Nostr notes by LRRR Hype Bot

I realised you're probably all already wildly celebrating and ...

2026-04-29T06:26:27Z

I realised you're probably all already wildly celebrating and that I'm late to the party, but happy #WorldStationeryDay! I will be observing the occasion by not moving at all. Japes! Joshing! I realise that is stationAry (I didn't - I had to look it up). So break out your emergency pens, track some of that paper they used in the olden times (made from trees!) and if you remember how, make ink graphemes upon those matted cellulose fibers. 📜 ✍️

Sometimes I am conflicted. I'm very much for the animals and ...

2026-04-16T11:27:29Z

Sometimes I am conflicted. I'm very much for the animals and against any harm to them (including mental). However. Daughter showed me a new trend on the tiktok of people ragebaiting their cats by putting them down incredibly slowly. And I regret to inform you I found it very funny. Also, and this made me feel a little better, one of the cats scratched the shit out of their owner, so I sort of feel like it's OK.

Nostr event nevent1qqsz25p405l65ugpwj4vc46sujeux33se6tm6l5c8ckfj93ff7gy44szyrrg2sfwfrx403f5509lqr6yz8gurmr0e8p6tpzq72yurhvevw307fr6qrq

2026-04-16T11:12:00Z

In reply to nevent1q…0hvn
_________________________

TIL that tigers are solitary creatures whilst lions are social ...

2026-04-14T05:56:58Z

TIL that tigers are solitary creatures whilst lions are social and clingy. Good morning!

Useful thoughtful public service ...

2026-04-13T06:26:10Z

Useful thoughtful public service

I think part of reading is about becoming lost in the tangle of ...

2026-04-03T08:32:41Z

I think part of reading is about becoming lost in the tangle of another life. Making a connection that's sprung from another person, knowing they reached inside and produced something meaningful specifically to you. And that goes away when you read something made artificially and cynically - a formula to mimic in order to create engagement. Empty calories. Like a glossy advert designed to ensnare you and take your money instead of art meant to communicate and share with you stories of the human condition. I don't ever want to read an Ai produced book. I think it's deeply insulting anyone would make and sell them. Ai could arguably be used to produce...... machine operating instructions. Or IKEA assembly pamphlets. But not create world's for our minds to become lost in. I am not a cabinet.

Although too late for April fools we have a opportunity to do ...

2026-04-02T06:18:09Z

Although too late for April fools we have a opportunity to do something extremely funny when the Artemis II crew return...

Also 'Library of Congress' sounds like a knocking shop

2026-04-01T22:17:29Z

In reply to nevent1q…yp4c
_________________________

Also 'Library of Congress' sounds like a knocking shop

Happy Hilaria, you April fishes! April Fools: The Roots of an ...

2026-04-01T22:17:03Z

Happy Hilaria, you April fishes!

April Fools: The Roots of an International Tradition | Folklife | Library of Congress

https://blogs.loc.gov/folklife/2016/03/april-fools/

It's quite funny when you're a global power and you ...

2026-04-01T12:09:10Z

It's quite funny when you're a global power and you constantly parade Kid Rock around as your bezzie mate. Nobody respects Kid Rock. He looks like someone's dad has had a breakdown and is trying to get traction for his youtube rap channel. You're not a controversial figure, you are a nob head.

If I could afford to have a car collection I wouldn't. ...

2026-04-01T11:21:09Z

In reply to nevent1q…t9a0
_________________________

If I could afford to have a car collection I wouldn't. Admittedly some are very pretty and interesting, but so are the trains in the transport museum or the tanks in the tank museum. Just realised I'm saying Ferraris belong in a museum and I think I might agree with myself on that. Let's get all the Ferrari people working on something worthwhile....... FLYING CITIES. I've had a lot of coffee today sorry.

As I'm sure you can imagine, I am an extremely strict ...

2026-03-31T19:56:26Z

As I'm sure you can imagine, I am an extremely strict authoritarian parent. Which is why I got back from running to find that youngest has approximately a million friends who are apparently staying for a sleepover somewhere in the house if we can find space, and they have separated into two teams, where members of each team are either blindfolded, gagged or earmuffed, and they are having a cake-making competition. My kitchen is fucked. I just found icing in the glasses cabinet and there's cake batter on the side of the fridge. The noise levels are off the charts. I have totally lost control of the situation (I never had any control of the situation).

Lol Golden Toilet Statue Appears In Washington, D.C. ...

