follow my onionfans

fellas, if your savior:<li>can turn water into wine</li><li>can make bread</li><li>is risen</li>
that's not your savior. that's a colony of fermenting microorganisms

2025-11-29 18:22:00 UTC

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i think that's all it's really doing in the first place. even search doesn't work now

2025-11-29 18:12:40 UTC

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the instructions on the package say 170. i told him that sounds fine. i don't understand why that answer isn't good enough for him but I'm kind of enjoying watching him suffer

2025-11-29 18:11:03 UTC

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AI is the future

2025-11-29 18:10:56 UTC

dad is currently yelling at Alexa because he can't get it to give him a number for the internal temperature for cooking turkey; every time he asks it gives him an oven temperature

2025-10-09 20:27:45 UTC

beautiful women named Potential Spam are ringing my phone off the hook

2025-09-14 19:34:45 UTC

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you can design an economy to facilitate the solving of people's material problems, or you can design it to facilitate the accumulation of wealth. economics as it is practiced is not a science but a body of propaganda whose aim is to convince the general public that these two design goals are not manifestly at odds with one another.

2025-09-14 19:24:07 UTC

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even if you take economics seriously (and you shouldn't), the only thing its own principles actually tell you competition will optimize is commodity prices. do that if you want but if you want literally anything else to work you really need to put it in the hands of humans who have the means and motive to make it work properly, because otherwise what you get is an entire economy that's just amazon

2025-09-14 19:11:51 UTC

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they replaced the economy with a freakin cookie clicker

2025-09-14 19:09:31 UTC

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you gotta give people food and shelter, give them the resources they need to solve the problem you want solved, and leave them the fuck alone until they solve it. that's the only thing that's ever worked and it's the only thing that will ever work. and what we've done instead is build a hyper-optimized society-scale machine that pushes the people who do the actual work into precarity to juice a number that doesn't matter and said "eh, supply and demand will sort it all out."

2025-09-14 18:54:21 UTC

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america is ideologically, almost religiously, committed to the idea that markets magically optimize for all the things we care about in the economy, and so much of the stupid bullshit making everything worse is just a consequence of the fact that (a) that isn't true and (b) the hacks politicians have come up with to try to force reality to agree with that idea also don't work

2025-09-14 18:51:35 UTC

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"yeah patents suck, but without them the free market is incapable of incentivizing innovation" sounds like a really strong argument that relying on the market to drive innovation is a stupid fucking idea

2025-09-14 18:50:35 UTC

lb: isn't it funny how any criticism of IP law is immediately shut down with the argument that without IP protection, there would be no incentive to innovate, and yet in practice the IP system we have actively makes things worse

2025-09-13 03:08:24 UTC

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also remember when you'd check the box that says "keep me logged in" and it would fucking WORK

2025-09-13 03:07:16 UTC

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computers used to be fun and now five guys in silicon valley get paid forty trillion dollars every year to make them fucking suck

2025-09-13 03:05:18 UTC

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the username and password have long been automated, but now it sends a login code to your e-mail, so you gotta log in to that, which involves another usename and password and a 2fa text message, then by the time you sort all that out the original login code is expired, so you've gotta send it again, which requires you to solve three captchas while drinking a glass of water upside down, then you put it in and it logs you in and you close the private browsing window you used to open gmail before trying to do the actual thing you wanted to do in the first place, at which point the site decides you need to go through the entire 2fa workflow again

2025-09-13 03:01:59 UTC

remember when if you wanted to log in to a website you would put in your user name and password and you would be logged in

2025-06-17 17:21:14 UTC

my favorite fedi phenomenon is artists learning that xenia exists, posting fan art, and immediately finding out that everyone loves that

2025-06-05 23:09:53 UTC

the world has moved past the need for "emotions are what make us human; aliens don't understand emotion" sci-fi. the world yearns for "obviously any species with the social cohesion necessary to develop interstellar travel is going to be highly emotionally attuned and in fact they're fucking mortified at the way humans treat each other" sci-fi.

2025-03-03 20:21:36 UTC

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the actual problem with proposition 65 is the assumption that manufacturers can be shamed into not poisoning their customers.

