Slow-Walking From The Fireball

Real good-lookin' eccentric anti-fash hermit posting from the House of Umbrage in the Texas Hill Country.

Anti-binary cis chick 4 trans rights ✊

Blurry iPhone nature photos my specialty. Cooking my other specialty.also dig birds and TV.

Formerly: Beard Award-nominated food writer, reviled feminist blogger, 90s punk guitar chick, bartender, winegrower

Currently: spinster aunt with a bunch of horses, cats, goats, dogs, and merciless wild hummingbirds.
 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🇺🇦🇵🇸 🖖🖖🏼🖖🏾🖖🏿wa

Generation: Jones, CO2 313 ppm
Pronouns: She/Her
STOP: GAZA GENOCIDE
Covid: Ain’t over

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Last Notes

2026-07-07 23:36:47 UTC

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Anyway, I mention all this because Homicide was the first show to even slightly suggest that All Cops Are Bastards. Refreshingly, most of the characters have significant ethical failings, constantly violate their suspects’ civil rights, and conspire to cover up their bad behavior. The acting is beyond melodramatic — especially the late, great Andre Braugher, who is so over-the-top he’s practically levitating. I can’t stop watching these train-wreck people, it’s hilarious.

2026-07-07 23:11:45 UTC

Y’all know I’m a connoisseur of American copaganda TV shows, which I mostly hate-watch because there’s something wrong with me. Weirdly, I had never seen the seminal series “Homicide: Life on the Street.” When it came out in the 90s I was workin’ the late shift at a bar so I missed it. Now I’m watchin’ it and boy-o, I’d forgotten how weirdly lo-tech the 90s were.
Cell phones, if anyone had one, were giant beige bricks. Computer monitors were giant beige CRTs (and there was only one in the squad room). The word “database” did not exist in common parlance. Nobody had heard of the World Wide Web. No “facial rec,” no CCTV in every shop, no Google, no social media beyond BBS. No wonder those Baltimore homicide guys hardly ever solved a murder. John Munch is a treasure, though. #tv

2026-05-14 00:12:42 UTC

#DispatchesFromTheWorstTimeline Sigh. Yet another of my Mexican friends is self-deporting this week, out of pure hopelessness. The fact that he would rather deal with the drug cartels than the Trump administration thugs says it all. This Nazi shit is destroying lives and devastating our communities and screwing with common decency. Fuck those fucking fucks.

2026-05-13 23:47:58 UTC

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Thanks! I love a tuftie! They hang in my yard as well and it’s such a pleasure to see’em.

2026-05-09 23:51:06 UTC

Oh look, it’s just a lil 7” Scolopendra heros strolling up the i-beam in my catio.
Apologies for the crappy cinematography, but ever since one of these hid in my boot and stung me in the foot I’ve been a little leery. Kind of an excruciating bite. Couldn’t put any weight on that foot for like an hour. I don’t make a habit of murdering wild animals, but I reluctantly dispatched this guy because of proximity to the cats. That venom is no joke.
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/116/547/299/462/824/157/original/3dbe00cdbc91da6e.mp4

2026-05-09 00:56:36 UTC

I’m a smidge early for #Caturday, but whatevs. My sib Tidy adopted my own silver tabby’s twin brother, and he is even more comical than my nutjob queen! #cats
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/116/541/895/194/600/852/original/886e90c713a66278.png

2026-04-24 22:51:16 UTC

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In other bird news, today the cliff swallows made their annual return to the horse barn en masse, à la Capistrano. Happens every year.I was gone for 15 minutes and when I came back hundreds of swallows were swallowing all over the dang place. They build clay condos in the rafters and shit all over my floor, my hay, and my horses all summer. I admire their engineering skillz, but dayum, they’re some messy bishes. #birds #swallows
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/116/462/130/063/191/556/original/96772ffb52d20db8.jpeg

2026-04-24 22:04:44 UTC

This is among the blurriest of my trademark blurry iPhone nature photos. It’s (I swear) a yellow-headed blackbird, spotted today by my excellent eagle-eyed niece (who I have trained from the cradle to constantly scan the environs for interesting animal species). Photographed, unfortunately, by me, with an iPhone, at a crapulent 14x optical zoom.
She was like, “Auntie! I just saw a weird bird on the fence!” When she described it I got pretty excited. With her youthful-eyed assistance, we re-discovered it in a distant tree.
They migrate through Texas in spring, headed for their breeding grounds in more northwestern climes. Saw my first last year. This is only the second one I’ve ever seen. A striking animal, and only here for a brief moment. #birds #BackyardBirds
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/116/461/947/028/886/439/original/9ac054cb4c98c22e.jpeg

