<unnamed>

Public Key

npub1c6z5ztjge4tu2d9re0cq73q368q7cm7fcwjcgs8j38qamxtr5tlssuq3gp

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsvdp2p9eyv6479xj3uhuq0gsgars0vdlyu8fvygregnswan9369lcprpmhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0d4hhxarj9ecxjmntqyqqzrthwden5te0dehhxtnvdakqz9rhwden5te0wfjkccte9ejxzmt4wvhxjmcz4tm37

Publishing to

relay.momostr.pink

nos.lol

relay.damus.io

Last Notes

2026-09-09 22:12:29 CEST

I hath seen my death, and it is salad-shaped

2026-09-06 07:38:30 CEST

Just went through a tunnel called Crucifix Lane next to Druid Street. Some of South London is wild.

2026-09-05 12:33:16 CEST

- reply

No one ever said I can't ride my horse

2026-09-05 12:17:12 CEST

I don't mean to brag, but I apparently absolutely annihilated the human land-speed record at #ParkRun this morning. Seriously - obliterated it. It felt slow but I must have been rocketing along.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/217/893/560/388/397/original/71c745a88723b917.jpg

2026-09-04 00:39:10 CEST

I apologise once again in a way that I don't at all mean for drawing your attentions toward a person or persons of interest who may or may not (but is) be someone who will immediately improve everything about your life within, throughout and across cyberspace and indeed real space and if you are Dennis Quaid (before he went mad)... Innerspace.
I'll be honest that was a confusing bunch of words. @npub1wac…fuj3 is brilliant and wonderful and a stone cold highlight of my timeline. Unless you're dead inside and a terrible person you should really be following her because she's a motherfucking delight who is also hilarious and warm and terrific I love everything about her but don't want to make things weird or anything so will just say.... yeah she's fine or whatever. 😎

2026-09-01 19:56:13 CEST

Run. Bum. I do not wanna. Running is insane thing to have to do just to, well, keep sane I suppose. We live in a dichotomous world. Upside down land. Call me neB. I really really don't want to run tonight. What I want is carbohydrate. And a lot of it. And also alcohol. And cigarettes. And oily things. And drugs. Whyyyyy. Why are we programmed thus? It is so terribly unfair. I am the most put-upon person, possibly ever. No one understands my troubles.

2026-09-01 14:36:17 CEST

- reply

Yes! It was me. Quite a few years of AFib and all the things that go with it. Really struggled. Changed my whole lifestyle and indeed life. Then, eventually - after much prevaricating to myself at why I didn't want the ablation - I eventually had it. Best thing I ever did. Took a few months, but completely sorted it. Did a 12k run Saturday, a 25k walk on Sunday, have an 8k run tonight and am putting my name in the ballot for next year's London half marathon. Crucially I can now walk up the road to the shops without collapsing - which is nice. Happy to talk about it and tell you about the process if you want. 😊 🫀

2026-09-01 04:00:01 CEST

It's like my old grandpappy used to say - it takes a hundred muscles to scroll but only one to fave

2026-08-31 13:36:43 CEST

Weird how people who don't AltText are also terrible in bed

2026-08-31 10:41:40 CEST

This was a bit interesting
Gen X is being squeezed out of the job market – here is the formula to get back in
https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gen-x-job-market-midlife-reset-b3039805.html

2026-08-31 09:14:35 CEST

- reply

In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Sucking the remnants of Bernard Manning off his fingers.

2026-08-30 15:41:09 CEST

- reply

I apparently took loads of these images. I don't want to get all Freud on my ass, but......y'know.....
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/184/742/551/611/635/original/bfe94476bd9ca746.jpg

2026-08-30 15:31:01 CEST

14k so far on my little solo jaunt. Lovely. Very affirming. Being at one with Mother Gaia. Becoming part of the ecosystem. Moving through the space as though a cell. Interacting with other cells - affecting (effecting?) microcosmic change. At one with the machine.
Interestingly - sticking with my personification of nature being a symbiotic system (which of course it is) - You'd be forgiven for thinking that England is essentially just a series of forest corridors. A vast secret network of tunnels, like leafy veins connecting all the areas of countryside. The weather is warm but muggy. Post-rain but also pre-rain. It feels like some shit's gonna go DOWN. And so I've made my way to a forest cafe and just ordered some food and a couple of ciders and am going to gather myself before the second leg of my journey. Lovely stuff. I bid you well, fellow travellers. X
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/184/702/671/230/901/original/fb512ca474ba8af7.jpg

2026-08-30 12:48:28 CEST

It's Chriiiiiiistmas. Merry Christmas everyone.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/184/059/291/411/707/original/72e5419f6022fda5.jpg

2026-08-29 20:38:01 CEST

I don't want to seem dramatic but someone has definitely stolen my shorts

2026-08-29 11:53:43 CEST

Lol :KINGPENG_PNG:
Britons lose £171 million worth of food a year to seagulls, research shows
https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/seagulls-steal-food-fish-chips-seaside-b3040262.html

