Nick

Bad jokes, worse opinions. Tonally all over the place. Irish (North), living in England. Leftist provincial dad. He/him. Trying to be an ally 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️.

“Nick is great and not an insidious piece of shit” - Ben :bc: (npub1c6z…q3gp)

The Toots, the whole Toots and nothing but the Toots: Nick (npub1wnw…9wy5)">https://justmytoots.com/Nick (npub1wnw…9wy5)

Avi: cartoonish self portrait of himself, default white bloke in glasses, b&w. Header: drawing of Aretha Franklin’s eyes staring out over sunglasses.

Public Key

npub1wnwcyf33pzrtvr59am3xzk4hsgzhrjlq0w7tr28m8rgyurw95c2qed9wy5

NIP-05 Address

[email protected]

Profile Code

nprofile1qqs8fhvzyccs3p4kp6z7acnpt2mcypt3e0s8h0934ran35zwphz6v9qpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0ds4urhad

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1wnwcyf33pzrtvr59am3xzk4hsgzhrjlq0w7tr28m8rgyurw95c2qed9wy5

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Last Notes

2026-07-04 18:18:32 UTC

One of my kids only likes margarita pizza so when we share a large one, I add toppings on one half.
Recently I’ve been adding chicken, black olives, chilli flakes and then adding chilli sauce when it’s done.
What toppings do you put on pizza, when left to your own devices?

2026-06-28 19:44:37 UTC

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The hen won’t be happy about that.

2026-06-28 16:47:25 UTC

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6-7.

2026-06-28 09:22:48 UTC

I can’t really cope with recipes that have 18 ingredients. It’s asking too much of me.

2026-06-22 10:46:58 UTC

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That just means you’ve had your recommended daily allowance of fajitas.

2026-05-17 09:35:44 UTC

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The text is the obvious star here, and horror clown Wonka, but the teddy bear with the cameltoe is a little treat for the observant.

2026-05-17 09:32:56 UTC

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AI posters give off a definite air of “you should not attend this event, it is probably shady as all hell and your kids might get tetanus and/or legionnaire’s disease”. Remember the Glasgow “Willy’s Chocolate Experience”?
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/589/223/759/872/631/original/b20cfe4157a7876d.png

2026-05-17 08:58:26 UTC

Your Fucking AI Poster Is Fugly As Fuck and other graphic design advice.

2026-05-15 07:05:49 UTC

They told Barry not to wear glasses in the photo.
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/577/320/675/099/877/original/949858904fd21b97.jpeg

2026-05-13 21:27:07 UTC

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#UKpol
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/569/382/858/875/520/original/efa9ac9e128e15a3.jpeg

2026-05-13 21:10:38 UTC

Imagine being as popular as Wes Streeting thinks he is. #UKpol

2026-05-11 07:17:52 UTC

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https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/554/718/144/472/084/original/41fbca0eb74dc97d.jpeg

2026-05-10 10:32:38 UTC

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They did an early Come Dine With Me in Leeds and it was all very positive and normal but I kept seeing the participants around Leeds like, all the time, and it was just a bit weird.
Like, you’d see Emmerdale stars all the time but they knew they were famous and being recognised. Do people who’ve been on Come Dine With Me know they are?

2026-04-24 22:25:50 UTC

I saw the phrase “gimlet-eyed” again and decided to look up what a gimlet actually is. It’s a little hand drill thing. Like a corkscrew but for drilling small holes.
So it’s like saying the eyes drill or bore into you.
That is not what I thought at all. To me, absent any context or cause, “gimlet” sounded a bit watery and amphibious, so I pictured it as those sorts of eyes: newty.
Although, a gimlet is also apparently a gin and lime cocktail, although I assume they don’t mean that.

2026-04-23 13:37:26 UTC

Not clear if this play is about a Canadian coffee or a London pie and mash shop.
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/454/289/767/325/392/original/67ba941a101dcacd.jpeg

2026-04-23 00:02:43 UTC

Ouroboros: proof that you are what you eat.

2026-04-22 09:56:07 UTC

RE: https://mstdn.social/@Nickiquote/116444939082187556
Apart from anything else, we need to stop calling people “czars/tsars”.
Would you say that a public servant in charge of some particular program is a “King”, or “Emperor”, or “Caesar”?
No you would not, because it is both wildly inaccurate and really very fucking silly.
#note1fsv…wj46

2026-04-21 21:59:22 UTC

“Hi, I’m the Golden Dome Czar from Space Force. No I am, don’t laugh. Can’t you see my Space Force uniform? No it does not look like cheap cosplay from a forgotten 1990s SciFi series. Well. Maybe a little.”
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/444/938/851/840/194/original/b6fe486fdd764f6d.jpeg

2026-04-20 21:37:57 UTC

Tim Cook stepping down as CEO to spend more time with Trump’s boot.

