The king of antisocial media. Blow yourself.
Public Key
npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q Profile Code
nprofile1qqsfq04trn594y9d8sywc93lkc32m8chr985r8gqdg08378ack4nm3spz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dsysncsd
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Published at
2026-05-14T00:38:58+02:00 Event JSON
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"content": "{\"name\":\"The Turtle\",\"about\":\"The king of antisocial media. Blow yourself.\\n\\nVoted for Trump? Leave. Now.\\n\\nStop having babies before I find and shame the living fuck out of you. I am a big fan of hammers. No longer a tech addict and mostly militantly don't give a shit.\\n\\nRather fast on the block button lately. If you feel the urge to preach, mansplain or victimsplain, quell it. You have a block button, too.\\n\\nDoing my part to feed AI absurd shit so it learns wrong. I like teaching AI wrong.\\n\\nStroke survivor. \\n\\nI don't govy.\",\"picture\":\"https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/accounts/avatars/109/293/902/082/222/533/original/c1dc8d93a376619b.jpg\",\"banner\":\"https://mastodon.sdf.org/system/accounts/headers/109/293/902/082/222/533/original/0ec6599290cecfb2.jpg\",\"nip05\":\"[email protected] \",\"fields\":[[\"Mooooo\",\"Check the oil in your Ronco® Dild-O-Matic now.\"],[\"Oyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoy\",\"CHICKENFARTS UBER ALLES!!!\"],[\"LAST TACO BELL BEFORE DEATH VALLEY!\",\"A Mark Goodson/Bill Todman Production\"],[\"Yogh?\",\"YOGH!\"]]}" ,
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Last Notes npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…25ct i thought directions down there were all about what used to be someplace, not long-ago felonies. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…25ct Mr. Green Jeans never killed anybody!! npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…m7l3 npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…sle5 I'm hearing "Welcome Back, Kotter" in my head, "YOU TOIKEYS!" Yay, Horshack. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @[email protected] first off, no one should ever have sex with any of these shitheads. No one. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…kq5d it is slightly disturbing that these are now in museums. We ran these in production IN THIS CENTURY. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…25ct editors are not gods. Do it the way you intended. Your life does not have to be a Wikipedia biography. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…25ct Kennedy is a dope. Bill Cassidy is generally OK for a republican. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…3hl6 it's ok, Amazon will ignore delivery instructions and leave everything out in the weather for you. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…uj37 how is Melon Husk at all involved? Better question; why? npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…y4qv did somebody fire cloudFlare into the surface of the Moon or something? Cool! How big a crater did it make? npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…m8jv i got Jean two sets of the cat-butt cutters a few years ago. One is larger and features detailed tails and (*) butthole detail, so of course she never makes THOSE... npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…m8jv do you have the cat butt cookie cutters? The good ones have a * in the anatomically-correct place. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…mfuv hence, "y'all." npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…czr6 @nprofile…9cyj US science uses metric units. "Science" journalism uses shit like elephants. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…czr6 @nprofile…9cyj let's tell them to stop doing that. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…czr6 @nprofile…9cyj yeah, I dig it. Why people are addicted to PDFs as a means of communication is beyond me. Pictures of words are almost never as good as actual good ol' ASCII words. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…mfuv the 4tb SATA ssd I paid $192 for in early august is now $240, but two years ago it would have been $600 or more. I choose not to argue with spinners any more. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…mfuv i wasted a measurable amount of my life setting jumpers or switches or drivers to unfuck interrupt conflicts. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…p4cr reagancheese was not actually terrible in 1983. It had more firmness and flavor than Velveeta. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle I am ok with November, because I have never been a vember. Vembing is somewhat offensive to me. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…f5ux is this marketplace or another group-ish plan? Or just you and the carrier? Worth looking to see if there's a group you can be part of as long as it's not Christian Science or some such. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…35ec want ours? We'll make you a tremendous deal. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…9a9p that is way clearer than anything Coronet films kicked out back then... npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle Anybody know of a way to get two "stupid" Bluetooth devices to talk to each other? I have a BT receiver module attached to an amp, and I have a Sony Bluetooth turntable across the room. I assume both of them expect to talk to something smarter than they are, like a computer or a phone. I'd like for them to talk directly... neither, of course, has any documentation on doing this. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…e2qq i mis-read that as "regrets going to work" npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle Punctuation is important. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…taps we are adamant about letting the dandelions blossom and not spraying anything, partly because dandelion makes great wabbit snacks and we don't want them eating herbicides, either. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle Kittens are ongoing obstacles to everyday life. Jean says she has to pee. I told her not to whiz on the kitten. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…85tn seriously, they wrote about you without actually bothering to contact you at all? I mean, people probably write about Shaq or JLo without actually calling them, but... npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…xv8q that seems like the sort of thing to do in a parking lot of an abandoned K-Mart. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…xv8q I've been doing it all my life. Recently I found USB-rechargeable 9Vs that actually cost just a little more than throwaways. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…zear Concerned stupids are always a problem. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…nm3g @nprofile…lpgl first, the watermelon. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @nprofile…q54u 50 years ago they had the same warnings about... pocket calculators and digital clocks. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle Darkest day of the year, but we generated more power than we have all week. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1239…5qfj i fired Verizon when they were Bell Atlantic. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1239…5qfj their last status update was almost a year ago. That's an eternity. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1d2t…3333 what you describe is a lot like how Chinese vendors on Amazon choose English-oid brand names. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub170h…s5sn but he didn't have a shit-fit on camera! His head was supposed to blow off like a champagne cork! npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub17p8…sw24 just because his parents were fuckups and his grandparents took over doesn't make for a valid statistical sample... npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1uqr…ggjs do you have a leaf grinder or a really powerful food processor? npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub10dv…3quy is the shame somewhat dampened by the knowledge that you're saving money? npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle "That's when a cow was a cow, npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle Weather Channel ads in the middle of tornado warnings; npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1khf…kww4 years ago, in a house that isn't there any more, we accidentally dropped an open can of chickpeas on the kitchen floor. By the time we got back with a mop, Chester was eating the chickpeas off the floor. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1wvt…0wg0 he's in Tennessee somewhere. That could explain everything. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1kjd…wccu ok, he just grossed everybody out. Nobody gonna vote for no worm-head. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1d6n…m959 yay, Stinko de Mayo, for those who fart and mean it. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1zf8…akmp i saw the headline before the image loaded, and my first thought was, damn, IRC has gone downhill. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub17p8…sw24 yeah, I was looking for straight-up fourth-grader kinda stuff to float out of his mouth-hole. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1dg7…4e2c I'm still ctrl-c, ctrl-x and ctrl-v. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1wvt…0wg0 around here MotorTrend network is showing that jarhead bro who runs the garage in Norfolk most of the afternoon. Are you watching on their app or site or something? npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle Read reviews before you think about using that HomeAglow cleaning service that advertises a lot on television. They have a shit reputation for a number of good reasons. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub17p8…sw24 yeah, aftershock. I got alerted via LastQuake but didn't send my toot about it for a few minutes. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub17p8…sw24 when they have him talk on Fox, they still-rear-project a still image of the Blue Ridge behind him, though he's nowhere near there, of course. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1ukr…r63e yeah, in 2011 my herd didn't care about that earthquake. The barn held up just fine. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle Aftershock for y'all in New Jersey, in case you missed the one earlier. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1ukr…r63e the mention of the one in Maine a minute later vanished, so it's likely that was a false alert for there. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1y0k…dhyh Cool, the bakery that has the other half of that building can stop having to look at the My.* zombies who take up the parking lot. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle Ultimately, he needs to have his head flattened with a large musical instrument or perhaps a container ship. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle Also cool: yet another gag order which that asswipe will violate and then he can finally get thrown in actual jail. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1qll…r5q8 oh, cool, throw him in fucking jail on contempt. Yeah, hiding or moving assets, and he just admitted it. Dipshit. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub17p8…sw24 people who don't wanna pay to use the tunnels take that, now they're hosed. That part of 695 used to be so lightly traveled, some of it was only two lanes, not even four, for a long time. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle ATTENTION JANE POWELL: YOU ARE DANCING AROUND IN PINK UNDERWEAR! WITH RICARDO MONTALBAN!! WAKE UP!!!! npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1uf4…m5sy 50 cal Oerlikons fix a lot of shit. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1uf4…m5sy Melon Husk is a dickwipe. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle Note her blasé expression. She's like that all the time. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle Have they taken his fucking passports yet??? npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle Seriously... she's been a self-interested jerk for years. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle Pesky kittens interfering with COMMERCE! npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub13gx…6qf8 they ended that groundwater shit. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1uqr…ggjs you don't have to PAINT it... npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1vql…ds3z when you sell a Tesla, take it out into the desert and launch 15 RPGs into it, then bury it 300 feet down. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub10m2…wrqd WATCH OTHER NEWS. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1y0k…dhyh YO GABBARD GABBARD!!!! npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub10dv…3quy oh, wait... do they only means fucking huge fiberglass deathtraps with 600HP diesel engines?? npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub120t…5z9n domo arigato, mofos... npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1jwz…d2ah npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1y0k…dhyh has Dump called dickcheney? npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1y0k…dhyh oh. Right. Gotta let him finish his mcGriddle and diet Coke. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle Has dump said anything truly idiotic today, like "there should be a work requirement for getting Social Security?" npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1y0k…dhyh dump has moved on to starting his looting of the RNC. Easy money in larger quantities. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1y0k…dhyh every few years I realize Discover is still around. It's like realizing Diner's Club still exists. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1y0k…dhyh i haven't checked Goodwill... are they awash in Trumpy Bears lately? npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1y0k…dhyh odd. In western New York (no stranger to the Ice Age) we had lots of small early fossils like trilobytes and whatnot. I could walk 300 feet from our house and find them embedded in the limestone all day. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1y0k…dhyh he's an old trout, and she senses she doesn't have to put up with him any more. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1y0k…dhyh in the case down here, the guy is in his 70s. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub15va…wesc so, I guess Ted Cruz shouldn't come visit Oklahoma... npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1y0k…dhyh someone I know (exGF's voice teacher) got nine YEARS for this sort of thing. He's still in. They are middle-to-upper-middle class, by no means wealthy, but doing fine. Nine months seems like PFFFFT!! npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1y0k…dhyh he's in my top 5 of guys who squandered their goodwill, along with Cosby and OJ. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1y0k…dhyh i haven't been in a Home Depot in several years now. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub1y0k…dhyh it literally has never failed, and it was developed in part before I laid hands on any microcomputers, women, tractors, or giant wabbits. I have since learned it applies to cats and distributed computing systems and winemaking. npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle THE TURTLE'S FOUR RULES OF DEBUGGING: npub1jql2k88gt2g260qgastrld3z4k03wx20gxwsq6s70ru0m3dt8hrqtqqw3q The Turtle @npub15va…wesc what do cops have to do when (not if) they kill one?