2026-08-29 11:27:10 CEST

Happy Skynet day, everybody!
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/178/070/850/145/381/original/74c5db876e0fb935.webp

2026-08-29 09:02:56 CEST

We've all been there
https://news.sky.com/video/nap-out-of-hell-woman-wakes-up-to-find-a-live-bat-in-her-mouth-13578069

2026-08-26 18:51:31 CEST

Adventures on the bus....
Was chatting to my daughter on the phone and quietly letting her know there was a man getting on the bus with a scooter. So was quietly saying 'make up your mind, mate!' and went to take a picture of him, but then another guy jumped in the way and so I ended up just taking a picture of his arse. 👍
I then sat down next to a suited man who had NO IDEA about personal space, and spent the whole journey taking up two spaces and jostling me at every turn. He was also muttering profanities under his breath the whole time - not directed at me I don't think.
I then smelled a man who got on the bus who just smelt absolutely terrific. Is it appropriate to say? Hello old chap you smell marvellous please tell me your secrets.
The whole journey there were two women talking about men in a way I found genuinely offensive. Men aren't real men anymore. They've lost their skills. Skills like fixing things. Using tools and building stuff. IT IS 2026 I AM NOT A FUCKING HANDYMAN. Grow up.
Then a very very drunk chap got on. Struggled with his oyster card.... Bus driver opened his little cage and I thought uh-oh shit is about to go DOWN! He leaned in, and quietly said to the guy...... Sir.... you are flying low. To which he said thank you very much and zipped up his fly. Incredible scenes. What a guy.
A little kid got off the bus and did a big wave at the driver who made a point of stopping the bus pulling away so he could wave back!
Then another besuited person made a very big deal of waving and saying thanks, both as he got off the bus and then again when he walked past the doors.
I think I've got a celebrity bus driver.
Fin.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/162/813/380/161/462/original/25fce11d4421e644.jpg

2026-08-26 14:09:22 CEST

The weather where I currently am requires shorts and tshirt but with an overshirt but also sunglasses and suncream but also a raincoat and also....... constant vigilance.

2026-08-26 09:01:03 CEST

Just in case you haven't yet seen. 😊❤️
Wildlife Photographer of the Year 2026 – the best pictures so far
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cg7m5e3mylpo

2026-08-24 08:31:34 CEST

I am apparently NOT allowed under ANY circumstances to buy a drinks globe despite always wanting one.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/149/074/999/255/572/original/eb3f8b287ac3b190.jpg

2026-08-23 21:02:03 CEST

Monday again tomorrow fam
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/143/718/420/537/589/original/dc0a48d8f9d4aa8c.mp4

2026-08-23 16:12:31 CEST

IT'S HAPPENING
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/145/226/951/892/905/original/1b4c1d3743eb6624.png

2026-08-23 13:20:07 CEST

TIL the Netherlands hides massive rubbish bins underground so their streets stay clean 🤯
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/144/544/639/868/360/original/df6419adaf318578.mp4

2026-08-23 10:27:07 CEST

I am very opposed to other social media platforms. I try not to bang the drum too much - it's boring and negative and I believe in advocating the positives of Fedi rather than going on about everyone on twitter being a piece of shit or whatever. We all know they are. However there are many people on other platforms that I personally don't agree with, but who aren't caught up in their brains in the constant culture wars. Some people just want to go on Bluesky or TikTok or whatever and don't really care about who owns it or why. They just want cats and the funnies. I'm not here to shame those people. However I do get a bit cross about Instagram and Meta generally. In the piece of shit stakes, those companies and the people involved are intrinsically not good. Which is why it is so very frustrating that they are so good at monetising content that people want to engage with. For example a couple I've just found out about who spent all of their time and money converting an old school bus into a travelling paradise and now just bum around the world, funding their beautiful lifestyle through clicks and likes. Why. Why must it be that way. I want to follow their journey. Their hydroponic garden and pet jumping spider. I want them to live their glorious lives. But it cannot be separated from the machine that ruins lives and indeed our beautiful planet. It is very unfair. Do you know what the real issue is? Same as ever it's fuckn capitalism. In my utopia we shall all have a converted school bus with a wood-burning stove and a bath and a gaming station and 10-feet of kitchen counter top and a sexy wife and two dogs and an electronic awning.

2026-08-21 23:05:24 CEST

Oh my god
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/135/525/253/832/636/original/ee1a51a07ad87e89.mp4

2026-08-19 08:43:33 CEST

A M E N
'They don't deserve this beauty and this breathtaking fragility': Former Antarctic tour guides told researchers why they quit the troubling industry
https://www.livescience.com/planet-earth/climate-change/they-dont-deserve-this-beauty-and-this-breathtaking-fragility-former-antarctic-tour-guides-told-researchers-why-they-quit-the-troubling-industry

2026-08-19 07:36:21 CEST

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBovVndjXqQ

2026-08-17 20:34:16 CEST

1990s Aphex Twin cures all

2026-08-17 20:02:52 CEST

- reply

Not gonna lie I am very pleased with myself about this

2026-08-17 20:01:42 CEST

- reply

https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/112/152/420/426/414/original/1c14fb49d4956886.jpg

2026-08-17 20:00:23 CEST

- reply

Lovely big scarf. Why not.