2025-03-03 20:16:32 UTC

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"the problem with prop 65 is that it doesn't distinguish between potato chips and benzene" look. potato chips have the warning because they contain acrylamide, which is one of those chemicals where we know occupational exposure is harmful and we know it causes cancer in rodents, but we don't know whether consuming it at the levels found in fried food is harmful. should the label say that the acrylamide in potato chips is "known to cause cancer?" probably not! does that mean that we shouldn't bother warning consumers about health hazards that are less certain or less severe than *benzene*? also no!!

2025-03-03 20:09:31 UTC

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the worst of this is the way people react to prop 65 warnings. "oh this only causes cancer in the state of california" 🙄 "everything has these warnings so they're useless" that's not the problem! "the regulation is well-intentioned but it fails because it includes everything, even silica. apparently glass is carcinogenic!" it is if you breathe it in! the actual entry is "Silica, crystalline (airborne particles of respirable size)"

2025-03-03 19:43:25 UTC

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there is nothing more american than being too stupid to take five seconds to figure out why things are the way they are and being smug about it

2025-03-03 19:42:12 UTC

sometimes i read a take like "what is the world coming to if a package of nuts needs a warning label that says 'contains nuts'" and i think maybe america actually does deserve everything it gets

2025-02-20 06:38:04 UTC

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in my case it's nvidia<code>sjo@vorash:~$ sudo modinfo nvidia-current | grep parm | wc -l 42 sjo@vorash:~$ ls /sys/module/nvidia/parameters ls: cannot access '/sys/module/nvidia/parameters': No such file or directory </code>
(idk what's up with the -current suffix, there are a bunch of modules like that)

2025-02-19 20:19:27 UTC

found the perfect stackoverflow question:
https://serverfault.com/questions/62316/how-do-i-list-loaded-linux-module-parameter-values
this question was asked fifteen years ago, has 127 upvotes, is two sentences long, and has seven answers, every single one of which has completely ignored half of the question.

2025-02-15 02:58:45 UTC

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no specifics but yeah that corroborates my experience trying to build cloud products on top of any kind of special hardware. the hardware vendors in every case may as well be living on another planet when it comes to things like security or software lifecycle

2025-02-15 02:56:09 UTC

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"we could have just done what the vendor expects integrators to do and chuck their software on a shitty vanilla Linux server but we care about things like security and that made life a nightmare" mmmm HMMM

2025-02-15 02:54:01 UTC

https://fly.io/blog/wrong-about-gpu/ 👀

2025-02-05 23:16:17 UTC

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i think the most important thing you can do as a programmer is dabble in as many languages as possible, if for no other reason than to open your eyes to the fact that things don't *have* to suck like this.

2025-02-05 23:10:17 UTC

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yes i'm saying C and C++ aren't real programming languages. they're research languages, but in contrast to the usual, academic sort of research, in the case of C it means starting with a real programming language, stripping out everything you don't need to write hello world, then adding everything back in piecemeal as you independently rediscover why it was necessary in the first place, and in the case of C++ it means starting with C, piling on a bunch of shit some committee of Guys reckons will work, then waiting ten years to see what fails spectacularly so you can remove it in another fifteen.

2025-02-05 23:04:00 UTC

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see i understand that C is not actually a subset of C++, because there are certain incompatibilities, but i also think that if you think those incompatibilities are significant enough to warrant getting mad over calling it C/C++ then you need to touch grass and/or learn a real programming language

2025-02-05 23:00:15 UTC

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you bristle at the practice of referring to "C/C++" because they're different languages and you don't respect one of them. i refer to them as C/C++ because i don't respect either.

2025-02-05 22:58:53 UTC

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you see the problem with C/C++ is that there aren't enough incompatible integer types already

2025-02-05 22:57:47 UTC

uchar7_t

2025-01-12 11:15:02 UTC

"shell programming can be hair-pullingly error-prone, but with a simple one-liner you can overcome most of the shell's limitations"
"you mean set -euo pipefail? i mean it helps but it's not really—"
"no I'm talking about exec python3"

2025-01-12 11:09:17 UTC

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if visiting programmerhumor is and act of self-harm, recommending programmercirclejerk is an act of violence
( ♥️ )

2025-01-12 10:43:16 UTC

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yeah...