2026-04-20 21:17:29 UTC

They never tell you that Sisyphus was actually a dung beetle.

2026-04-20 20:17:13 UTC

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The great thing about Fedi is that there are precisely 0 (zero) Gen Z on here to give us the right answer. You are all secondary sources, at best.

2026-04-20 19:38:55 UTC

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Wikipedia is not necessarily helping.
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/438/724/240/754/488/original/351a277b40813019.jpeg

2026-04-20 19:32:02 UTC

Lend an increasingly middle-aged father a hand:
I stopped using 😂 (cry laughing) to respond to my kid’s texts when they send me something funny, because I was told you should use 💀 (ded) instead.
Child now tells me in no uncertain terms that I should not use 💀.
I ask what emoji to use instead and “I shouldn’t have to be told”.
So, what do *you* think is the right emoji, these days, for that?

2026-04-19 21:17:30 UTC

The Wurlitzer at the Blackpool Tower Ballroom.
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/433/449/541/707/176/original/e2097fb0c4100726.jpeg

2026-04-19 12:03:35 UTC

I just think, when the CEO of a company outlines in detail how they are a horrific fascist and that their company is going to be doing loads of fascism, that you should stop doing business with them. But that’s just me.

2026-04-18 16:40:58 UTC

People really need to stop equating “it’s expensive and involves a big change” with “it’s impossible”. We’re going to “it’s impossible” our entire species into the grave.

2026-04-18 08:55:51 UTC

I’ve stopped buying Nutella for the family because of palm oil (made from orang utan’s hands) and instead am buying Bonne Maman’s chocolate and hazelnut spread.
But then I thought, capitalism being what it is, Bonne Maman is probably owned by a bear-baiting ring of Hitler clones or similar.
But I looked them up. The parent company, Andros, *does* have a “controversies” section on its Wikipedia page, but it’s only for cartel activity! Quaint old cartel activity. They’re basically angels.
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/424/870/937/651/514/original/7fcb187132709039.jpeg

2026-04-17 09:06:54 UTC

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My brain is so addled from working out what is real and what isn’t, online, that it is convinced that picture of Farmer Tom is AI, even though it’s not.
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/419/252/082/064/540/original/0714917d6fc91d84.jpeg

2026-04-16 19:43:06 UTC

I am reading “Maigret at the Coroner’s” at the moment, a postwar Maigret written by Simenon when he was living in Tucson.
The book is also set in Tucson, with Maigret supposedly on a US study tour.
Simenon had left France for America after having been accused, then cleared, of collaborating (he had sold some film rights to a Nazi studio).
The main themes of the book so far are, Maigret fucking hates Tucson, Maigret fucking hates Americans, and Americans drink too much.

2026-04-16 12:42:50 UTC

This may not look like much to you, but it is an oak sapling that I have managed not to kill for two whole years.
It has survived two winters, and to be honest, I was not holding out much hope in 2026 before the first tiny leaves showed up.
#thintrunkthursday
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/414/438/852/913/547/original/02e72d9519af73ff.jpeg

2026-04-16 11:34:12 UTC

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I searched “put cat down slowly” and got a bunch of results about euthanising cats.

2026-04-16 11:18:07 UTC

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Can’t get a girlfriend?
Hold a chicken in the air
Stick a deckchair up your nose
Buy a jumbo jet
And then bury all your clothes
Paint your left knee green
Then extract your wisdom teeth
Form a string quartet
And pretend your name is Keith

2026-04-16 10:54:23 UTC

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Ah, I had missed the looksmaxxing hammer face drug story somehow.

2026-04-16 10:41:41 UTC

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You’re saying that Supreme Court Justice Abraham “Gavelface” Buckminster was on drugs?

2026-04-14 10:10:30 UTC

“4 Key Works by James Joyce You Need to Read”
You absolutely do not need to read Finnegans Wake. This is a flat lie.
There is no Finnegans Wake Enforcement Service. You will not be fined for failing to read over a thousand pages of impenetrable neologisms.
There is no mandatory test to see if you know what Finnegans Wake means. The plot and characters of Finnegans Wake are not regular pub quiz questions.
No-one will even give you a badge for reading Finnegans Wake, although they should.