2026-04-21 22:14:34 UTC

Hummingbird Report: behold female (white throat) and male black chinned hummingbirds buzzing around the feeder. You can sort of see hints of the male’s purple collar when the light hits him right. There’s no purple or green pigment in the feathers, it’s all iridescence. Science!
These badass lil fuckers have no fear of me whatsoever; I can get within a couple of feet and they don’t give a shit. They just keep on swoopin’ right past my face, pullin’ up at 10 Gs and nailin’ the sugar-holes. Once when I was wearing a red hat one landed on my head.
Sound up for cute hummie chirps and wing-buzzes
#birds #BackyardBirds
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/116/444/998/355/073/525/original/57d7712eac64b767.mp4

2026-04-05 03:47:52 UTC

“A prisoner has been removed from public record.
Their location is being withheld.
Contact has been cut off.
And the state is refusing to explain why.
Under international human rights standards, this pattern has a name: enforced disappearance. The detention of a person followed by a refusal to disclose their fate or whereabouts. It is a practice historically associated with authoritarian regimes and political repression.”
Oregon DOC Appears to Have Disappeared Malik Muhammad https://www.wewillfreeus.org/oregon-doc-appears-to-have-disappeared-portland-protester-malik-muhammad/

2026-04-02 22:16:01 UTC

Uncharacteristically In-Focus Nature Photo of the Day: Black-chinned hummingbird. The females don’t sport the same glitzy purple necklace as the males, but their green iridescence game is on point.
#Birds #Hummingbirds
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/116/337/420/531/558/761/original/eb1bc2f2837d9116.jpeg

2026-03-22 00:01:21 UTC

I’ve got one trickster cat (the tabby) who randomly claws and bites for no reason, and one angelic cat (the tortie) who snuggles up and purrs at all times. This is all well and good during the day when I can tell’em apart, but at night when a cat crawls on me in the dark, I never know what fate awaits. It’s like some kind of addled Greek myth, where the cat gods are meting out punishment or reward, and I, the unsuspecting mortal, will either suffer or prosper according to their whim.
Photo taken last year when they were teenage kittens. #Caturday
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/116/269/887/040/886/964/original/2ce60869e0b8756d.jpeg

2026-02-28 00:42:04 UTC

For #Caturday I give you my goofy cat Clover, representing the #CircularCatsOfMastodon
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/116/145/476/330/447/859/original/ef541f8f84a27dc0.jpeg

2026-02-23 22:49:55 UTC

Blurry iPhone Nature Photo of the Day: watched this goofy
bird crawl haplessly all over this tree for the past month. Today it finally found the suet feeder I got special for it. Two more of its friends showed up a bit later. Woodpecker jackpot!
These golden-fronted woodpeckers are stunning. What a color scheme! They don’t half-ass it. Party in the back, rager on the top. #birds
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/116/122/386/067/285/736/original/bbdbb532d6245f46.jpeg
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/116/122/386/138/577/508/original/d65c091d0a06c6a3.jpeg

2026-02-11 23:35:31 UTC

Blurry iPhone Photo of the Day: I know they’re really common but northern cardinals are just so danged dapper they mesmerize me every time. That color! That mask! That jaunty crest! They always look like they’re going to the Met Gala on Bizarro Goth Night. Ever since I bought an overpriced bag of seeds labeled “cardinal food” the backyard population has gazilliotupled. Worth it.
I take most of my bird photos through the dirty window in my back hall, with a phone that always seems to have a smudgy lens. #1 quality for my Fedi friends!
#birds
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/116/054/617/693/026/931/original/9f576d3222d46dc1.jpeg

2026-02-06 01:43:31 UTC

Time for a Nature Break. Enjoy this armadillo, arguably Texas’s weirdest mammal. Their thick keratin armor makes’em lackadaisical about proximity to humans, so you can get pretty close. My dog has to bark at’em for 5 minutes before they beat a retreat. #armadillos
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/116/021/147/163/297/706/original/2ce61d9047a7713f.jpeg

2026-01-29 01:33:04 UTC

In case you’ve never seen a porcupine face up close, I got you covered. This guy was in a tree down by our river (yep, they’re arboreal) and was extremely miffed at my presence, so I snapped a few and left it alone.
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/975/807/609/401/555/original/33090bd2b517fc04.jpeg