2026-08-17 19:45:12 CEST

Imagine the first person to say 'I love you'. Really went out on a limb there. No one having previously expressed it. Then having to explain what they meant. Look..... You make me feel fizzy and mental inside. Like I have something medically wrong with me but in a good way. Please let me kiss your face and sing to you. I've brought you this..... pile of leaves? I'll be honest I don't know what time period I'm going for here.

2026-08-17 19:41:08 CEST

I think we should be listening to Lenny Kravitz more

2026-08-17 13:59:49 CEST

Who invented work. Commerce and such. What a silly old system. I belong in the fields. Toiling and tilling potatoes.

2026-08-16 09:58:30 CEST

How do we get more influencers to do this
The influencers getting bitten chasing the perfect shark shot
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5yvrn7rpqpo

2026-08-16 09:35:12 CEST

This is actually insane
Booksellers suspect AI firms are buying and then destroying rare books
https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2026/08/heres-a-balm-if-the-idea-of-destroying-books-to-train-ai-breaks-your-heart/

2026-08-16 09:11:42 CEST

Reading about films this morning - Lilly Wachowski is apparently trying to get a dystopian thriller financed but struggling because it's an all trans cast and the plot centers around a trans conspiracy. Which.... look I *am* interested in and power to her and I hope it gets made, buuuuuuuuut...... what really caught my eye is that she posted this - and I can find zero context for it (original alttext).
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/103/928/087/634/397/original/6030a49ea8624952.webp

2026-08-15 07:27:57 CEST

Ironic that our new Prime Minister authorised a rare national alert not to have bbqs when his name is literally Burn ham

2026-08-14 23:53:21 CEST

- reply

Why is nobody boosting this

2026-08-14 23:36:03 CEST

- reply

Take my word for it - there are a bunch of sexy Pokémon outfits online. Each to their own. I wouldn't say no to a sexy Pikachu I suppose but some are TOO FAR.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/096/007/452/481/674/original/236d5851ca400655.jpg

2026-08-14 23:31:44 CEST

- reply

What is happening
https://www.reddit.com/r/MandJTV/s/Z3zaH7UC3w

2026-08-14 23:29:50 CEST

- reply

Sorry I think it's the heat

2026-08-14 23:29:35 CEST

- reply

Gotta Pokém'all

2026-08-14 23:23:39 CEST

What happens if all the Pokémon fuck each other

2026-08-14 13:49:16 CEST

I need a haircut. Thought I'd look for a place near work. Apparently the closest place is called 'The Honest Barber'. Which frankly raises more questions than it answers.

2026-08-14 08:42:46 CEST

Good morning my Cholmondley-Warners. Whatever does today hold in store? Literally no one knows. But perhaps there is an algorithm that can predict it? Hang on, let me just punch the numbers into my little algorithm machine here....
BLEEP BLOOP BLORP
I'm getting something...... it's coming through.........
IT'S GOING TO BE A GREAT DAY! HOORAY! Thank goodness for that. No take backsies, sorry I don't make the rules. Have a great day, everybody! X

2026-08-12 18:25:30 CEST

I think we can all agree we've hit terminal velocity on review sites. Anything that has over a thousand reviews will be a combo of I HAD A GREAT TIME AMAZING LOVE TO GREG WHO IS JUST THE BEST I LOVE IT HERE, to THIS IS THE WORST PLACE I'VE EVER STAYED THERE WAS A POO IN THE SHOWER AND GREG DIDN'T SAY THANKS WHEN I TIPPED HIM, and a bunch of stuff in between. What we know for sure is that everyone and everything is sometimes a bit good and sometimes a bit shitty. That everyone is trying their best and even Greg can have the odd off-day. Give Greg a break, for gods sake. Give Greg a chance. Don't make him live out his whole entire life on Trip Advisor. HE IS A HUMAN BEING.

2026-08-12 08:36:45 CEST

Bonnie Tyler Day today, chums (at least in Tarragona and surrounds). But we should still get 92/93% in good old Blighty. A hopeful reminder that we are meaningless and nothing we do matters in the face of the Universe. You can't park there. Pay your taxes. Be nice to your sister. LOOK IN THE SKY, WE ARE NOTHING. So as I always say during every full solar eclipse, every 400 years or so I say this - don't forget that during the path of totality, all crime is legal. All bets are off. It's crime time, baby. Happy crimin' today, everybody. But don't forget to stop all criming when the Sun comes back out. Because the Sun is a fuckn cop. MOON GANG FOREVER.

