Nostr notes by Staff Chief of Joints

Nostr event nevent1qqsflarsf0tgjyff52r8ksf2t8zswuztxvmqjqljw6msecggad0ayqgzyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5ukwpq2

2026-07-01T19:34:38+02:00

Daylily

Nostr event nevent1qqsdvqf8ud7zuk63n24uk8w0lffzckvtjqlkka63pyqwrrsmmrkl3gszyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5ufezd4

2026-04-17T01:29:50+02:00

More drugs, please.

Sounds punk rock on the surface of it.

2026-04-16T13:14:48+02:00

In reply to nevent1q…mfq2
_________________________

Sounds punk rock on the surface of it.

Was he an early looksmaxxing influencer?

2026-04-16T12:49:35+02:00

In reply to nevent1q…9fw7
_________________________

Was he an early looksmaxxing influencer?

I never would have thought that the guy hitting himself in the ...

2026-04-16T12:30:06+02:00

I never would have thought that the guy hitting himself in the face with a hammer was on drugs.

Sure, it's a lot of bullshit, but it's a 𝘥𝘳𝘺 ...

2026-04-15T18:31:07+02:00

Sure, it's a lot of bullshit, but it's a 𝘥𝘳𝘺 bullshit.

Don't think. Let the muscle memory guide your thumb to the ...

2026-04-15T03:00:27+02:00

Don't think. Let the muscle memory guide your thumb to the boost button.

I was convinced that I'd have met more interesting characters ...

2026-04-15T02:10:37+02:00

I was convinced that I'd have met more interesting characters in dark alleys by now.

I miss being able to read the news and only wanting to launch my ...

2026-04-14T01:37:22+02:00

I miss being able to read the news and only wanting to launch my phone into the sun maybe twice a month instead of every goddamn time.

To state the obvious, they sent the guy who can't even order ...

2026-04-12T14:21:51+02:00

To state the obvious, they sent the guy who can't even order donuts like a normal person to conduct highly contentious negotiations. Same guy.

They keep using this word "negotiation". I do not think ...

2026-04-12T13:22:33+02:00

They keep using this word "negotiation". I do not think it means what they think it means.

Nostr event nevent1qqsdwxmprys8vrmwdz74mxm4vluwdtec3xnwgfxrcfg97qducnaevkczyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz502hvs7

2026-04-12T02:47:45+02:00

If Mastodon were a bar, it would be named:

Nostr event nevent1qqs0l9qyn6e8ytlel99esevv603gjypcwkta98ukenh276nhj4grs0szyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5tmwxs2

2026-04-11T13:47:36+02:00

My toots are for external use only.

The only way I'd ever watch Shark Tank is if they changed the ...

2026-04-10T18:38:43+02:00

The only way I'd ever watch Shark Tank is if they changed the format to dangling billionaires over a shark tank until they gave their fortunes away.

Nostr event nevent1qqs9zn5cy2prp2v6pyctgrax94ezt3tgvvlqv8sqvypeqw6a7sm68fgzyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz58q8zpf

2026-04-09T01:47:38+02:00

Help me, garlic breadsticks. You're my only hope.

It's a clown show. They're literally wearing oversized ...

2026-04-08T20:38:08+02:00

It's a clown show. They're literally wearing oversized shoes. The one in charge has ridiculous hair and face paint.

Nostr event nevent1qqsynxqzew2nxumlwprmyh24p0x87yfr9qgmylnez0x9u3cv0tlchyszyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz569vmky

2026-04-08T19:54:34+02:00

Jfc, I go to lunch and the Fuckin' Strait is closed again.

I too am banned from entry to the UK, but it's because of ...

2026-04-08T15:50:14+02:00

I too am banned from entry to the UK, but it's because of some unseemly acts involving HP Sauce and the ensuing scurrilous press coverage.

Nostr event nevent1qqs8yt8spjukc0s8f9xu92tn8h8gnf6d77xu8pk0wkx4rxc55etv06czyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5d083vl

2026-04-03T01:00:09+02:00

Getting paid for lap dances is grinding bones to make some bread.

I need a cool, dry place to store 12 tons of KitKats and not a ...

2026-03-30T18:49:45+02:00

I need a cool, dry place to store 12 tons of KitKats and not a lot of questions.

Nostr event nevent1qqsttq97aeajucms64gh6na0quclzwtvl06q27k4d34xyqkmxpee5egzyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz550efr7

2026-03-30T18:17:24+02:00

Bullshit canceling headphones.