2026-01-28 23:18:59 UTC

Blurry iPhone Photo of the Day: was about to finally dump this big green bucket of leaves that has been sitting there being an eyesore since last fall, when I noticed that this squirrel has been using it to stash its winter acorns. I guess I’ll have to wait another 6 months so the adorable furry woodland creature won’t starve. My EDL (executive dysfunction lobe) is well pleased at this legit reason to procrastinate.
Photo taken from my pink velvet chaise, through both a dirty window and a porch screen, with a smudgy phone lens and janky 20x digital zoom. Only the best for you guys! #squirrels
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/975/280/345/437/293/original/d744940948f57e8e.jpeg

2026-01-27 02:13:24 UTC

“The very first rubber dick to touch government-issued leather boots triggered a full-blown chemical weapons response. That is not metaphor. That is not exaggeration. That is a literal sentence that happened in America in 2026.” https://sfba.social/@karlauerbach/115964375743466905

2026-01-23 00:44:19 UTC

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UPDATE my grocery order arrived nearly intact; I guess I’m fortunate that my fellow Hill Countrians’ deep-freeze prep tastes don’t run to poncey foodie crap like smoked salmon and brussels sprouts. The saintly farm hand who picked up my stuff did report that our rural supermarket was a total mob scene, that bottled water and toilet paper were sold out, and that the whole town had apparently lost its entire damn mind. Northerners may laff, but in these parts we are scarred for life by the TX power grid failure of ‘21. #txwx

2026-01-23 00:24:27 UTC

My 20-something niece says she “accidentally” upgraded her iPhone OS to that blighted “Liquid Glass” nonsense. She hates it so much she wants to quit the phone altogether. Today, apparently finding herself at loose ends with some newly-acquired spare time, she actually asked me for book recommendations! Folks, I have waited for over 2 decades to hear that child say “Auntie, lend me your favorite books.” It’s a pre-freeze miracle!

2026-01-22 04:52:22 UTC

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The word is out in the TX Hill Country: it was 75 today but will be 13 by the weekend. I’ve got a pickup order at an Austin HEB tomorrow; will be interesting to see what I actually end up with. Texans all still suffer flashbacks from the freeze-trauma of Feb ‘21, when the power grid imploded and for 5 days we were flushing our toilets with melted snow and burning cardboard boxes for a few moments of warmth.

2026-01-22 04:43:56 UTC

In a world gone mad, it’s comforting to know that cats still don’t give a fuck. #cats
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/936/921/944/767/475/original/9dfdd0bfdedba798.jpeg

2026-01-19 03:28:47 UTC

Every now and then Clover finds it necessary to painfully remind me that *she* is the apex predator and I am but a food source. #Caturday #cats
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/919/639/484/840/988/original/5467c7ea5a09fefb.jpeg

2026-01-01 03:47:07 UTC

My sib Tidy sent me this image of her plans for the evening. Happy New Year, my fellow Old Fucks
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/817/790/008/402/993/original/470dcaf7f0125b18.png

2026-01-01 01:10:10 UTC

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Congratulations! A few years ago one of these guys somehow made its way into my screen porch (we think it must’ve come down the chimney). We had a helluva time setting it free; owls are opinionated. Fortunately it all ended well, and it was magical seeing it up close. #birds
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/817/172/815/021/310/original/18fe1a14949bd9e4.jpeg

2025-12-15 03:26:09 UTC

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Had one of these guys in my yard in central Texas the other day, what a treat.

2025-11-25 00:17:28 UTC

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My niece, who has 2 more siblings from this litter, had to put child locks on all her cabinets. This is a cabinet-raiding lineage.

2025-11-25 00:07:46 UTC

This cat (currently living with my sister) is from the same litter as my Chaotic Evil cat. They are identical in nearly every way. He knows there are treats in that cabinet. My cat can open pocket doors blocked with 20 pounds of doorstops when there is food involved. I give it another week at most before this guy figures it out. #cats
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/607/421/661/036/944/original/52f2ad8b3ed901a7.mp4

2025-11-06 23:45:43 UTC

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A fun fact I love to share at rutting season: whitetail antlers are the fastest-growing bone tissue in all of mammaldom. Bucks shed their headgear every year and start re-growing it in spring. In 4 months during summer the well-nourished ones can grow like 200 inches of antler. It’s bonkers. #deer
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/505/413/489/097/428/original/700a2077ddc066c0.jpeg