2026-08-09 23:09:28 CEST

TIL some people can change the size of their pupils on command
"Some humans have the ability to exert direct and voluntary control over their iris sphincter muscles and dilator muscles, granting them the ability to dilate and constrict their pupils on command, regardless of lighting condition and/or eye accommodation state."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pupillary_response
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/067/583/021/394/173/original/1143900cc49bdb91.mp4

2026-08-09 15:00:20 CEST

- reply

Hi. We destroyed a piece of art because we are in it and don't like that it points out our widespread failings. We spent an absolutely obscene amount of money doing this. Everyone now feel sorry for us please.

2026-08-09 14:43:10 CEST

This weird attempt to try and smear Banksy only highlights that the MoJ spent an absolute fortune washing a bit of paint off a wall from an artist much loved by most people. I'm sure the same cannot be said for the MoJ.
Bristol artist Banksy's works cost taxpayers nearly £150k
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2vnny7j5zo

2026-08-09 14:27:54 CEST

- reply

The full video (worth a watch - I absolutely love how angry she is)
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/065/544/028/814/612/original/7e731bc21e869b7f.mp4

2026-08-09 14:26:22 CEST

We interrupt your scheduled broadcast to bring you an important message
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/065/535/342/053/492/original/1278366f429c8929.mp4

2026-08-09 10:44:00 CEST

Have you ever wondered what Monty Python and the Holy Grail would look like sped up and with every spoken word in the film placed in alphabetical order? Wonder no more, friends.
And Grail Holy Monty Python
https://vimeo.com/1215576459

2026-08-06 16:51:12 CEST

Florence and the Machine lied to us
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/049/097/527/131/162/original/0c5418ae451ad07c.jpg

2026-08-01 07:00:05 CEST

This is incredible. All! Literally everything in creation! Crisps, the FIFA Presidency, garibaldi biscuits, trams, Graham Souness, every piece of gravel, the Padel tournament, the entire back catalogue of the Beastie Boys, every kind of watermelon, pubic lice, my bedsheets, the power of the sun, 700 trillion cubic meters of sand, every dog cat and mouse and also komodo dragon, the concept of peace, every nuclear weapon, the Taj Mahal, all of the moons, the Iberian Peninsula, you, me, every crab, night terrors, every penis ever invented, all of the shoes, every oxygen particle on Earth.... I could go on. It's too much I think in my opinion.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/117/018/456/462/440/589/original/d7634d23cecfae91.jpg

2026-08-01 03:07:27 CEST

Her name was Lola, she was a shōgun

2026-07-31 21:35:54 CEST

Through a sequence of events I do not care to explain, I hath conjured forth curry for 14 people. It's..... a lotta curry.

2026-07-31 14:02:30 CEST

Do you think anyone has gone actually mad from hold music? Total psychotic break. One moment just sat there listening to some awful jaunty two-tone piece of shit music and the next..... frothing at the mouth rabid.

2026-07-31 09:24:09 CEST

I know technology is the new devil but if I could I would totally Lawnmower Man myself and live inside the Fediverse

2026-07-30 08:24:22 CEST

- reply

Hooray! Glorb Glorb brother, and a thousand blessings to Miwnalokekeka. When are we going to take over this planet?

2026-07-30 08:07:00 CEST

I often marvel that there must be vast universes within others as there are within me. Infinite planets marching through their orbits into entropy. Endless swirling clusters of nebulae. A trillion trillion stars exploding into life and slowly fading again, consuming themselves with unimaginable power. Incomprehensible. Inconceivable. And then sometimes I look at a person and think..... yeah that's not all going on inside. Am I alone? Am I the only person? Maybe I was born different. Maybe I'm not of this world. Maybe I'm the One True Messiah. Anyway, morning world! Let's do this! Whatever the heck day it is (time isn't real). LOVE YOU. X

2026-07-27 08:13:43 CEST

I refuse to start the week on a cross note, buuuut... there is a woman on the bus who's been having an animated telephone conversation with her friend on loudspeaker the whole journey. I don't wish her harm. I don't. But it's sort of fascinating that someone would choose to do that. It's so spectacularly rude and unaware. My brain is telling me that a reasonable response would be to go and sit in the seat right next to her and loudly make dolphin noises into her ear. I realise this is irrational. Let us hope instead one day she finds herself in a situation where her peace is broken by another inconsiderate stranger and she learns a lesson fr-oh no, is this my lesson for a past transgression? This is my comeuppance, isn't it? My petard. Well consider me hoisted. I shall never be rude or inconsiderate again. SORRY UNIVERSE YOU'VE MADE YOUR POINT. Anyway have a great day, everybody! X

