Topical satire from the UK and around the world. You're not supposed to believe what we write, you idiot.
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2026-04-24T21:50:55+02:00 Event JSON
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Last Notes npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Goring matadors isn't cruel, it's part of our culture, insist Spanish bulls https://newsthump.com/2026/04/22/goring-matadors-isnt-cruel-its-part-of-our-culture-insist-spanish-bulls/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Trump declares victory over pants after six weeks of shitting in them https://newsthump.com/2026/04/09/trump-declares-victory-over-pants-after-six-weeks-of-shitting-in-them/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! MAGA determined to celebrate Trump victory in temporarily returning Strait of Hormuz back to where it was before Trump got involved https://newsthump.com/2026/04/08/maga-determined-to-celebrate-trump-victory-in-temporarily-returning-strait-of-hormuz-back-to-where-it-was-before-trump-got-involved/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Parent concerned at time children spend playing computer games, also quietly grateful for it https://newsthump.com/2026/04/08/parent-concerned-at-time-children-spending-playing-computer-games-also-quietly-grateful-for-it/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Oxford English Dictionary redefines ‘Ultimatum’ as ‘Word orange lunatic uses when he can’t think of a better plan’ https://newsthump.com/2026/04/08/oxford-english-dictionary-redefines-ultimatum-as-word-orange-lunatic-uses-when-he-cant-think-of-a-better-plan/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump "Don't make me repeat myself." - History. Get this T-shirt with 20% off AND FREE UK delivery for the next 24 hours only! No code required! Get yours here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/gls62t npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Man insisting renewable energy is 'too unreliable' just going to continue ignoring the whole 'Strait of Hormuz' thing https://newsthump.com/2026/04/08/man-insisting-renewable-energy-is-too-unreliable-just-going-to-continue-ignoring-the-whole-strait-of-hormuz-thing/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump If Trump does "kill an entire civilisation" tonight, it could do real damage to the long-term validity of the FIFA Peace Prize. npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump What do you think will be Trump's reaction later when yet another Iran deadline slides by: npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Oil companies to build giant sun blocker after surge in solar panel sales https://newsthump.com/2026/04/07/oil-companies-to-build-giant-sun-blocker-after-surge-in-solar-panel-sales/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump The REAL Trump Delusion Syndrome. Some suffer so deeply, they don't even recognise they're suffering at all... npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Wireless Festival back on as organisers announce surprise set from Heinrich Himmler https://newsthump.com/2026/04/07/wireless-festival-back-on-as-organisers-announce-surprise-set-from-heinrich-himmler/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump A campaign slogan we can all get behind, surely? Get yours with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/zVIgdr npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump From the Archives: Loser nerds waste their time starting funny little ‘computer’ project in their garage https://newsthump.com/2026/04/07/loser-nerds-waste-their-time-starting-funny-little-computer-project-in-their-garage/ #AppleAt50 npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Donald Trump threatens more sweary words if Iran doesn't do what he wants https://newsthump.com/2026/04/07/donald-trump-threatens-more-sweary-words-if-iran-doesnt-do-what-he-wants/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Why Easter eggs should be part of a healthy balanced breakfast, by Jake aged 7 and three-quarters https://newsthump.com/2026/04/07/why-easter-eggs-should-be-part-of-a-healthy-balanced-breakfast-by-jake-aged-7-and-three-quarters-4/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Childproof lock added to White House nuclear launch button https://newsthump.com/2026/04/07/childproof-lock-added-to-white-house-nuclear-launch-button-3/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Jesus takes one look at state of the world and walks straight back into the tomb https://newsthump.com/2026/04/05/jesus-takes-one-look-at-state-of-the-world-and-walks-straight-back-into-the-tomb/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Man who loudly demanded chocolate eggs have 'Easter' written on the box didn’t go to church again this year https://newsthump.com/2026/04/05/man-who-loudly-demanded-chocolate-eggs-have-easter-written-on-the-box-didnt-go-to-church-again-this-year-4/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump Everything happens for a reason. A sentiment head daily, but people often forget the all-important caveat. Get this on a T-shirt with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/HojiIc npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump You have to hope that the missing US Air Force pilot hasn't been captured by Iran, because Trump is already on record with his thoughts on servicemen who get captured... npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Galactic Confederation on high alert after moron-infested planet shows increasing desire to infest other worlds https://newsthump.com/2026/04/04/galactic-confederation-on-high-alert-after-moron-infested-planet-shows-increasing-desire-to-infest-other-worlds/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! M&S release crossless buns for atheists https://newsthump.com/2026/04/03/ms-release-crossless-buns-for-atheists/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump Jesus watching you eat a burger on Good Friday. Get your T-shirt with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/RGiva0 npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! It would be disrespectful to do any of those little DIY jobs around the house on the weekend Jesus was crucified, insists local man https://newsthump.com/2026/04/03/it-would-be-disrespectful-to-do-any-of-those-little-diy-jobs-around-the-house-on-the-weekend-jesus-was-crucified-insists-local-man-2/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Good? I've had better Fridays, insists Jesus https://newsthump.com/2026/04/03/good-ive-had-better-fridays-insists-jesus-3/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! "I have to hate Springsteen now, too?" ask tearful Trumplethinskins, realising all that's left for them is Kid Rock https://newsthump.com/2026/04/03/i-have-to-hate-springsteen-now-too-ask-tearful-trumplethinskins-realising-all-thats-left-for-them-is-kid-rock/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! 