Staff Chief of Joints

-Hailing from parts unknown!
-Purveyor of Fine Toots
-Comma enthusiast
-Boytato
-He thinks he's funny / Please humor him

Musical noodlings and loops:
http://youtube.com/@the_etrain

My bullshit:
https://justmytoots.com/@[email protected]

#nosearch #nobot #noindex

FACEBOOK: Surely, you jest
INSTAGRAM: Get the f$%# outta here!
WEBSITE: I wrote the HTML by hand in 1996. It's long gone.

Public Key

npub1jdegpgv330hdhuq8xv2xt83t6rzt52z6czcrarznp7nhxwrkgg4qdc8lnl

NIP-05 Address

[email protected]

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsfxu5q5xgchmkm7qrnx9r9nc4ap3969pdvpvp733fslfmn8pmyy2sprpmhxue69uhhyetvv9ujumt0d4hhxarj9ecxjmntqyqqy2jsac

Publishing to

relay.momostr.pink

Author Public Key

npub1jdegpgv330hdhuq8xv2xt83t6rzt52z6czcrarznp7nhxwrkgg4qdc8lnl

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Last Notes

2026-07-01 19:34:38 CEST

Daylily
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/845/915/565/955/308/original/1d4e72f873d6dc1a.jpeg

2026-04-17 01:29:50 CEST

More drugs, please.

2026-04-16 13:14:48 CEST

- reply

Sounds punk rock on the surface of it.

2026-04-16 12:49:35 CEST

- reply

Was he an early looksmaxxing influencer?

2026-04-16 12:30:06 CEST

I never would have thought that the guy hitting himself in the face with a hammer was on drugs.

2026-04-15 18:31:07 CEST

Sure, it's a lot of bullshit, but it's a 𝘥𝘳𝘺 bullshit.

2026-04-15 03:00:27 CEST

Don't think. Let the muscle memory guide your thumb to the boost button.

2026-04-15 02:10:37 CEST

I was convinced that I'd have met more interesting characters in dark alleys by now.

2026-04-14 01:37:22 CEST

I miss being able to read the news and only wanting to launch my phone into the sun maybe twice a month instead of every goddamn time.

2026-04-12 14:21:51 CEST

To state the obvious, they sent the guy who can't even order donuts like a normal person to conduct highly contentious negotiations. Same guy.

2026-04-12 13:22:33 CEST

They keep using this word "negotiation". I do not think it means what they think it means.

2026-04-12 02:47:45 CEST

If Mastodon were a bar, it would be named:

2026-04-11 13:47:36 CEST

My toots are for external use only.

2026-04-10 18:38:43 CEST

The only way I'd ever watch Shark Tank is if they changed the format to dangling billionaires over a shark tank until they gave their fortunes away.

2026-04-09 01:47:38 CEST

Help me, garlic breadsticks. You're my only hope.

2026-04-08 20:38:08 CEST

It's a clown show. They're literally wearing oversized shoes. The one in charge has ridiculous hair and face paint.

2026-04-08 19:54:34 CEST

Jfc, I go to lunch and the Fuckin' Strait is closed again.

2026-04-08 15:50:14 CEST

I too am banned from entry to the UK, but it's because of some unseemly acts involving HP Sauce and the ensuing scurrilous press coverage.

2026-04-03 01:00:09 CEST

Getting paid for lap dances is grinding bones to make some bread.

2026-03-30 18:49:45 CEST

I need a cool, dry place to store 12 tons of KitKats and not a lot of questions.

2026-03-30 18:17:24 CEST

Bullshit canceling headphones.

2026-03-26 18:51:39 CET

Why no D'Artagnan candy bar?

2026-03-25 01:00:54 CET

Protip: if you're involved in negotiations, and you're telling people the other side wants a deal "so badly", you look desperate.

2026-03-25 00:33:33 CET

Open AI stands for Open Another Icecoldbudweiser.

2026-03-22 16:54:21 CET

Good news: I've created a self-sustaining fusion reaction. Bad news: it's in my colon.

2026-03-22 14:07:59 CET

20% of the world's chili supply passes through the Strait of Hormel.

2026-03-20 19:43:23 CET

- reply

They gave up on being a profitable media company and *checks notes*....used other people's money to buy a shitload of bitcoin. *looks at back of card* That's it. That's all they came up with.

2026-03-20 19:39:55 CET

- reply

Watching this group of chucklefucks try to build a company has been like watching a monkey try to fuck a football.

2026-03-20 19:38:00 CET

If it's any solace, Trump Media's stock price is at all time lows.

