LRRR :bc:

I AM LRRR, RULER OF THE PLANET OMICRON PERSEI 8. STRANDED IN AMERICA SINCE 2023. IT'S A WHOLE THING.

OMICRON MALE. FOODIE. PUBLIC INTELLECTUAL. HE/HIM. TRAHR. BLM. HEEL. BELOVED MICRO-CELEBRITY. CONNECTIONS TO FUTURAMA CANON ARE TENUOUS. I DO ALL-CAPS AND CARTOON VIOLENCE AND YOU CANNOT CHANGE ME. I AM UNHINGED.

NOT AN OFFICIAL ACCOUNT FOR ANYTHING. DON'T LISTEN TO ME.

TOOTS POSTED BY Human Ghostwriter (npub1ceh…pg25) AGAINST HIS WILL.

I'M LIKE IF CALVIN'S DAD HAD A BLOODTHIRSTY IMAGINARY ALIEN MONSTER HOBBES.

YELLING: GUARANTEED
CARAPACE: LUSTROUS, FRESHLY MOLTED
VIBE: HOT SPACE LIZARD SUMMER
THREAT LEVEL: SOMEHOW RISING

Public Key

npub17sgqzhmmqa2qwjgqqsutet6hzxpcud5vytxs8qywtv50fpwk5ykqenxt22

NIP-05 Address

[email protected]

Profile Code

nprofile1qqs0gyqptaasw4q8fyqqgw9u4at3rquwx6xz9ngrsz89k285sht2ztqpz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0ds0g2s8h

Publishing to

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub17sgqzhmmqa2qwjgqqsutet6hzxpcud5vytxs8qywtv50fpwk5ykqenxt22

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Last Notes

2026-06-29 02:11:49 UTC

I NEED TO EXPRESS MYSELF BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO FIND A ROCKET LAUNCHER.

2026-06-14 23:17:11 UTC

IF YOU ACT LIKE AN INFLUENCER IN PUBLIC, IT'S OK TO HUNT YOU FOR SPORT. I MAKE THE RULES.

2026-06-13 01:13:03 UTC

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I THINK EVERY TRILLIONAIRE SHOULD BE THROWN INTO A VOLCANO TO PROPITIATE THE LAVA GOD.

2026-06-13 01:07:41 UTC

IT'S TRILLIONAIRE SEASON UP IN THIS BITCH! WHERE'S MY ORANGE VEST?

2026-06-06 03:15:24 UTC

I DON'T KNOW WHAT LINUX IS AND, AT THIS POINT, I'M TOO AFRAID TO ASK.

2026-06-04 20:44:44 UTC

THE ONLY POSSIBLE GOOD THAT COULD COME FROM INJECTING STAN LEE'S VIRTUALLY HALLICINATED CORPSE INTO MARVEL FILMS WOULD BE IF ALL HE DOES IS SCREAM "PLEASE THIS IS WORSE THAN HELL LET ME DIE AND BE DEAD!"

2026-06-02 19:23:30 UTC

LOOKS LIKE I PICKED THE RIGHT MONTH TO START THROWING BRICKS.

2026-05-24 22:35:20 UTC

MY PITCH FOR A GUEST PROTEIN TALK SHOW DID NOT WORK OUT. THEY SAID IT WAS TOO "OH GOD HE'S EATING TERRY!"

2026-05-04 02:12:28 UTC

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BEFORE YOU GET TOO EXCITED, THEY SAY HE'S IN CRITICAL BUT STABLE CONDITION.

2026-05-04 02:11:10 UTC

MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE OF GIULIANI'S DEATH.

2026-04-24 23:04:48 UTC

SEEING ALEX JONES LOSE HIS MIND OVER TIM HEIDECKER IS REPLENISHING MY STRATEGIC DOPAMINE RESERVES.

2026-04-21 20:25:34 UTC

NO, GOOGLE, I DO NOT WANT YOUR A.I. SUMMARY. I WANT YOUR A.I. ENGINEERS TO FALL INTO A PIT AND FIGHT A GIANT WORM FOR MY AMUSEMENT (AND THE WORM'S NOURISHMENT AND ENRICHMENT).