'I bloody hate long haul' - Artemis II passengers complain as entertainment system goes down https://newsthump.com/2026/04/02/i-bloody-hate-long-haul-artemis-ii-passengers-complain-as-entertainment-system-goes-down/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Couple's stand off over who empties the food waste bin enters 176th day https://newsthump.com/2026/04/02/couples-stand-off-over-who-empties-the-food-waste-bin-enters-176th-day/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump My species went to the moon, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. Celebrate the achievements of Artemis II with the appropriate levels of sarcastic disappointment. Get yours with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/LfJASG npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Tesco manager crucified in frozen aisle to prove supermarkets are ‘Easter’ enough https://newsthump.com/2026/04/02/tesco-manager-crucified-in-frozen-aisle-to-prove-supermarkets-are-easter-enough/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Government surprised to learn you're only supposed to make things up to trick people on one day of the year https://newsthump.com/2026/04/02/government-surprised-to-learn-youre-only-supposed-to-make-things-up-to-trick-people-on-one-day-of-the-year/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump Oh look, the Tangerine Grope Machine did everything he could to let the "best people" back out into society. Who could possibly have predicted such a thing? Well, apart from EVERYBODY. npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump This “I Have a Bad Feeling About This” T-shirt is a loving nod to that famously pessimistic line from a certain galaxy far, far away. Get yours with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/ODBvHA npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! People go back to believing everything they read on the Internet https://newsthump.com/2026/04/01/people-go-back-to-believing-everything-they-read-on-the-internet-2/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NewsThump Official Statement. You can subscribe here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/lcnIol npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Daily Mail teases readers with fact-based article for April Fool's Day https://newsthump.com/2026/04/01/daily-mail-teases-readers-with-fact-based-article-for-april-fools-day-2/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Labour congratulated on classic April Fool's ruse after announcing plan to implement genuinely left-wing policy https://newsthump.com/2026/04/01/labour-congratulated-on-classic-april-fools-ruse-after-announcing-plan-to-implement-genuinely-left-wing-policy/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Roberto Di Zerbi appointed Tottenham's new chief turd polisher https://newsthump.com/2026/03/31/roberto-di-zerbi-appointed-tottenhams-new-chief-turd-polisher/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump International diplomacy at its finest. npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump In years to come, when the kids of tomorrow study this time, your grandkids will determine how dumb you were by seeing how easily you were duped into believing a convicted felon when he told you other countries were to blame for the massive global problems for which he was directly responsible. npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump The mow must go on. It's getting to that time of year again, and the sound of weekend lawnmowers will again be in the air. Get your Freddie-inspired mowing Tee for the lawn-lover in your life with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/TMhexN npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Parents who want LGBT rights classes banned because they are "confusing" somehow fine with algebra https://newsthump.com/2026/03/31/parents-who-want-lgbt-rights-classes-banned-because-they-are-confusing-somehow-fine-with-algebra-4/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Man spends entire afternoon trying to get AI to do job that would have taken him 20 minutes https://newsthump.com/2026/03/31/man-spends-entire-afternoon-trying-to-get-ai-to-do-job-that-would-have-taken-him-20-minutes/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Travelodge guests to be asked to choose from bowl of key cards https://newsthump.com/2026/03/31/travelodge-guests-to-be-asked-to-choose-from-bowl-of-key-cards/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Phillip Schofield to replace Scott Mills on BBC Radio 2 https://newsthump.com/2026/03/31/phillip-schofield-to-replace-scott-mills-on-bbc-radio-2/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump "Wibble". Blackadder's solution to the Western Front, and frankly, more coherent than most things that followed. The Blackadder Wibble T-shirt by Happytoast. Organic cotton. Printed in the UK. Get yours with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/pPXDGo npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Scott Mills sacked amid Iran spying claims https://newsthump.com/2026/03/30/scott-mills-sacked-amid-iran-spying-claims/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Trump fascinated with Artemis II lunar