2026-04-13 16:36:33 UTC

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Yes, yes, there are structural and systemic forces and causes, but this daft fucker is charging around like a structural bull in a systemic china shop. #Trump

2026-04-13 16:03:10 UTC

Amazing that one arsehole bloke has managed to make every single normal person’s life measurably worse, all around the world.
The Great Men theory of history is wrong, but the Massive Cunts theory of history is holding up pretty well. #Trump

2026-04-13 08:01:26 UTC

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“Egg like an egg like a hen’s egg!”
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/396/345/446/232/424/original/5eb5f55072d50d1a.jpeg

2026-04-13 07:31:52 UTC

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Romantic Creme Egg Heist movie! The Thomas Crown Eggfair. Oeufcean’s Eggleven.

2026-04-13 07:18:08 UTC

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Peterborough seems to be the centre of Creme Egg crime, after that guy got banned from Cambridgeshire for his Creme Egg theft.
Also: potential romance?
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c4g71lnv40ko

2026-04-12 20:44:03 UTC

Hey look, you’re all in today’s Ripley’s Believe It Or Not cartoon.
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/393/681/882/794/203/original/ec28ddb72af0b61a.jpeg

2026-04-12 13:11:55 UTC

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The other thing that seems to have changed is the decline in the “slap-up meal” as a reward for the child.
Typically depicted as a towering mountain of mash with sausages sticking out of it at random points, its decline can perhaps be seen as related to a reduction in scarcity and child poverty, in addition to recent concerns about child obesity.
I think there is a potential paper in such comic depictions of hunger and excess and so on over the years. Slap-up meals, ration books and food banks

2026-04-12 13:05:17 UTC

The Beano is still going after 87 years and this is because of change, not despite it.
The Beano now:
- Has a diverse range of child characters, including regular BAME characters and a character in a wheelchair.
- No longer makes fun of fat/spotty/ugly kids.
- Hasn’t depicted children being slippered or caned since 1988.
- Is still full of mischief, pranks, stink bombs, catapults, whoopee cushions, etc
See link for more, but CW for child abuse.
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/21504857.2023.2279148

2026-04-10 19:40:04 UTC

I remember watching this dark, funny 1988 Canadian animation short and loving it, but I can’t remember exactly when. It’s still brilliant.
Apparently it was released in Canadian cinemas with Who Framed Roger Rabbit and was nominated for an Oscar.
The Cat Came Back, written and directed by Cordell Barker.
#Caturday
https://youtu.be/Ck0jwS0CvKk

2026-04-09 09:28:20 UTC

Can’t even have cod and chips any more, because of w̵o̵k̵e̵ overfishing and climate change.
(I was shouting “haddock!” at the screen until it finally mentions haddock towards the end).
https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2026/apr/09/consumers-urged-to-completely-avoid-uk-caught-cod-as-population-plunges

2026-04-08 22:53:17 UTC

It took me a second to realise that this meant “shots fired” in the traditional sense of real shots actually being fired.
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/371/540/824/620/665/original/e1fd651752253629.jpeg

2026-04-08 14:46:05 UTC

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Don’t you think he looks tired etc. I wish the locals would just hurry up and happen so that Keir can get the boot.

2026-04-07 23:04:36 UTC

Well we’ve got the “consummation” to look forward to, anyway. #Trump #IranWar
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/365/922/922/953/957/original/c0d1c6e7304cd446.jpeg

2026-04-07 19:40:38 UTC

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America was never a society of laws. It was always a country of genocidaires, robber barons, slavers and rapists. #USpol #IranWar

2026-04-07 19:37:04 UTC

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Reminder that the US has an actual law giving prior authority to INVADE THE NETHERLANDS if US forces or officials are tried for war crimes at The Hague.
Reminder that no Democrat saw fit to repeal the law in the 24 years since it was passed.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Service-Members%27_Protection_Act
#USpol #IranWar

2026-04-07 19:25:14 UTC

Things that absolutely will not happen in a million fucking years.
The US state is crimes all the way down. Those are load-bearing crimes. #USpol #IranWar
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/365/060/409/023/144/original/bfe8d3a6c1b09280.jpeg

2026-04-07 19:06:20 UTC

Man cannot live by bread alone but I reckon he could make a good go of it on just chocolate hobnobs.

2026-04-07 08:42:26 UTC

Not convinced about the new US Army Chief of Staff, tbh. #Trump #USpol #IranWar
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/362/532/591/684/045/original/a0d406915a39e540.jpeg

2026-04-06 18:22:28 UTC

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Thank you for your service!