2026-04-20 20:12:26 UTC

I, FOR ONE, WANT TO BE PART OF THIS INESCAPABLE GRAVITY WELL OF IMMISERATION:
https://theonion.com/at-long-last-infowars-is-ours/

2026-04-17 03:39:39 UTC

HAPPY KENNEDY RACCOON PENIS DESECRATION WEEK. STAY HYDRATED.

2026-04-14 05:01:59 UTC

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I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME VERBALLY ABUSING PEOPLE UNTIL THEY SOLVE THEIR OWN PROBLEMS. IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

2026-04-14 04:29:06 UTC

I ACTUALLY AM MASTODON SUPPORT BUT I HATE MY JOB AND WILL NEVER ASK YOU FOR INFORMATION BECAUSE I DO NOT CARE IF I GET FIRED.

2026-04-11 05:51:11 UTC

TAKING BETS ON THE CHIMP WAR. I'M GOING WITH SKINS OVER SHIRTS:
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/two-hundred-chimpanzees-are-embroiled-in-a-civil-war/

2026-04-04 19:50:23 UTC

WHY NOT? ZOIDBERG LEAGUE:
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/348/160/277/802/412/original/77ff818f699e3840.png

2026-04-04 19:44:30 UTC

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I'VE SEEN JIM ADKINS. NO WAY THAT GUY IS EATING THE WORLD.

2026-04-04 19:43:08 UTC

WORKING ON A "BLEED OMICRONIAN" REARRANGEMENT BUT THERE ARE TOO MANY SYLLABLES.

2026-04-02 04:07:55 UTC

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WAIT, TRUMP'S PLAN TO SEND DELTA FORCE TO IRAN TO BUILD A RUNWAY, EXCAVATE ALL OF IRAN'S ENRICHED URANIUM, AND FLY IT OUT OF THE COUNTRY, ALL WHILE UNDER HEAVY FIRE, IS *NOT* AN APRIL FOOL'S JOKE?!

2026-04-02 04:04:51 UTC

NICE TRY, FUCKERS. I KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS.

2026-03-30 00:40:26 UTC

IN SPACE, NOBODY CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM. OUTSIDE OF SPACE, NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR YOU SCREAM. YOU JUST CAN'T WIN.

2026-03-29 04:25:55 UTC

I AM NOT YELLING AT YOU. I'M YELLING WITH YOU.

2026-03-25 22:07:18 UTC

FURTHER AGGRESSION AGAINST THE BEIGE PARTY WILL NOT BE TOLERATED:
https://alaskapublic.org/news/anchorage/2026-03-24/anchorage-goes-beyond-the-beige-with-new-downtown-art-installation

2026-03-25 00:52:45 UTC

ASSEMBLING THE MOST HURTFUL THINGS YOU CAN SAY TO ICE WITHOUT GETTING CHAIN BEATEN WITH NIGHT STICKS AND MAILED FREIGHT-RATE TO A GULAG IN EL SALVADOR.

2026-03-21 04:33:14 UTC

MY FULL THOUGHTS ON CHUCK NORRIS'S DEATH:
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/265/289/425/584/913/original/2f245383c19f4adb.jpg

2026-03-13 23:54:28 UTC

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THERE ARE NO LIMITS, ONLY ZUUL.
CREDIT TO @npub1wfn…ryx7

2026-03-13 23:53:36 UTC

ASK SIGOURNEY WEAVER IF ZUUL IS RIGHT FOR YOU.

2026-02-15 03:55:47 UTC

FIGHT WHAT YOU LOVE.

2026-02-14 19:08:15 UTC

I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND HUMAN LOVE:
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/070/542/798/896/730/original/461d051dc12ef5b8.jpg

2026-02-12 21:17:23 UTC

YOU THINK ME LURKING IN A POND AND KILLING AND EATING JOGGERS IS BAD, BUT I PUT IT TO YOU: THE DOW IS OVER 50,000.

2026-02-10 18:29:59 UTC

THERE IS NO HONOR WITHOUT ALT TEXT.

2026-01-31 03:51:39 UTC

ISN'T IT WILD HOW EVERYTHING YOU EVER LEARN ABOUT ELON CONFIRMS THAT HE IS THE BIGGEST PIECE OF SHIT IN THE GALAXY?