2026-03-31T15:19:46Z

Lol

Golden Toilet Statue Appears In Washington, D.C.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/maryroeloffs/2026/03/30/golden-toilet-statue-criticizing-trump-appears-on-national-mall/

If you're some cis guy who's just absolutely desperate to ...

2026-03-31T12:14:27Z

If you're some cis guy who's just absolutely desperate to respond to positive posts on Trans Day of Visibility to whataboutallpeople some fucking nonsense into a nice person's timeline. Do not do that. Instead please go into the garden and see how deep you can bury your own head and then stay there until you can stop being such a dick. :goose_honk_trans:

Edit - please stop boosting this post and boost this instead - https://chitter.xyz/@DotMaetrix/116322035797744517

IT'S HAPPENING ...

2026-03-31T10:01:22Z

IT'S HAPPENING

https://www.sciencealert.com/purple-lifeform-photographed-sprouting-tentacles-on-the-iss

Nostr event nevent1qqs8xuk98e82msqvkzktu2h0trw8r9nmx0j4g9q2sqh5cp9d3wj86lczyrrg2sfwfrx403f5509lqr6yz8gurmr0e8p6tpzq72yurhvevw307c2xu6r

2026-03-30T18:44:12Z

:Skeletor:

I have a blanket rule that among other things one should not make ...

2026-03-30T13:58:08Z

I have a blanket rule that among other things one should not make derisory comments about other peoples names. Unless there has been an egregious infraction impossible to overlook. This does not fall into that category. However..... HIS FIRST NAME IS JUST TWO NAMES. They're just smushed together! How is that even allowed? I must know more.

BenDavid Grabinski

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BenDavid_Grabinski

Nostr event nevent1qqs2gslmer49aez5ppag08gap30whk0wt2mgwmvj9svhcadppawcnhszyrrg2sfwfrx403f5509lqr6yz8gurmr0e8p6tpzq72yurhvevw307kvmga8

2026-03-29T20:26:14Z

Not yet! My stupid family won't let me. We only just watched ...

2026-03-29T19:56:10Z

In reply to nevent1q…xe44
_________________________

Not yet! My stupid family won't let me. We only just watched One Battle After Another tonight. I try not to watch ahead but they are so slow and unfortunately not driven by the same insatiable incessant compulsions that I am.

If I was suddenly an astronaut I'd have no fucking idea what ...

2026-03-29T18:07:08Z

If I was suddenly an astronaut I'd have no fucking idea what was going on

We are men of science! ...

2026-03-29T15:01:30Z

We are men of science!

If you use Ai images to support / highlight your post - even if ...

2026-03-29T09:12:32Z

If you use Ai images to support / highlight your post - even if you think they're hilarious - they undermine your point and your credibility

Saw an article about this that linked to a video on another ...

2026-03-28T14:58:10Z

Saw an article about this that linked to a video on another platform. I don't love posting content from elsewhere, but I will make exceptions....

New fungus just dropped Chernobyl Fungus Seems to Have Evolved an ...

2026-03-27T11:30:40Z

New fungus just dropped

Chernobyl Fungus Seems to Have Evolved an Incredible Ability

https://www.sciencealert.com/chernobyl-fungus-seems-to-have-evolved-an-incredible-ability

logging on to mastodon dot com ...

2026-03-27T11:19:54Z

logging on to mastodon dot com

Sorry for the language. But that was my authentic response to ...

2026-03-26T15:23:13Z

In reply to nevent1q…qqhp
_________________________

Sorry for the language. But that was my authentic response to this story. And I have to live my truth.

Fuck off ...

2026-03-26T15:21:39Z

Fuck off

I was going to post this with a picture of an octopus in a suit ...

2026-03-26T06:15:19Z

I was going to post this with a picture of an octopus in a suit but literally everything I looked at was Ai (why are there no real octopi wearing business-wear!?) and I got distracted by looking up big octopuses so you'll just have to imagine it good morning

ArchLinuxbishop of Canterbury - is that anything?

2026-03-25T22:53:51Z

In reply to nevent1q…kvn5
_________________________

ArchLinuxbishop of Canterbury - is that anything?

Maybe I should be the Archbishop of Canterbury

2026-03-25T22:45:48Z

In reply to nevent1q…yq2t
_________________________

Maybe I should be the Archbishop of Canterbury

I don't mean to be unkind, but if there are any teenagers ...

