Nostr notes by Alice McFlurry :bc:

Boosting my response to this person as a PSA to others that their ...

2026-08-01T17:38:54Z

Boosting my response to this person as a PSA to others that their response is not an appropriate way to speak to people, even behind the "cover" of a keyboard. https://beige.party/@Alice/117021464109486055

One of my favorite games is acting excited about whatever title ...

2026-08-01T01:23:41Z

One of my favorite games is acting excited about whatever title card happens to be shuffling through on the TV at that given moment just to see if my husband will believe me and hit play.

In this case:

"OMG I've been waiting for Sharkzilla Takes New York to come out!!"

I bought the Anarchist Cookbook but it's been really hard ...

2026-07-28T18:30:48Z

I bought the Anarchist Cookbook but it's been really hard getting those unruly MFers into the pot.

The internet had been talking about "MySpace Emo" so ...

2026-07-11T05:06:33Z

The internet had been talking about "MySpace Emo" so here's my profile pic from that time.

I want to create a series of music videos where everything is ...

2026-07-11T04:29:34Z

I want to create a series of music videos where everything is captured via non-traditional methods.

For example:

Music video made exclusively from trailcam footage.

Music video made exclusively from nanny cam footage.

Music video made exclusively from ring cam footage.

Music video made exclusively from Target self checkout footage.

Music video made exclusively from 7-eleven security camera footage.

Music video made exclusively from red light camera footage.

Nostr event nevent1qqs0lsah9lf5pq5cquavkrt8ksfsvr5mtg2kr4dwwzgsn4y5746gn8szyrstwdsfaqpemdkmjl47ycgn3hzhmf7kkdtz7x6dx9tag2t7wdr32csxl4z

2026-07-08T14:22:46Z

Hell hath no furry like a dude in a Tasmanian Devil costume.

If MASTERBOY can't survive in a mall, what can? ...

2026-06-14T15:02:41Z

If MASTERBOY can't survive in a mall, what can?

Has anyone ever written their thesis on how The Office started ...

2026-06-13T16:44:02Z

Has anyone ever written their thesis on how The Office started going downhill when Jim and Pam had a baby or do I need to apply to grad school to make that happen?

Sh-sh-sh-should I sue? ...

2026-06-06T01:24:20Z

Sh-sh-sh-should I sue?

Over the weekend, I purchased a beautiful original drawing by ...

2026-06-05T21:26:01Z

Over the weekend, I purchased a beautiful original drawing by nprofile1qy2hwumn8ghj7un9d3shjtnyd968gmewwp6kyqpqr2fez5dr5ldjq9j0q50d4y8vyap2t9rupk62mamyygla6es5mz4s2gggha (nprofile…ggha) and it just arrived!

It features the TV and VCR from Ghost World and is a confluence of my favorite form of visual media and one of my all-time favorite movies!

The original is mine all mine, but Marcus has a bunch of other originals and prints on his site if you want to check it out and treat yourself or a loved one to something really cool!

https://marcusmerritt.bigcartel.com/products

I find it impossible to see this bird as anything but a big scary ...

2026-05-31T15:06:27Z

I find it impossible to see this bird as anything but a big scary creature with a wide open mouth preparing to consume me.

Not mad about this hole in my sock because I think it's cute ...

2026-05-21T18:32:37Z

Not mad about this hole in my sock because I think it's cute the way my opalescent toenail polish is shining through.

@nprofile…galm Agreed! It's a minor "inconvenience" ...

2026-05-12T14:03:40Z

In reply to nevent1q…96r2
_________________________

nprofile1qy2hwumn8ghj7un9d3shjtnyd968gmewwp6kyqpquceag53nuf4d0yy0f378wnykl0xhd0jchxr7w0sfntdt5pefv50qzsgalm (nprofile…galm) Agreed! It's a minor "inconvenience" with potentially major benefits. I have no problem with it.

In light of this Hantavirus BS, there should be a sketch about ...

2026-05-12T03:58:02Z

In light of this Hantavirus BS, there should be a sketch about two people describing their own unique COVID experiences where one person is like "Yeah, I know! I didn't even go within 6 feet of a stranger until I was double vaxxed." and the other is like I wasn't able to hit the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese until the family reunion in the summer of 2020."

I only trust Sinclair gasoline for my car because it's the ...