2026-03-19 23:29:40 CET

Barista: Can I get a name for the order?
Me: *looks around* *leans in* *whispers* ...Banksy.

2026-03-17 01:55:17 CET

My mind is very adept at holding multiple bad ideas at once.

2026-03-13 01:33:47 CET

I wonder if whales ever go people watching. Or do they watch other whales like people go people watching? Hanging out at the whale mall, watching all the whales go by, headed to the food court for some krill.

2026-03-06 21:25:23 CET

Alright USA people, who had square dancing as part of gym class? I'm not the only one.

2026-02-27 18:48:30 CET

- reply

This doesn't reflect well on me.

2026-02-27 16:05:17 CET

WHATA YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?!
I wanna shoop.

2026-02-27 15:35:29 CET

*long drag on cigarette* Kid, this is Mastodon. We're all the algorithm here. You. Me. Everybody. Now get out there and boost somebody's bullshit.

2026-02-26 23:14:34 CET

I'm legitimately pissed off that it's 2026. Like, that's not a real year. That's a year that flashes on a movie screen suggesting a distant future that will never be here. Get outta here with that shit. 2026.

2026-02-24 02:44:00 CET

I should be eating berries in cave, but ohhhh no. We just had to have a bronze age, didn't we.

2026-02-21 14:34:16 CET

- reply

It's a dang ol' nor'easter!

2026-02-21 14:27:26 CET

The forecast has been updated to 8 - 12 inches of snow. It's fine. Everything is fine.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/116/108/836/956/788/661/original/aee5069bd4ddbaff.mp4

2026-02-21 03:11:08 CET

The idea that an entire country should be some homogeneous unit with everyone all on the same page is hilarious because I don't even like the people from the town next to me.

2026-02-19 21:47:21 CET

I found a listing for the exact model bass I have. It's autographed by Dave Mustaine and he used it to write the bass parts for two Megadeth albums. It's up for $25,000 and I instantly thought, wow, nobody likes Dave Mustaine that much.

2026-02-19 18:13:31 CET

- reply

Mastodon is a little clunky. But, so what? At least Eugen isn't telling a bunch of people I'm in the market for new underwear because he's monitoring my web searches. He's telling them that because we worked together to find a cut that flatters my derrière.

2026-02-19 17:45:50 CET

I treat Mastodon like a secret, exclusive club. In 3+ years on here, I think I've told 3 people IRL about it. When they showed zero interest in it, I was like, oh thank god.

2026-02-18 20:20:06 CET

- reply

AI TVs are bad enough, but at least they haven't put AI in refrigerators yet. *googles that* You motherfuckers.

2026-02-16 21:45:50 CET

Bro, have you ever even suspended your disbelief?

2026-02-13 03:13:38 CET

Bobsled is just soap box derby on ice.

2026-02-13 02:35:15 CET

Why's there only one person on that snowboard? Let's get 2 or 3 people on there. Liven things up.

2026-02-08 22:33:29 CET

- reply

They can edit out booing, but not that?

2026-02-06 19:42:00 CET

Nobody does the beard of bees thing anymore. It's prime time for a comeback.

2026-02-05 22:13:17 CET

- reply

YOU BETTER NOT BE WANG CHUNGING IN THERE! WHAT WILL THE NEIGHBORS SAY?

2026-02-05 22:06:20 CET

Don't just stand there wanging your chung!

2026-02-05 17:51:27 CET

Everyone was _____ _____ last night:

2026-01-30 02:15:40 CET

I remember when I used to like things. Those were good times.

2026-01-29 19:44:46 CET

You're right. I do need a set of bongos.

2026-01-27 21:15:59 CET

Ok, hear me out. Fondue, but the pot of cheese can comfortably fit 3 adults.

2026-01-26 14:11:10 CET

I hadn't even had breakfast and my neighbor managed to get his car semi-permanently stuck at the end of his driveway. Gonna be an amazing day.

2026-01-21 14:25:21 CET

Ok, AI guitar amps is where I just start burning shit down.

2026-01-20 03:16:37 CET

The hills have eyes. The mountains have ears. That valley? It's got a sweet ass.

2026-01-20 00:57:06 CET

Let's meet in the middle. We'll both fuck half the way off.

2026-01-17 02:28:36 CET

Gonna build a little blanket fort over the electric radiator because I can't afford a sauna.

2026-01-13 18:13:56 CET

- reply

So, uh, how's it going over there?

2026-01-13 17:43:42 CET

Wtf is the forkiverse and why is it not the sporkiverse?

2026-01-12 19:15:23 CET

Just got my first Mastodon royalty payment and it's in a crypto currency called Tootcoin. I did not read the fine print.