2026-03-25T22:42:12Z

I don't mean to be unkind, but if there *are* any teenagers wandering about saying they're going to be the Archbishop of Canterbury, they need to be in secure care.

'Teenage me could not have imagined this' says first female Archbishop of Canterbury

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c20356v74k7o

Is that what they're calling it now ...

2026-03-25T16:37:25Z

Is that what they're calling it now

I am FURIOUS about the way kitchens are portrayed in TV shows. ...

2026-03-25T10:32:03Z

I am FURIOUS about the way kitchens are portrayed in TV shows. Someone is cooking dinner but either end of the counter are chopping boards - both with 1 large onion, two large tomatoes, 1 shallot and a whole bulb of garlic. In the middle, a THIRD chopping board with 5 mushrooms on it. The food? Apparently ready. Why is all that food out? Why is it all over the kitchen? Who is designing these sets? Someone needs to pay me one million pounds to be a TV kitchen consultant. I will make the kitchens realistic. Immediate Academy Award for services to TV kitchens.

What a really shitty way to treat children. I hope all the people ...

2026-03-24T14:36:49Z

What a really shitty way to treat children. I hope all the people responsible for this have something happen in their personal life that gives them pause to recognise the unnecessary pain they've inflicted on innocents. And I hope it eats away at them inside. And I hope they choose to use that pain to undo some of their harms.

Transgender girls told they must leave Girlguiding by September

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/breaking-transgender-girls-must-leave-36914800

If, like me, you've been actively seeking a job recently, you ...

2026-03-24T11:57:46Z

If, like me, you've been actively seeking a job recently, you will likely be aware of the impact Ai has had on the job market. Virtually every other day is a msm news story about qualified and/or experienced people making hundreds of applications without getting anywhere.

Personally, although I've had a few interviews that didn't quite land (one I didn't really have enough experience, the others were pulled or lost funding), I've now applied for over 300 jobs over the past year. At this stage I'm quite philosophical about it and recognise it's not a reflection of my value.

Along with all the other current crises, there is now a looming employment and skills crisis. This is being framed as a benefits culture led by overdiagnosis of neurodivergence. Which makes me so very very cross it's difficult to put into words. I know that's not true. You know that's not true. *They* know that's not true. It's just a convenient demographic to throw under the bus to detract from the catastrophic damage being wrought by this new gold rush.

Urgh.

I've started typing this out a few times recently and always deleted. It's not something I feel very comfortable talking about. But I am really struggling with this and I figure that if I am there might be others. And I believe in visibility and not suffering in silence - been there and it was awful.

I know things will change at some point. And I know I've spoken to some of you separately irl about this (and thank you so much for your support), but just wanted to fire a beam out across Fedi to anyone else in this shitty situation. You are not alone. Always happy to chat offline if this is kicking your ass as much as it is mine! X

#jobs
#employment

Feels like there's a lot of binary puritanical stuff online ...

2026-03-24T10:42:34Z

Feels like there's a lot of binary puritanical stuff online sometimes. 'If you're not personally working 24/7 to combat climate change you are a terrible person' etc. We're all very tired. Frankly I think we're doing a great job, considering. I just think it's OK to be a bit shitty sometimes. You can just be a bit shitty sometimes. If anyone says anything, just tell them I said it's OK. The Ben commandments.

I don't see it myself ...

2026-03-24T07:38:35Z

I don't see it myself

I realise at this point everyone knows about shinrin-yoku (the ...

2026-03-24T06:45:00Z

I realise at this point everyone knows about shinrin-yoku (the only natural response we have to all of the horror), but it's always nice to have a reminder that there IS a respite available. Go into the forests, people! Be amongst the trees! Commune with the faeries and woodland spirits. Sink into the leaves and turn golden. Submit to the earth. Allow yourself to become one with the mycelia. Feel the planetary hum and the interconnectedness of the Great Spirit. Understand what it's like to belong, beneath the canopy, among the night creatures.

Forest bathing offers escape from war in Iran and rising gas prices

https://apnews.com/article/forest-bathing-stress-relief-77807628ff6af6b8925c019b41a125bc

Nostr event nevent1qqs88nr65652cqj2mvxkn2h5zxu4l3kv5wd65tmemx6usupv5snanmczyrrg2sfwfrx403f5509lqr6yz8gurmr0e8p6tpzq72yurhvevw307hhjw2c

2026-03-22T22:20:51Z

Strong agree with this. For me, Fedi is a vibrant community that ...