2026-05-11T19:18:32Z

I only trust Sinclair gasoline for my car because it's the only one with DinoCare™️!

(Disclaimer: This is a paid sponsorship with Sinclair — your only trusted source for high performance gasoline with DinoCare™️)

I've been reading all about the concept of infinity and I ...

2026-05-08T14:23:02Z

I've been reading all about the concept of infinity and I feel like it's never going to end.

My birthday just passed, which means my insurance company sent me ...

2026-05-08T04:31:23Z

My birthday just passed, which means my insurance company sent me a free poopoo test. For any concerned, my stool (feces) "goblin" is negative!

Nostr event nevent1qqst82fu6cpddhnw9cjec4fypymvshvyut25derl68lk2nyfxmm2xkczyrstwdsfaqpemdkmjl47ycgn3hzhmf7kkdtz7x6dx9tag2t7wdr320xzakd

2026-05-04T22:53:52Z

Happy Cinco de Cuatro to all who celebrate!

It's so hard visiting a new town and not knowing if a ...

2026-04-23T04:09:12Z

It's so hard visiting a new town and not knowing if a restaurant/bar is empty because it's MAGA or because it's not MAGA.

Let's look around and hope we find at least one hopeful sign like an LGBTQIA flag of some sort.

If I were a baseball player, my signature move would be to hit ...

2026-04-23T03:21:32Z

If I were a baseball player, my signature move would be to hit the ball as hard as I could into the ground in front of me so everyone would need to scramble and start digging out my ball in a desperate effort to prevent me from my inevitable victory.

Kev and I were watching SNL reruns and Katy Perry showed up ...

2026-04-19T04:48:20Z

Kev and I were watching SNL reruns and Katy Perry showed up looking like this and I was like

"What in the Beetlejuice am I looking at?"

"Why is she dressed like Beetlejuice?"

And Kev immediately interjected with panic like "DON'T say his name again!"

If you don’t wanna pay for foot pix on my only fans, you can ...

2026-04-18T04:18:32Z

If you don’t wanna pay for foot pix on my only fans, you can just google pics of tree frogs.

I’m probably going to make some enemies by saying this, but I ...

2026-04-18T00:28:54Z

I’m probably going to make some enemies by saying this, but I think it's very important to say...

The problem with the name for Ruth's Chris Steakhouse isn't with Ruth, it's with Chris.

I couldn't decide on a profile photo for LinkedIn so I just ...

2026-04-13T23:34:43Z

I couldn't decide on a profile photo for LinkedIn so I just uploaded all of them.

I’m not big on nature photos, but sometimes you need to ...

2026-04-13T14:29:56Z

I’m not big on nature photos, but sometimes you need to document the morning fog.

@nprofile…qtpp It's a custom amp by this company called ...

2026-04-12T19:21:27Z

In reply to nevent1q…6q8h
_________________________

nprofile1qy2hwumn8ghj7un9d3shjtnyd968gmewwp6kyqpqdf9k5lvy7vflhf3gt6c6szsgg7czmeqp8khr28he5sd9f9c4canqzzqtpp (nprofile…qtpp) It's a custom amp by this company called Silktone. I got it for nprofile1qy2hwumn8ghj7un9d3shjtnyd968gmewwp6kyqpq66v26zvwxumayvsyalvac8e6d0dz67qdpjjnt82xhhsvr30axxcsl8ry84 (nprofile…ry84) as an anniversary present last year. It has a really beautiful sound!

https://www.silktone.org/store/c3/Amps.html

I bought some Sander Patelski prints for the living room so I ...

2026-04-12T18:16:21Z

I bought some Sander Patelski prints for the living room so I moved the building photos to the bedroom and took some photos for my dad so I figure this is a good time to document what my little apartment looks like on April 12, 2026.

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making SUVs and then ...

2026-04-12T02:04:36Z

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making SUVs and then making crossovers which are just tiny SUVs and pretending like they're not just rebranded station wagons.

Nostr event nevent1qqsxg05wu59qe3aug45cg0ph8tyglpvuwthu04el7aq8ldhwxts8mpqzyrstwdsfaqpemdkmjl47ycgn3hzhmf7kkdtz7x6dx9tag2t7wdr32e23tgt

2026-04-10T05:06:51Z

The hardest part about life is not dying.

