Living in Ohioduhtucky, south of Hell is Real. Boy Mom, Dog Mom, Music, Nature, Politics. INTJ, Big I, Lots of N. Allergic to everything, Gluten Free. πΆπΎπΊπ₯π»πΎπΆπ Perhaps persnickety. Self-critical. Too attached until I'm detached. Often misunderstood.π€·ββοΈ Seeking: Your patience. Role I refuse to play: Victim. I do not like liars or cons. "Her eyes betray a hint of amusement tinged with something darker." ~AI describing a photo of me
Public Key
npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Profile Code
nprofile1qqstl8zuuhd3fpxncdherdymv9dr4efhqxacrf0lw8un95mwx4ppgysprpmhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0d4hhxarj9ecxjmntqyqqakrm8m
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Published at
2026-02-10T15:53:04+01:00 Event JSON
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"content": "{\"name\":\"Wallflower πΊ\",\"about\":\"Living in Ohioduhtucky, south of Hell is Real.\\nBoy Mom, Dog Mom, Music, Nature, Politics.\\nINTJ, Big I, Lots of N.\\nAllergic to everything, Gluten Free.\\nπΆπΎπΊπ₯π»πΎπΆπ\\nPerhaps persnickety.\\nSelf-critical.\\nToo attached until I'm detached.\\nOften misunderstood.π€·ββοΈ\\nSeeking: Your patience.\\nRole I refuse to play: Victim.\\nI do not like liars or cons.\\n\\n\\\"Her eyes betray a hint of amusement tinged with something darker.\\\" ~AI describing a photo of me\",\"website\":\"https://beige.party/@Waitnwallflower\",\"picture\":\"https://media.beige.party/accounts/avatars/110/916/267/449/914/952/original/b5edf261220d5569.png\",\"nip05\":\"[email protected] \"}" ,
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Last Notes npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ I have major spring fever today but it's still quite cold. What this means is I will now ratchet up until there is a warm sunny weekend in which I will head out back, clean up the beds, plant things, and then piss and moan about the money I wasted. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. At least I have predictable qualities? It's hope. New life. New beginnings. Roll a new love over. ππΊ https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/082/452/134/135/697/original/4ce6141b258c3d82.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Why does GenZ have such a hesitatation/avoidance/fear of talking on the phone? My 24yo son gives out MY cell phone to places so that they call ME to say whatever...example that just happened: pharmacy near him called me. When this happens, I then text him. But I'm so salty about it that I start by saying things like, "You gave my cell to (CVS). Rude. Your prescription is ready." I should start *calling* him, except I know he won't answer, he'll text back "what?" npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ #monochromemonday https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/081/811/981/541/533/original/9f2a96cce5e5287a.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Always be on the lookout for the presence of wonder. ~E.B. White https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/080/417/140/557/746/original/abcc30a4bafade1b.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Like a hazy dream https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/076/516/580/724/480/original/843326891e3af2aa.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Thanks. I also ran it through a pastel filter and like it that way too. ππ©΅π https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/074/529/480/761/660/original/4346824a8871707d.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Snow https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/074/403/279/012/006/original/49cd20ec583d52fa.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Good morning, friends https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/074/375/209/811/545/original/b3202cfa1ded0ffc.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Full transparency: I came in here earlier today to blow up my account. Yes, kill it. I will absolutely shake up my world like a snow globe if I feel like it is needed. New beginnings and whatnot. Anyway, I came in and saw many messages to me simply telling me that I was missed, or waiting for my return. Your messages impacted me. πππ Thank you, my fedi friends and fam.πΊ npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ We are 52, some melting finally! Lots of people throwing logs on the ice trying to see if the ice breaks. Not yet. npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/070/676/978/207/484/original/8017118cb79564ca.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/070/516/676/377/014/original/c08a9d3183fde62c.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Happy Valentine's Day https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/069/495/499/954/515/original/850e10f3e35e27cc.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ The pop in...π It's like a friendly drive-by of light. π https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/065/500/674/445/004/original/02812eade92ad4fc.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Greatest (favorite) Primus song? (subjective) npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Hey, Jax, was thinking about your amaryllis earlier. Is it growing? npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/996/820/722/755/296/original/f255d289631c852c.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Okay, I am finally taking the tree down. Yes, I took my time. Hope. Hope will continue in this house. New Jersey, once my home. 2025, almost a very good year on a personal level. Almost.π€ Missed it by this much. To a happy 2026.π₯π€ https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/991/142/056/251/519/original/14ffeabcac3d0f1a.jpg https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/991/142/016/988/418/original/f4ae751b12df204f.jpg https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/991/142/058/337/421/original/45f9908eef2092fb.jpg https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/991/154/682/212/044/original/5c18a18a2d6385fc.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ ππππ https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/989/557/067/694/635/original/8fb93d52d3f9c31f.