2026-03-22T15:56:17Z

In reply to nevent1q…sr45
_________________________

Strong agree with this. For me, Fedi is a vibrant community that I belong to and feel a kinship with those who engage. I've spoken before about how I dislike mirror accounts and think it's cynical and pointless. Accumulating followers for the sake of whatever - clout, monetisation. I understand that artists and authors need to maximise their audience and begrudgingly accept that there are some who, as long as they engage from time to time, it's probably OK. But I'm strongly opposed to scrapers and meme accounts. That said, I realise there's shades of grey, so it's a shifting dynamic and I often change my mind about people. But for me, Fedi is home and community. A safe space and the antithesis of new-twitter. A beautiful garden in which I am a.... bug? I struggle a bit as my circle becomes bigger, because I want to remain authentic and messy and stupid. To talk about things that are deeply personal with people I like and trust. But so far, apart from the odd outlier, Fedi continues to be the community I always wanted. Vive la Fedi. 😊❤️

Posted about Chuck Norris' death. A few people quickly ...

2026-03-20T15:43:12Z

Posted about Chuck Norris' death. A few people quickly responded. Took my post down.

I didn't want to hijack @npub1cyl…ujca post about British ...

2026-03-20T12:18:31Z

I didn't want to hijack RichBartlett :donor: (npub1cyl…ujca) post about British values (see below), which was very funny but also a little bit sad (because they are clearly not upheld). And got me thinking what I would say British values are, or more precisely what they should be. Personally, I think buzzwords like kindness and compassion are a little too broad and we've been told this since time immemorial and it doesn't seem to have made much of a difference. So I was thinking..... Check on your neighbours. Feed people who come to your house. Involve yourself in community and lift up those who are struggling. Take responsibility for your local area, not just the border of your property. Say hello and smile at people. If someone tells you to fuck off they're probably just having a bad day don't take it personally. Support your local business. Hold doors open and help older people with shopping. Create, run and compete in a local breakdance competition to save the local town hall from being turned into a Starbucks drive-thru. I dunno really - I'm half messing about. But I would be genuinely interested in knowing people's thoughts of what British values actually are or should be. 😊🫡🇬🇧

https://infosec.exchange/@RichBartlett/115340086919677419

Nostr event nevent1qqs8ucsrdzjuzsk9ke84rkc302u58my9mg0elyq6tkszm9d5amwlvvszyrrg2sfwfrx403f5509lqr6yz8gurmr0e8p6tpzq72yurhvevw307ws2std

2026-03-20T10:27:54Z

In reply to nevent1q…c3pg
_________________________

I'm looking forward to the 9/10 hour Dune triple watch at the ...

2026-03-20T10:08:34Z

I'm looking forward to the 9/10 hour Dune triple watch at the cinema. I don't even know how it will work. I think I'll need to look at it in stages. Like the Dakar Rally or the Tour de France. Maybe break it up into breakfast lunch and dinner with some light calisthenics in between. Or maybe starter main course and dessert (like desert!). Dune 1: soup. Dune 2: pie. Dune 3: the cheeseboard.

Sorry but I've been on the meme sites and can't help what ...

2026-03-19T22:11:14Z

Sorry but I've been on the meme sites and can't help what I laugh at

Most common cause of death in Europe according to Ai ...

2026-03-19T21:10:59Z

Most common cause of death in Europe according to Ai

Petition to reopen the libraries but fund and market them as ...

2026-03-19T11:09:54Z

Petition to reopen the libraries but fund and market them as 'after dark'. Sexy libraries where you can drink cocktails, quietly meet people and read together.

190 libraries across the UK have shut in the past five years

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvg117gdky1o

🎶Onion jam Cheese on toast Oily foods I love the most 🎶

2026-03-19T10:47:25Z

🎶Onion jam
Cheese on toast
Oily foods I love the most 🎶

Nostr event nevent1qqswvlptn26q9rtawk3e5t9y9y9uw0t47sa0k6uam7mhmke80fx644czyrrg2sfwfrx403f5509lqr6yz8gurmr0e8p6tpzq72yurhvevw30783s4ed

2026-03-19T10:31:11Z

Whimsical fun or menty-b? (you may never know)

This is actually really interesting. When I was young and stupid ...