mission after discovering moon has no extradition treaty https://newsthump.com/2026/03/30/trump-fascinated-with-artemis-ii-lunar-mission-after-discovering-moon-has-no-extradition-treaty/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump When Dementia Don can't remember which lies he's told from one day to the next... npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! New Archbishop of Canterbury to wear hazmat suit during any meeting with Pope-killer JD Vance https://newsthump.com/2026/03/30/new-archbishop-of-canterbury-to-wear-hazmat-suit-during-any-meeting-with-pope-killer-jd-vance/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump ICYMI: Tottenham Hotspur have sacked Igor Tudor and are looking for a new manager to see them through next season’s inevitable Championship campaign. Read the full story here >>> https://newsthump.com/2026/02/11/spurs-seek-new-manager-ideally-with-efl-championship-experience/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump Every now and again, one of our jokes will come true and it will look like we can predict the future (we can't, for the record). However, we think this is the first time we've ever had a T-shirt predict the future... Get your Tee HERE >>> https://go.newsthump.com/u0ojTR npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump Imagine telling people from 250 years ago that the US would still need to be holding "No Kings" protests today... npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Tiger Woods given FIFA Best Driver award https://newsthump.com/2026/03/28/tiger-woods-given-fifa-best-driver-award/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump BREAKING! A small mistake at the US Treasury... npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump Gaffer tape: the preferred infrastructure material of DIY enthusiasts, roadies, and anyone who has ever looked at a situation and thought, "If I just don't acknowledge this, it might resolve itself." npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! As Artemis II mission approaches, Trump warns Denmark to hand over the Moon or face the consequences https://newsthump.com/2026/03/27/as-artemis-ii-mission-approaches-trump-warns-denmark-to-hand-over-the-moon-or-face-the-consequences/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! 'Don't think of the UK as unwilling to join your war, think of it as having bone spurs' Starmer tells Trump https://newsthump.com/2026/03/27/dont-think-of-the-uk-as-unwilling-to-join-your-war-think-of-it-as-having-bone-spurs-starmer-tells-trump/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Peace talks progressing well between Donald Trump and his reflection https://newsthump.com/2026/03/27/peace-talks-progressing-well-between-donald-trump-and-his-reflection/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump Trotter's Chandelier Cleaning Company. Est 1982. "A smashing service, with no catches!" - get your T-shirt with free UK delivery HERE >>> https://go.newsthump.com/8NMAK5 npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Man enters fourth hour watching reels warning of the addictive nature of social media https://newsthump.com/2026/03/26/man-enters-fourth-hour-watching-reels-warning-of-the-addictive-nature-of-social-media/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Outrage as Three Lions replaced with Three Beavers on England World Cup shirts https://newsthump.com/2026/03/26/outrage-as-three-lions-replaced-with-three-beavers-on-england-world-cup-shirts/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Who should we believe? The misinformation-loving democracy-denying religious fundamentalist cult, or the Iranians? https://newsthump.com/2026/03/26/who-should-we-believe-the-misinformation-loving-democracy-denying-religious-fundamentalist-cult-or-the-iranians/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Norwich City gain millions more fans after Nigel Farage seen with Ipswich Town shirt https://newsthump.com/2026/03/26/norwich-city-gain-millions-more-fans-after-nigel-farage-seen-with-ipswich-town-shirt/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump Needing no roads since 1985. Get this subtle nod to BTTF on a Tee with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/m7CPWQ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Weary Jane McDonald emerges from HMS Dragon after getting on wrong ship https://newsthump.com/2026/03/25/weary-jane-mcdonald-emerges-from-hms-dragon-after-getting-on-wrong-ship/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! 'If only someone had negotiated the end of Iran's nuclear programme a decade ago' explains smug Obama https://newsthump.com/2026/03/25/if-only-someone-had-negotiated-the-end-of-irans-nuclear-programme-a-decade-ago-explains-smug-obama/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Reform councillor’s outrage that dildo packaging doesn’t even mention Easter https://newsthump.com/2026/03/25/reform-councillors-outrage-that-dildo-packaging-doesnt-even-mention-easter/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Donald Trump uses Graceland visit to profess deep admiration for how Elvis groomed 14-year-old girl https://newsthump.com/2026/03/25/donald-trump-uses-graceland-visit-to-profess-deep-admiration-for-how-elvis-groomed-14-year-old-girl/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! ICE agent wondering how many bodies he’d be able to fit into airport security tray https://newsthump.com/2026/03/24/ice-agent-wondering-how-many-bodies-hed-be-able-to-fit-into-airport-security-tray/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Trump holds peace talks with Iranian restaurant https://newsthump.com/2026/03/24/trump-holds-peace-talks-with-iranian-restaurant/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump @nprofile…7z2m It was made internally (we have a few wannabe illustrators here). It's not AI, but it's also not entirely "illustrated". The Taco and chicken were separate vector illustrations we are licensed to use, and they were combined/tweaked for our use. The eyes and hair are the only parts 100% illustrated from scratch by us here, and the