<unnamed>

if the world were a just place barron, eric, and donny jr would be conscripted, stuffed into a submarine, and shipped out to patrol the strait of hormuz

2026-03-02 15:42:28 UTC

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wait…been gone for a min…we 🏳️‍🌈🐻s now??

2026-03-02 15:40:28 UTC

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2026-03-02 15:39:27 UTC

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for a second i read “white claw”
thought you were drinking that
and we were gonna have a problem

2026-03-02 15:38:13 UTC

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tbf most americans prob don’t know this

2026-03-02 15:37:29 UTC

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hawt

2026-03-02 15:36:49 UTC

watching the news…
https://media3.giphy.com/media/4Z9fSEFAuxpnlBVWQx/giphy.gif?cid=9b38fe914c5ncmuhlt9jm02ljt27lt42xumeabrdzunq2a6l&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g

2026-03-02 15:33:40 UTC

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farmers only?

2026-03-02 02:25:37 UTC

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hi space 🐶

2026-03-02 02:23:53 UTC

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🥜

2026-03-02 02:07:35 UTC

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Maam 🫡

2026-03-02 01:12:33 UTC

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winnie-the-pooh purged the PLA leadership
that bitch aint doing shit

2026-03-02 01:09:19 UTC

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u shouldve pulled off their wings and made them fight to the death

2026-03-02 01:08:31 UTC

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https://media0.giphy.com/media/13NP2tXPeJzP44/giphy.gif?cid=9b38fe91ohyj3rp5mm4jvvqn1dwd3oe2c7bdjtdzfktw19ql&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g

2026-03-02 00:20:34 UTC

old guy said my generation relies too much on technology so I unplugged that hypocrite’s life support and watched his soul float towards hell before turning it back on
then I took a really, really long shit
what’s new?

2025-02-18 02:10:49 UTC

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its bullshit I can’t buy this and drive it to work

2025-02-18 02:01:06 UTC

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Agree on all points.
+ feel that 🌽 price would soul-crushingly crash if there’s no gold in fort knox before quickly reversing course and proceed to rip everyone’s faces off

2025-02-18 01:57:29 UTC

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Always practice safe nsecs.

2025-02-18 01:56:58 UTC

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tbf we’re so retarded that damus could probably work way worse and we probably wouldn’t notice

2025-02-18 01:50:15 UTC

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I’m saving this for my last day. If I pull it off my department will build statues in my honor 😆

2025-02-18 01:47:02 UTC

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Ironically I think they missed the AUR if memory serves 😆

2025-02-18 01:45:29 UTC

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Obligatory @nprofile…skwu

2025-02-18 01:44:54 UTC

ER doctor: “So yeah this guy has a lot of things wrong with him that are probably chronic but just to be safe I consulted cardiology, nephrology, GI, and infectious disease.”
Me: “I see. Did you also consult deez?”
ER doctor: “Deez who?”
Me: 😏…

2025-02-17 02:04:42 UTC

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just double checking 😆

2025-02-17 02:01:44 UTC

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shits gonna get crazy as more and more cos hold it on their balance sheets

2025-02-17 02:00:07 UTC

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👀

2025-02-17 01:58:37 UTC

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whenever I tell my wife about these situations I conveniently leave out the fact that all this ladies are 80+ yo 🤣

2025-02-17 01:57:31 UTC

isn’t this the guy in charge of watching the gold at Fort Knox?
https://media3.giphy.com/media/XqpnXaeZPnupy/giphy.gif?cid=9b38fe91fa61f3cjgukqz0tucray8w00gmgsrv23g6e178vn&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g

2025-02-17 01:55:47 UTC

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…but the daughter didn’t even wait 0.5 seconds before pointing these obvious diagnoses 😭

2025-02-17 01:53:16 UTC

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🤣 that happens

2025-02-17 01:50:58 UTC

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https://media3.giphy.com/media/XqpnXaeZPnupy/giphy.gif?cid=9b38fe91fa61f3cjgukqz0tucray8w00gmgsrv23g6e178vn&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g

2025-02-17 01:49:13 UTC

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hahahahaha

2025-02-17 01:48:15 UTC

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many people are retarded

2025-02-17 01:47:41 UTC

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if it isn’t it should be

2025-02-17 01:47:12 UTC

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after you got kicked out of the resort you took a swim in the ocean and punched a shark right?

2025-02-17 01:45:36 UTC

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govt employees aren’t great at counting as a rule

2025-02-17 01:45:09 UTC

Patient: “Oh my goodness. You look too young to be a doctor. I’m so lucky to have such a handsome young doctor aren’t I sweetheart?”
Me: 😀
Patient’s daughter: “Yeah so like I saying mom is legally blind and has dementia.”
Me: 😞

2025-02-17 01:42:09 UTC

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🤣 true

2025-02-17 01:41:49 UTC

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the kind that keeps you alive 98 years?