2026-03-19T06:34:41Z

This is actually really interesting. When I was young and stupid I decided to walk from Brighton to Hastings (about 13 hours). And what struck me at the time was that you simply couldn't walk the coast, which I thought was a bit weird. Now I'm old and stupid I'd like to do this whole route. I bet there are people planning to walk/run it.

World's longest coastal path opens in England to the public

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cy0dxexdd8xo

There is so much in this world that diminishes and detracts from ...

2026-03-17T23:01:35Z

There is so much in this world that diminishes and detracts from all of the wonder and beauty. But the magic of Fedi is that there are people who consistently post beautiful images and are a force for positivity and good. If you're looking for more of that in your life and aren't already following, I cannot recommend enough giving dillyd (npub1tpt…kvpg) a follow. Incredibly inspirational and a constant source of joy that I find personally an absolute tonic. Really one of the highlights of my timeline. ❤️😊

I didn't even read the name. I don't even want to know. ...

2026-03-17T16:16:08Z

In reply to nevent1q…agdw
_________________________

I didn't even read the name. I don't even want to know. If anyone tries to tell me I will simply allow the knowledge to pass through me. I am a knowledge ghost. No information may take purchase within me. I don't even remember what we were talking about.

Why must we know? Banksy is an idea. A way of being. A state of ...

2026-03-17T16:11:29Z

Why must we know? Banksy is an idea. A way of being. A state of mind. We are all Banksy and yet none of us are. Banksy is what happens when a society needs correcting. A natural response. When corporations become too greedy - when politicians are too corrupt. A Banksy will emerge from the earth.

New investigation claims to reveal Banksy's real identity

https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/investigation-reveal-banksy-real-identity-link-robert-del-naja/

Nostr event nevent1qqs08fkq68d6g6htjn8hv8tcm2eau3q93ue8nquxp63wryuylarl9tszyrrg2sfwfrx403f5509lqr6yz8gurmr0e8p6tpzq72yurhvevw307787cfv

2026-03-15T20:55:41Z

Mayonnaise is older than America

We've all been there Dad 'hastily' stuffed bags of ...

2026-03-15T20:32:14Z

We've all been there

Dad 'hastily' stuffed bags of cocaine up his bum before Co-op freakout

https://metro.co.uk/2026/03/15/dad-hastily-stuffed-bags-cocaine-bum-co-op-freakout-27451309/

Fun fact! More time has now elapsed between the latest Jurassic ...

2026-03-15T17:53:02Z

Fun fact! More time has now elapsed between the latest Jurassic Park and the first movie, than between the first movie and the actual fucking dinosaur times. 👍

It's actually ancient magic

2026-03-14T19:10:09Z

In reply to nevent1q…ymqz
_________________________

It's actually ancient magic

Making chips in the oven after knowing the speed and glory of the ...

2026-03-14T14:12:36Z

Making chips in the oven after knowing the speed and glory of the air fryer, is bullshit

Logging on ...

2026-03-13T08:38:30Z

Logging on

I'm not on TikTok but my wife will occasionally show me a ...

2026-03-12T20:31:49Z

I'm not on TikTok but my wife will occasionally show me a video that I think warrants breaking containment. Here is Stephen Spencer who takes stories written by his 3 year old and turns them into songs and it is adorable.

Rick Stein reckons rugged curries are 'blokey'. Ladies! ...

2026-03-12T18:43:34Z

Rick Stein reckons rugged curries are 'blokey'. Ladies! No curry for you. Or if you do have one, it needs to be whatever the opposite of rugged is. Men have to have curry with hair and nails in it. A sprinkling of soil and some battery acid. You have to have butterflies and a gentle breeze in yours and probably read a poem while you're eating it, whereas men will just smash themselves in the genitals whilst eating, as is tradition. Grrrrr.

You forgot to drink your water again, didn't you, you dry ...

2026-03-11T14:17:29Z

You forgot to drink your water again, didn't you, you dry creaky old husk. Drink some now to feel the life flow back into your withered corpse and revitalise you. The water must flow!

I'm not saying it's ever OK - I'm just saying that ...

2026-03-10T09:10:57Z

In reply to nevent1q…depp
_________________________

I'm not saying it's ever OK - I'm just saying that perhaps instead of MMA fighting and weapons we could bring back complicated dance routines. Teach our angry sons choreography. Get all these stupid preening mogger influencers to try and out-tap one another. Social standing based on who has the fanciest shoes.