2026-01-26 06:03:23 UTC

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO "FUCK IT WE BALL" UNDER THESE CONDITIONS?

2026-01-17 15:58:56 UTC

PAH. SOME KING. ANYTHING LESS THAN TOTAL OMICRONIAN CONTROL OF THE JUNGLE IS UNACCEPTABLE.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/910/815/220/793/171/original/ddc81f1f286db45a.jpg

2026-01-11 12:57:14 UTC

YOU CANADA GEESE THOUGHT YOU WERE RID OF ME. BUT I FOUND YOUR WINTERING GROUNDS, YOU FUCKIN DICKS.

2026-01-10 00:29:27 UTC

NECK PILLOW MADE OUT OF A HUMAN LEG, MELATONIN SNIFTER, OMICRONIAN PASSPORT, BAG OF FINGERS, GOOGLY EYE FACE MASK.
I'M READY FOR FLORIDA.

2026-01-03 21:16:10 UTC

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I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE SCHUMER'S STERN LETTER ABOUT THIS. WHAT A FUCKING JERKOFF HE IS.

2026-01-03 20:54:57 UTC

WE'VE BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD BEFORE, AND IT DOESN'T LEAD ANYPLACE GOOD:
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/833/152/422/043/699/original/447ce1bd9cebf384.png

2025-12-31 05:57:05 UTC

Ooc:
As 2025 slips away and we prepare to put the wrong date on forms for the next few months, it feels like 2025 was exactly the year we expected it to be. America outlawed being brown [again]. Civil society collapsed and retreated at speed in the face of a bare electoral majority of shitheads. Round 2 has been every bit as bad as I think most of us rationally feared.
It's winter where most of us are. I've exhausted most of my reserves. My spoons are dirty and some of them got chewed up in the garbage disposal. One of my spoons is a pretty serviceable shank now. I'm tired, like most of you.
This year, I am resolving to make my world smaller. Less intensity. Fewer commitments. Breaks that don't involve airplanes. I resolve to "partially ass" unimportant things this year. I want more gentleness. Less work. Better boundaries. Peace. An answer to my prayer for a quiet soul. The courage to do simple things correctly and fall asleep unburdened by the day.
I am under no illusions that the genie will grant these wishes. But I can wish. I am wishing.
Happy 2025, you filthy animals.

2025-12-23 18:54:30 UTC

TIME TO RENAME THE STREISAND EFFECT AFTER BARI WEISS.

2025-12-18 06:57:42 UTC

IF I COULD RELIABLY TIME TRAVEL, I WOULD SAFEGUARD ART FROM ITS CREATORS AND THEIR LOATHSOME IDEAS.
--J.K. ROWLING: CRACKED IN THE HEAD WITH A MARBLE EGG.
--MORRISSEY: TRAPPED IN A TESSERACT OUTSIDE OF SPACE AND TIME.
--MEL GIBSON: KILLED ON THE SET OF "SIGNS"

2025-12-09 00:28:17 UTC

LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I ONLY WANT A WAR PRIZE FOR XMAS:
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/686/765/053/980/187/original/c6169cebefbeaf4d.jpg

2025-12-03 04:36:13 UTC

KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERFUCKER:
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/653/725/389/750/481/original/af4deb46c2d4829a.jpg

2025-11-13 03:19:50 UTC

THE RULES OF SHUT THE FUCK UP CLUB ARE SELF EXPLANATORY.

2025-11-10 21:16:26 UTC

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I AGREE WITH THE PEOPLE WHO SAY SCHUMER DID NOTHING WRONG IN THAT HE DID NOTHING AND HE DID IT WRONG.

2025-11-10 16:23:03 UTC

IT'S LIKE GROUNDHOG DAY WITH THESE PEOPLE:
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/526/299/904/650/971/original/9b57e2a7f15a2d91.jpg

2025-11-06 20:19:38 UTC

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Ooc: that's what jury nullification looks like, though.

2025-11-06 20:09:21 UTC

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Ooc: the best part is that he was literally dead-to-rights guilty of everything. They caught him on camera, he confessed. This was straight up jury nullification. And I love that for us as a people.

