-job-heaven/

2026-01-11 22:38:40 UTC

"He went on to explain that bare #feet really turned him on and actually he was solid as we spoke"
More #AudioPorn from the archive! This one courtesy of the fabulous Sherryl Blu! https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/tinder-toes-foot-fetish-sex-story/

2026-01-11 07:02:30 UTC

“Just because there are no *romantic* feelings, doesn’t mean that I have no feelings at all.”
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/casual-should-not-mean-contempt/
NEW blog, ‘casual’ sex doesn’t mean you get to treat the other person with contempt.
Fabulous art by [@stuart_cb](https://mastodon.social/@stuart_cb )
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/875/163/995/270/262/original/21cd5d5f4f53c7b4.jpeg

2026-01-07 10:57:14 UTC

Work/personal news: I recently scored one of these kickass things off my sponsor Lovense and I am pretty excited because I am a big nerd who enjoys smart features (yes, I know there are data issues that come with smart #SexToys - I am fully informed and consenting)
My problem is there is too much I want to do with it to fit into one blog post.
https://www.lovense.com/r/ylb82z
FOR EXAMPLE... 🧵

2026-01-07 10:45:28 UTC

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"the deepfake porn site formerly known as Twitter"
https://www.ft.com/content/ad94db4c-95a0-4c65-bd8d-3b43e1251091?accessToken=zwAGR7kzep9gkdOtlNtMlaBMZdO9jTtD4SUQkQ.MEYCIQCdZajuC9uga-d9b5Z1t0HI2BIcnkVoq98loextLRpCTgIhAPL3rW72aTHBNL_lS7s1ONpM2vBgNlBNHDBeGbHkPkZj&sharetype=gift&token=a7473827-0799-4064-9008-bf22b3c99711

2026-01-07 10:04:44 UTC

I'm so delighted that I complied with the Online Safety Act, blocking an accessibility feature on my site from UK users to 'protect the children' while Elon Musk's site can just generate CSAM with total impunity.

2026-01-04 16:18:09 UTC

NEW blog! Contains one of my favourite sentences in the English language:
“You don’t have to do anything – just lie there and get filled up with my cum.”
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/fill-cum-not-asleep/
#cum #sleep #sex

2026-01-03 17:27:00 UTC

#ICYMI this week's new #AudioPorn! https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/skilful-seduction/ If you like something soft and intimate with lots of kissing.
If you prefer something fucking disgusting, here's last week's:
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/spit-in-my-mouth-and-elsewhere/
I cater to a range of tastes.

2026-01-02 21:20:05 UTC

"My favourite thing is when my dom brags about me, or is telling someone about what I do for them and the other person gets super jealous that they don’t have someone like me."
Fantastic guest blog from this time last year by Harley <3 https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/love-domestic-service-sub/

2025-12-28 15:36:02 UTC

EPIC 2025 round-up, a year of truly astonishing guest contributions. I will never be able to do justice to the awesome people who share them. But I've tried.
Grab a cup of tea/glass of wine/sex toy of your choice and explore...
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/2025-sex-blog-audio-porn/
#NewYear #SexBlog
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/2025-sex-blog-audio-porn/

2025-12-26 18:51:03 UTC

This basically never happens, but today my Dad told me a story about when I was little.
He used to read to me from Winnie the Pooh, and he’d do SUCH good voices. His Piglet was truly world class.
Today he was talking about it and saying he remembered asking me why I closed my eyes while he was reading, instead of looking at the illustrations. And apparently I replied:
“The pictures in my head are always better.”