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ On February 1, 2020, I was a nanosecond from walking out my garage door with my son to take him up to OSU (Columbus, OH) for an important HS track meet when my landline rang. I paused to take the unusual call on a Saturday morning at about 7am. It was my 2nd oldest brother and as soon as he said hi to me I knew the call was to tell me that my sister was dead. It was remarkably inherent to me. A call I had years anticipated given her drug and alcohol abuse. Before he said much of anything, I asked, "is this about Lisa?" "Yes." He let me know she passed either the 30th or 31st of January overnight in Costa Rica at our father's house. Heart attack. (Likely drug/alcohol induced. She was in her 50s.) I then got in the car to take my son to his meet without letting on so that I would not ruin his momentum for his day. My mind for that first hour and a half drive running through so many emotions, regrets, my hours of that meet when my son wasn't running was spent posting on Twitter about her and her loss, who she was before she was overcome with addiction, who she became, the loss she became. I didn't tell my son until we got home, he had only met her once because of her addiction. He held me as I cried grieving her life. I then had to go to my mom's to tell her. I held her as she cried. RIP, Lisa.ππ― So, anyway, this post is to remind people who might be suffering from addiction that if you can still read this, it is not too late to seek help. (That's why I have chosen not to content warn this.) Please. Thank you. π npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ π¦π https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/974/709/810/500/281/original/90f9d187f72c0bc5.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ So true, I have been ready to move to February for a bit. I should take the Christmas tree down this weekend π³π
npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Sigh, I don't think i will get to walk outside for weeks to come.π So beautiful npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Sunrise this morning https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/968/122/663/324/845/original/9fbd2df8595eee72.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Cropped this pic differently and like it better https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/957/619/224/943/577/original/7353252e080d1e6d.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ I will forever be comforted https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/953/049/867/190/583/original/cdf47e17e3114e73.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ It says up to 15" of snow, currently. npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ The snow has arrived npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Mood https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/951/568/580/786/933/original/f38533d46689dad7.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Oh, WOW, y'all β£οΈβ£οΈβ£οΈ https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/950/561/863/156/012/original/c5a8deb6877d6ad9.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Happy Saturday, friendsπ Hope you're able to stay warm and have a good shovel. https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/950/057/525/126/471/original/9469853cda8ee281.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ If you didn't care what happened to me π And I didn't care for youπ We would zigzag our way through the boredom and pain... https://youtu.be/GfRWTg61W24?si=n4_Z0_c-BA68RPcw npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ #CalmingGreen https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/939/390/008/796/331/original/07225016621a95f7.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Happy Friday-eve, friends π https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/938/221/761/657/314/original/51950a5273a9331b.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ I'm kind of surprised that more unconditional love isn't leading here. npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ This would fix me npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ I mean not too painful though, because I did at least get home...so that would be better than not getting home before it quit. ππ npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ I think my car just died when I pulled into the garage (the lights immediately went dark, when normally they stay on for a moment/on when door opens), but I'm not even gonna try it until the morning. 2026 can get bent. Like Peyronie's. npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ π I'm going to try to plant this after it finishes and try to get it to bloom again next year but I have never had one and am not exactly sure what to do with it. npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/923/208/933/280/556/original/6bb07d6fc3a300fe.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ The sky currently π https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/918/412/937/359/910/original/fc16bfffa08a2230.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ I liked the clouds today. https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/912/687/805/336/669/original/ecc9243bbf88b6d1.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ This isn't a typical sighting on my walks https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/911/618/243/979/922/original/49c0a08a68c6a9cc.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ #icetodon https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/911/519/468/955/852/original/a1f4827e53692376.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Sick of winter but I'm going to enjoy the day. Hope you have a wonderful day, in spite of the lack of sleep. npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ And into the woods I go, to lose my mind and find my soul. John Muir https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/910/691/426/661/062/original/a3f2e7bf53be8b10.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Salsify. Such a fun word to say. Second only to sassafras. https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/910/063/711/688/261/original/b02c4c3875ad7d36.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ I woke up at 1am thinking I was late for work. I got all the way downstairs and let the dogs out before realizing the true time on the coffee maker. (It took me longer to realize the day.) I didn't want to risk more walking keeping me awake, so got onto the sofa and fell back to sleep until floof said "feed me" by ringing the bells on the back door. Giving bells to an intelligent dog has some drawbacks. Be warned. To help me through this, I made pancakes and bacon for breakfast. ππ₯π₯ npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Thank you.