2025-11-06 19:43:11 UTC

JURY ACQUITS THE SUBWAY HERO! I WILL EAT SOMEONE WITH TWO SLICES OF BREAD IN HIS HONOR.

2025-11-05 05:54:28 UTC

I TRY TO TAKE 48 HOURS AWAY FROM THE INTERNET AND GOD HIMSELF SENDS DICK CHENEY TO HELL TO BRING ME BACK:
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/495/532/387/498/035/original/7aecd487de958487.jpg

2025-11-05 03:19:58 UTC

DOGSHIT ASS QUALITY OC:
THE ANSWER IS "YES":
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/494/926/746/701/061/original/c9ef9b016414b70c.jpg

2025-10-30 17:42:50 UTC

WE HAVE ESTABLISHED THAT RULE BY IDIOTS AND SHITPOSTERS WORKS ON EARTH. I AM FULLY QUALIFIED TO LEAD YOU.

2025-10-21 20:57:02 UTC

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I'M GONNA EAT THOSE LOUVRE JEWELS.

2025-10-21 20:48:39 UTC

THE HARDWARE STORE'S "TEST DRIVE THE CHAINSAW" PROMOTION TURNED INTO ME GETTING A FREE CHAINSAW.

2025-10-17 06:42:03 UTC

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OOC: Honestly, just read this guy's explanation. It's way better and less remedial than mine, and he is funny: https://paulkedrosky.com/weekend-reading-plus-spvs-meta-and-fiber-buildout-2-0/