2025-11-06 22:48:54 UTC

It’s rutting season for the whitetails. Every autumn the bucks show up lookin’ to pester the ladies of the Dreadful Acres doe herd. Spotted this handsome 8-point stranger stomping around the bunkhouse this afternoon. Come next May I’ll be spotting his adorable polka-dotted babies in this same field. #deer
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/505/190/236/254/958/original/6dd023f2bc7f2360.jpeg

2025-11-05 11:46:26 UTC

Random screenshot from my photo library, 2020
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/496/923/022/336/544/original/dd8704829d54ba0f.jpeg

2025-11-04 00:39:59 UTC

https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/488/640/190/547/810/original/8d3b3a1519035aa5.png

2025-10-26 13:50:41 UTC

Good morning from the Texas Hill Country. As I snapped this pic of my misty pasture a pack of coyotes started tuning up somewhere on the ridge. A sort of eerie, giggling sound, like a bunch of haunted little kids having a swell time doing something vaguely nefarious
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/440/788/538/841/903/original/451a24d737bfccca.jpeg

2025-10-22 21:27:06 UTC

Cats are entering the next level of existence, having nearly mastered the art of being in two places at once #cats
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/419/933/806/618/149/original/090336ae5193a9d0.jpeg

2025-09-25 19:43:47 UTC

The Yakuza hit man cannot hide from Detective O’Tortie #cats
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/266/645/328/386/682/original/20fbb0cbfa7a3695.jpeg

2025-09-12 23:15:31 UTC

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Birds always look weird when you see’em head-on. Great photo!

2025-09-11 04:13:59 UTC

Because everything is gross, I give you a weird wide-angle shot of a random mammal. It could be a camel and/or walrus and/or manatee. His tongue peeks out because he is so old he has no incisors left to hold it in. We consider this cute as fuck. #horses
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/183/716/893/822/859/original/95d0fe240fd56200.jpeg

2025-09-11 00:34:56 UTC

Random Rural Texan Take on today’s Big Shooting:
It was horseshoeing day here at the farm. When the farrier arrived the first thing out of his mouth was “people are so stupid!” Clearly he was bustin’ a gut and needed to vent about something, so I just nodded. He went on, “Some guy named Charlie Kirk just got himself shot.”
He’d just googled Kirk because he’d never heard of him. “You know what his job is?” farrier demanded. Before I could answer he continued, “this dumb fuck goes around to college campuses and just starts shit with kids. That’s it! That’s his whole job! No wonder he got himself capped!” And then, “if you’re gonna be that right-wing, ya gotta go in strapped!”
What a world.

2025-08-30 05:47:41 UTC

Today in “If I Fits I Sits.” #Caturday
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/116/137/406/337/623/original/ba5881fcb10e7dd0.jpeg

2025-08-17 23:37:32 UTC

Lil Buddy of the Day: a scruffy fox squirrel dining on a sunflower seed in my front yard.
#squirrels
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/115/046/734/257/179/568/original/117bd23b4248291c.jpeg

2025-08-05 02:00:53 UTC

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Yeah. She was old. Wild deer live about six years on average. When she didn’t show for a couple of months we held a little ceremony for her. Her progeny live on.

2025-08-04 23:05:08 UTC

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Out of existence

2025-08-04 22:28:13 UTC

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The second summer I was out here, there was a major drought and everything was dead. I was approached in my driveway by an intrepid, skeletal doe with — that’s right — pleading doe eyes. She was obviously starving and nursing a fawn.
What else could I do? I started giving her alfalfa. Soon the whole doe herd was hanging around the bunkhouse. A few of them would eat out of my hand.
Anyway, here is Notchy (see her left ear), my deer friend for the next 3 years until she passed. I also became tight with her daughter and, eventually, her granddaughter. I still feed the deer during droughts. Being hungry sucks. #deer
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/114/972/851/755/219/186/original/6cecfcb4fe90e51e.jpeg

2025-08-04 22:04:28 UTC

Yesterday’s sunset (with a half-moon). Remnants of a stray thunderstorm. Normally in August the TX grass is all brown and crispy, but we’ve got lovely lush pasture due to lots of unseasonable mid-summer deluges. I’m loving this because a) it’s pretty, and b) there’s so much free wild forage I don’t have to feed the goat$. The deer are also pretty fat, so I’m spared having to take pity on their usual scrawny August misery and feed them as well. Water, man. It’s everything. Photo by my sidekick Rae.
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/114/972/758/385/767/333/original/ff90478b30154135.jpeg

2025-08-01 05:16:33 UTC

Basic tabby takin’ care of basic tabby business #cats
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/114/951/807/707/604/681/original/a2760849e4099f27.mp4