Nostr event nevent1qqsdhau24j7nvemkupmxecvl908h96cnl7cwzaq7gk2q4du028kcyyqzyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5qcvpw0

2026-03-26T18:51:39+01:00

Why no D'Artagnan candy bar?

Protip: if you're involved in negotiations, and you're ...

2026-03-25T01:00:54+01:00

Protip: if you're involved in negotiations, and you're telling people the other side wants a deal "so badly", you look desperate.

Nostr event nevent1qqsvtasy3g5wf7sdx2cwclk7ec3t8p78hdglyasc8as5k76n3j0sncqzyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5mdsqwn

2026-03-25T00:33:33+01:00

Open AI stands for Open Another Icecoldbudweiser.

Good news: I've created a self-sustaining fusion reaction. ...

2026-03-22T16:54:21+01:00

Good news: I've created a self-sustaining fusion reaction. Bad news: it's in my colon.

20% of the world's chili supply passes through the Strait of ...

2026-03-22T14:07:59+01:00

20% of the world's chili supply passes through the Strait of Hormel.

They gave up on being a profitable media company and *checks ...

2026-03-20T19:43:23+01:00

In reply to nevent1q…9sd8
_________________________

They gave up on being a profitable media company and *checks notes*....used other people's money to buy a shitload of bitcoin. *looks at back of card* That's it. That's all they came up with.

Watching this group of chucklefucks try to build a company has ...

2026-03-20T19:39:55+01:00

In reply to nevent1q…0v2l
_________________________

Watching this group of chucklefucks try to build a company has been like watching a monkey try to fuck a football.

If it's any solace, Trump Media's stock price is at all ...

2026-03-20T19:38:00+01:00

If it's any solace, Trump Media's stock price is at all time lows.

Barista: Can I get a name for the order? Me: looks around ...

2026-03-19T23:29:40+01:00

Barista: Can I get a name for the order?

Me: *looks around* *leans in* *whispers* ...Banksy.

Nostr event nevent1qqst7rum7lgjv86jzhg256c8wqmwewfa0dunw857fcrfmanyqmdla4czyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz57hstrk

2026-03-17T01:55:17+01:00

My mind is very adept at holding multiple bad ideas at once.

I wonder if whales ever go people watching. Or do they watch ...

2026-03-13T01:33:47+01:00

I wonder if whales ever go people watching. Or do they watch other whales like people go people watching? Hanging out at the whale mall, watching all the whales go by, headed to the food court for some krill.

Alright USA people, who had square dancing as part of gym class? ...

2026-03-06T21:25:23+01:00

Alright USA people, who had square dancing as part of gym class? I'm not the only one.

This doesn't reflect well on me.

2026-02-27T18:48:30+01:00

In reply to nevent1q…as6m
_________________________

This doesn't reflect well on me.

WHATA YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?! I wanna shoop.

2026-02-27T16:05:17+01:00

WHATA YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?!

I wanna shoop.

long drag on cigarette Kid, this is Mastodon. We're all the ...

2026-02-27T15:35:29+01:00

*long drag on cigarette* Kid, this is Mastodon. We're all the algorithm here. You. Me. Everybody. Now get out there and boost somebody's bullshit.

I'm legitimately pissed off that it's 2026. Like, ...

2026-02-26T23:14:34+01:00

I'm legitimately pissed off that it's 2026. Like, that's not a real year. That's a year that flashes on a movie screen suggesting a distant future that will never be here. Get outta here with that shit. 2026.

I should be eating berries in cave, but ohhhh no. We just had to ...

2026-02-24T02:44:00+01:00

I should be eating berries in cave, but ohhhh no. We just had to have a bronze age, didn't we.

It's a dang ol' nor'easter!

2026-02-21T14:34:16+01:00

In reply to nevent1q…hqgd
_________________________

It's a dang ol' nor'easter!

The forecast has been updated to 8 - 12 inches of snow. It's ...

2026-02-21T14:27:26+01:00

The forecast has been updated to 8 - 12 inches of snow. It's fine. Everything is fine.

The idea that an entire country should be some homogeneous unit ...

2026-02-21T03:11:08+01:00

The idea that an entire country should be some homogeneous unit with everyone all on the same page is hilarious because I don't even like the people from the town next to me.