2025-01-12 10:34:40 UTC

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this is literally just "be bisexual, eat hot chip, and lie" played straight
https://media.tech.lgbt/media_attachments/files/113/814/916/943/886/613/original/ad57b9f34207a779.jpg

2025-01-12 10:26:24 UTC

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reddit programmers have two jokes: <li>haha we're all bad at our jobs</li><li>fuckin broads</li>

2025-01-12 10:24:38 UTC

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update: well i was gonna say this this shit is too boring to be mad about but then i noticed the misogyny so

2025-01-12 10:13:53 UTC

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think I'm gonna pull up r/programmerhumor to have something less consequential to be mad about

2025-01-12 10:08:54 UTC

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fire everyone and put autistic people in charge of everything tbh

2025-01-12 10:01:46 UTC

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dear brain, you will never find yourself in a situation where you'll need to be prepared to give a passioned critique of the semiotics of criminality grounded in the epistemological philosophy of american law and if you did you'd just end up pissing off the judge anyway, so please just give it a rest and go to sleep

2025-01-12 09:58:25 UTC

really wish I'd gotten the "manic pixie dream girl" adhd and not the "lying awake in bed at four in the morning mentally simulating a courtroom drama" adhd

2025-01-02 21:02:36 UTC

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i love how "terminally exhausted ambiguously millennial/gen-z youtuber reviews obviously awful product/service so you don't have to" is an entire genre

2025-01-02 20:58:32 UTC

> I Tried DISNEY ADULT Dating Websites
oh honey nooo

2024-12-27 07:53:13 UTC

the openai/ms agi definition thing is so funny. "AGI is when the computer makes a lot of money, and the more money it makes the more G the AI is." perfect. i cannot top this comedically

2024-12-12 21:56:00 UTC

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do you think i could convince the suckless dweebs that malloc should be considered harmful and every program should reserve all its memory with a single global 64k array

2024-12-12 21:52:39 UTC

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i think that garbage collection is cool actually and if you want to be a big tough weenie about your programming chops then you should put your money where your mouth is and stop using dynamic memory allocation entirely

2024-12-12 21:46:01 UTC

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i think it's very funny that modern computer touchers have decided that reference counting isn't garbage collection and i'm like 60% sure it's just because computer touching culture spent a few generations under the control of the kind of guy who thinks garbage collection is for babies, but you can do reference counting in C so it must not be the same kind of thing

2024-12-12 21:43:31 UTC

[extremely "looking to start a fight" voice] of course it's possible to write an OS kernel in a garbage-collected language. even linux has ref-counted kobjects :neocat_smug:

2024-12-04 23:31:16 UTC

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it's hit-and-miss. i'm sure it's an a/b testing thing but i have definitely run into the "oh it's just ignoring negation now" thing before. of course proper boolean search hasn't worked for a very long time

2024-12-04 22:52:12 UTC

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capitalism, ad tech specifically, and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race

2024-12-04 22:50:18 UTC

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you didn't have to pose your query in the form of a question, you didn't have to exchange pleasantries with a machine pretending to be a person (we had chatbots for that), you didn't have to deal with AI or SEO slop or a million scrapers mirroring reddit and stackoverflow. you just thought about what you wanted to know, turned it into three or four keywords, typed "vegetable soup cooking time" or whatever into the little box, hit enter, and it would find a website, written by an actual, living breathing human, containing those words clustered near each other and you could pretty damned reliably pull up just about anything this way. if it didn't exist, the search engine didn't try to pull a convincing-looking lie out of thin air, it just *said so*.

2024-12-04 22:45:06 UTC

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kids you don't understand you used to be able to type the information you wanted to know into the search bar on google.com and it would just *do* it. it was like magic

2024-12-04 22:43:04 UTC

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why does every search engine try to turn every search into a query specifically for the most useless listicles on earth. who is searching for "best xyz."

2024-12-04 22:41:09 UTC

jesus christ i fucking hate modern tech
i tried to search for "vegetable soup cooking time" and ddg just straight up said "fuck you i've decided you're searching for 'best vegetable soup recipe' instead"
i took a screenshot and told it to back it up but it doesn't show up anywhere in google photos

2024-10-27 20:00:25 UTC

oh shout out to the toyota truck commercial I just saw explicitly saying that if you buy their murderwagon you will "outlive, outlast" the "wild one out there." glad we've finally pivoted from climate denialism to "yeah it's happening, fuck you, I got mine"

2024-10-22 21:12:13 UTC

adhd is like when the

2024-10-17 06:08:47 UTC

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"emotionally immature" hits different once you realize that emotions like empathy are supposed to be governed by highly class- and status-dependent social norms, not ethical principles.