2026-01-09 22:26:01 CET

- reply

Oooo, transfixed? I like that!

2026-01-09 21:23:41 CET

The sumthin' extra is extra percussion. This is a fun loop I really enjoyed making.
https://spectra.video/w/tprSSFPhVmFFQzyZiUWAEc

2026-01-08 15:02:26 CET

Are you now, or have you ever been, a Muppet?

2026-01-03 17:17:27 CET

Officially declaring myself not crazy, and that I have indeed been surrounded by insane people this whole time.

2025-12-30 13:39:08 CET

Sweet summer child implies bitter winter bastard.

2025-12-29 14:27:25 CET

2026 is gonna be lit, in the sense that a lot of things will be completely engulfed in flames before it's all over.

2025-12-28 02:12:12 CET

I'd like to be rewilded now, thank you. Just anywhere in the middle of the woods will be fine.

2025-12-21 19:26:21 CET

People living in the top half of the rotating spheroid can start having a little extra sunlight after today. As a little treat.

2025-12-20 02:07:33 CET

If they start putting AI in TVs I'm gonna lose my shit. *googles that* Oh fuck me, here we go.

2025-12-18 20:12:50 CET

I picked a hell of a day to not wear my ejection pants.

2025-12-18 12:51:25 CET

I just goolgled "ejection pants" and the AI result said, that's not a common term, but this is what it probably means, even though "ejection pants" is just some nonsense that popped into my head.
Then, it occurred to me, every AI result is "this is what it probably means" because it has no fucking idea what ANYTHING means.

2025-12-17 14:49:12 CET

We've replaced his regular coffee with shitposts from a niche decentralized microblogging platform. Let's see if he notices. *crouches behind potted plant*

2025-12-16 01:23:45 CET

Don't think. Boost.

2025-12-14 16:26:03 CET

PSA: you can substitute the words "comfy pants" for:
Tannenbaum
Holy night
Deck the halls

2025-12-11 17:10:13 CET

The average man thinks about Times New Roman four times a day.

2025-12-11 15:31:20 CET

Did 25 minutes on the stationary bike this morning and I'm like, honestly, how difficult could the Tour de France be?

2025-12-10 18:14:08 CET

Bartender: *narrows eyes* You look like the kind of guy that has strong opinions about fonts. *retrieves bat from under bar* We aren't going to have any problems, are we?

2025-12-08 21:51:14 CET

People used to fax jokes around between offices. That shit actually happened.

2025-12-08 19:51:42 CET

Realized yesterday that the dumbest octopus is still smarter than some of my coworkers.

2025-12-05 18:38:03 CET

Rome if you want to.
-The B-LIIs

2025-12-02 22:18:00 CET

A boba is nice for those times you want some tea, but you also want to suck balls through a tube.

2025-12-01 22:16:32 CET

It's called December because it's the tenth month of the metric calendar.

2025-11-26 19:08:40 CET

All this bullshit is being recorded for quality assurance purposes.

2025-11-25 15:21:34 CET

I fucking hate YouTube so much.

2025-11-21 23:36:08 CET

The rhythm is gonna get you. The rhythm is parked across the street with night vision goggles. You need to take out a restraining order against the rhythm.

2025-11-21 14:55:41 CET

Measure twice, toot once.

2025-11-16 15:56:42 CET

If you're shoplifting and the alarm goes off at the store exit, just turn around, stick your hands straight up in the air and piss your pants. They ask you to leave the store without even checking your pockets every time.

2025-11-14 01:34:14 CET

Can't a man shitpost in peace without his kids constantly bugging him like, "what are you doing?" and "don't you know it's my birthday?"

2025-11-12 14:54:55 CET

They should have just forced Sisyphus to keep his hands lotioned during winter.

2025-11-11 22:07:01 CET

When encountered with an email containing multiple questions, just pick one question and answer it, ignoring the rest, is apparently how we do shit around here now.

2025-11-08 02:36:15 CET

We need a combo button called the boosty-like.

2025-11-05 00:56:09 CET

Happy Taco Tootsday!

2025-10-30 12:40:17 CET

Jamiroquai was actually the name of the band. The guy in the hat is Jamiroquai's monster.

2025-10-27 15:48:43 CET

Welp, it's about time to get the gravy cannon out of storage and get it ready for the season.

2025-10-25 04:11:33 CEST

When Mick Jagger sang "you can't always get what you want", it was about the time the concession stand ran out of churros.

2025-10-25 03:20:52 CEST

You're asking the wrong question. We should be asking, who will let the dogs back in?