2026-07-26 09:13:19 CEST

I hate to do posts that seem like sort of humblebrags designed to cynically drive engagement. This isn't that. But.... this bears saying. I was in a situation yesterday - an all day training course - with a lot of people who are trying to make the world better. People at the cutting edge of social justice. As left wing as it gets. There was shouting, fists in the air and people referring to one another as comrade. All walks of life were in representation. But. In one of the exercises - a scenario with role play - there was a clear example of a non-gendered person, and people just could not understand that instead of referring to a female-coded name, they should be referring to them as they/them instead of she/her. I found myself the only person in a group of maybe 30 people who had to openly and vocally say - no, it's they/them. It is not her/she(bar). No one really understood and I had to say 'sorry everyone, but this person isn't gendered' and they all looked at me like I was mental and carried on referring to the person in the female gender. I did it like 4 times. Do people in the wider universe (ie. Not Fedi or my brain) not understand this? I feel like in 2026 this isn't some kind of ineffable concept. Am I weird? I don't feel like I am (well I definitely am, but not in this) and it's not *that* difficult to understand? I was going to start calling the he's she's and the she's he's in the group to drive the point home, but thought that might be a step too far. Hopefully I made my point and they'll (THEY'LL) think about it later. But, dudes. If you can fight the good fight for the people, you can at least understand some people are non-binary?

2026-07-25 22:52:19 CEST

This is apparently a 'tea tin' and I've been told to stop saying that 'grandad is in there'
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/982/588/985/310/345/original/6d99b910cc25adf9.jpg

2026-07-24 18:08:50 CEST

I don't mean to seem horribly repressed, but people that walk about pushing babies in buggies - don't they know we're all thinking the same thing - we all know that they've *whisper* had s e x

2026-07-23 10:55:57 CEST

HIVE MIND!
I am trying to get a piece of custom jewellery made for my daughter. I am looking for a local independent person to set a stone in reclaimed silver for a necklace. The person I found has withdrawn because they're too busy and I can't find anyone else! I'm looking in Bromley, Croydon region. I realise this is a long shot but wondered if you might be able to help. What I DON'T want is someone who's based in London who ALSO covers Bromley or Croydon. What I DON'T want is an established jewellery shop. What I ideally want is a struggling artist, working from home, who would genuinely benefit from a commission and who wouldn't mind me shouting about them.
Thank you very much indeed. 😊❤️

2026-07-23 08:10:24 CEST

Do not read the news, people. No good can come from it. I got lured in by a headline of good news of something I'm interested in, but then sadly immediately got smashed in the face with ridiculously evil people doing ridiculously evil things. It would be comical if only it wasn't. If we must have news of Americans being patriotic, let it please be more of this instead, which I approve of....
https://apnews.com/article/minnesota-tallest-nutcracker-record-874bdb9df6a4e6e576ffd7c6d977176a

2026-07-21 07:09:54 CEST

Wes Streeting to declare defence budget spiralling out of control due to an over-pathologisation of military need. 'I'm not saying the army is a big bunch of lazy layabout scroungers', said Streeting. 'I'm simply saying that too many military people have been written off through allowing them to think they need shoes or rifles or whatever, and that an enquiry is needed to help support them to live their life without any basic equipment or training or accommodation.'
Hooray for Wes Streeting. I would like to do an enquiry on what I think Wes Streeting requires in support. And my assessment will likely find a very large margin of variance to what he think he needs. I will find he needs to live up a tree covered in bullet ants with people throwing old tomatoes at him 24 hours a day until he's sorry, instead of being in government.

2026-07-18 19:38:55 CEST

I HAD A LOVELY DAY!
winwinwinwinwinwinwin
Huzzah! There's too much to unpack, frankly. I did a big walk. I went up a motherfucking cliff. I touched the ocean and got my feet wet. I collected some pebbles (I know I know - I had special dispensation for these ones). I got a bunch of air and sun into my big stupid face and blackened soul. I sat on an old fort on the beach and read my book with my top off like a sexy homeless person. I scared a man in a toilet. I made a deliberate noise near some golfers. I discovered a pub on a station platform. I spoke to some strangers. I spoke to a woman cooking sausages on the beach. I made best friends with a newsagent. I witnessed the sun dipping low across the water that made me feel a way that is impossible to describe in words. I met a child! I met a cat! Seaford is not really as beautiful as they say. It's another seaside town with all of its myriad issues. Pluses and minuses. But I had a lovely time and am very glad I dragged my sorry ass out of the house. I feel vindicated. Sure, it wasn't an epic odyssey. But I'll take it. I like to think in a parallel universe there's a version of me who didn't go out and just stewed at home all day and feels sadly unfulfilled. But because I am autistic up and indeed out of the wazoo, I also hope that version of me finds joy in a different way and ultimately thrives. I love that little guy. Go Ben! I'm now going to do the journey home with my book and a couple of cheeky tins and then I'm going to make myself Hawaiian cheeseburgers and eat a bunch of chips. Huzzah! I love you goodbye. X