2026-04-06 15:14:25 UTC

I call people fucking cunts on 3 platforms. Here's what I've seen.
1. Mumsnet. Lots of engagement on posts where I call JK Rowling a fucking cunt. Banned.
2. LinkedIn. More consistent engagement with me calling Elon Musk a fucking cunt being most viral. Banned.
3. Mastodon. I once did a post where I called JK Rowling and Elon Musk a pair of fucking cunts and John Mastodon sent me a nice hamper.

2026-04-05 19:33:40 UTC

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I did several and some were better than others.

2026-04-05 19:23:55 UTC

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Only ones I drew myself.

2026-04-05 19:19:24 UTC

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I love this Russell.

2026-04-05 09:37:08 UTC

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To the tune of “Hot Cross Buns”
Creme Egg Bums
Creme Egg Bums
Nine’s not many
Ten is plenty
Creme Egg Bums
Go and tell your sisters
Of your record sum
Nine’s not many
Ten is plenty
Creme Egg Bums

2026-04-04 21:21:30 UTC

“Good news” stories from the US are all like, this kid died of scurvy but a gofundme was set up to buy his sister a bag of oranges.

2026-04-02 10:43:09 UTC

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This had been a worry, thanks.
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/334/695/942/369/993/original/88c7e091f9a9f098.jpeg

2026-04-02 10:41:13 UTC

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Cool story bro.
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/334/688/341/974/057/original/3676d17eabd2a850.jpeg

2026-04-02 10:37:27 UTC

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All animals were lovely and cuddly then they “developed” all the nasty pointy and venomous bits in order to survive the Fall.
Sounds a bit like fucking evolution, mate, but do go on.
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/334/673/510/426/612/original/4d6ac87a4cc59775.jpeg

2026-04-02 10:28:32 UTC

Creationists reckon they’ve found a smoking g̶u̶n̶ fish.
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/334/638/479/850/597/original/4ba4a4f63062c301.jpeg
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/334/648/758/280/022/original/eb9d3afbf1fe8053.jpeg

2026-04-01 10:20:38 UTC

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I do see a fair number of Porsche SUVs.

2026-04-01 09:21:11 UTC

Having a Ferrari is like saying to everyone else on the road, look, I know your car can do everything this one is legally allowed to, but I just decided to spend an extra £300,000.

2026-03-31 18:14:40 UTC

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“I’m going to turn this war around and go right home!”

2026-03-31 18:13:25 UTC

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“If you’re all going to be like that, we just won’t have any wars! See how you like that!”

2026-03-31 17:29:01 UTC

America huffing and threatening to take its ball home in a game no-one else is playing.

2026-03-27 11:13:39 UTC

Nick Cave: “I’m forever near a stereo saying ‘What the fuck is this garbage’?” he said. “And the answer is always Red Hot Chili Peppers.”
Also Nick Cave: does vocals on a jazzy version of Wichita Lineman for Flea’s 2026 solo album.
https://youtu.be/73P2drWXulM

2026-03-25 10:57:09 UTC

When I were a lad, it was seen as unhealthy to be sitting inside, playing video games, when we could be out throwing bricks at things, sniffing glue and terrorising old people.
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/289/452/463/941/227/original/b21feb94886c54e6.jpeg

2026-03-25 08:24:58 UTC

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No-one can trust George Galloway on anything, ever.

2026-03-23 21:09:42 UTC

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Thanks Kat!

2026-03-23 19:14:35 UTC

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(Just want to point out to @npub1trg…v6kh that I actually did some drawing today)

2026-03-23 19:09:33 UTC

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Vote above 👆
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/280/063/262/666/487/original/12f6cf3b00ca722f.jpeg
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/280/063/762/046/624/original/aa448038dfbf9186.jpeg
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/280/064/063/698/792/original/e35c01648595ab05.jpeg

2026-03-23 19:08:09 UTC

Okay, I need your help here. Choose my
avatar from the choices in the first reply:

2026-03-23 18:28:48 UTC

When Louis Theroux’s people call you up and say he wants to make a documentary about you, that’s a Bad Sign.

2026-03-23 17:53:16 UTC

I was sick of having an avatar that looked like me so I thought, how can I have an avatar that doesn’t look like me but has the same kind of silhouette so people don’t freak out at the change? I know, I’ll draw myself. So there you go: here is a drawing that is almost entirely, but not quite, unlike me.

2026-03-23 11:08:47 UTC

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- How’s the war going?
- Well we’ve replaced the Supreme Leader who was negotiating with us with a Supreme Leader whose entire family we’ve just killed, we’ve won hearts and minds by killing a LOT of kids, we keep calling our allies cowards and alienating them, we’re publicly shitting our pants over oil prices, and we’ve just threatened to escalate the war which has resulted in our enemy saying they’ll destroy all the oil fields in the Middle East.
- So overall, pretty good? #iranwar

2026-03-23 10:46:35 UTC

Nice world economy you’ve got there. Would be a shame if someone fucked it up for no reason whatsoever.