π Right before it happened, I thought "why isn't this perforated? I hope I don't stab myself." I knew the risks... Evergreen. npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Just achieved the best thing that's happened to me in 2026 so far. Stabbed myself in the hand. Let us rejoice. I'm okay, I won't need stitches and my nails are all good. npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Mood https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/905/635/396/439/621/original/82d4b5201e9bebcf.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ I always tell myself that I need one (for my woods trips) npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ I guess, I'll take down the tree this weekend. Maybe. https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/901/644/257/953/997/original/bfb014999fe567ae.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ π https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/882/192/331/322/983/original/17b82ce1add820a9.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ I know I shared this with a couple privately and I wish I had a better shot, it would have been awesome. I leash my border heeler mix to my waist when I take him with me and he lunged at this heron as I was taking the shot, causing me to twist at the waist, resulting in this shot. Look, even with the poor lighting, you can see the claws. So cool. https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/878/774/520/188/211/original/c9b25f6e52e33541.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ That's a whole mood. Mine, specifically. π npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Good morning, friends. https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/876/306/669/809/596/original/5835c2c5d0ebbcbb.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ How many days until spring? π±π· @npub149rβ¦r5ec https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/871/212/374/272/711/original/75c25821fe4941d0.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ same to you π npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ When I came here to Mastodon, I met some wonderful people that I just really like knowing. Some have not stayed. They are missed in this community. One who did not stay still had a way to reach me and I woke to find a message to me, in a moment that I needed a reminder that people do like me and think about me. After I replied to him, I remembered this chalk drawing on a pathway in the park during 2020. I am right where I need to be. There is something in this moment that I need so that life can be better. So, as uncomfortable and sad as I have been feeling the last few weeks, I will come out the other side a better and stronger me. I would like that to be like next week if I can define my timeline, please. π https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/864/318/596/622/165/original/754c021a0baa059b.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Happy Friday-eve, friends π https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/858/710/605/724/134/original/7cd2cbda26087c77.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ π https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/855/999/833/448/364/original/7e8d7074e2540172.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ π Just cuz I'm in Ohioduhtucky, I have not yet qualified for "hillbilly" status. I don't think. Someone get me a checklist? npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ I was shamed into taking down my holiday decorations in the front yard bc I saw that everyone else on my path out of the neighborhood took them down, but I still have them in the backyard. I'm currently thinking that these will stay until Valentine's Day, or March even, or someone complains to the HOA. npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ If only I could win life changing money in the lottery... npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Instead of this, I'm going back into the office tomorrow. At least Notebook Lady no longer has a job. npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Having a tough day. Trying to cheer myself... The secret, Alice, is to surround yourself with people who make your heart smile. It's then, only then, that you'll find Wonderland. ~ Lewis Carroll π https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/849/772/793/015/108/original/a933d2fddc8e014c.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ May we all have a better Tuesday than we believe we deserve π§‘ https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/847/493/320/614/790/original/646543943130bf76.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ From my evening walk. https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/845/364/335/683/780/original/f3a698928fee629d.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ The sky channeling my energy Jan 3. https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/845/052/626/927/342/original/a4a7a9a22e8a80a7.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ For anyone who needs a little positive energy today (me, you...ππ«) This has been a wonderful show here so far. https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/828/023/456/506/587/original/95d57c63f1cfa7fb.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Wanted to share this all day with you. π https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/822/921/162/815/993/original/4a8047ebbcbb2d24.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ β€οΈ https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/787/613/527/281/286/original/ccfe9016a55c5941.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Heron https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/787/589/012/555/996/original/09ecaaa2831e1787.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ I was looking for a moment of peace π https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/776/469/145/825/298/original/f45d2735f9c67dfd.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Leaving this article for anyone who might want to start to try to understand the effects of child abuse/trauma. *I'm not looking for sympathy.