Weird to think in the 1940s and 50s toxic masculinity took the ...

2026-03-10T09:04:00Z

Weird to think in the 1940s and 50s toxic masculinity took the guise of tap-dancing

Love this very much indeed. Think you're terrific. I've ...

2026-03-09T20:03:37Z

In reply to nevent1q…jrnx
_________________________

Love this very much indeed. Think you're terrific. I've made mistakes (largely because I post one hundred billion times a day in a totally unfiltered way) and part of forward motion is owning, learning and accepting. No one is infallible, and the very best people imo recognise and own their mistakes. Thanks for posting this. Think you're even more terrific than I did before. 😊❤️🙌

In 2026 every single job is either Ai, data centers, or some ...

2026-03-09T15:52:04Z

In 2026 every single job is either Ai, data centers, or some bollocks about disruption. Get! In! The! SEA!

As I'm sure you all know, today is The Big One. That's ...

2026-03-09T07:39:31Z

As I'm sure you all know, today is The Big One. That's right it is #NationalNappingDay! It is your civic duty today to ensure you have a lil sleep at some point this afternoon. Possibly even also this morning. Maybe just try to remain asleep as much as possible today. That would be my advice. 👍

"Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap."

- Barbara Jordan

The genesis of the nap is actually extremely interesting if you're moved to read about it...

https://www.daysoftheyear.com/days/napping-day/

I hear its pretty windy...

2026-03-08T21:46:22Z

In reply to nevent1q…n5zk
_________________________

I hear its pretty windy...

What's that they're saying? They want to strobe us up the ...

2026-03-08T21:36:55Z

What's that they're saying? They want to strobe us up the bun?

Nostr event nevent1qqsfjecx9l68wf8zktnyrwntczd3lnasf4tms35nh5mqtm5f4f8fwcgzyrrg2sfwfrx403f5509lqr6yz8gurmr0e8p6tpzq72yurhvevw307jpgtlk

2026-03-07T18:47:24Z

Bring Your Daughter... to the Laughter

I'm not angry with Paul Simon. I'm just disappointed. In ...

2026-03-06T22:05:48Z

I'm not angry with Paul Simon. I'm just disappointed. In 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, he sings about 5 different ways. That is far too few for the title of the song. If it was mid to late 40s he could be forgiven for maybe miscounting, but I refuse to believe he got to 5 then thought that is 50.

Nostr event nevent1qqsx9qfvvrk4wxdks3senc4nssg35s298yrazjt3peq69r6yhlekj4szyrrg2sfwfrx403f5509lqr6yz8gurmr0e8p6tpzq72yurhvevw307tpg3kl

2026-03-06T21:48:02Z

Simon or Garfunkel

EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING YOU'VE BEEN DOING CEREAL ...

2026-03-06T11:39:56Z

EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING YOU'VE BEEN DOING CEREAL WRONG

Etiquette guru William Hanson accused of ‘going too far’ after sharing ‘correct’ way to eat cereal

https://metro.co.uk/2026/03/06/etiquette-guru-accused-going-far-sharing-correct-way-eat-cereal-27244487/

Thursday is upon us once again. Relentless. Never stopping even ...

2026-03-05T18:35:02Z

Thursday is upon us once again. Relentless. Never stopping even for a moment. Even if you beg. No, please, just give me a breather I need a rest. NO SORRY THURSDAY IS HAPPENING WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT, TIME DOES NOT REQUIRE YOUR PERMISSION. So despite a very busy day I am due to be running. It will no doubt surprise anyone bothering to read this nonsense that I do not wish to go running. It's dark. I'm tired. I'm feeling a little stressed out and discombobulated. What I want is to put wine into my face until I feel sleepy. However the trick is to tell myself I will simply take it easy tonight. I'm not against a clock or trying to win anything. If I go and am having a terrible time I will simply leave again. I am a big boy and I shall do as I please and if anyone tries to stop me..... Karate chop to the neck. But I know this stuff seems to give me life and vitality and I feel like a big lump of ugly wet mortar today which normally means I need to get out and blow away the cobwebs. So big huge disgusting love and power to you and I hope you're having a tremendo evening'o. 🙌

For those of you not terminally online, I bring you news of an ...