This movie theater gives you free "butter" and ...

2026-04-05T14:56:06Z

This movie theater gives you free "butter" and bowls/boats to hold it!

Kev and I were on a brewery patio yesterday and this little girl ...

2026-03-29T18:46:21Z

Kev and I were on a brewery patio yesterday and this little girl came up to our table and left this artwork so I’m pretty sure we're besties now.

Booked a mini vacation to see the Lake Berryessa Glory Hole and ...

2026-03-29T01:00:05Z

Booked a mini vacation to see the Lake Berryessa Glory Hole and now my husband can't stop talking about how excited he is to see the glory hole so please let everyone else on mass transit know what he's actually talking about.

The dream of 2020 is alive in California. 😢 ...

2026-03-29T00:46:10Z

The dream of 2020 is alive in California.

😢

It's not that I hate children, it's just that I find most ...

2026-03-28T17:40:23Z

It's not that I hate children, it's just that I find most of them to be very annoying.

Like, oh, cool, you can count to ten?

Well, I can count WAY higher than that, ya dummies.

When I was a teenager in the '90s, my boyfriend at the time ...

2026-03-27T15:01:21Z

When I was a teenager in the '90s, my boyfriend at the time gave me his old skateboard.

The trucks and wheels were fine, but the deck was heavily used and the design had been scraped off most of the bottom, so I took some paint markers and decorated it by painting a black and white checkerboard background with a large stormtrooper head in the foreground because Star Wars and ska were two of my favorite things at the time.

I was mostly just a poser and barely rode it and it remained in the back of my car for several years until I was at a sporting goods store and saw a kid doing tricks on a demo deck and I told him he was really good and he said "Thanks! I have to practice here because I don’t have a skateboard."

At that moment, I remembered my backseat skateboard and told him he could have it, but warned him that the "graphic" was kind of nerdy so he was more than welcome to draw/paint over it.

I went out to my car and grabbed the skateboard and brought it to the front of the store where the kid was waiting and he flipped it over and said "Whoa! Star Wars and ska?!? These are two of my favorite things!"

I’m so glad that skateboard finally found the right owner.

Let me know if you want to watch my new show called MST3KHGTV ...

2026-03-27T06:09:25Z

Let me know if you want to watch my new show called MST3KHGTV where I gather with my robot vacuum and make snotty comments while watching episodes of House Hunters.

A lot of people don’t know this, but the J.C. In J.C. Penney ...

2026-03-27T05:15:17Z

A lot of people don’t know this, but the J.C. In J.C. Penney stands for Jesus Christ.

The hardest part about slicing tomatoes with a mandoline is ...

2026-03-25T22:08:15Z

The hardest part about slicing tomatoes with a mandoline is figuring out which pieces are tomatoes and which are fingers.

People often send me messages that begin with "QQ" which ...

2026-03-25T19:00:17Z

People often send me messages that begin with "QQ" which is supposed to stand for Quick Question; however, based on the questions that follow, I can only assume they think QQ stands for something like "Qomplicated Question" or "Qonfusing Question."

Dyed some Easter eggs! I like to mess up the colors so I can ...

2026-03-25T00:07:17Z

Dyed some Easter eggs! I like to mess up the colors so I can pretend like they're dinosaur eggs.

Happy International Women's Day! And I guess honorable ...

2026-03-09T02:49:04Z

Happy International Women's Day!

And I guess honorable mention to all of my fellow women who haven't been able to escape their backwards countries like the present day United States, for example.

Everyone should have known Veruca Salt was a bad egg the moment ...

2026-03-08T22:42:45Z

Everyone should have known Veruca Salt was a bad egg the moment she started growling and demanding a bean feast because who would actually want that nonsense?

I just met you and this is crazy but here's my number so ...

2026-03-07T13:36:04Z

I just met you
and this is crazy
but here's my number
so please ensure you only use it to text because I absolutely will not answer if you try to call.

Nostr event nevent1qqspa0pr3xr4j94kxum66z4pqcsfjwzjk5cem79qa8np0s4azrvan0szyrstwdsfaqpemdkmjl47ycgn3hzhmf7kkdtz7x6dx9tag2t7wdr32f7cle6

2026-02-27T16:06:52Z

This page intentionally left blank
for doodling.