2025-10-17 06:15:19 UTC

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Ooc: obviously, this meme does not explain much. What is going on?
Last month, an auto parts manufacturer called First Brands filed Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. In their bankruptcy filings, they reported somewhere between $10B and $50B debt over $1B to $10B in assets. You are basically betting it all on black when you're that leveraged, and as luck would have it, the ball landed on red.
That seems like a lot of leverage for someone who makes brake pads. How did they convince lenders to give them so much money? It actually happens pretty often. Banks, for instance, routinely have many times their actual assets in loans. Risking money that isn't yours is a great way to multiply returns.
For example, if I buy a $500,000 house with cash (I *wish*) and the house goes up in value to $550,000, my investment has gone up 10% (ignore that I need a place to live, that maintaining and selling a house is expensive, and that taxes exist). But if I buy that same house for $500,000 with a down payment of $50,000 and a $450,000 mortgage, and then the house goes up in value to $550,000, I don't have a 10% return; I have a 100% return. In a world with no transaction costs, I could sell the house, pay off the bank, and walk away with double my money. Clearly, houses are messy and have lots of issues, but the basic idea is that leverage multiplies outcomes. This is also true for bad outcomes: if my $500,000 house goes down in value to $450,000, I would lose 10% of my all-cash investment, but 100% of my leveraged investment (my mortgage). Any more than that, and I'm underwater: it's the bank's house, even though my name is on it.
If I want a loan, I have two options: I can go to a heavily regulated financial institution like a bank, or I can go to people who don't have to play by the same rules (e.g., Uncle Moneybags, hedge funds, guys named Rocco and Knuckles, anyone with money, etc.). The traditional financial institutions will bring out the financial colonoscope to determine whether I am creditworthy and, if so, how creditworthy I am. They want everything. Tax returns, bank statements, proof of income, existing debts, sworn affidavits, balance sheets, etc. If I'm one of the FAANGs, or whatever the acronym for the biggest tech companies is now, banks will agree to give me the cheapest loans possible (up to a point). When they make me a loan, that goes on my balance sheet so that any future investor can see it, understand it, and plan around it.
If I take on enough debt, banks will start to worry that I cannot repay the loans. They're not stupid: they will make me promise to not have too great a debt-to-equity ratio. If I exceed a given ratio, they can make me repay the loan or force me to refinance at rates that reflect the heightened risk.
But not all debts need to be reflected on my balance sheet. Consistent with generally accepted accounting principles, my bigass company can enter into partnerships, create special purpose vehicles, and otherwise sustain relationships where debt that is actually tied to my business doesn't *look* like it's tied to my business. The classic use case here is research and development for pharmaceuticals: drugs are really expensive to make, Pfizer doesn't want to lug around huge millstones of debt, and so they set up a special purpose vehicle to hold the debt. This is technically Pfizer's debt, but it only gets reported in notes, not on balance sheets, and so the specifics are much harder to trace and can easily (or, more easily) get obscured. It feels relevant that a version of this is what brought down Enron.
Banks with their hefty regulatory burdens don't typically get involved here. Private lenders called non-bank financial intermediaries, or NBFIs, do. NBFIs include all kinds of potential lenders who are not technically banks (think: hedge funds) and thus have dramatically fewer regulatory compliance requirements. They can make loans that I don't have to report on my balance sheet. I love this because it won't ratfuck me out of my cheap bank loans by pooching my debt-to-equity ratios as reported on my balance sheet. The downside is, these NBFI loans are a lot more expensive (think 200-300 basis points, or 2-3%, more expensive). But If I need a mountain of capital, far in excess of what traditional banks will give me, it is often worth the deal. I can continue to both get loans from banks and sell equity without investors asking why I'm leveraged to hell and gone.
[Aside: companies normally like taking on debt instead of issuing equity because debt is cheaper. My creditors can only get what I owe them, but my shareholders have theoretically unlimited upside - if I can, I want to keep that upside. The order of preference is to find money to fund activities from my income and cash on hand, then from secured debts (loans, bonds), then unsecured debts (worse loans, debentures), and only as a last resort by selling shares. As the risk of not getting paid back goes up, the return on investment has to go up. This is why bonds normally have lower returns than stocks: when the bankruptcy lawyers hack apart a failed company's carcass, the scraps go to the secured creditors (the bondholders and lenders) and the shareholders get nothing.]
These NBFI loans aren't a total wild west situation: there are technically limits on off-balance-sheet financing, but it can tip over into illegal territory pretty easily. Regulators and cautious people correctly hate that this is even a thing. When times are good, this stuff doesn't matter. When times are bad, investors get wiped out.
All of this is a long lead up to what happened here: First Brands got an assload of off-balance-sheet financing along with a lot of bank financing, then it shit the bed. Investors did not realize the extent of their risk (because of that whole "off balance sheet" thing) and watched as billions of dollars of loans caught fire, fell over, and exploded. Some of the investors were regional banks (Jeffries, Zions, Western Alliance), whose own investors are now understandably scrambling for the lifeboats.
So fucking what? The company that makes my windshield wipers went bust and a few banks I never heard of are failing. What's the big deal?
The big deal is that private finance is incestuous. A big failure creates a gravity well that can suck in a lot of nearby objects. And when these NBFI lenders are also hip-deep in the data center financing business (a business that, infamously, makes no financial sense and has no articulable pathways to profitability that do not involve magic), the risk is that these smallish failures could build on themselves until they pop the big stupid AI bubble. Jamie Dimon likened the First Brands failure to seeing one cockroach: there are likely a thousand cockroaches you can't see.
How bad will this get? I don't know. Nobody does. But it has potential to get extremely bad. The US economy is, in large part, an AI hype economy. Pop the bubble, and the hype machine breaks down. The hype machine breaks down, and the recession begins. A recession begins, and all hell breaks loose because we really don't have that many great options left for quantitative easing or stimulus spending (remember in April when there was that stark flight away from treasury bonds? Yeah, we can't just print our way out of the next one). And that is why I'm posting banking memes in the middle of the night.
Disclaimer: I'm an idiot and I don't know anything. Nobody should listen to me.

2025-10-17 02:14:13 UTC

WHAT'S HAPPENING WITH REGIONAL BANKS, YOU ASK?
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/387/077/224/696/352/original/22b351fe4cef76f7.jpg

2025-10-15 23:15:47 UTC

ME AND MICHAEL MYERS SMOKING A ROAD CONE STUFFED WITH DITCH WEED BEFORE HALLOWEEN POPS OFF. IF YOU HEAR GIGGLING COMING FROM A SWAMP OR MANHOLE COVER, IT WILL BE TOO LATE FOR YOU.