I found a listing for the exact model bass I have. It's ...

2026-02-19T21:47:21+01:00

I found a listing for the exact model bass I have. It's autographed by Dave Mustaine and he used it to write the bass parts for two Megadeth albums. It's up for $25,000 and I instantly thought, wow, nobody likes Dave Mustaine that much.

Mastodon is a little clunky. But, so what? At least Eugen ...

2026-02-19T18:13:31+01:00

In reply to nevent1q…rexe
_________________________

Mastodon is a little clunky. But, so what? At least Eugen isn't telling a bunch of people I'm in the market for new underwear because he's monitoring my web searches. He's telling them that because we worked together to find a cut that flatters my derrière.

I treat Mastodon like a secret, exclusive club. In 3+ years on ...

2026-02-19T17:45:50+01:00

I treat Mastodon like a secret, exclusive club. In 3+ years on here, I think I've told 3 people IRL about it. When they showed zero interest in it, I was like, oh thank god.

AI TVs are bad enough, but at least they haven't put AI in ...

2026-02-18T20:20:06+01:00

In reply to nevent1q…gyhv
_________________________

AI TVs are bad enough, but at least they haven't put AI in refrigerators yet. *googles that* You motherfuckers.

Nostr event nevent1qqs8qfr4mchuqleky3m5ns8l790krgd2xnll7nqvx98f5ls4er2heyszyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5q4x4kw

2026-02-16T21:45:50+01:00

Bro, have you ever even suspended your disbelief?

Nostr event nevent1qqsp38cf7ar8nt84tlzapgfgk4jmytl3qr93g8cjr7hm7j3ldvc733gzyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz548pycm

2026-02-13T03:13:38+01:00

Bobsled is just soap box derby on ice.

Why's there only one person on that snowboard? Let's get ...

2026-02-13T02:35:15+01:00

Why's there only one person on that snowboard? Let's get 2 or 3 people on there. Liven things up.

They can edit out booing, but not that?

2026-02-08T22:33:29+01:00

In reply to nevent1q…kakl
_________________________

They can edit out booing, but not that?

Nobody does the beard of bees thing anymore. It's prime time ...

2026-02-06T19:42:00+01:00

Nobody does the beard of bees thing anymore. It's prime time for a comeback.

YOU BETTER NOT BE WANG CHUNGING IN THERE! WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS ...

2026-02-05T22:13:17+01:00

In reply to nevent1q…rtuz
_________________________

YOU BETTER NOT BE WANG CHUNGING IN THERE! WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS SAY?

Nostr event nevent1qqsz5enkd6v77nah2h7x36pptyzt5ff4x7uukvtn2jsavwme68jzazgzyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5k0347a

2026-02-05T22:06:20+01:00

Don't just stand there wanging your chung!

Nostr event nevent1qqsfnta2hgglj3rda87ck2tmwy7ud5727s8e8zqe2au3uwh3xgupymszyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5ykvxu7

2026-02-05T17:51:27+01:00

Everyone was _____ _____ last night:

Nostr event nevent1qqs8au9fsplgnjqxluxm9h8zxv98zzvmr4s22396vnmwdu9e6mu8kvszyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz552gwwr

2026-01-30T02:15:40+01:00

I remember when I used to like things. Those were good times.

Nostr event nevent1qqsqa2n2hnyje6naj8s7hsyrpjljkn25y47krmztvgk2u4plu0x5w9szyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5m6sd33

2026-01-29T19:44:46+01:00

You're right. I do need a set of bongos.

Ok, hear me out. Fondue, but the pot of cheese can comfortably ...

2026-01-27T21:15:59+01:00

Ok, hear me out. Fondue, but the pot of cheese can comfortably fit 3 adults.

I hadn't even had breakfast and my neighbor managed to get ...

2026-01-26T14:11:10+01:00

I hadn't even had breakfast and my neighbor managed to get his car semi-permanently stuck at the end of his driveway. Gonna be an amazing day.

Nostr event nevent1qqsqpjd7zj66vjvw73cutl7pjtyp6xyvsf7er4cdjyxxqtd3tz9we4szyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5djxrrf

2026-01-21T14:25:21+01:00

Ok, AI guitar amps is where I just start burning shit down.

The hills have eyes. The mountains have ears. That valley? ...

2026-01-20T03:16:37+01:00

The hills have eyes. The mountains have ears. That valley? It's got a sweet ass.