It's a sketch about a crazy aunt, but this aunt is REALLY ...

2026-02-23T14:02:10Z

It's a sketch about a crazy aunt, but this aunt is REALLY into genealogy and she dramatically gathers the entire family to see her life's work and rolls out this super long scroll to reveal a family tree that is eventually found to have nothing to do with her own family members but instead breaks down the history of the Coppola family.

I always wanted to be cremated because I think being buried is ...

2026-02-23T04:50:20Z

I always wanted to be cremated because I think being buried is super selfish but now I’m thinking it would be super cool to hang around and haunt some burial grounds.

I'm always creeped out whenever people reference the ...

2026-02-23T01:08:06Z

I'm always creeped out whenever people reference the "naked eye" because I'd prefer to picture an anthropomorphic eyeball wearing a cute little outfit with coordinating sneakers.

I want to show up to a local brewery or coffee shop's game ...

2026-02-22T02:13:58Z

I want to show up to a local brewery or coffee shop's game night with an elaborate roll out mat, a fancy robe, and a decorative deck of cards just so I can start emphatically explaining how to play something like Go Fish or Uno.

I was watching the Olympics and this event came on called the ...

2026-02-22T00:06:11Z

I was watching the Olympics and this event came on called the Biathlon where people shoot rifles and then go cross country skiing and I've been pondering the origin story ever since.

Were they like "shooting a dumb gun isn't a real sport so let's add some slow-ass cross country skiing to the end just to make it qualify" or were they like "cross country skiing is BORING so why don’t we add a part where they're all shootin' some guns just so it's not completely mind numbing" or was it something else in general?

Nostr event nevent1qqst58caf75zpjcet49vcf5vm5sgfr4natxw3f90tj9807k48ek0cjczyrstwdsfaqpemdkmjl47ycgn3hzhmf7kkdtz7x6dx9tag2t7wdr32duzdpz

2026-02-21T21:01:09Z

Hey, babe. Let's kiss under the cameltoe.

This photo is from a "series" of photos of what I can ...

2026-02-17T23:54:23Z

In reply to nevent1q…czdk
_________________________

This photo is from a "series" of photos of what I can only refer to as "anti-bathroom selfies" where I was making fun of the idea of bathroom selfies by specifically posing with toilets.

Here's a small sample.

My company requested a "headshot" and this is the best ...

2026-02-17T19:27:55Z

My company requested a "headshot" and this is the best photo I can find.

The IRS already has our tax info so I don’t know why they make ...

2026-02-16T22:21:58Z

The IRS already has our tax info so I don’t know why they make each of us fill out the equivalent of a numerical MadLib every year.

I was talking to my husband about how he has really nice dark and ...

2026-02-15T04:11:01Z

I was talking to my husband about how he has really nice dark and thick eyelashes, similar to the smoke show that is Richard from LOST, and he was like"STOP! you're going to make my confidence hit the ceiling!" and I was like "Babe, you're already up on the skylight with your balls slapping against the window like an agitated baboon" so don’t tell me I don’t know about romance.

I think diarrhea is an impolite word to use at the dinner table, ...

2026-02-08T01:04:05Z

I think diarrhea is an impolite word to use at the dinner table, which is why I always say that I need to excuse myself to squirt out an Arnold Palmer.

Warning: Everyone is probably going to be drawn as an ...

2026-02-07T20:46:58Z

In reply to nevent1q…8pn7
_________________________

Warning: Everyone is probably going to be drawn as an anthropomorphic hotdog.

Can everyone please stop with the AI generated profile photos? ...

2026-02-07T20:01:24Z

Can everyone please stop with the AI generated profile photos?

It's absolute slop and it's killing the environment.

If you want a profile pic that's grossly exaggerated and looks nothing like you, I'd be happy to draw a bad caricature for free.

The best thing about being in my forties is being able to ...

2026-01-31T04:45:29Z

The best thing about being in my forties is being able to decorate like I’m fourteen and nobody can stop me because I’m the one who pays the rent.

Someone tried to be polite by telling me I had nice teeth and I ...

2026-01-30T03:56:48Z

Someone tried to be polite by telling me I had nice teeth and I panicked and responded by saying:

"Oh, that's just...
how they grow...
out of my skull."

So apologies in advance to anyone that tries to have a conversation with me.

