libertas primordium on Nostr: There was nowhere for me to sleep in the hospital room that they moved my wife to so ...

There was nowhere for me to sleep in the hospital room that they moved my wife to so I came home to sleep with the dogs. I've been up for a while now, fully caffeinated and ready to go but I haven't even gotten dressed yet. I'm dreading going back to the hospital and seeing her like that. I'm afraid she's going to be even worse than last night when I get there. I have no hope left. It's like her body has just given up. I don't know what's going to happen but I feel like I'm going to lose her. The only thing I dread more than being there is not being there when she passes. For months I've been hoping and expecting that she would soon turn a corner and start getting better while she kept slowly getting worse, but things have really accelerated the past couple months, and even more the past couple weeks. We had so many plans together for 2026 and none of it came to pass because of her health. I had already come to terms with possibly being her full time caregiver for the rest of my life, but I don't know how I can come to terms with losing her. I'm going to be a different person if that happens.