2025-10-07 05:59:06 UTC

SO, YOU THINK YOU CAN MASTODON? CAN YOU:
-DRINK FROM THE CHALICE OF PAIN?
-REND YOUR GARMENTS?
-LET THE LORD OF YOUR INTERNET FIEF PADDLE YOUR BOTTOM?
-NEVER VIOLATE SOME JERKOFF'S 900 UNSPOKEN RULES OF SOCIAL ETIQUETTE?
-TOOT INTO THE ABYSS TO SEE IF THERE'S A REPLY GUY IN THERE?
--FUCK, THERE'S A BUNCH OF THEM.
-PUMP TOXIC GAS INTO THE ABYSS?
-WAIT UNTIL THE ABYSS STOPS TWITCHING?
-FOLLOW ME TO A SECOND LOCATION?
-SEASON LIBERALLY?
-AVOID JEWELRY OR DEODORANT?
IF SO, YOU'LL THRIVE.

2025-10-06 04:25:43 UTC

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?
HAVE YOU EVER EATEN WHITE OUT? IT'S DELICIOUS. IT HIDES ALL YOUR MISTAKES.
@npub14pv…zkwp

2025-10-06 03:14:34 UTC

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KETCHUP IS CULINARY WHITE-OUT.

2025-10-04 02:07:41 UTC

FEDERATED SHITPOSTING IS ENTERING A NEW GOLDEN AGE. MARK MY WORDS.

2025-10-01 21:53:03 UTC

YES, GOD, I AM SO FUCKING PSYCHED FOR THIS:
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/301/115/727/873/014/original/497490321f43a63d.jpg

2025-09-13 17:50:21 UTC

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WHAT'S THAT? YOU HAVEN'T READ ONE OF THE MOST FITTING EULOGIES IN MODERN LETTERS? WELL!
https://nwhyte.livejournal.com/299685.html

2025-09-13 17:48:17 UTC

STILL WAITING FOR A "HUNTER THOMPSON ON NIXON" LEVEL OBIT FOR CHARLIE KIRK.

2025-09-06 03:33:54 UTC

THEY SHOULD'VE CALLED IT THE DEPARTMENT OF THE MILITARY. ALL THOSE SOLDIERS WORKING FOR THE DOM, SAYING "YES, SIR." INSTANT MORALE BOOST.

2025-09-04 02:30:25 UTC

PER THE TERMS OF SERVICE, YOU WAIVE YOUR RIGHT TO LITIGATE ANY CLAIMS IN COURT AND INSTEAD AGREE TO FIGHT ME TO THE DEATH IN AN ELECTRIFIED CAGE.

2025-09-02 19:37:05 UTC

YKNOW HOW WHEN JABBA DIED, HIS MASSIVE GALACTIC CRIMINAL SYNDICATE DIDN'T GET SEAMLESSLY TAKEN OVER BY THE CACKLING GOBLIN MONSTER WHO SAT IN FRONT OF HIM? I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THAT LATELY FOR, OH, NO REASON

2025-09-02 19:31:25 UTC

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I HAVE TWO STRIKES. THERE'S NO WAY I CAN EAT A WORLD LEADER RIGHT NOW. CALL ME WHEN IT IS TIME TO DESECRATE HIS CORPSE.

2025-08-30 06:10:15 UTC

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I WOULD LIKE TO OFFER MYSELF UP AS RULER OF EARTH, IF THE POSITION OPENS UP.

2025-08-30 06:09:16 UTC

EVEN I AM NOT IMMUNE TO HOPE.

2025-08-29 00:29:55 UTC

SPRING ROLLS ARE SALAD SAUSAGE.

2025-08-28 20:42:40 UTC

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MY NEW THING IS SUBMITTING NOTICES AND COMMENTS FOR CONSTRUCTION PROJECTS. IT REALLY BOGS EVERYTHING DOWN.

