Tonya Marie 🏳️‍⚧️

Middle-aged trans woman in Seattle. Semi-retired math teacher and coder, full-time housewife. Autistic, spouse to ADHD, parent to both.

I love cooking, boardgames, RPGs, and SF/F.

Pronouns: she/her
Links: https://linktr.ee/tonyamariel
Location: Seattle, USA

Last Notes

2026-01-12 03:18:14 UTC

Going to brag on myself for successfully navigating a near meltdown.
At the game convention, four of us were learning a fairly complex game. The person teaching was using a teaching style I like, and use myself
(The specifics don't matter for the story, can be supplied if anyone cares. ) The person next to me was *very* high energy and kept interrupting (politely, but interrupting nonetheless) to ask questions, and the teacher was answering rather than saying "I'll get to that shortly". Between the interruptions and his energy, I started stressing badly. I was grinding my fidget in my hand and having pre-panic flight thoughts.
I was about to make an excuse and leave, but I really wanted to learn and play this game. I managed to touch him on the shoulder and say, "You're a lovely person, but you are stressing me really badly right now. "
He looked at me, and I don't know if he saw the panic, but he sat down and lowered his voice and said, "I'm so sorry! I'm intense and I'm so glad you said something!"
And that was it. We finished the instruction and got into the game. Had a great time. He and I actually talked about our respective issues and how being willing and able to communicate helped us both.
Meltdown averted and enjoyment increased!
#actuallyautistic success story

2025-12-03 01:45:35 UTC

Just saw a video where the creator made the comment "If you think you're autistic, treat yourself as if you were. Allistic people don't typically spend weeks and months doing research and trying to decide if they are autistic."
And again I am struck by the similarity with me of 4 years ago trying to figure out if I really was trans. Just replace "autistic/allistic" with "trans/cis" and it's deja vu all over again.
🤔
#transgender #actuallyautistic

2025-07-05 21:23:52 UTC

I feel like I know at least one person for each of these options...
https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/media_attachments/files/114/802/720/253/622/451/original/bd7184b8341db861.jpg

2024-12-24 05:20:36 UTC

Found elsewhere on the internet, I wish people got this.
https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/media_attachments/files/113/706/109/524/499/494/original/88011b3582105d0c.jpg

2024-09-13 23:53:54 UTC

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I'm still curious! What are you referring to?

2024-09-13 23:48:06 UTC

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Wait, what? Did I miss a major news story?

2024-09-01 03:56:22 UTC

A friend of mine hosted a board game day today, and booked her apartment's lounge/meeting room. The space was nice, but the acoustics were horrid. There were only 7 of us, but rising voices were echoing something awful.
At one point, I realized I was cringing, and my friend noticed and asked if I was ok. I barely got out "no" before I choked up with tears. I finally managed to say "overstimulated, too loud".
And just like that, everyone dropped their voices. Played a five hour game without any further issues.
That's what a supportive friend group looks like. ❤️

2024-08-30 01:12:30 UTC

Happy Thursday from Happy Hour on the patio!
https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/media_attachments/files/113/048/306/487/506/575/original/7fd0e13cbd2e77ca.jpeg

2024-08-16 23:36:46 UTC

New purchase: chain mail choker in Trans pride colors! (The artist had one for most of the pride flags!)
https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/media_attachments/files/112/974/325/490/294/839/original/aa90c453a726ef01.jpeg

2024-08-15 19:27:01 UTC

Today's look: purple above-knee skirt; yellow, purple, and green spaghetti strap top in a flowers-and-leaves pattern, gold hoop earrings with butterflies, and hair in my usual pigtails.
https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/media_attachments/files/112/967/674/129/851/091/original/d6e63673d21951e8.jpeg
https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/media_attachments/files/112/967/674/128/430/367/original/a91b4d1fda413d8f.jpeg

2024-08-12 02:47:16 UTC

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Are you a train? Because you look like my special interest!

2024-03-25 00:50:22 UTC

My new cuddle buddy needs a name. Any suggestions?
https://chaosfemtw.files.fedi.monster/media_attachments/files/112/153/574/286/849/004/original/38baa85f0d57c007.jpeg