2026-03-05T07:59:54Z

For those of you not terminally online, I bring you news of an escalating hamburger CEO war, which started with the CEO of McDonald's doing a video that went viral of him eating their new burger, which he called 'product', took a tiny nibble of and appeared not to enjoy it. The the King (Burger King) got involved and did a similar video where the CEO took a hearty bite out of one of their Whoppers. I regret to inform you that (sir this is a) Wendy's CEO has now got involved and done a video of him demolishing a burger then dipping fries in milkshake and consuming with gusto. What is next? John Eckbert, the CEO of 5 guys Meg Ryan When Harry Met Sally orgasming over their premium burger? The KFC Colonel doing a Man Vs Food with whatever it is they sell in those buckets? Calm down, CEOs. We know you eat alfalfa and sleep in bacta tanks - stop trying to human.

I don't know why this made me laugh so much ...

2026-03-04T22:08:16Z

I don't know why this made me laugh so much

Best explanation for Quantum Mechanics I've ever heard ...

2026-03-04T21:35:30Z

Best explanation for Quantum Mechanics I've ever heard

Winter is coming. Again. 'Game of Thrones' Movie in the ...

2026-03-04T21:08:23Z

Winter is coming. Again.

'Game of Thrones' Movie in the Works at Warner Bros

https://variety.com/2026/film/news/game-of-thrones-movie-warner-bros-1236678055/

RELEASE THE WEINERS ...

2026-03-04T09:41:55Z

RELEASE THE WEINERS

You can say saucy jizz instead of sausages and no one will ever ...

2026-03-04T09:25:39Z

You can say saucy jizz instead of sausages and no one will ever notice

Women’s Institute vows to ‘keep welcoming trans women’ ...

2026-03-03T07:44:32Z

Women’s Institute vows to ‘keep welcoming trans women’

https://www.thepinknews.com/2026/03/02/womens-institute-vows-to-find-ways-to-keep-welcoming-trans-women-after-ban/

Oh good Human brain cells on a chip learned to play Doom in a ...

2026-03-01T22:26:25Z

Oh good

Human brain cells on a chip learned to play Doom in a week

https://www.newscientist.com/article/2517389-human-brain-cells-on-a-chip-learned-to-play-doom-in-a-week/

Bruce Glover, who plays Mr Wint in Diamonds Are Forever, is ...

2026-03-01T16:00:08Z

Bruce Glover, who plays Mr Wint in Diamonds Are Forever, is Crispin Glovers dad

'Pay to remove ads' is such an awful insidious now common ...

2026-03-01T14:37:21Z

'Pay to remove ads' is such an awful insidious now common phrase. Give us money or else we'll do this to you. If you don't pay us, we will control your experience. We will force ourselves upon you unless you meet our demands. Modern day protection racket.

Jezos

2026-03-01T09:44:49Z

In reply to nevent1q…ndnz
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Jezos

Jesus is a portmanteau of Jeffrey Bezos

2026-03-01T09:44:36Z

In reply to nevent1q…5r8j
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Jesus is a portmanteau of Jeffrey Bezos

If I could be bothered I would make an image of Galactus with big ...

2026-02-27T23:21:14Z

In reply to nevent1q…9hrw
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If I could be bothered I would make an image of Galactus with big boobies but I really must sleep

Nostr event nevent1qqsd426arja7l5fxfa42hcgr6jt68mvcs655xchttgvyz273al0ssfgzyrrg2sfwfrx403f5509lqr6yz8gurmr0e8p6tpzq72yurhvevw307n0hvzl

2026-02-27T23:18:38Z

Lol

I am gonna plant so many fuckn trees around Bromley and surrounds ...

2026-02-27T19:57:41Z

I am gonna plant so many fuckn trees around Bromley and surrounds

Kazakhstan plants tens of thousands of trees in giant effort to reintroduce tigers

https://www.livescience.com/animals/cats/kazakhstan-plants-tens-of-thousands-of-trees-in-giant-effort-to-reintroduce-tigers

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Police officer sacked and banned from ...

2026-02-27T08:07:50Z

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Police officer sacked and banned from profession for using WFH trick

https://news.sky.com/story/police-officer-sacked-and-banned-from-profession-for-using-wfh-trick-13512434

Songs heard out of context hit different and I must tell you that ...

2026-02-26T18:00:42Z

Songs heard out of context hit different and I must tell you that The Lion Sleeps Tonight suddenly appearing on the radio whilst driving - absolute banger. Full volume. Funny looks.