* My father was a drug addict and alcoholic. He was abusive. Physically, verbally, sexually. I criticize myself more than anyone else can and I've have spent a lot of my life working on the effects of the abuse. I need patience, I need support to keep working on the effects. I appreciate the friends that care for me and find patience for me, and especially the ones who will call me out when I need to be called out. I'm not going to feel shame over this. It is not my shame. I think I'm a kinder person than most but yes, I make mistakes, and yes, they are usually rooted in the abuse. Being vulnerable, fear of abandonment are tough. I will continue to be a work in progress. https://harborlondon.com/the-link-between-childhood-trauma-and-adult-behaviour/ npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Happy hump day Or Christmas Eve Whichever you celebrate https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/774/110/719/048/607/original/09ed1d8a152cbe55.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ I bet a bunch of you are wang chunging right now. npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ seriously? I mean, I feel this figuratively, but seriously? npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Going into personal lockdown π npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Early submission for #TextureTuesday https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/765/895/607/279/984/original/1f480b4040ca6e5b.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Trapped https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/764/516/898/327/358/original/00fc20b93c767d04.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Good morning, friendsπ https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/763/027/752/581/454/original/a9cde225a86ba6f8.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ In the old oak trail. https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/760/044/855/905/173/original/b65096d833c82bec.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ It's complicated (like me) https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/760/015/443/833/441/original/1689d938de6d72a0.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Happy Solstice. May light triumph over darkness.β€οΈβπ₯π· https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/759/984/989/262/869/original/de40c154459f3ecf.jpg https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/759/991/614/642/537/original/81f2fcf4486a1fbc.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Also, Dear, fedi-diary, thanks to anyone riding my roller-coaster with me today. Sorry.π’ I hate winter. Bring me spring. https://beige.party/@Waitnwallflower/115754367500147535 npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Everything is fine https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/754/150/673/346/751/original/58537df3c8a40d3e.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Against the wind I was running against the wind I was middle aged and weak I went running against the wind, And the years flashed before my eyes, I could hardly breathe... npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Turmoil with hope? https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/753/734/621/631/160/original/46c07439237f0a41.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Iced water feature https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/753/524/129/836/976/original/27d57ed3648ea13d.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Ice https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/753/456/654/696/024/original/ec160aef13abfb6d.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ "The universe took its time on you Crafted you to offer the world something different from everyone else" ~ Rupi Kaur https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/751/979/908/060/551/original/ae1d1688c8c4b382.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ #CalmingGreen π https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/751/927/760/777/830/original/2efa0618d831cead.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ I don't know when exactly it happened to me, but "Livin after midnight. Rockin to the dawn. Lovin till the mornin, then I'm gone," doesn't seem to resonate with the same feeling or appeal that it once did. π€ npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Without comment https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/742/900/566/923/738/original/f2900416f5a1e55f.jpg npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ No idea why this just popped in my head but here we go, I will share... Rambling. That's your warning. Scene: Wallflower is little. Maybe 7 or 8 at most. Running around in the backyard/backyard behind our's. Catholic family home, 8 kids, all with a name beginning with D. They had extended family over, this is relevant to the story. (This was one of the two places I was allowed to go.) It was summer. β¨οΈFireflies β¨οΈ I was wearing my favorite clogs. I remember nothing else about my attire, but clogs! Clogs! Bitches! I met a cousin of their's. We were having lots of fun together. He was older. I don't remember his name. Frogs. We had lots of frogs. Lots of running amok. I remember feeling happy. Suddenly I remember feeling "squish." I stepped on a frog. It was gory. I hurried home to salvage my clogs. I cleaned the clog but swore it smelled like dead frog so took my brother's cologne and poured it on the heel of my clog. Now forever to smell like Old Spice aftershave. My mom interrupted my remedy. Asked me what I was up to, told me I had to come in soon... I vividly remember asking her how you know if you're in love. She said "you just do." I ran back outside to play with the cousin while I could, wondering what I might or might not know... I never saw him again. It was not love. Shortly after my mom decided my clogs smelled too strongly and threw them out. Damn frog guts ruining my jam... I still like the smell of Old Spice aftershave, to round out this story, so *damn my more recent fragrance allergy*, too. π npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Hear me out Little Red Corvette but a Porsche in white with black leather interior. npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ My son made a lot of these as a kid. I still have them but stopped putting them out at Christmas because they are growing week. Same with sock snowmen. Wonderful memory. Thank you, Jax. π₯° npub1h7w9eewmzjzd8sm0jx6fkc268tjnwqdmsxjl7u0extfkud2zzsfqkczlyr Wallflower πΊ Le sigh Need to shovel an area in the back now, as well as 2nd round in the front. Poor floof, being short has some disadvantages. I hate winter. https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/714/512/396/756/958/original/3cd2628c6fb5cd74.jpg https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/714/524/956/526/027/original/3ce35fc58f65ca30.jpg