2025-12-22 09:48:19 UTC

I absolutely love central London at this time of year - chill and beautifully peaceful cos so many people have gone away for Xmas ❤️

2025-12-21 19:46:49 UTC

I am far more terrified of wasting precious years than I am of being alone.
NEW blog: Do the thing. Do it scared. Do it on your own.
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/do-it-on-your-own/
Gorgeous art by [@stuart_cb](https://mastodon.social/@stuart_cb ) ❤️
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/759/278/256/296/092/original/f8609bbb1b767779.png

2025-12-21 18:26:34 UTC

"He slaps my tits with the spoon. Direct blows to the front of them. Your hands are at my ass, each holding one on my cheeks."
NEW #AudioPorn by @npub1n60…s00e - the next in her amazing Sunday series to round off your weekend! https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/sunday-6-please-spanking/

2025-12-18 12:49:46 UTC

"Every street and tree and car belongs to a world in which a man is going to be inside me."
NEW guest blog about #FirstTime sex, and it's really beautiful ❤️
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/first-time-sex-3/

2025-12-15 18:48:40 UTC

"I want to savour him. And so I nuzzle the base of him, licking his balls, all the while making sure to keep my face in contact with his dick. "
NEW guest #AudioPorn by @npub1n60…s00e over on Patreon...
https://www.patreon.com/posts/sunday-7-bj-new-145921796

2025-12-14 18:59:07 UTC

I have to fill out a wish list for some silly family gift exchange but it just makes me feel so impotent. I need nothing. I want no physical objects. All I want for Christmas is for the people I love to be well and happy. And they don’t fucking sell that at Argos 😡

2025-12-14 08:40:58 UTC

I may not have the face that launched a thousand ships, but do I have the arse that could launch a man off the sofa and onto the Overground at midnight on a very cold Wednesday?
NEW blog, with gorgeous art by [@stuart_cb](https://mastodon.social/@stuart_cb ) 😍
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/sexy-dream-cum-on-the-carpet/
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/716/996/975/627/683/original/3a68d2104ffc3ddc.jpeg

2025-12-12 10:33:52 UTC

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haha brilliant =) I am so envious that you have two languages! That is very cool!

2025-12-12 10:14:34 UTC

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Years later, an older relative spouted some bullshit at me about how 'X% of kids in London don't speak English as a first language!' and I told her this story.
Gently informing her that 'English as a second language', when you LIVE in the UK and are being educated in the school system, doesn't mean you can't speak English - it means you're bilingual.
I am in awe of kids who grow up bi- or multi-lingual, and I wish I'd had the same opportunity. It's a valuable skill and should be celebrated.

2025-12-12 10:11:31 UTC

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As someone who'd grown up in a place with very little immigration, then spent a couple of years abroad struggling to learn as much of the language as I could to get by, it absolutely floored me that I now lived in a city where people working the checkout in Sainsbury's could casually switch languages just to make it easier for an old lady to get her Nectar points or whatever.
What an astonishingly beautiful thing.
What a gift!

2025-12-12 10:09:02 UTC

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Can't remember what, probably 'do you have a Nectar card?' or sthing. The lady was quite old, and wearing niqab, so he couldn't see her face, but she just tilted her head to the side like she didn't understand and this kid immediately switched language and asked again.
Another head tilt.
And he asked again, this time in a new language.
She got it, and chatted back to him.
Blew my mind, honestly. This kid who was working a shift in Sainsbury's was just CASUALLY TRILINGUAL.

2025-12-12 10:07:16 UTC

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One of the things that made me fall in love with London was a visit to Sainsbury's in Whitechapel a couple of weeks after I'd arrived. I always swore I'd leave London quickly - it was dirty and smelly and busy and stressful. But I grew to love it pretty quickly, not least because when you have so many people in one place, people suddenly become endlessly fascinating.
Anyway. Sainsbury's.
A lad was scanning a lady's shopping through the checkout, got to the end and asked her something. 🧵

2025-12-12 10:05:37 UTC

I see racists are doing "did you know X% of kids in Glasgow/London/Birmingham don't have English as a first language!?" bullshit again.
BILINGUAL. The word you're looking for to smack them down is 'bilingual'. Most children who 'don't have English as a first language' have two languages. Sometimes more! Why do you hate this? It's fucking beautiful!