text is just a font with outline strokes added (not drawn). npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump T.A.C.O. Trump Always Chickens Out. Proving it once again in Iran. Get this on a T-shirt with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/rslX9r npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Men at half-mast to mourn founder of OnlyFans https://newsthump.com/2026/03/24/men-at-half-mast-to-mourn-founder-of-onlyfans/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! HS2 to save money by replacing trains with handcars https://newsthump.com/2026/03/24/hs2-to-save-money-by-replacing-trains-with-handcars/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump Brucey Lee. The Kung-fu comedy crossover we never got to see. Get your Tee with free UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/LBT527 npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Remorseful right-wing commentators wishing there had been some sort of clue that Trump was a democracy-denying war-mongering narcissist https://newsthump.com/2026/03/23/remorseful-right-wing-commentators-wishing-there-had-been-some-sort-of-clue-that-trump-was-a-democracy-denying-war-mongering-narcissist/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Recognising your own country: A five-point guide for terminally confused https://newsthump.com/2026/03/23/recognising-your-own-country-a-five-point-guide-for-terminally-confused-2/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Priest having second thoughts about letting Trump give Robert Mueller’s eulogy https://newsthump.com/2026/03/23/priest-having-second-thoughts-about-letting-trump-give-robert-muellers-eulogy/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump The hypocrisy runs deep among the Magaloon community... npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! ‘Saturday Night Live UK was terrible’ insists man who didn’t bother to watch it https://newsthump.com/2026/03/22/saturday-night-live-uk-was-terrible-insists-man-who-didnt-bother-to-watch-it/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump We should be grateful that the Tangerine Grope machine has set the precedent that it's actually okay to publicly celebrate the untimely demise of people you don't like. It's just a shame he won't be around to see the millions of epic parties that will be held when he eventually shuffles off this mortal coil... npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump Cereal Killer. What better way to start your day (or end it) than by murdering a bowl of cereal? Get yours with FREE UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/KTxkhI npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Chuck Norris beats the crap out of Satan https://newsthump.com/2026/03/20/chuck-norris-beats-the-crap-out-of-satan/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump We're sure there are a few tears of frustration being shed stateside... npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Half-and-half scarves at football matches to become criminal offence https://newsthump.com/2026/03/20/half-and-half-scarves-at-football-matches-to-become-criminal-offence/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Trump fumes at Japanese refusal to send Godzilla to Strait of Hormuz https://newsthump.com/2026/03/20/trump-fumes-at-japanese-refusal-to-send-godzilla-to-strait-of-hormuz/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump Politics - the definition. Get yours with free UK delivery here >>> https://go.newsthump.com/rU5Fla npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump A summary of the latest news from the Middle East... npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Riyadh named UK City of Culture https://newsthump.com/2026/03/19/riyadh-named-uk-city-of-culture/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! England awarded 1986 World Cup after FIFA overturns Maradona’s handball goal https://newsthump.com/2026/03/19/england-awarded-1986-world-cup-after-fifa-overturns-maradonas-handball-goal/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump Seeing a lot of American talking faces making points similar to this in the past few days... npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Trump family curse continues as Trump boys develop bone spurs in anticipation of war with Iran https://newsthump.com/2026/03/01/trump-family-curse-continues-as-trump-boys-develop-bone-spurs-in-anticipation-of-war-with-iran/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Shrinking economy actually caused by everyone being stunned into inactivity by our brilliant economic plans, insists government https://newsthump.com/2025/12/12/shrinking-economy-actually-caused-by-everyone-being-stunned-into-inactivity-by-our-brilliant-economic-plans-insists-government/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump Let's settle this like men. With a game of rock paper scissors. Get this T-shirt with free UK delivery here >>> https://shop.newsthump.com/product/rock-paper-scissors-t-shirt/?utm_source=Mastodon&utm_medium=image-post&utm_campaign=280725packpaperTee npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump As the "inhumane killing" of civilians continues, it's hard not to think the lessons history tries to teach us are being completely ignored... npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump NEWS! Britons eagerly begin stockpiling bottles of piss in preparation for Donald Trump September state visit https://newsthump.com/2025/07/15/britons-eagerly-begin-stockpiling-bottles-of-piss-in-preparation-for-donald-trump-september-state-visit/ npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump Oh, look, Mr Free-Speech-Absolutist is up to his usual tricks when authoritarians ask him to suppress the speech of opposition figures... npub1j97yzmveas0kckuuamuu3j9kj6mdt027ae49grnvdm94rk4sfw3q7p94ly NewsThump People. 1-star. "Would not recommend". Get your new T-shirt (with free UK shipping!) right here >>> https://shop.newsthump.com/product/people-1-star-review-t-shirt/?utm_source=Mastodon&utm_medium=image-post&utm_campaign=120225People1starTee