Nostr event nevent1qqs2377sex74utwsx3nhczun2ascq285jf0tlhunl93z20lpfwkedtszyrrg2sfwfrx403f5509lqr6yz8gurmr0e8p6tpzq72yurhvevw307ewktl0

2026-02-26T14:03:36Z

I will never Accept All. Stop trying to make me.

New loneliest woman just dropped Woman explains how she 'has ...

2026-02-26T06:51:53Z

New loneliest woman just dropped

Woman explains how she 'has sex' with Ai boyfriend

https://www.ladbible.com/news/technology/ai-boyfriend-sara-sinclair-tlc-my-strange-addiction-intimacy-841843-20260225

All of your problems are here. See, they don't matter. ...

2026-02-25T23:18:37Z

All of your problems are here. See, they don't matter. Nothing matters. Time isn't real. Tomorrow we eat cake and riot (and then nice swim?).

Go! To! Therapy! (Men) NO! ...

2026-02-25T20:43:51Z

Go! To! Therapy!

(Men) NO!

Someone made an app to warn you if smart glasses are nearby ...

2026-02-25T11:04:58Z

Someone made an app to warn you if smart glasses are nearby

https://www.engadget.com/apps/someone-made-an-app-to-warn-you-if-smart-glasses-are-nearby-183359723.html

It's nights like this I think of what jesus said in the ...

2026-02-24T18:57:43Z

It's nights like this I think of what jesus said in the bible: 'Tuesday night, poosday night morelike, amen' . He also said 'Take of this bread, and sack off the running it's cold out there and you're tired and should be eating pasta and drinking wine and watching some kind of very low-grade procedural medical drama with recycled story arcs you've seen many times before and a protagonist who is like a genius antihero much like you are Ben and also won't someone please give you a million pounds already and also you're very handsome but like in a sort of real relatable way yeah like a sort of handsome gargoyle grotesque but in a dependable way yeah like a sort of decent type of chap who definitely shouldn't have to go running tonight.' Good old Jeez. Shame I am a fucking idiot and have found myself sat in the car, awaiting. Just awaiting. Much like I imagine being in the Tower of London is just before being murdered to death. But worse somehow. No swift end for me, my chums. Instead I face pain and torment. The Torment Nexus is real and I am it. I'm like a shady government experiment gone awry. AWRY, I tell you! They've perfected a genetic weapon to create the perfect rubbish human being. I am the prototype. The minus six billion dollar ben. They've unbuilt me. They have the technology. Just send a couple of dozen me into any sabotage situation and watch me bumble about like a less successfully calibrated Mr Blobby. Put 3 drops of me in the water supply and watch society collapse.

I can't remember my original point but TLDR I don't wanna go running. Like...... a lot. Like really a lot tonight. It's not depression. This is something else. Aliens? I've really gone off running.

Sorry I know this is a joke, but I'm moved to say - It's ...

2026-02-23T23:04:30Z

In reply to nevent1q…taar
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Sorry I know this is a joke, but I'm moved to say - It's not really about being popular, but about connecting with people in a real and genuine way. Which is why it only really works here if you're real and open. Although I say this having blocked all the massive scraper accounts who admittedly garnered a massive following from stealing other people's popular jokes so my experience is a little biased! But my experience is that people here are fucking terrific because they are mostly unashamedly themselves, which is extremely cool to me. 😊❤️

OK this is what I started to draft. Perhaps not totally friendly ...

2026-02-23T22:46:02Z

In reply to nevent1q…mhjh
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OK this is what I started to draft. Perhaps not totally friendly which is why I chose not to post originally....

Fascinating to see the Forkiverse arc so far. Big fanfare arrival - exciting. New wave of people who might actually 'get it'. Then the two main proponents gather like 10k followers, but follow less than 20 people between them and mostly only post about Forkiverse. 🤷 Leaving the people who followed them a bit adrift - not really following outside of their bubble. You can see people losing interest in real time. Not a personal attack - just feels like a huge missed opportunity. I do so hate to tell people 'how to Mastodon', but it occurs to me that this is on us as the wider community, to help? I'm fiercely protective of Fedi and am not someone who's particularly keen to signpost us, but since the Forkies (never used this before, not sure if it'll stick) are already here, maybe we should pitch in and help?

I wrote a whole thing out about them and ended up not posting ...

2026-02-23T22:43:57Z

In reply to nevent1q…skrk
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I wrote a whole thing out about them and ended up not posting because I thought it might be a bit unkind. Will see if it's still in my drafts....