2025-12-10 12:56:13 UTC

CN: rape
The more often we tell these stories the harder it is for stealthing rapists to pretend it was all a mistake.
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/stealth-2/ This time in '23
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/stealth-2/

2025-12-09 20:27:46 UTC

RE: https://mastodon.social/@fesshole/115690517791873194
Years ago I saw a charity comedy gig hosted by Josie Long. It also had Jimmy Carr, just after the tax scandal. He got absolutely rinsed by the audience, led by a group of people sitting near me.
When Josie came back on, she said 'hey can you be nice? He's helping me raise money for a charity I care about!'. She seemed so sad, so I shouted, 'we love you Josie!' and she assumed I was the person who'd kicked off the Carr hate. I still think about this sometimes and cringe myself to death.
#note1fua…aule

2025-12-08 13:29:45 UTC

Pls admire the most #London photo I’ve ever taken.
Fox waiting for the last train.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/684/184/890/855/421/original/f897c3a4fd858cb0.jpeg

2025-12-07 16:46:25 UTC

From sensual bondage to full-on anal hook fuckery, this year's #Christmas gift guide covers a very wide range of #kink and #sex ideas and I'm pretty proud of it.
Click the links if you want to support my site, or just enjoy the hot fantasies if you're not in the market for buying stuff right now.
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/christmas-gifts-sexy-suggestions-2025/ Thanks [@stuart_cb](https://mastodon.social/@stuart_cb ) for the gorgeous playful image!
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/679/283/846/313/262/original/ae5a39d2a36a35a6.png

2025-12-03 22:30:28 UTC

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love the meta of this - it’s inappropriate because I already know the tube map. Would never need the reminder 😉

2025-12-03 21:12:48 UTC

Really want a new tattoo. What should I get?
(Wrong answers only)

2025-12-03 19:01:08 UTC

Seeing as I'm still fucking ill, I am taking the opportunity to break in my new boots.
Here's one for my #feet guys. And also my #DirtyCarpet guys.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/657/172/331/503/067/original/3a1ffbbbb9cb034f.png

2025-12-03 12:42:06 UTC

CN: rape
This time in 2023, I told a story that still disgusts me today.
Occasionally people ask me what happened with this, so I guess at some point I should update you on the aftermath. I have stuff in draft but it feels maybe too late?
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/stealth-1/
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/stealth-1/

2025-12-03 12:21:36 UTC

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so I think I don't want to name them because I strongly suspect that they are spammy chancers who are relying at least in part on people doing this to get views. In this instance I don't want anyone to go looking at their site at all, as if they've done this to me then who knows how many of their other bits of content are also ripped nonconsensually

2025-12-03 11:08:31 UTC

Jesus fucking Christ - a company ripped off the entire content of my Patreon call the other day and just republished it online. This literally includes video in which I show people around my bedroom, very personal stories about my life, and contributions from others that are private as well.
I am fucking incensed??? I have sent a DMCA takedown, but what in the world makes them think it's acceptable to rip this content off under the guise of 'promoting' me. LIVID.

2025-11-30 12:00:03 UTC

NEW blog: Please do not ever 'settle' for me
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/please-dont-settle-for-me/
With apologies and thanks to Doctor Nerdlove, who said I could have a go at explaining this.
And big thanks to [@stuart_cb](https://mastodon.social/@stuart_cb ) as always for this amazing image.
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/638/530/992/490/486/original/9529c8346dfd2c2c.png

2025-11-25 16:27:58 UTC

All I wanted ❤️
https://xkcd.com/3172/

2025-11-19 14:28:33 UTC

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FYI this includes the most devastating line in any blog post on my site.
"One day you’ll have an orgasm for the last time in your life and you won’t know that’s what’s happening."