2025-02-17 01:41:26 UTC

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i die laughing if they open up the vault and it’s just empty

2025-02-17 01:40:35 UTC

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just in case our future ai overloads see this I just wanted to stop by and say that ive seen terminator and skynet is my friend

2025-02-17 01:38:05 UTC

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people have sent me sats on nostr to NOT post pics of my feet

2025-02-16 03:34:12 UTC

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🤣 not dangerous enough
gotta play a construction truck back-up beeper sound whenever she walks into a room and leave a loaded gun on the table

2025-02-16 02:02:49 UTC

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2025 bingo has been weird 🤣

2025-02-16 02:02:02 UTC

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this is fine

2025-02-16 02:00:46 UTC

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is this the gear talking or is dude trying to get relevant again?

2025-02-16 01:58:33 UTC

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Gilmore Girls was scarier and more mind bending imho

2025-02-16 01:57:13 UTC

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but she has me well trained so I don’t see how I can get out of it

2025-02-16 01:55:10 UTC

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nah I’m just a bit of a stress junkie due to work and sometimes just need a bump of danger 🤣

2025-02-16 01:52:56 UTC

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Legally Blonde

2025-02-16 01:51:18 UTC

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Rosie?!? Why?!? Tell us why Rosie we need to know 🤣

2025-02-16 01:49:45 UTC

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THATS THE EXACT FACIAL EXPRESSION I USE ALONG WITH SOME SUBTLE HEAD SHAKING

2025-02-16 01:48:30 UTC

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I work on preventing celestial transfers for a living, but it’s really more of a curse 😆

2025-02-16 01:46:52 UTC

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And then just spin up GTA and head to the strip club, right? Right?

2025-02-16 01:45:16 UTC

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And if it doesn’t i just mansplain a bunch of shit that she’s already an expert in.

2025-02-16 01:44:24 UTC

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While making continuous/unbreaking eye contact.

2025-02-16 01:43:51 UTC

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depends on the podc…nope probably couldn’t do it 🤣

2025-02-16 01:40:41 UTC

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“Sweetie you just need to calm down.”
I just go for broke at that point.

2025-02-16 01:39:56 UTC

I recently asked six high-functioning 94+ yos what the secret was to living a long life.
3 said lead a good life/have a good relationship with God.
2 said hard work.
1 said bourbon.

2025-02-16 01:35:14 UTC

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you can’t convince me that they’re not just waiting for the moment that we’re eating to do that 😆

2025-02-16 01:33:06 UTC

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ah hell that’s the worst!
why do they do this midsnack every time?

2025-02-16 01:30:31 UTC

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was wondering why my wife keeps threatening to put me on a boat

2025-02-16 01:29:29 UTC

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💀

2025-02-16 01:27:42 UTC

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Every. Single. Time.

2025-02-16 01:26:00 UTC

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🤣 smart kid
to me it looks like the break room fridge at Tesla fell over and Elon walked by and said “THIS!”

2025-02-16 01:22:47 UTC

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if Trump gets rid of income tax I won’t stop working for the next 3 years 😆

2025-02-15 23:10:27 UTC

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if people lack work they’ll just jam up my ER 😭

2025-02-15 23:08:55 UTC

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thank God

2025-02-15 23:08:30 UTC

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and any nation that doesn’t do as they’re told will probably “find some freedom”

2025-02-15 23:03:46 UTC

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he’s much smarter than me

2025-02-15 22:45:25 UTC

my 6yo is having a hilarious meltdown trying to do this 🤣
#note1wd3…4lem

2025-02-15 22:42:20 UTC

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I hate this

2025-02-15 22:40:11 UTC

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Nice

2025-02-15 22:38:07 UTC

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dunno teach…probably how to convert 🌽 to ETFs as it’s the new hot topic 🤣

2025-02-15 22:35:25 UTC

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Only 85% to go!

2025-02-15 22:34:36 UTC

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had to like this
will come back to zap when you 💤

2025-02-15 22:33:45 UTC

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* while drunk and on meth *

2025-02-15 22:27:48 UTC

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also the population is older and just making the natural shuffle into heavens waiting room

2025-02-15 22:26:51 UTC

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dude looks like he cares

2025-02-15 22:24:22 UTC

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*loading*

2025-02-15 22:22:37 UTC

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Florida man fights weather.

2025-02-15 22:20:13 UTC

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i feel so empty after being called “sport” 😭

2025-02-15 22:19:24 UTC

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https://media2.giphy.com/media/l3mZfxgPWhmuXa8Cc/giphy.gif?cid=9b38fe91li36t2x54sidy7d8ldnxo91v664gzrb5rniz0bv6&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g

2025-02-15 22:17:41 UTC

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uncensored speech be real speech 🤙

2025-02-15 22:16:25 UTC

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im a fckin delicate fragile flower

2025-02-15 22:15:54 UTC

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😢 😭 I thought so too…
https://media3.giphy.com/media/12NlCFUvTokWXe/giphy.gif?cid=9b38fe9153qha7kwmmbz78y9r8ngps3xmjjqjq20nonir2yp&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=giphy.gif&ct=g

2025-02-15 22:15:06 UTC

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#note19c9…kfrc

2025-02-15 21:27:02 UTC

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Lmaooooo