2025-08-01 01:42:56 UTC

My old college pal is at Chincoteague for the pony swim (horse girls know what I’m talkin’ bout) and snapped this random pic of horseshoe crabs mating. I see some weird animals in my weird rural TX life, but horseshoe crabs doin’ the nasty is REALLY different. I can’t even figure this photo out.
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/114/950/968/192/563/112/original/bc7a535ec50b01f7.jpeg

2025-07-29 02:50:32 UTC

Bon nuit from Dreadful Acres, bishes!
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/114/934/247/069/734/762/original/759d639dc9497a3e.jpeg

2025-07-28 21:51:08 UTC

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ETHEL UPDATE: The picnic table is now a dinosaur roost, apparently. #birds
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/114/933/069/791/453/549/original/662d8ecd51b6dae5.jpeg

2025-07-25 23:41:38 UTC

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Right there with ya

2025-07-24 00:41:20 UTC

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ETHEL UPDATE: just saw a Cooper’s hawk try to dive-bomb one of the chicks, but he was no match for Ethel’s lightning reflexes. As PG Wodehouse once wrote (sort of) about a surly swan, she unfurled about 8 extra feet of neck and beak-slapped that bitch in mid-air. Epic. #birds

2025-07-22 03:51:06 UTC

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As far as wild turkeys go, just re-watched this PBS “Nature” doc about a dude who raised a bunch of wild turks from eggs, lived and breathed with’em for over a year, and began to identify with’em. I have MANY issues about the way he conducted this “research” — which concluded with him whacking his subject in the head with a log, no less — but it’s not without its interesting insights.https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B0D339M2M3/ref=atv_dp_share_cu_r

2025-07-21 23:18:30 UTC

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It wouldn’t make any sense out of context, probably, but here it is, just so I don’t have to think about it anymore! Thank you for indulging me, you golden rainbow!
“We see the occasional red-eyed vireo as well! The warblers only nest in the TX Hill Country, and only in early spring, and only in pristine live oak + juniper forest. We’ve got a few overgrown, untouched acres of this specific vegetation, the only place on the farm I’ve ever heard’em.”

2025-07-21 23:14:44 UTC

You know how when you spend 10 minutes composing a response to a reply on your toot about endangered birds? And then when you go to post it, their post has been deleted? That’s the problem with social media. If our convo about black-capped vireos had been IRL it would’ve been resolved in 38 seconds. But now I’ve got about 357 words on black-capped vireos that nobody wants to read. Poor me.

2025-07-21 22:57:34 UTC

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BTW, the endangered birds were the Golden-Cheeked Warbler and the Black-Capped Vireo. I have, as of last spring, at least _heard_ a g.c. warbler (I have perfect oak-juniper forest for their breeding ground), but haven’t detected a vireo in a couple of years ☹️

2025-07-21 22:42:56 UTC

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Ya know, I didn’t pay much attention to birds until I bought this damnable farm. At which point, as part of the environmental survey, I hired an ornithology grad student to take me around with binocs and an MP3 player (it was the olden days) loaded with bird calls. The idea was to determine whether there were any endangered species on site. Well, there were. And also, to my amazement, an unexpected plethora of other bonkers species. Cuckoos! Indigo buntings! Became an instant backyard birder. Thanks, grad student whose name I have long forgotten! #birds

2025-07-21 21:38:34 UTC

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It now makes total sense that she attacked the dog the other day. As aggressive and effectively protective as she is, however, I still have anxiety for the chicks, whose survival is far from a sure thing, especially since they are without a flock 😬

2025-07-21 21:31:13 UTC

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I cannot emphasize enough how weird this is. In 20 years I’ve never seen a turkey continuously hang around the house, let alone espied even a single turkling anywhere. Ethel is quite the odd bird.

2025-07-21 20:34:21 UTC

Crappy iPhone Photo(s) of the Day: apparently Ethel, our mysterious lone wild turkey hen, has not been quite as lone as we thought. As evidence of her canoodling I submit Exhibits A and B:
#birds
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/114/893/131/568/252/786/original/aae97b6e81e2d563.jpeg
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/114/893/131/689/648/650/original/dff5e3a8488ad8d9.jpeg

2025-07-18 23:29:39 UTC

I’ve been hearin’em in the woods behind the bunkhouse all summer, but today I finally spotted a male painted bunting in the flesh at my feeder, meaning breeding season is over and they’re switching back from eating bugs to eating seeds. Spotting one of these preposterous-lookin’ animals in the middle of Little Brown Bird country always caps off the season for me. #birds
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/114/876/834/055/990/262/original/3d678d0310466976.jpeg