2025-11-19 13:12:53 UTC

As is traditional on #InternationalMensDay, I'm going to repost a few of my favourite ever guest blogs from dudes.
Starting with this gorgeous piece about 'performance'.
"In that post-orgasmic woe you can slip back into oh god am I wasting this fuck and on into oh fuck am I wasting my life."
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/performance-anxiety-cake-death/

2025-11-05 22:30:13 UTC

When you think you’ve come up with a sick burn but you’re smearing it on the walls in your own faeces.
I wouldn’t normally let comments like this through but this outlook is fascinating and wrong in ways that are both hilarious and profoundly tragic. It’s exactly the sort of thing I might write a 4000 word essay about. 👌
https://www.girlonthenet.com/blog/why-i-get-rejected/#comment-1087447
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/499/528/891/645/996/original/4bad47a01a606d72.jpeg

2025-10-30 16:07:45 UTC

I’m going the extra mile to bring you Halloween content this year...
https://www.blood.co.uk
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/463/971/910/399/799/original/d35f394d92b08289.jpeg

2025-10-27 08:51:47 UTC

After over a decade of 'being more than happy to take my fucking money', Mailchimp has now finally banned me for adult content.
Any recommendations for *extremely simple* mail services? I just need to feed it an RSS, and have it email subscribers when a new post goes out. Also need a simple widget for Wordpress to collect emails on the site.

2025-10-16 14:14:51 UTC

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“Oh but vaccinations don’t protect you from traffic accidents!”
“Actually you’re not meant to cycle or drive after you’ve been vaccinated!”
“I hope you wore a helmet!!”
Miss me with all of this, I’m busy living forever bitches.

2025-10-16 14:13:05 UTC

Got my Covid jab as well as my flu one so now I’m immortal. Riding my bike back home from the pharmacy with the confidence of a woman who can never die.

2025-10-15 14:36:55 UTC

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Obviously I’m mainly getting vaccinated for selfish reasons (I can’t afford time off work), but it’s super weird to see how far the needle has swung from ‘get vaxxed, keep everyone safe!’ to ‘lol fuck you, you’re healthy enough to ride out a winter of disease.’

2025-10-15 14:35:00 UTC

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My pro tip for those hunting down vaccines in London this winter is... call ahead. It was extremely hard to find a pharmacy offering private flu jabs OTC. Everyone said no, try elsewhere, till eventually a nice pharmacist shrugged and gave me a free one because apparently they never use all the flu jabs they’re given. Private Covid jabs are even harder to get, and the only place near me that does them has to order them in. 😭

2025-10-15 14:31:43 UTC

After a mammoth 3 hour quest, I finally managed to get my flu jab, and have a tip on a covid jab for tomorrow afternoon. If you’re a gentle man with nice hands now’s the time to pop round my gaff to spoon feed me comforting soups.

2025-10-08 12:36:01 UTC

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OK this has been bothering me as replies come in to this post so I just wanna say sthing:
A few people are commenting 'ah but talking about the ways we can identify LLM content means people will tweak the LLMs so they learn how to better mimic humans'.
Yes. This is possible and even likely. But I think we should discuss how to identify LLMs anyway. Continuing the logic of this would mean we should never share knowledge in case it falls into the hands of bad actors.

2025-10-02 11:11:27 UTC

Got a bit more money in the budget so I've doubled payment for guest blogs.
£40 now rather than £20, come pitch me a story if you've got something sexy to say.
https://www.girlonthenet.com/guest-blogs/

2025-09-28 17:48:13 UTC

This is super interesting. Wikipedia editors put together a guide on patterns that tend to crop up regularly in AI writing.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Signs_of_AI_writing
https://files.mastodon.social/media_attachments/files/115/283/175/988/160/587/original/6df0de3fbcb9a1be.jpeg

2025-09-21 20:43:35 UTC

I think a baseline level of my anxiety can be attributed to the following frequent realisation:
OH MY GOD WHAT? I’M A FUCKING GROWN UP. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TREATING ME AS IF I KNOW WHAT IM DOING FOR OVER TWO DECADES. THAT’S TERRIFYING. I AM LITERALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR PAYING BILLS AND VOTING. SOMETIMES I LOOK AFTER CHILDREN. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO DO ANY OF THIS. WHAT THE FUCK.