2024-10-17 00:34:30 UTC

would you still love me if i was a wormhole

2024-10-14 18:11:50 UTC

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anyway, here's the cliff notes of "premature optimization is the root of all evil:"<li>knuth is using the term "optimization" to describe semantics-preserving local program transformations -- things like loop unrolling, strength reduction, code hoisting</li><li>knuth argues that you should not performs such optimizations manually until you have identified the hot code paths</li><li>knuth very specifically does not argue that structuring your program well, choosing the right data structures, etc. is a form of premature optimization; in fact he recommends that you direct your attention to these aspects of design instead of fiddling with loop unrolling etc.</li>

2024-10-14 18:03:41 UTC

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knuth goes on to give the same old line we've heard a million times at this point about how you can't rely on an optimizing compiler to reliably perform these kinds of semantics-preserving local program transformations, a claim which I think has far less merit now than it did in '74. but he also points out that, in the case where it is necessary for the programmer to perform such optimizations manually, it is desirable to be able to express the unoptimized program clearly and describe the transformation explicitly in source code, rather than simply mangling the program, and this I could not agree more with. this is a major reason I want programming languages where the compiler is more of a library than a black-box text processor, where you can perform full-throated program transformation, not just source-level token munging

2024-10-14 08:42:51 UTC

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the irony is not lost on me that knuth opens the article by commenting on the cargo culting about goto btw

2024-10-14 08:39:09 UTC

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like not to knock knuth or anything but I think it's important to keep in mind when repeating the wisdom of the old masters like it's gospel that they were working in a time when compilers sucked so bad that it was commonly believed that function calls were so expensive as to be not worth using

2024-10-14 08:35:52 UTC

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I haven't read knuth's whole article yet but what strikes me about it is that<li>his argument is basically amdahl's law, which is a sound argument</li><li>his examples for when optimization is appropriate are all shit like loop unrolling and hoisting that every compiler does now, or fretting about infrequent branches in a way that is basically irrelevant on anything newer than a Pentium</li>

2024-10-14 08:32:18 UTC

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everyone, including knuth himself, has a carve-out to this rule for "obvious" optimizations, making it functionally meaningless

2024-10-14 08:31:12 UTC

I think my new contrarian cs take is that "premature optimization is the root of all evil" is one of the most annoying cargo cult opinions of all time

2024-10-01 03:03:04 UTC

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if libraries and cultural archives cannot be allowed to exist in a world where the creation of art is orchestrated by the machinations of capitalism, then capitalism must be destroyed.

2024-10-01 03:00:19 UTC

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I think these guys genuinely do not possess the capacity to imagine a person engaging in an endeavour for any reason other than abstract extraction. the venn diagram of "the IA should be shut down for its blatant copyright violations" guys and "NFTs are going to revolutionize the art world" guys is almost certainly a circle.

2024-10-01 02:56:54 UTC

the internet archive's recent legal troubles are stirring up every shit take imaginable, and what strikes me about them is that a lot of people seem to actually buy the line of horseshit that the IA and libraries jeopardize the incentive for artists to create.
if the realization of just what lengths the entertainment industry is willing to go to to protect its legal grant on cultural extraction—up to and including nuking organizations that are trying to preserve that very culture—is not enough to dissuade artists from creating, I don't know what will

2024-09-17 06:17:41 UTC

oh I almost forgot, I got jumpscared by great britain, ireland, and iceland on my walk this evening
https://media.tech.lgbt/media_attachments/files/113/151/429/158/558/180/original/8df1204067a856f7.jpg

2024-08-29 01:56:34 UTC

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why is that phrased like it's a downside

2024-08-28 23:56:19 UTC

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intimidating? yes. scary? as a kitten

2024-08-20 17:30:03 UTC

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(oops, meant to re-draft my reply and deleted it)
those of us on the ground come at these problems in hiring practices from a perspective that prioritizes getting work done because that work is socially useful. I think these problems reflect the priorities of executives and middle management, because they're the people with the power to accept or reform these practices, and I think that their priorities simply have more to do with the exercise and accumulation of power than getting useful work done; this is the problem with capitalism writ large

2024-04-14 20:17:09 UTC

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breaking development from the eggheads down in R&D
https://media.tech.lgbt/media_attachments/files/112/271/411/846/364/273/original/163fe6ec38a37ed7.png

2024-04-14 20:15:37 UTC

https://media.tech.lgbt/media_attachments/files/112/271/403/056/923/343/original/d5964dfe1b7d6d14.png