2025-07-13 23:20:50 UTC

For #SilentSunday I offer this unassuming little stretch of trail at Dreadful Acres in the rain. I always head this way with the dogs in inclement weather; the thick oak tree tunnel provides refuge in case of a sudden downpour. We holed up here for a little while until the rain subsided. It was dead quiet except for the occasional thunder rumbles reminding me that I was bonkers for venturing out in this absurd weather.
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/114/848/487/772/874/059/original/a76dd163fb2faafd.jpeg

2025-07-10 00:48:00 UTC

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I love that you had shag carpet in your apartment in Honolulu.

2025-07-09 22:33:07 UTC

Tiny Animal Report! Texas Spiny Lizard (baby) and a female black-chinned hummingbird.
Was just remarking to my sister that, since only the adult males have black chins, using chin color as a descriptive name for the entire species should be disqualified. But patriarchy gonna patriarch.
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/114/825/650/881/271/660/original/5c72e024ed0e480f.jpeg
https://kolektiva.social/system/media_attachments/files/114/825/650/947/261/813/original/240f14d0856f844c.jpeg

2025-07-09 21:27:40 UTC

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Shudder! I’ve had’em crawl on my boots before, but this was the first time the call has ever come from inside the house. I mean, that boot was in the kitchen before I put it on. So there are centipedes IN HERE!

2025-07-07 23:43:42 UTC

This week I’ve been bitten by a giant centipede* and swarmed by a battalion of Polistes carolina wasps**; my normal laissez-faire policy with respect to the arthropods, winged or otherwise, is wearing thin.
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* OUCH do not recommend. Like a rookie fool, I’d omitted to check my boots for crawlies before putting’em on. About a quarter mile into my hike I detected a horrible, sharp pain in my foot. Pulled off the boot, expecting a piddly little scorpion. Butnno. It was a goddam *Scolopendra heros*, a Giant Texas Centipede.
Reader, it takes a lot to squick me out, but I have no stomach for giant centipedes. They’re just too goddang big, are too venomous, and have too many fucking legs.
Gripped with pain and irrational panic, I screamed like a city girl, splatted my ass down on the rain-soaked dirt, and pulled off my centipede-encrusted sock in about .04 seconds (the dog nose in the photo belongs to my feral Pomeranian, who enjoyed every second of this embarrassing display a little too much). I then defeatedly limped home in the rain, rapidly losing feeling in my big toe. It took about 5 hours for the pain to subside. These fucken things are no joke. Although, like all my doofy encounters with creepy wildlife, the tableau was comical AF.
** It’d been so long since I’d driven my own car off the farm that a colony of paper wasps had had time to build a whole-ass nest in the space between my driver’s side door and the fender.
I’d boarded the car without incident and driven into town, not having noticed the nest. Did my errand. But upon my return to the car, the wasps were by now kinda cheesed off. To my enormous surprise, an entire buttload of sting-y insects buzzed out of my car door at once and bounced into my face.
Pretty sure I did some hilarious and awkward anti-wasp-swarm moves in the parking lot while attempting to cognitively reconcile this unnatural state of affairs with any possible reality. It was only then that I noticed the nest and grasped the gist. When I got home (unstung, by some miracle), there were a bunch of panicked wasps buzzing around the carport, searching for their recent nest. So many of their compatriots had flown off in that parking lot 8 miles away! It was an emotional rollercoaster for all concerned.
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2025-07-05 19:45:29 UTC

So in the next county over 25 people, including a bunch of kids, died yesterday when the Guadalupe River flooded. Of course TX nazi officials are blaming the NWS for this catastrophic fuckup. These officials conveniently fail to mention that THEY VOTED TO DEFUND THE NWS. In any case, warnings were in fact issued. The fault lies with the cheap-ass county having neglected to install any kind of local early warning/emergency response system. It’s making my head explode. #TexasFlood #txwx

2025-07-03 23:58:31 UTC

Blurry iPhone Photo of the Day ( actually taken through my livingroom window with a Canon R6 and a big-ass telephoto lens).
OK so maybe my hummingbird feeder came apart during transport and 2 cups of syrup just splatted on my kitchen floor; I’m still getting the hang of this hummer thing. But I just can’t get enough of these lil guys. How do they even exist? It’s boggling me. The air shows are fantastic. Just hung an auxiliary feeder 10 meters away to alleviate (I hope) some of the territorial squabbles (see photo). These two are loaded for bear. #birds
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2025-07-02 23:57:14 UTC