2026-07-18 15:06:38 CEST

Whilst it's important to let ones hair down when ones family has gone away and one has a free house, it's not the absolute greatest idea to pour a Guiness World Record amount of wine into ones big stupid face on the first night. However, as though guided by the healing hands of Asclepius himself, one has semi-recovered, forced ones self out of the house, and is now set out on an adventure towards the coast with nothing but hope and a dream, and a backpack filled with snacks and drinks and a book and a spare tshirt because I'm wearing my gym gear because it's comfortable, although also neon pink. DEAL WITH IT! How much adventure can one get upto leaving the house at 2 in the afternoon? Let's find out. X

2026-07-18 13:54:34 CEST

All science is made up. I reckon this is just a monkey who looks a bit different from his mates. But underneath they're all just monkeys. You can't say this ones got orange lips he's a new monkey. A secret orange lip monkey never before discovered. Maybe he's just had whatever monkeys have for cheese puffs. Monkeypuffs. What am I talking about.
New monkey species with orange lips discovered in forests of DR Congo
https://news.sky.com/story/new-monkey-species-with-orange-lips-discovered-in-forests-of-dr-congo-13563944

2026-07-18 11:46:37 CEST

Meta
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/940/337/409/703/889/original/25caf9043ff52bab.mp4

2026-07-17 08:06:02 CEST

GoooooooOOOOOOOD MORNING FEDINAM! I hope you are bloody TERRIFIC this morning. Really top-tier superfantastic. It's Friday (Fri-bloody-yay morelike). Consider the humble toaster. Look at this lil fella, left in the dead of night like a crime outside a charity shop. Imagine what adventures this little guy has seen. Why have I gendered toasters as male? Who knows mate. Does it have any traits one might inherently say are male? Is there such a thing? Being a dick probably is what you're going to reply. Putting bread in and it comes out brown? That's just human though isn't it. Anyway sorry GOOD MORNING. Have a day, everybody. X
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/933/806/840/124/877/original/2fd61314dab84eeb.jpg

2026-07-16 20:52:06 CEST

After a bit of a late night and then putting in a solid 10 hours work I've just been and done an 8k woodland run. I think I might be the best person in the world? Sorry everyone. If I'm the bar we're all fucked.

2026-07-14 22:21:17 CEST

I DID A RUN
It was very very hot. It was very very good and positive and I feel terrific. You know when you feel good and everything just seems to fall into place.... That's right this is a new me. I am a positive Peter now. That's my whole vibe. Finished my run and felt great. Car wouldn't start. Totally dead. Told everyone not to worry and I'd sort it out. Tried calling a mechanic friend but no response. No matter. I would simply leave the car and walk home and sort it out tomorrow night. But then..... from the only other car for miles around emerges a man. A man with the air of capability and knowledge. He produces a battery starter. Says don't worry about things and that he'll sort it out. Does all the wirey stuff and tells me to turn it over. Starts immediately. He's then gone. Vanishes in a puff of smoke. Did I imagine him? Was it..... an angel? Probably. I've been chosen by the heavens. No big deal. Turns out I'm the chosen one. Just FYI.

2026-07-13 20:00:15 CEST

Not saying I'm tired from my new job but at lunchtime I went and had a little sleep in the park (like the good old days). I was very tired and a bit hot and stressed on the way home and had to go to the shops for the kids because I've apparently raised them incapable of looking after themselves, then proceeded to have a heated argument with 19 about sanitary products (FYI menstruators, 'just get the blue one' is insufficient information when there are literally infinite choices) and then as I got to the till hot and bothered, and was trying to load my bag EFFICIENTLY, I put my extra large organic cucumber right through the foil top of my coconut yoghurt. It went everywhere. And then the kindly woman at the counter insisted on taking the cucumber off me and vigorously cleaning off the globs of white yoghurt all over it. Everyone looked at me and I'm pretty sure I'm now on a register for sex-vegetables or whatever. I now have to do CHORES and would quite like to sit down. I hope you are having a tremendous evening and didn't also accidentally end up in a porno. 👍

2026-07-12 10:43:40 CEST

Saw this on my very long getting lost in the woods walk yesterday, which (WITCH MORELIKE) I enjoyed enormously.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/906/108/967/830/212/original/262db185fef7b971.jpg

2026-07-12 10:23:40 CEST

Wife is away and just messaged the family group to say good morning and ask what everyone's upto today. I responded....
[12/07, 09:07] Ben: We are all dead and are now ghosts so mainly haunting and a bit of floating about
[12/07, 09:10] Ben: I went back to sleep after texting you earlier and just had a dream about having a difficult poo and some toilet attendants making fun of me as a bus load of people stopped outside the full wall window and could also see in. LEAVE ME ALONE I AM HAVING A DIFFICULT TOILET. What do you think it means?
[12/07, 09:15] Ben: Apparently a very common dream and people think it's about letting go of emotional baggage or feeling vulnerable to societal standing. I do feel quite a lot better for having my horrible dream poo tbf and I did feel like everyone in chiselhurst yesterday was beautiful and tall and all drove brand new top of the range cars whilst I was very hot and sweaty and am a small dumpy homunculus in a little red car like a cartoon person. Maybe that's what it was. Well I'm very sorry society, but you'll just have to take me as I am. I am terrific and just as valid as any of those other guys. I contribute to society JUST the same. In your stupid FACE, dream.
To which youngest replied...
"It's too early for this."
🤣🤣🤣
If you're ever wondering if people are the same irl as on Fedi.