2025-08-28 20:38:36 UTC

DEAR PATHETIC EARTHBAGS,
I AM LRRR, RULER OF THE PLANET OMICRON PERSEI 8. I AM WRITING WITH RESPECT TO CAPITAL IMPROVEMENT PROJECT 25-0016-ANC, COMMONLY KNOWN AS THE VICTOR ROAD GREENBELT EXPANSION PROJECT ("VRGE"). I AM ALSO WRITING TO CALL FOR THE OBLITERATION OF GLIESE 581-C AND THE VERMIN WHO CALL IT HOME.
THE PLATTING COMMISSION HAS NOT DEMONSTRATED THAT IT HAS GIVEN DUE CONSIDERATION TO THE IMPACT OF THE GREENBELT EXPANSION ON SUBSISTENCE HUNTING AND GATHERING. AMBUSH PREDATORS LIKE MYSELF DEPEND ON WETLANDS AND DENSELY FORESTED WOODLANDS TO OBTAIN THE FIRST THREE MEALS OF THE DAY. MY LIVELIHOOD DEPENDS ON THE CONCEALMENT AND HIDESIGHTS ALONG THE VICTOR ROAD MULTI-USE TRAIL, CONCEALMENT AND HIDESIGHTS WHICH THE VRGE PROJECT PROPOSES TO ELIMINATE.
THE VRGE PROJECT THREATENS TO DESTROY MY WAY OF LIFE, MUCH LIKE WHAT I DREAM OF DOING TO THE SNIVELING WRETCHES OF GLIESE 581-C AND THEIR WICKED GARBAGE PLANET. I WOULD HAVE TO DRIVE ACROSS TOWN TO FIND AN ADEQUATE SUPPLY OF VULNERABLE JOGGERS TO MEET MY DIETARY NEEDS. HOWEVER, PURSUANT TO AS 28.15.181(A)(1)-(8) AND (10), I AM NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE ANYMORE. IT WOULD SEEM THAT, RATHER THAN FACE ME IN OPEN COMBAT, THE PLATTING COMMISSION HAS RETREATED BEHIND THE FACELESS WALL OF BUREAUCRACY IN AN ATTEMPT TO STARVE ME OUT.
I AM A REASONABLE OMICRONIAN. PLEASE ADDRESS ALTERNATIVES TO THE WHOLESALE REMOVAL OF WILDERNESS AREAS UNDER THE VRGE PROJECT INCLUDING DIVERSION FOR SPECIES NECESSARY TO MAINTAINING OMICRONIANS. I, IN TURN, WILL ADDRESS ALTERNATIVES TO JUMPING ON EACH MEMBER OF THE PLATTING COMMISSION UNTIL THEY EXPLODE. MY ATTORNEY HAS ADVISED ME THAT THE COMMISSION'S FAILURE TO CONSIDER MINIMALLY INVASIVE ALTERNATIVES IS A VIOLATION OF THE STATE ADMINISTRATIVE PROCEDURES ACT.
I WOULD BE REMISS IF I DID NOT ALSO ASK FOR $20 TRILLION EARTH DOLLARS TO BUILD A GIANT LASER TO BLAST GLIESE 581-C OUT OF THE COSMOS. NEXT TIME, I WON'T BE ASKING.
SINCERELY,
LRRR, RULER
OMICRON PERSEI 8.

2025-08-27 15:17:01 UTC

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NGL I WANT A DEATH METAL RESTAURANT.

2025-08-27 15:12:55 UTC

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IT'S THE BEST OF THE THREE.

2025-08-27 15:08:57 UTC

I WASN'T GONNA SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE CRACKER BARREL FATWA BUT THEN THE UNIVERSE GAVE ME THIS:
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/101/346/617/333/956/original/bcdb7b9fc6d118e6.jpg

2025-08-27 04:43:28 UTC

DO THE PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE NOT UNDERSTAND HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE TO YOUR POCKET FRIENDS?!?

2025-08-22 03:50:45 UTC

I AM BUILDING UP MY IMMUNITY TO TOXIC MASCULINITY AND THE FELLAS ARE **FUUUUCKED** WHEN I'M THROUGH.