2026-03-22 22:23:24 UTC

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That sounds a bit outside Alex Ferguson’s usual expertise tbf.

2026-03-20 16:38:43 UTC

I suggest we each conserve oil by staying in bed all weekend.

2026-03-20 08:23:20 UTC

Crocodile Dunedee
https://pixelframe.design/dune-font-logo-generator/
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/260/536/096/105/822/original/f7a6090039454630.jpeg

2026-03-18 20:33:31 UTC

"As the Taoiseach heads to Washington to shake the hand of a warmonger, we'll be in Cuba, where the island is being strangled and starved by the man who'll be handed shamrock."
#kneecap
https://www.hotpress.com/opinion/kneecap-gather-medical-aid-for-cuba-ahead-of-neustra-america-convoy-23134217

2026-03-18 13:57:23 UTC

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Lol, no, fuck off.
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/250/525/027/050/016/original/e0b958744072159d.jpeg

2026-03-17 18:29:07 UTC

Why not try an Irish Coffee for St Patrick’s Day?
Just make a normal coffee, then make sure there’s no snakes in it.

2026-03-16 16:14:27 UTC

If you’re wondering how cosmopolitan it is around here, someone just said to me: “Until I met my wife, I had no idea that cheesy chips even existed”.

2026-03-15 19:16:35 UTC

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Me too, recently: https://mstdn.social/@Nickiquote/116070269532764047

2026-03-14 19:01:57 UTC

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Have you ever heard people refer to normal Coca Cola (as opposed to Diet/Zero) as “Full Fat Coke”?

2026-03-14 18:57:45 UTC

Coca Cola should actually release a “Full Fat Coke”, with beef dripping in it.

2026-03-11 21:55:25 UTC

Yeeeeeooooo.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5yjdpy7vvro
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/212/768/588/147/892/original/57ce14f3a1154b3a.jpeg

2026-03-11 18:09:50 UTC

If I were the founders of Binance, I would simply have chosen a name that didn’t make everyone think of bins.

2026-03-11 11:18:06 UTC

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I liked the Irish coins with animals on them. Apparently one priest strongly objected:
“If these pagan symbols once get a hold, then is the thin edge of the wedge of Freemasonry sunk into the very life of our Catholicity, for the sole object of having these pagan symbols instead of religious emblems on our coins is to wipe out all traces of religion from our minds, to forget the ‘land of saints,’ and beget a land of devil-worshippers, where evil may reign supreme”
https://washyourlanguage.com/irish-creatures-on-irish-coins/
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/210/262/513/558/621/original/5f7090c54a5693a5.jpeg

2026-03-11 09:51:10 UTC

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What about a Beaver *dressed* as Winston Churchill, though? One of a range of historical beavers.Florence Nightingbeaver: the beaver with the lamp, Beavdicea, Elizabeav 1: the virgin beaver, and so on.

2026-03-11 09:44:03 UTC

Firmly in favour of this. Bring on the beavers, I say. Cash could make a comeback.
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/209/892/749/959/172/original/bc5468c575400749.jpeg

2026-03-11 09:41:22 UTC

What sort of dogshit anti-slavery charity appoints Eugenie as a patron in the first place, fuckinell. A woman who is best known for having a predatory nonce with sex-trafficking buddies for a father and, secondarily, for wearing silly hats.
Worth noting, again, that this appointment occurred after the first Andrew-Epstein scandal stories in 2011. #Epstein
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/209/882/192/026/398/original/2484902fe910a7c5.jpeg

2026-03-09 16:59:08 UTC

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I could be an AI datacentre for a living. I drink lots of water and say unreliable things that need to be independently checked.

2026-03-08 18:36:32 UTC

I’m not going to say Donald Trump is the least intelligent person on the planet, but he is one of most predictable and one dimensional people, and one of the least self-aware.
He can be played like a triangle. There are puppies who are harder to manipulate.
#USpol #Trump
https://media.mstdn.social/media_attachments/files/116/194/999/599/001/645/original/78c5f34634392bbd.jpeg

2026-03-06 18:04:04 UTC

Everything is ragebait these days. Including this post, probably.

2026-03-05 18:57:37 UTC

Current status: eating toast with honey and reading about Hitler’s body being burned to cheer myself up.
It’s not *not* working.