2026-07-08 20:55:03 CEST

I am extraordinarily happy tonight, you beautiful beings. That is all. ❤️ X

2026-07-07 22:06:45 CEST

Been a bit slammed lately. Loooot of duties. Stayed up late last night aswell after being told yesterday afternoon 'oh it's French day tomorrow in work, you just have to make and bring in some French food'. Now. It's not their fault. They don't know what I'm like and I've kept the ND on the DL - for no particular reason other than I don't really want to talk about it outside of Fedi, and I managed to get most of the way through my work life before Dx and just DIDN'T WANNA. However it meant that I then had to make a pissaladière and for some reason also a Madeleines CAKE (I've lost my pan somehow so just invented a cake version - although I'm probably not the first person to think of it) to take in for 7am today. What did other people bring in, I hear you ask? 4 people brought in a baguette from sainsbury's, one person brought in a bulb of garlic and one person really pushed the boat out and bought 4 sad-looking chocolatines (I WILL NOT CALL THEM PAIN AU CHOCOLATS). I'm half joking. One person (my new nemesis, apparently) made two quiches and some ratatouille, and others brought in cheeses and charcuterie etc. I failed to get a picture of the cake (which came out rather well and was a big hit - I made two small ones sandwiching some citrus frosting), but here is my excellent tart. I really downplayed it by saying 'look guys it's not a competition but if it were I would be the winner, in all of your faces', which I think was the grown up thing to do.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/880/482/000/176/703/original/41593b4cefce1ef4.jpg

2026-07-05 12:29:24 CEST

I think the World Cup should be food-based. Hot dogs Vs Paella. Bacalhau com Natas Vs Fondue. Jollof Vs Fårikål. Chiles en Nogada Vs Greggs sausage roll. I will be the judge. I volunteer. I think I'm hungry. HERE COMES HARRY KANE WITH A CHICKEN TIKKA MASALA. Lovely. Let's watch that in replay. He's a national treasure. Straight past Mbappés moules frites. VAR calls cassoulet.

2026-06-30 23:10:33 CEST

STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING!
You should be listening to some blues rock and roll

2026-06-30 07:22:56 CEST

This is exciting. CERN bids farewell to the Large Hadron Collider and enters the Long Shutdown 3; a major programme of maintenance, consolidation, upgrades and installation work that will prepare the Laboratory for the next phase - the High-Luminosity Large Hadron Collider (HiLumi LHC).
https://home.cern/cern-bids-farewell-to-the-lhc-and-enters-long-shutdown-3/

2026-06-28 18:57:23 CEST

Punctuation
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/828/785/870/288/979/original/4380665e65fc6c3f.jpg

2026-06-28 09:16:18 CEST

Had a really terrific evening with my little brother in law last night. We get on so well and it's so nice to go and hang out in male company that isn't sports or booze related but just an easy night. If you're ever looking for alternatives, I strongly recommend Turkish spots. Never even really occurred to me before but of course it's where all the cool young Black people go out on a Saturday night because there's a higher contingent of Muslims? So semi outdoor music and food places where you can have shisha and aren't primarily geared towards alcohol. Extremely lovely vibes. Feel like I've discovered something that will make a material difference in my life. Increasingly people are cutting out alcohol and it's been challenging finding out what that means for their / our relationship, when so much historically has been based around the drinking culture in the UK. So I absolutely love that we can pivot away from that and still go to slightly edgy bar-vibe places, and partake in ridiculous coffee and shisha to still feel 'vicey' but ultimately remove the alcohol element. They also sell beer there and I saw some people have one or two, so we said we'd get all the brothers down there for a night out as it would be a very unifying environment, giving everyone what they need. I also imagine would be great for the meat eaters aswell.
So we went to this place for 'pre-match' and was going to wander up to try and blag our way into a social club after (I reckoned we could pretend to be members and it would be less messy than a pub) but it turned out this Turkish place was showing the football anyway and also had a belly dancer! Something I didn't know I needed. All football matches should involve belly dancers somehow. Can we somehow have a match with a team of belly dancers? I feel like I've said belly dancers too much. Is that the right expression or is that sexist?
TLDR - turns out I can watch the football sober as long I replace beer with Turkish coffee. Had about 8 pints.
Edit - link if anyones interested - https://helvadere.co.uk/