I don’t know why anyone is surprised to find that all of the ...

2026-01-26T16:19:38Z

I don’t know why anyone is surprised to find that all of the ICE agents are incompetent bullies on unwarranted power trips.

Where else were all of those security guards supposed to go when the malls shut down?

What if psychedelics don’t make us hallucinate but instead let ...

2026-01-25T18:07:19Z

What if psychedelics don’t make us hallucinate but instead let us see things that are actually there?

Do you think the eligible voters who withheld their vote for ...

2026-01-24T18:28:27Z

Do you think the eligible voters who withheld their vote for Kamala Harris understand that they're part of the problem, yet?

If I ever got into a fight, I would just alternate between ...

2026-01-24T04:43:33Z

If I ever got into a fight, I would just alternate between slapping and crawling into a ball until the other person got bored and left.

My husband is looking up how to build a Faraday cage for his ...

2026-01-24T02:03:55Z

My husband is looking up how to build a Faraday cage for his phone so I can't feed his algorithm with the weird stuff I say.

Shoutout to my hair stylist for referring to my mass of grey ...

2026-01-14T05:18:09Z

Shoutout to my hair stylist for referring to my mass of grey hairs as my "natural highlights."

As a person who was a child in the 1980s, I wonder how ...

2026-01-13T06:28:09Z

As a person who was a child in the 1980s, I wonder how mid-twenties bartenders feel when they ask me for ID.

Do they feel like they're interacting with Thomas Edison's neighbor or the person who started World War I?

I forgot that I actually took a photo of a painting at the museum ...

2026-01-11T21:11:38Z

In reply to nevent1q…t706
_________________________

I forgot that I actually took a photo of a painting at the museum and I absolutely love it and I want everyone else to see it!

The World's Greatest Parking Lot by Ethel Greene.

Some other "art" I saw at the museum! ...

2026-01-11T20:28:16Z

In reply to nevent1q…t706
_________________________

Some other "art" I saw at the museum!

Went to some museums and saw some stuff! ...

2026-01-11T17:25:36Z

Went to some museums and saw some stuff!

This apartment is located diagonally across from mine and I have ...

2026-01-10T05:21:21Z

This apartment is located diagonally across from mine and I have been obsessed with it since the day I moved in because it seems really tidy and the bed is always made, but I have never seen anyone in it and I've been making up elaborate reasons for why I've never seen the occupants like they work opposite schedules or they're so short they don't even reach the window sill, but my husband just broke the news that I've been diligently monitoring a vacant model unit the entire time.

My robot vacuum must think it's getting paid by the hour ...

2026-01-08T21:39:49Z

My robot vacuum must think it's getting paid by the hour because it wastes SO much time aimlessly wandering over places it definitely already vacuumed while taking random breaks to hump the corner of my area rug.

My company awards point for things like work anniversaries and ...

2026-01-07T17:22:21Z

My company awards point for things like work anniversaries and you can redeem those points for things like gift cards or random items and it's honestly a bizarre assortment of items with illogical point values, so it will be like...

Items available for 500 points:
5-piece luggage set
Hamster cage
Cheese grater
Virtual massage

(Okay, virtual massage is fake but there are a lot of virtual "experiences" on here that are like wahhhhhh?)

Anyway, I’m using this as an opportunity to terrify my husband about the things I may potentially be bringing into our household, like "It looks like I have enough points to get a hamster cage and a gift card to Petco!!! I wonder how many hamsters we can get for $100?"

I bet the inventor of the gif pronounced TGIFridays as ...

2026-01-02T04:04:55Z

I bet the inventor of the gif pronounced TGIFridays as Tee-Jiff-Ride-Days.

I will scroll through 100+ items in an Internet search looking ...

2025-12-31T19:03:01Z

I will scroll through 100+ items in an Internet search looking for written instructions before I'll ever even consider watching a 1-minute instructional video.

Okay so seriously which twelve-year-old bully is in charge of ...

2025-12-26T15:19:01Z

Okay so seriously which twelve-year-old bully is in charge of Trump's social media accounts?

Babe, you've barely touched your donkey sauce.

2025-12-23T15:07:00Z

In reply to nevent1q…ecq2
_________________________

Babe, you've barely touched your donkey sauce.

Babe, I know you love my donk. Come over and get some of this ...