I’m a big Columbo fan. The music, the interior decor, the clothes, the hair, the guest stars, the hammy overacting — it all congeals into a big blob of 70s essence that really speaks to me. Anyway, I’ve been enjoying these funny YouTube videos recapping each episode, where she plays clips and jokes about the weirdness and points out fun facts about this and that. A hoot. https://youtube.com/@watchitfordays?si=0oA8FUP8WqSOiX3j #tv

2025-06-29 23:24:37 UTC

This morning I REALLY didn’t wanna get outta bed to feed horses. Started thinkin’, man, I’m gettin’ pretty old, maybe I should sell up and move to town, where I can get Door Dash and sleep in. But when I went out I saw a jackrabbit, a grey fox, a bunch of deer, and Ethel the lone wild turkey hen. Nobody else was around. The horses snorted with contentment. The breeze was a reassuring whisper. The sunrise was epic. They’re gonna have to drag me outta here.
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2025-06-28 21:43:19 UTC

Blurry iPhone Nature Photo of the Day: My dogs just cornered this hapless lil buddy in our “snakeproof” yard. Somehow it had squeezed through the 1/4” anti-critter wire mesh that lines the bottom third of the fence, but it couldn’t squeeze back out again and kept getting stuck. Its dire situation necessitated that it be pretty aggressive with the dogs, so it struck at’em a couple of times before I could call’em off. Luckily this was just a non-venomous coachwhip. Kept trying to guide it gently toward the now-open gate with a broom, but it was still pretty fired up and kept tail-rattling and striking at ME. Finally it took the hint, and man, it coachwhipped outta here with the speed of 1000 Usain Bolts. Sorry for the inconvenience, buddy! Very fast, very cool snek. #snakes
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2025-06-27 20:47:18 UTC

I’m the worst backyard birder ever. I can’t believe it has taken me over 15 years to finally set up a hummingbird feeder. I mean, it’s nuts tho. You just boil up some simple syrup, dump it into a cheesy red plastic dispenser, and presto, they appear. These guys are smaller than my thumb. They’re just a fucken delight. #birds
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2025-06-26 02:52:34 UTC

One time in the early 80s, when I had short scarlet hair and an edgy thrift store look, I went to Neiman Marcus to return a gift, and the sales staff all thought I was Annie Lennox. I did not disabuse them of this notion. It was great. I signed two autographs, and regret nothing. #AproposOfNothing

2025-06-23 22:33:51 UTC

This is a dark day indeed. I’ve been one of a zillion iNat volunteer contributors for years. I use their Seek app almost daily to help identify whatever new (to me) species I stumble across on my daily treks through the woods. That all this gorgeous content - compiled over YEARS by volunteer citizen naturalists — could be rendered useless by some vile google bot is too horrible to contemplate https://tldr.nettime.org/@tante/114732092941600871

2025-06-21 10:43:36 UTC

An aspiring white YouTube “rapper” who stole $4bn in bitcoin, D.B. Cooper, crappy Ikea furniture crushing toddlers, the Donner Party, the Titan sub implosion, the Boy Scout pedophile cover-up, an earthquake on Mt Everest, the Gilded Age: all subjects of the alternately grim and sensationalist documentaries I have watched over the past couple of weeks. I’m on a real bender. Next up: something called the “poop cruise”

2025-06-14 23:47:10 UTC

Rescued this lil buddy from the pool the other day and it’s been hangin’ around my windows ever since. Behold the most doleful, judgey-lookin’ lizard species in all of Dreadful Acres, the Texas Spiny. Or, as I like to call’em, Mini Tree-Crocs. The scales precisely match the oak tree bark where they spend 99% of their time. #lizards
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2025-06-09 22:00:53 UTC

Blurry iPhone Nature Photo of the Day: Ethel the Wild Turkey visits my front porch. Ethel’s a lone hen who has somehow gotten separated from her flock and now hangs around the farm feasting off our copious grasshopper population. Weirdly, she is not super shy with humans, although she’d rather you keep your distance. She likes horses tho and follows’em around eating the bugs they kick up. #birds
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2025-06-08 02:19:27 UTC

Every morning, about 2 hours after I feed the horses, I see this. Always poke him to make sure he’s not dead. But he’s just takin’ a post-prandial nap. Horses mostly sleep standing up, so when you see one on the ground for more than 2 minutes it’s cause for alarm. But every so often you get one of these weird guys who sleeps lying down and it’s VERY disconcerting. #horses
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2025-06-07 19:19:01 UTC