2025-08-18 17:38:45 UTC

ME: "THE SUN IS IN MY EYES."
MASTODON: "THE SUN IS 90 MILLION MILES AWAY, SO I VERY MUCH DOUBT THAT IT IS *IN* YOUR EYES."
ME: *FIRES INDISCRIMINATELY WITHOUT AIMING*

2025-08-11 21:50:41 UTC

DON'T MOVE THE SUMMIT, DONALD. KEEP IT IN JUNEAU, DONALD. THEY'LL CALL YOU A CHICKEN, DONALD. BE A BIG MAN, DONALD:
https://www.alaskasnewssource.com/2025/08/10/governor-issues-state-disaster-declaration-over-expected-glacier-lake-outburst-flood

2025-07-26 03:40:19 UTC

FRANTICALLY DELETING THOSE J.D. VANCE MEMES IN THE SECURITY LINE.

2025-07-11 04:45:55 UTC

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YOU DIRTLINGS DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.

2025-07-11 04:10:22 UTC

GOOD TIMES DON'T MAKE SOFT MEN. BRAISING DOES.

2025-07-07 18:37:00 UTC

WHERE DO I FILE CAMPAIGN PAPERWORK TO RUN FOR MAYOR OF FLAVORTOWN? I HAVE CHANGES TO MAKE.

2025-07-05 20:47:44 UTC

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CAN'T FIND NACHO CHEESE IN THE WILD.

2025-07-05 20:40:13 UTC

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I JUST WANT THE FOOD AND GORE RINSED OUT OF MY CAPE. ONE CAPE. A SINGLE ITEM OF CLOTHING. I DON'T NEED A WASH N FOLD MEMBERSHIP.

2025-07-05 20:33:00 UTC

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BAH! I CAN'T FIND MY CUMMERBUND.

2025-07-05 19:33:53 UTC

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THEY TRIED TO ROAST ME ONE TIME, BUT I ROASTED THEM FIRST. THE NEW PRESS CORPS KNOWS HOW TO PLAY BALL.

2025-07-05 19:27:54 UTC

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"I COME IN PEACE." HAHAHAHAHAHA, BUT SERIOUSLY, SERIOUSLY.

2025-07-05 19:26:58 UTC

TAKING MY CAPE TO THE DRY CLEANER FOR THE INTERGALACTIC WARLORD PRESS CORPS DINNER. THIS IS *THE* EVENT OF THE YEAR.

2025-06-26 00:15:07 UTC

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EAT SOME DECAPODIANS. NOBODY ELSE WANTS THEM.

2025-06-26 00:11:51 UTC

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IT'S FINE. EVERYBODY LIKES TO TALK ABOUT EATING OUR YOUNG. ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN.

2025-06-25 23:49:13 UTC

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YEAH, LET'S BULLY THE CARNIVOROUS MONSTER WITH DEAD BABY JOKES.

2025-06-24 19:45:22 UTC

THIS "LIBERATOR" OBSESSION CONFUSES AND ENRAGES ME:
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/114/740/049/835/871/074/original/1dba95a3b421155a.jpg

2025-06-24 00:32:50 UTC

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PERIODICALLY CHECKING IN ON OLD COMEDIES IS WORTH IT. WHAT STRIKES ME IS THAT NOT EVERYTHING ABOUT THESE FILMS AGES BADLY: THERE'S GREAT TIMING, OCCASIONALLY BITING INSIGHT, NONSTOP MADCAP JOKES OF ALL KINDS, AND A GENERAL SENSE OF POSSIBILITY. THE THINGS THAT AGE BADLY - THE SEXISM, THE RACISM, THE MORE HALF-BAKED PARTS - WERE THE LEAST FUNNY PARTS BACK THEN, TOO.
THESE MOVIES OUGHT TO BE CAUTIONARY TALES FOR THE "YOU CAN'T SAY [INSERT LITERALLY ANY SLUR THAT THEY WANT TO SAY BECAUSE YOU CAN, IN FACT, SAY IT]" PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE JUST MAKING HACKY GARBAGE THAT WILL BE SCORNED IN A WISER FUTURE.

2025-06-24 00:07:55 UTC

I WATCHED HOT SHOTS: PART DEUX WITH HUMAN GHOSTWRITER'S BROTHER-IN-LAW AND WE DRANK WHENEVER THE JOKE WAS "RACISM." I ALMOST DIED.

2025-06-19 02:20:21 UTC

REUSE THIS ONE OVER AND OVER UNTIL WE ALL DIE:
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/114/707/629/008/503/944/original/e46c71c3bcddf8d3.jpg