2025-12-20T16:58:21Z

In reply to nevent1q…rms0
_________________________

Babe, I know you love my donk. Come over and get some of this donkey sauce.

WARNING: Long story with no real point. Just remembering ...

2025-12-14T14:54:06Z

WARNING: Long story with no real point. Just remembering something and wanted to write it down to document it.

Years ago, I worked at an Apple Store teaching computer lessons for all learning levels and on a variety of topics.

One of my regulars was a nice older lady who was a piano teacher and we got to talking and she mentioned that her husband is a lawyer and he's the one who wanted to learn to use the computer, but he didn't want to go into the store to learn, so she was taking lessons for him and then she would go home and try to teach him, but it wasn't working out because they were getting "frustrated" with one another, so she asked if I ever taught private lessons at people's homes.

This was definitely a conflict of interest and I really liked my job and wasn't willing to risk losing it, but she mentioned that it may be okay if we were just trading services where I would teach her husband to use the computer and she would teach me piano lessons as a thank you.

I ran it by my manager and she said she was totally fine with an arrangement like that and she gave me the green light.

Once a week after work, I'd take the bus to their house in a suburb of Chicago and we'd start with my piano lesson and then I'd go and give the husband his computer lesson.

Her husband wanted to learn the computer because "so many law things require computers nowadays" so he wanted to "keep up with the kids" and I really admired that about him.

Over time, I gave up on the piano, but he still wanted to learn more on the computer, so I just continued teaching the lessons for free.

Once he had "mastered" email and web searches, he mentioned that he wanted to create a website for his law practice, so I helped him make a basic website (e.g., bio, services, contact info, etc.).

The template he selected had a large space at the top for a header photo and he said he wanted a photo of the Chicago skyline, so we hopped on Google and selected one and added it and clicked publish and he was really happy with his website and we sent an email to pretty much everyone he knew (BCCed) to link them to his new website.

At that point, he had pretty much accomplished his ultimate goal and I just happened to be moving, so we said our goodbyes and that was the last time I saw him.

Years later, I took a Photoshop class and part of the class was on copyright laws and attribution and I had this OH NO flashback moment to creating that website because we definitely just did a random google search for Chicago skyline and didn't have formal permission to use that photo and I had NO idea what the photographer's permissions were, so I was terrified that I was going to get this poor lawyer in trouble for copyright infringement due to a dumb photo that we hastily dropped on his website years before.

By this point, I lived in a different state and all of the website files lived on his computer and there was no way I was going to be able to instruct him on how to change the photo via email or over the phone, so I wasn't going to open a can of worms by even mentioning it to him and I just pushed down the bad feelings and guilt, but every so often I'd remember it and they'd come flooding back.

Whenever this would happen, I'd pull up his website to see if anything changed, but it was always there with that big photo of the Chicago skyline staring right back at me.

I recently remembered him again and went to pull up his website to see if the photo was still there, but this time the entire website was gone.

I was relieved until I googled him and found his obituary instead and my relief turned to grief. It turns out he had died a couple of years ago and left behind his loving wife, a piano teacher.

RIP, Don. You were one of the good ones and I'm glad you lived a long life free of copyright lawsuits.

What's the phenomenon called where you're grossed out ...

2025-11-29T01:11:36Z

What's the phenomenon called where you're grossed out every time you eat Chinese food and say you're never going to eat it again, but the moment you see one of those cute little takeout containers, you immediately NEED to eat it again?

Nostr event nevent1qqsgnpejzndxm7gh89qgn3qm49lsxwg44w6kznjvg7qhdlv6938ru3szyrstwdsfaqpemdkmjl47ycgn3hzhmf7kkdtz7x6dx9tag2t7wdr32mw0699

2025-11-28T00:09:06Z

Is a humanitarian a person who only eats humans?

Serious question! Our apartment complex's pool is heated, but ...

2025-11-26T15:56:14Z

Serious question! Our apartment complex's pool is heated, but it's still pretty cold when you get out of the pool. I was contemplating buying bathrobes with the hope that we'd use the pool more, but Kev says that might make us look like swingers. Is that true?

Nostr event nevent1qqswj3r7zm2nyfqcvxzum74kmn5zehrwjmyf9nwxu53d9ddk8gz9ptgzyrstwdsfaqpemdkmjl47ycgn3hzhmf7kkdtz7x6dx9tag2t7wdr328s2etl

2025-11-26T01:20:29Z

If the devil is so bad then how come his cake is so good?