Nostr event nevent1qqs8wx9v0v34gw0k4yks9clk5k40273xgs6tlrne40yy6hc9pcm6mjczyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5dxptph

2026-01-20T00:57:06+01:00

Let's meet in the middle. We'll both fuck half the way off.

Gonna build a little blanket fort over the electric radiator ...

2026-01-17T02:28:36+01:00

Gonna build a little blanket fort over the electric radiator because I can't afford a sauna.

So, uh, how's it going over there?

2026-01-13T18:13:56+01:00

In reply to nevent1q…lcjc
_________________________

So, uh, how's it going over there?

Nostr event nevent1qqs2fh4jr7lckpw2e6uvln3k56sy5c38szm59u6ckqwzq6tg5gpkkqszyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5h0dzdz

2026-01-13T17:43:42+01:00

Wtf is the forkiverse and why is it not the sporkiverse?

Just got my first Mastodon royalty payment and it's in a ...

2026-01-12T19:15:23+01:00

Just got my first Mastodon royalty payment and it's in a crypto currency called Tootcoin. I did not read the fine print.

Oooo, transfixed? I like that!

2026-01-09T22:26:01+01:00

In reply to nevent1q…aguc
_________________________

Oooo, transfixed? I like that!

The sumthin' extra is extra percussion. This is a fun loop I ...

2026-01-09T21:23:41+01:00

The sumthin' extra is extra percussion. This is a fun loop I really enjoyed making.

https://spectra.video/w/tprSSFPhVmFFQzyZiUWAEc

Nostr event nevent1qqsqqj2ee0g8aecc7j3xqvgx564hgfj0dl3cukkykj69vql9tgg20rczyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5fwhmx4

2026-01-08T15:02:26+01:00

Are you now, or have you ever been, a Muppet?

Officially declaring myself not crazy, and that I have indeed ...

2026-01-03T17:17:27+01:00

Officially declaring myself not crazy, and that I have indeed been surrounded by insane people this whole time.

Nostr event nevent1qqs9thtt69mxh0nj7nsle756f0yqp54klnwnvvs09ruhqjq3ank4hvgzyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5yu0t9x

2025-12-30T13:39:08+01:00

Sweet summer child implies bitter winter bastard.

2026 is gonna be lit, in the sense that a lot of things will be ...

2025-12-29T14:27:25+01:00

2026 is gonna be lit, in the sense that a lot of things will be completely engulfed in flames before it's all over.

I'd like to be rewilded now, thank you. Just anywhere in the ...

2025-12-28T02:12:12+01:00

I'd like to be rewilded now, thank you. Just anywhere in the middle of the woods will be fine.

People living in the top half of the rotating spheroid can start ...

2025-12-21T19:26:21+01:00

People living in the top half of the rotating spheroid can start having a little extra sunlight after today. As a little treat.

If they start putting AI in TVs I'm gonna lose my shit. ...

2025-12-20T02:07:33+01:00

If they start putting AI in TVs I'm gonna lose my shit. *googles that* Oh fuck me, here we go.

Nostr event nevent1qqsr977d3rks7xu2zmkh3yw0utr4g3yqg3ll2epqrsylxyphwkw0ngczyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz544h8u3

2025-12-18T20:12:50+01:00

I picked a hell of a day to not wear my ejection pants.

I just goolgled "ejection pants" and the AI result said, ...

2025-12-18T12:51:25+01:00

I just goolgled "ejection pants" and the AI result said, that's not a common term, but this is what it probably means, even though "ejection pants" is just some nonsense that popped into my head.

Then, it occurred to me, every AI result is "this is what it probably means" because it has no fucking idea what ANYTHING means.

We've replaced his regular coffee with shitposts from a niche ...

2025-12-17T14:49:12+01:00

We've replaced his regular coffee with shitposts from a niche decentralized microblogging platform. Let's see if he notices. *crouches behind potted plant*

Nostr event nevent1qqsqmgfl22g9aftzx95as0cp9dvu0kl59vvkx39s3yr77xzdy0dpy9gzyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5ggvjhd

2025-12-16T01:23:45+01:00

Don't think. Boost.

PSA: you can substitute the words "comfy pants" for: ...

2025-12-14T16:26:03+01:00

PSA: you can substitute the words "comfy pants" for:
Tannenbaum
Holy night
Deck the halls

Nostr event nevent1qqszjapxr06v74maxyeek76e50vt8hekku9wj44j2qh6hz3mhqqpf6czyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5uezvwh

2025-12-11T17:10:13+01:00

The average man thinks about Times New Roman four times a day.