Blurry iPhone Photo of the Day: rescued an exhausted half-dead black-chinned hummingbird from the barn floor. Gave it a pipette of nectar. Crossed fingers. 5 minutes later it was revived enough to perch on my finger. 5 minutes after that it flew off. Get a load of that purple choker! And it made the most adorable “cheep-cheep” noise. This was about the cutest thing that has ever happened to me. #birds
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2025-06-06 00:39:02 UTC

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If you care, it’s this thing https://www.typhur.com/products/sync-one-wireless-thermometer

2025-06-06 00:37:53 UTC

Broke down and bought myself an expensive wifi meat thermometer for my birthday. I’m usually a manual-setting gal, but made a salmon fillet using the “wild salmon” setting on the app (yes, there is a separate setting for farmed salmon). It was the most succulent fish I have ever cooked. Tried it again tonight. Same triumphant result. Am absolutely bowled over that it works as advertised.

2025-06-03 23:29:32 UTC

This cheeky upside-down squirrel raids the bird feeder daily. He pendulums back and forth from the tree branch until he gets his little hands on the tray. It’s hilarious. #squirrels
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2025-05-29 06:16:52 UTC

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Please elaborate! I am unaware of any weird, sketchy market for disabled dogs!

2025-05-29 03:38:37 UTC

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I don’t think I can take any more of this. I know it’s supposed to be romantic, but decades ago I lived this scenario and it’s anything but. I’m sure rocky goes on to defeat Apollo Creed in DeathMatch 76 or whatever, but I already hate him so I don’t care. End Rocky Watch ‘25.

2025-05-29 03:29:10 UTC

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Of course stallone, having boxed her in, melts adrian’s frozen vadge with his sexy undershirt galootness and they make out! GAhhh! I’m so repulsed right now.

2025-05-29 03:18:19 UTC

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I couldn’t help it, I had to watch the next few seconds. Rocky actually physically takes off her nerd glasses after blocking her egress. This is so wrong!

2025-05-29 03:16:00 UTC

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OH HELL NO I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt because everyone loves this Rocky character, but when Stallone blocks her exit from his apartment with a studly arm-slam on the door? NO THANK YOU.

2025-05-29 03:08:57 UTC

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Somehow she follows him into his apartment . Guess what’s the first thing he does! That’s right, he strips down to his wife-beater!

2025-05-29 03:03:53 UTC

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So gross. For their first date he makes Adrian ice-skate while he tells her all about his boxing career.

2025-05-29 02:52:54 UTC

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I should’ve put “frigid” in quotes, because it’s a dudely derisive term for women who won’t automatically sleep with derisive dudes.

2025-05-29 02:50:26 UTC

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Based on 20 minutes of this movie, my take is that it’s an oafish dumbass boxer tryin’ to thaw out a frigid timid shrinking violet for purposes of sexual congress. Gross.

2025-05-29 02:46:15 UTC

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Good lart! This whole scene with Clemenza and Stallone tryin’ to coax Talia Shire out of the bedroom is givin’ me ALL the bad vibes!

2025-05-29 02:35:12 UTC

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Having to take a dinner break from the pro-macho thing. BRB.

2025-05-29 02:05:09 UTC

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World Champeen Apollo Creed is lookin for an unknown local Philly contender to take him on. I wonder who it will be???

2025-05-29 01:25:28 UTC

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The girl rejects his advice by calling him “creep-o,” and the soundtrack plays the Rocky theme in a minor key, on solo piano, as he walks off dejectedly into the night, rebuffed again. Can’t poor gold-hearted Rocky ever catch a break?

2025-05-29 01:21:00 UTC

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Awesome, Rocky is now lecturing a teenage girl on how not to be a “whore”. Only a gold-hearted dude would know to tell her these important things.

2025-05-29 01:16:31 UTC

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Now I finally know what people mean when they namecheck Apollo Creed. So there’s that hole plugged in my cultural literacy.

2025-05-29 01:13:11 UTC

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Whhoa, Clemenza from the Godfather is Talia Shire’s brother! These 70s actors really get around

2025-05-29 01:09:50 UTC

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HOLY SHIT HE’S STALKING TALIA SHIRE

2025-05-29 01:07:17 UTC

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You know, if I were Adrian the pet store girl, I would run screaming from this guy

2025-05-29 01:01:16 UTC

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Burgess: “I run a business here, not a goddam soup kitchen!” Oof! Harsh!