I'll order chicken tenders with no problem but will become ...

2025-11-24T05:09:14Z

I'll order chicken tenders with no problem but will become absolutely mortified whenever I stumble upon "fish fingers" on a menu because WTF are those?

Someone DMed me because they thought I was the admin of Pixelfed, ...

2025-11-22T15:07:18Z

Someone DMed me because they thought I was the admin of Pixelfed, which is funny because I’m writing this from my tiny phone and I crawl into a ball every time I need to use Mastodon on my computer because I get totally overwhelmed so can you imagine me trying to be the admin of anything?

Not to brag, but the side of my face that was attacked by a dog ...

2025-11-22T04:07:57Z

Not to brag, but the side of my face that was attacked by a dog looks a little bit better than the side that wasn't mauled.

I’m really excited that skinny jeans are out of style and ...

2025-11-16T04:49:17Z

I’m really excited that skinny jeans are out of style and barrel jeans are in style because it's leveling the playing field for people like me who have legs that are naturally shaped like barrels.

I also like it when a person on Bluesky responds with a link to ...

2025-11-14T13:46:10Z

In reply to nevent1q…90qk
_________________________

I also like it when a person on Bluesky responds with a link to their similar joke from a couple of months before as if I stole their joke because then I get to be an even bigger brat like oh okay well here is a screenshot of the dumb joke that was originally posted to Mastodon in 2022.

Nostr event nevent1qqstj9ajnqh305nlvnzkzpzvf49vzw6qyuw58m4uvac0jzx7xe9c7vszyrstwdsfaqpemdkmjl47ycgn3hzhmf7kkdtz7x6dx9tag2t7wdr323tyakp

2025-11-10T06:02:34Z

Farts are the ghosts of past meals.

All of these dummies are playing checkers while I’m playing ...

2025-11-01T03:19:51Z

All of these dummies are playing checkers while I’m playing Connect4.

It's interesting how the dumb people seem to love AI while ...

2025-10-24T19:36:26Z

It's interesting how the dumb people seem to love AI while the intelligent people seem to hate it.

I refuse to use Siri because I don’t want everyone around me to ...

2025-10-24T14:57:54Z

I refuse to use Siri because I don’t want everyone around me to be able to hear me asking about actors' heights all day long.

I know I’m autistic because I’m obsessed with maintaining my ...

2025-10-24T14:38:02Z

I know I’m autistic because I’m obsessed with maintaining my daily rituals, mostly satanic.

My grandfather is turning over in his grave because we buried him ...

2025-10-22T21:11:48Z

My grandfather is turning over in his grave because we buried him in a rock tumbler.

My favorite inventor is the person who mixed potatoes with ...

2025-10-19T22:39:40Z

My favorite inventor is the person who mixed potatoes with mayonnaise and called it a salad.

I used to know a nun who was always asking to borrow my goth ...

2025-10-18T23:05:25Z

I used to know a nun who was always asking to borrow my goth clubbin' clothes and I was like let's not make a habit out of that.

Sorry about all of these boosts of super old posts. I was way ...

2025-10-17T19:21:18Z

Sorry about all of these boosts of super old posts. I was way deep in the archives looking for something that wouldn't show up in search and ended up stumbling upon these random things that I barely remember writing.

Progress bars would be better if you could drag them to the right ...

2025-10-15T18:15:44Z

Progress bars would be better if you could drag them to the right to speed up the process.

If you're testing your spaghetti for doneness and you throw ...

2025-10-15T00:28:16Z

If you're testing your spaghetti for doneness and you throw it at the wall and it doesn't stick then you need to pick it up off the floor and put it back in the pot because it's not done cooking yet.

No disrespect intended toward those who have gluten allergies ...

2025-10-11T16:09:38Z

In reply to nevent1q…pzdd
_________________________

No disrespect intended toward those who have gluten allergies because I imagine that shit sucks, but if you are gluten intolerant, I'd probably just avoid gluten free bread altogether because every version I've tried has tasted like cotton balls mixed with sawdust.

Ceci n'est pas un peepee. ...

2025-10-11T16:03:10Z

Ceci n'est pas un peepee.