Did 25 minutes on the stationary bike this morning and I'm ...

2025-12-11T15:31:20+01:00

Did 25 minutes on the stationary bike this morning and I'm like, honestly, how difficult could the Tour de France be?

Bartender: narrows eyes You look like the kind of guy that has ...

2025-12-10T18:14:08+01:00

Bartender: *narrows eyes* You look like the kind of guy that has strong opinions about fonts. *retrieves bat from under bar* We aren't going to have any problems, are we?

People used to fax jokes around between offices. That shit ...

2025-12-08T21:51:14+01:00

People used to fax jokes around between offices. That shit actually happened.

Realized yesterday that the dumbest octopus is still smarter than ...

2025-12-08T19:51:42+01:00

Realized yesterday that the dumbest octopus is still smarter than some of my coworkers.

Rome if you want to. -The B-LIIs

2025-12-05T18:38:03+01:00

Rome if you want to.

-The B-LIIs

A boba is nice for those times you want some tea, but you also ...

2025-12-02T22:18:00+01:00

A boba is nice for those times you want some tea, but you also want to suck balls through a tube.

It's called December because it's the tenth month of the ...

2025-12-01T22:16:32+01:00

It's called December because it's the tenth month of the metric calendar.

All this bullshit is being recorded for quality assurance ...

2025-11-26T19:08:40+01:00

All this bullshit is being recorded for quality assurance purposes.

Nostr event nevent1qqs228nw2qvd2ajam5p2mr49jatc9dpzqucqgfpxm6gs9thg0wlaysczyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5krfg5d

2025-11-25T15:21:34+01:00

I fucking hate YouTube so much.

The rhythm is gonna get you. The rhythm is parked across the ...

2025-11-21T23:36:08+01:00

The rhythm is gonna get you. The rhythm is parked across the street with night vision goggles. You need to take out a restraining order against the rhythm.

Nostr event nevent1qqsfr87ctclwgkjt2d8purx4086r98y7xwcphrhxyx56577unam44lgzyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5ky9rym

2025-11-21T14:55:41+01:00

Measure twice, toot once.

If you're shoplifting and the alarm goes off at the store ...

2025-11-16T15:56:42+01:00

If you're shoplifting and the alarm goes off at the store exit, just turn around, stick your hands straight up in the air and piss your pants. They ask you to leave the store without even checking your pockets every time.

Can't a man shitpost in peace without his kids constantly ...

2025-11-14T01:34:14+01:00

Can't a man shitpost in peace without his kids constantly bugging him like, "what are you doing?" and "don't you know it's my birthday?"

They should have just forced Sisyphus to keep his hands lotioned ...

2025-11-12T14:54:55+01:00

They should have just forced Sisyphus to keep his hands lotioned during winter.

Nostr event nevent1qqswhd7swsuett6cudgsjwlwew00ql2eufakjhhzyaa8v2ka4refypczyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5rqfad9

2025-11-08T02:36:15+01:00

We need a combo button called the boosty-like.

Nostr event nevent1qqsdtf7vzy3mjw6a5hytdyt9hwxr56plq6rq7psveh0j2079jpsesjgzyzfh9q9pjx97aklsque3gev790gvfw3gttqtq05v2v86wuecwepz5yt40zx

2025-11-05T00:56:09+01:00

Happy Taco Tootsday!

Jamiroquai was actually the name of the band. The guy in the hat ...

2025-10-30T12:40:17+01:00

Jamiroquai was actually the name of the band. The guy in the hat is Jamiroquai's monster.

Welp, it's about time to get the gravy cannon out of storage ...

2025-10-27T15:48:43+01:00

Welp, it's about time to get the gravy cannon out of storage and get it ready for the season.

When Mick Jagger sang "you can't always get what you ...

2025-10-25T04:11:33+02:00

When Mick Jagger sang "you can't always get what you want", it was about the time the concession stand ran out of churros.

You're asking the wrong question. We should be asking, who ...

2025-10-25T03:20:52+02:00

You're asking the wrong question. We should be asking, who will let the dogs back in?

I could probably throw something together.

2025-10-24T01:22:18+02:00

In reply to nevent1q…xdg8
_________________________

I could probably throw something together.