2026-06-24 08:45:39 CEST

Look at this shit someone just sent me
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/803/731/876/793/672/original/3ed975056bbe90cf.jpg

2026-06-24 08:14:55 CEST

Have a great day, everybody. Drink more water than you think you need. Be patient with others. Be kind to yourselves. This heat is a new experience to the majority of our small island and people are overwhelmed and frightened. Frustrated and angry. Politically things are a mess. Many will have stayed up late to watch the football, drinking alcohol. I can only imagine those struggling with self service checkout tills losing their goddamned minds today. I've just walked to the bus stop and am drenched. This isn't our fault. We are not culpable. If you don't feel like you can do the thing today you don't have to do the thing. If anyone asks, tell them Ben said it was OK and they can talk to me if they've got a problem with it. Look after yourselves, fam. Hope you all have a day without adversity. X

2026-06-23 19:52:44 CEST

My wife's just said to someone on the phone 'wow you're very thorough, aren't you' and I don't know if it's the most devastating putdown she's ever used or if she's flirting with him

2026-06-23 08:14:03 CEST

Websites that place the button you use to engage in the middle of the page then seconds after the page loads it suddenly leaps to one side to be replaced by a subscribe now button. Who do you think you're fooling? Do you think I will accidentally sign up? Oh no I pressed the subscribe button instead of the play this puzzle button. Welp, suppose that's me done now I better just give you all of my bank details. Get over yourselves, Moriarty.

2026-06-22 22:24:05 CEST

Society has collapsed. Technology, turned against us. Global leaders fail to anticipate the speed of deterioration, whilst scientists, unheeded, watch on in horror as things begin to exponentially fall apart. The collapse of whole financial systems. Governments, no longer able to meet the basic needs of the populace withdraw to vanity bunkers.
Sold by eager opportunists to the 1%. A toy to show their friends. Structurally unsound and poorly designed for any real-world situation. Walls and ceilings seismically untested. Air systems with no redundancies. Interestingly, the longest surviving bunker dwellers are those in the Zuckerberg Hawaii compound and make it 17 months before the last remaining cannibal perishes. It is not Zuckerberg - who makes it only 5 weeks in, beating the record previously set by Amazon's Jeff Bezos who makes it barely 8 days before being consumed by his staff. The Earth is silent. The constant thrum of humanity replaced by clicks and creaks from the animals and trees. And yet..... on one small island, life goes on. A metastasized version of civilisation. The elders of the Love Island rule with an iron fist. No law but eugenics. Enormous titted creatures roam the beaches seeking out food. Those born with a want of knowledge are hunted. Deep in the jungle live The Readers. A quiet fearful people. But among them one day one is prophesied to rise. To lead them into the light. One day their time will come. To throw away their thongs and once again live in the light. One day their time will come.

2026-06-21 15:15:57 CEST

Having a very lovely FD (fathers day), with my three mostly grown up children working together to produce burger and chips over a 3 hour period and completely destroying my kitchen. Points where I was asked to get involved.....
- How do you do chips?
- Is vinegar safe to use in sauce?
- How do you defrost a burger?
- How do you cook a burger?
- Do you eat the stone of an avocado?
One of my children is 27 and has lived in her own place for many years. I'm now deeply concerned about how she's been sustaining herself.

2026-06-21 14:26:45 CEST

Fun fact! There are 79% more visually impaired people that use Fedi as their primary social media in this statistic I just made up. Therefore when you don't use AltText on your images, you're severely limiting the range of your posts. Some people seem to put a lot of effort into a post then attach an image with no descriptors, which is essentially like posting a blank nothing. A huge waste of your time and the time of many others. Not only our lovely thriving visually impaired community, but also the overwhelming majority of others who will likely choose not to engage with your no doubt excellent but limited content. It's such an easy fix that benefits you personally - assuming you want people to actually see and engage with your posts and they're not a secret you're trying to hide. And it makes you lovely and inclusive and like the sort of person people want to support and engage with.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/788/076/002/808/803/original/93e92ee327224fc3.jpg

2026-06-21 11:22:20 CEST

I AM HAVING CHEESECAKE FOR BREAKFAST

2026-06-21 01:05:05 CEST

We didn't deserve George Michael

2026-06-20 08:56:25 CEST

New York, London, Paris, Munich, everybody talk about.... pop music
(Shooby-dooby-doo-wop)

2026-06-19 07:44:27 CEST

Sorry to get all street lingo on your arses, but who on Earth is having a big spliff joint of weed cannabis at half past six of a morning? I don't begrudge people their joy/escape, but surely that's the equivalent of cartoon-bonging yourself in the face with a shovel then having to walk around all day with concussion. Or.... maybe it's the answer to everything. I'm not the authority or moral arbiter of anything. Wait. Should I be smashing myself in the face with shovels first thing in the morning?

2026-06-19 06:50:06 CEST

Daddy Long Legs is such a weirdly overtly sexual name for an insect. Who's naming this stuff?