Queen of Lasers and NYT/USAT Bestselling author of Fairyland, Space Opera, Deathless, The Past Is Red, & more. Any/All
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2026-07-11T03:34:54Z Event JSON
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Last Notes npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I know it’s a weird thing to say. But I saw both Labyrinth and Legend in the theater when I was 7 and I was never the same human again as I was before. Those movies came out two months apart, by the way. Nobody asked 1986 to go as hard as it did. 1986 didn’t give a fuck it came to party. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Oh, wow, this is definitely how the government investigates a very unexpected serious & real crime that was really committed, seriously, whose details totally matter, so we basically HAVE to give Trump $400 million & shut down the Democratic Party forever about it, that’s just the law, you guys. https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/116/482/358/262/828/827/original/f4597003a01ebc0f.jpeg npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente AHHHHH! *deep breath* AHHHHHH! My twisty summer gothic story When He Calls Your Name is a #HUGO FINALIST! I am so beyond happy—I’m so proud of this story & so hoped it would find its people. SEE YOU IN LA DARLINGS, IMMA WEAR A VAMPIRE GOWN https://www.uncannymagazine.com/article/when-he-calls-your-name/ https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/116/443/859/859/878/810/original/bc52e0398f8e3289.jpeg npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The use of “hallucinate” is a stroke of true evil genius in the AI world. In ANY other context we’d just call them errors & the fail rate would be crystal clear. Instead, “hallucinate” implies genuine sentience & the *absence* of real error. Aw, this software isn’t shit! Boo’s just dreaming! npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Just in case nuclear war starts tonight I wanted to say, despite all the complaining, it’s been a jewel of a life with all of you, hanging on a golden chain of moments of togetherness and connection and care. Smoke em if you got em I guess. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente From my new piece concerning the Anthropic settlement: https://catvalente.substack.com/p/blood-money-the-anthropic-settlement https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/116/324/341/009/852/125/original/fe2e07a1ce08d1dc.jpeg npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I just finished filing my claim with the #Anthropic settlement, which used FIFTEEN of my books to train the goddamned Temu Terminator, and I am fucking furious and heartbroken about it: https://catvalente.substack.com/p/blood-money-the-anthropic-settlement npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Concerning the war in Iran, and probably one of the saddest things I've ever written. https://catvalente.substack.com/p/whats-a-panama npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente If any Danish speakers follow me... What would be the Danish equivalent of the name Bob in English? Being a standard very common male name w/uncle vibes, pleasing to say but old-fashioned & kind of pedestrian? Lars? Peet? Thanks for your help! (Happy to take any other Danish tidbits too!) npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The more that comes out, the more it feels like Epstein was low-key running half the planet to a bizarrely granular degree, until he died, at which point the desperate need to hide that fact kept on running it. https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/116/020/044/592/666/847/original/850b2f52cad09717.jpeg npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Since I posted the This Is Why You Feel That Way essay yesterday, several people have messaged me to say that they understood why it was paywalled, but they were strongly affected and wished they could share it. So I've revised and expanded it a fair amount, and posted it for free on both Substack and Patreon so that it can be shared, in hopes that it *is* affecting, and it *can* help. https://www.patreon.com/posts/this-is-why-you-146225130 https://catvalente.substack.com/p/this-is-why-you-feel-that-way npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The Vanilla Kraken AWAKETH npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I’ll post a clear daytime pic tomorrow but I’m just so proud of the Childe and my team pumpkin work this year, and it looks SO COOL at night. I give you…the Jack O’Beholder! https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/115/460/242/017/901/736/original/b42da78e9781c641.jpeg npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente @nprofile…pmx6 short for Velveteen :) npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente A true saga unfurled on BlueSky over the last few days. A family member died unexpectedly & left behind a dog who desperately needed a home. But she was on the other side of the country. My god, somehow, BlueSky turned out an old-fashioned internet miracle. And she is ON HER WAY TO US. This is the whole story, for all to read: https://www.patreon.com/posts/142111668 npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente HELLO TECH PEOPLE May I please have a bookmark with RFID and a home-base device that will make it bleep when I’ve lost the book I was reading & NEED to find out what happens next? Thank you and good evening to you and your families! npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente From my new piece on Trump as the pre-WW2 world trying to claw its way out of its very fresh grave: https://catvalente.substack.com/p/brother-can-you-spare-a-war https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/115/335/250/320/332/834/original/ac7fa0c949ee561f.jpeg npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente New Substack essay on the baffling march toward war for no reason by men who missed every single memo from the 20th century: https://catvalente.substack.com/p/brother-can-you-spare-a-war npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente @nprofile…93zc @nprofile…2map You are now…Wombatman npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Sure, pretty late-night insomniac dumbslop but… …in worlds with tons of superpowered humans, the ones who just got like, basic-ass superstrength + healing must be DEEP in their feels about not getting the wild shit like shapeshifting, time/dimension manip, animal-related powers, flight, time travel, sex-ilithid whatever npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Millennials really need to stop bagging on Boomers for having so many Precious Moments figurines or whatever because I know almost all of us have a fucking ROOM full of old cables we are simply emotionally incapable of throwing away. Also, Precious Moments are fragile Funkos. We’re not better. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente God, it’s like living in a kingdom where the absolute worst people you went to high school with, in every sub-genre of student, is in charge. The worst jocks, the worst nerds, the worst rich kids, the worst drama kids, the worst dropouts, the worst burnouts, the worst mean girls & bullies… npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Have I mentioned I have a story in this anthology AND I’ll be doing two events for the launch?? WELL. 8/19, Bangor Maine, The Briar Patch Bookstore at 6pm! 8/26, Brookline Booksmith, MA, 7pm! Come see me I am SO DAMN EXCITED! https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/115/010/720/196/328/917/original/2405626ed965ebef.jpeg npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Media: PEOPLE ARENT DOING THIS THING ANYMORE & IT’S GOING TO END THE WORLD!! Everyone: we like that thing. Stop making it cost so much, we really want it. First ones to make it less gets all our money Literally all companies & governments: no MEDIA: THERE IS NO SOLUTION YOUNG PEOPLE ARE SATANIC npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente So glad I picked one of these up, my garss is getting way out of control. https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/114/937/587/383/003/758/original/f94e7f297bb3ed7c.jpeg npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente You know, I’ve had a lot of bad days lately. Sometimes when they’re really bad I remember the one & only time I met Terry Pratchett, about a year and a half before the end. He told me I was beautiful and my name sounded magic. Nothing can be all bad when that was allowed to happen in my life. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Today, an 11 year old boy on the island brought me two free lobsters from his own cages & boat (father is a fisherman) because he only started to like reading when he read my Minecraft book My god, life can be so gracious sometimes. It beggars you. My small adamantly vegetarian child was HORRIFIED both by the lobsters alive & how I ate them The Childe screeched: YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T DISSECT THE FROG IN SCIENCE CLASS YOU GOT A NOTE WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS IS THE WORST THING IVE EVER SEEN!!! https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/114/928/590/272/376/654/original/71067df08a8e2293.jpeg npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Every once in awhile, I think of my favorite “…the fuck did you just say?” phraseology, which is from Homer’s Iliad, proving we have never, ever changed as a species, only become less fancily inclined. “What nonsense has escaped the barrier of your teeth now?” npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente @nprofile…skq8 That was actually my first thought. Wild animals can’t put things leftvlying down delicately upright. And a neighbor just reported she saw someone in there with a flashlight that night. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente From my new essay Move Fast and Break People Pt. 4: The Apotheosis of the Lolcow… https://catvalente.substack.com/p/move-fast-and-break-people-part-4 https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/114/864/263/849/652/653/original/39edfdccf17ff98e.jpeg npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente My streak of gross luck continues… someone broke into my office (wee studio in backyard) last night. Didn’t take anything, but smashed my computer screen, moved things around, left it open to the rain I live on a little island. No one locks their doors. This doesn’t happen, ever. I’m really shaken. Obviously everything locked up now. Got security cams. But after 18 years of a pervasive feeling of safety…it’s a rough jolt. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Watching Sleeping Beauty with the child, who immediately ran off on their own quest to defeat Maleficent. I said they’d need a magic wand to have any chance against her. They waved me off with casual confidence. “No, see, my spine is a built-in magic wand? So I always have it with me.” …Professonial Worldbuilder Mama is genuinely impressed, young witch. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The fact that how much money fucking #Superman makes has become some kind of political proving ground is real stupid, but… Surely it was obvious it wouldn’t do well overseas Superman is THE American superhero avatar. No one wants to hear any mouth-flapping about the American Way from us right now. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente FUCKING WHY Did somebody’s wife leave them for a lady? It will NEVER stop with transfolk, just like it was never just about trans kids, so stop pretending we GNC people are acceptable losses as long as the alligators don’t come for the rest THEY ALWAYS COME. https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2025/07/gop-erases-all-mentions-of-bisexuals-from-stonewall-monument-webpages/ npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Just here to remind everyone that the thing calling itself Mechahitler is the same thing people are using as a free therapist every single day. This was a great idea, and will turn out fine. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente You know, I had a novel/novella proposal I was going to send out this year about the first AI POTUS candidate, but I honestly think I waited to long. They’re actually doing it. Not SF anymore. Just shit. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I don’t see why the menfolk got so pressed about the whole Bear vs Man thing. I choose the bear because she’s under a powerful curse & if I guess her true name by midnight we’ll rule the secret forest kingdoms together as immortal bear-queens. I mean, that’s just science. Facts over feelings, boys. (PS it was Susan) npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I need the phrase (or its equivalent in everyday casual speech) of “What the fuck” in as many languages as possible. Go. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I need a Muslim consult for the book I’m working on. Preferably a woman, but any gender expression is fine, I just need to take a quite odd & reproductively confrontational SF concept very seriously from a devout Islamic perspective. Can anyone on masto help me out? npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente For years, people would literally chase me down on the street, thinking I was, or asking if I knew I looked like, Abby from NCIS. But now that I wear glasses, I feel it’s painfully obvious. I am become Megan Mullally. https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/114/735/664/982/391/010/original/6d8a343f45ddfc1a.jpeg https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/114/735/665/351/145/846/original/1e5363d3c08f46e6.jpeg npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Man, I love how the whole tone of the media reaction to Trump dragging us into war with #Iran is just…sorrowful resignation & not the SHIT-CANO OF 24/7 FURIOUS DOLPHIN-SHRIEKING that would follow any Dem breathing too loudly in the direction of Tehran. Really killing it, guys. Democracy, I mean npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente It’s hard to escape the dawning realization that part (or all) of the goal of Google’s AI Overview is to simply eradicate the concept of anyone else having any kind of website at all. Why click on a link & explore when Google told you the answer & you didn’t know it was wrong? Google’s long-con loss-leaders have been nothing but a ramp-up to replacing the entire internet with itself—& a single content creator they never have to pay. Except in the energy of the whole planet. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente In retrospect, the flaw in the Turing Test was always using human discernment as the model to measure against. LLMs easily pass the Turing Test, not because they’re sentient, but because we’re dumbasses who interpret the most dopamine-supplying response to ourselves as the most intelligently human. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Noir is camp for straight people. Carry on. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente @nprofile…2jfw @nprofile…wpd3 @nprofile…kd40 @nprofile…pk58 Jesus fucking Christ you used AI to respond to a post about AI you replaced yourself what is the point of you, then? npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente You know you can just not use AI, right? You can make a choice not to be part of this. Even if your job uses it, YOU don’t have to in your normal life. You don’t have to let your kids use it. You didn’t have it three years ago. You can just…be on Team Human. You can choose. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente From my new piece on Biden’s cancer diagnosis, the media & online response, and what controlled opposition actually means… https://catvalente.substack.com/p/i-am-joes-aggressive-cancer https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/114/614/549/472/677/939/original/fb9621589fb360c8.jpeg npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente New Recipe up at Patreon! This month: Brown & Black "Mac & Cheese" ...which is neither mac & cheese nor brown OR black, but a brown-butter, black garlic, & bold cheese pasta I invented for my kid's WEIRDO PALATE. They INSISTED I tell "the internet" how to make it: https://www.patreon.com/posts/130350375 npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Those of us whose work was used to train LLMs should file a class-action custody suit as ChatGPT’s genetic parents. I’m not kidding. Real Life Actual Court. We playing law games these days? Oh, ok, let’s play. If corpos are people, I’m .01% that little shit’s Mom. See you at the IEP meeting, OpenAI. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente AMAZING how many words the right has to gin up, & how often they have to cycle them, to demonize "normal people who aren't hateful, rude, sadistic pieces of shit" just to continue their little pantomime of being the normal, rational ones We're on DEI/woke now, but it's been hippie, PC, SJW, CRT... npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The problem with how good #Andor was is that it makes A New Hope hit a little different, even though it doesn’t mean any harm. Just…all that pain, grief, slaughter, sacrifice, horror, the grueling, creditless work of it all…then this barely-legal nepobaby who wanted to go to the IMPERIAL ACADEMY five seconds ago, shows up all “Tee hee I have a laser bat!” https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/114/537/113/195/581/410/original/3023c12c35bdd5cc.mp4 npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The thing people still don’t seem to get? Trump backs down at ANY kind of pushback. Resist a little & he folds. SO FUCKING QUIT FOLDING IN ADVANCE DING-DONGS https://www.pressherald.com/2025/05/02/maine-settles-case-over-frozen-usda-school-funds/ npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente At this point, if I woke up in the morning to find out US dollars have been replaced with lit firecrackers, McDonalds has been given direct control of the military, the 2026 midterms will be determined by the outcome of Purge festivities district by district, & all women have been legally reclassified as rhinoceroses, I'd barely blink. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I’m going to say this slowly. If Andrew Tate & his ilk were right about ANYTHING they’d have no audience. Guys would listen briefly, apply advice, & be WAY too busy with their new gfs, side-pieces, & high income hustles to bother tuning in. It’s the Tinder principle: if you’re happy, they lose a customer. Their business model is your unending misery. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Oh my god, 6 year old just asked a post-bath question for the ages: “Mama, in your whole life, how many objects have you gotten that were cursed?” npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente @nprofile…0nz2 @nprofile…fp32 I actually used to DIY a kind of Patreon-Before-Patreon back in the day. The amount of extra work it was on top of producing the content for it took over a huge swath of my life. We DO need these sites, few of us are big enough to make it happen alone. It's not such an easy solution to go it alone. Especially since many of us have built that community over a decade and more npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente If you want to help out, obv. becoming a patron if you weren't before would help shore up the gaping hole we're all grappling with. But do it through a BROWSER, which circumvents all these issues You could also email #Patreon, as we've all done, & complain. I'm not sure they're listening, though npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Basically: any subscriptions made through the iOS/Apple store now have the 30% fee applied, which comes out of our portion of the sub. It also seems iOS subscriptions are subject to a 75 DAY hold, which is truly beyond any normal processing time This is why most folks lost around 30% overnight. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Many changes took effect at #Patreon today, all devastating to creators' income,especially those of us who rely on Patreon to...not die I woke up to my income slashed by 28% despite no change in patrons. I'm not alone--all while our economy burns I'm not sure what to do, but there's a few things 🧵 npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I have not let the Childe watch Little Shop of Horrors yet but they’ve been LOVING the soundtrack. Tonight they angrily marched up the stairs & full-chest BELTED: SUUUUUDDENLY BEDTIIIIME COMES RIGHT ROUND THE CORNER… npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I don’t want to hear one more female character referred to as a motherfucking Mary Sue ever the shit again https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/114/173/297/717/917/610/original/0abbc127d9f5f67a.jpeg npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente At school drop-off awhile back, one of the other parents pulled me aside & whispered the most 19th century thing anyone’s ever said to me: “I‘ve heard your…situation has changed. And I just wanted to say that I know several well-to-do mariners if you ever look for love again…” WELL TO DO MARINERS npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Delightful Linguistic Distraction of the Day: Though it's obscure & obsolete, English has a word for the moment icicles fall from the roof of a house. Stiricide. Which comes very simply from the Latin words for "icicle" & "to fall." Yet so specific, so delicate, so strange, so lovely. Crack. Thunk. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Also, those men, & any who fantasize about being the orgiastic cannibal warlord of their sub-development, have no idea how to feed, clothe, educate, inspire, organize, or heal anyone. They didn’t even stock their prepper pantry. Their wives did. And the second pure violence isn’t going to fix a problem, they’d be the problem that needed fixing. https://mastodo.neoliber.al/@Legit_Spaghetti/114082033665061340 npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The last six weeks have been nothing but these spoilt princes lighting things on fire, then strutting around pretending it’ll be better burnt while privately scrambling to somehow un-burn it because turns out the thing did something pretty fucking important. IT ALL DOES SOMETHING, YOU CREATURES https://www.axios.com/2025/03/03/kennedy-jr-measles-outbreak-vaccine npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Why would there be an apocalypse when you’re in charge and so amazing at everything, Elon? WHY WOULD THERE BE AN APOCALYPSE WHEN YOU’RE IN CHARGE & SO AWESOME AT EVERYTHING, ELON? https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/114/082/006/258/977/324/original/472afde0021d9426.jpeg npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The Trump administration is just the Tulsa Massacre writ large. A black man got elected/black Americans made some progress so the white folks next door have to burn the whole thing down to make it never have happened. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente To be clear, I take no real hope from this. It’s just weird they’re not more comfortable with their supposedly inevitable total victory. https://wandering.shop/@Catvalente/114044348027537103 npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Oh my god I was sharing the Four Tops with a Young Person & told her to pull up Baby I Need Your Lovin and autocorrect changed it to BABY I NEED YOUR LOGIN I’M FUCKING DYING npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I deeply resent that society is falling apart except for all the parts where WE still have to obey the rules & pay our taxes & pretend things are normal enough to function day in & day out. Just couldn’t vote to survive, could you, America? npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I apologize to anyone waiting on responses from me about anything, I’m going on 5 days of sick and that long you’d be getting better but I’m much worse today. High fever. No more yelling about politics. I collapse. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente And I mean wild. Drop f-bombs in every statement so they get covered. Talk like an asshole. Release classified info about Gabbard, Musk, Trump. Get arrested. Barricade the Senate. Get celebrities to do it too. Treat the SOTU like Rocky Horror. Respond THIEF to mentions of Musk. SPY to Gabbard. Hold a press conference naked & say THIS is how unprotected/vulnerable we are. Get crazy, sane hasn’t helped. https://wandering.shop/@Catvalente/114026085485813756 npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I’ve been thinking a lot, like everyone else, about What Can Be Done when #Democrats have no institutional power & the media ignores them. I think they need to get WAY more theatrical. Do wild stunts the media can’t look away from. Stop being respectable. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Shall we talk about the Civil Rights Act? Because that was 1964. The current President turned 18 in 1964. We talk about people being alive now who lived through Jim Crow. The people who LOVED Jim Crow, or just grew up thinking it normal, are also still alive. https://wandering.shop/@Catvalente/114019859631832721 npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The other side? No matter how you count, we haven’t even gotten a century into the idea of MAYBE doing something with our world other than burning EVERYTHING down in wars of conquest every single generation & that’s proved so intolerable oligarchs would rather end us all than allow it to continue. The young men cheering on fascism seem to have forgotten that young men are fascism’s favorite food. https://wandering.shop/@Catvalente/114019859631832721 npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Women couldn’t have their own credit until 1974. Marital rape became illegal nationwide in 1994. We are ONE generation into women having a CHANCE at life & it’s proved so intolerable America would rather end itself than allow such a thing to continue. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente How strange to think an entire generation has now grown up knowing the President only as the Main Character of America and not the stewardship of a public office: briefly held, gently relinquished. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Can you imagine the absolute SEETHING uproar if literally any woman, no matter how conservative, hauled her 4 year old into the Oval Office with her for a meeting, talked over the President, then let her kid tell the President to shut up and go away? npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente 24 hours! My essay Move Fast and Break People Part 1: How the Internet Gave Us the World—Then Took It Away is now unlocked and free to everyone. Part 2 next week. https://catvalente.substack.com/p/move-fast-and-break-people-part-1 https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/113/992/212/550/733/740/original/76fe49b80523abe1.jpeg npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I've been working on this series for about 2 months It's one of the biggest things I've tried to say outside of fiction. It touches on so many issues that, as I kept trying to keep it all in one piece, parts of it kept growing & branching off Join me on this Wonka horrorboat ride of internet history? https://wandering.shop/@Catvalente/113986790689431443 npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I'm so incredibly pleased to see that my novel Space Oddity made the Locus Recommended Reading List! It's also eligible for the Hugo & Nebula Awards, if you wish to consider it. Space Oddity also opens up the Space Opera books for Best Series! https://locusmag.com/2025/02/2024-recommended-reading-list/ npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente This isn’t misinformation, it’s pure lying. Elon broke into a shit ton of databases he should have zero clearance for because few people do. Now he’s lying about what’s in there, & hardly anyone can contradict him BECAUSE NORMAL GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS DON’T BREAK INTO DATABASES https://stockroom.wandering.shop/media_attachments/files/113/981/550/376/686/248/original/7f026a4e1b48ff71.jpeg npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente We are now forecast to get 34 inches of snow in the next 7 days. To be clear: there are 8 inches already on the ground. I’m gonna bet no school Mon Thurs & Fri. All Wednesdays are half days. The next week is mid winter break. I’d throw myself out a window if it wouldn’t just be a short drop into soft powder. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The problem with the Alien franchise at this point is that no one is willing to progress the story or the lore into the timeline’s future Much like Star Wars & Star Trek, it’s all prequels, requels & cliffhangers whose tension depends on fan knowledge of the originals Every Alien movie is trying to be Alien/Aliens—this time with a new toy! Not even Prometheus really breaks new ground beyond dragging Jesus into it The promised climax is always cryo’d into the next film. It never truly arrives. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente It is my birthday. Made it to Level 45 without dying! npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente It seems societies the world over will do just about anything to get folks to have more babies…except the untenably radical notion of being minimally decent to the people who risk their lives to give birth. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Followed up, when the space book went missing for a short time, with the truly immortal, eyes brimming with tears: “But Mama, my heart is BROKEN if I don’t have a book!” npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Almost-5-year-old is reading a book about space out loud to me. I interrupt to share a cool space fact because that, you know, entirely my space…jam. “MAMA! MAMA BE QUIET! MAMA YOU HAVE TO BE QUIET YOU’RE ANNOYING THE STORY!!!” npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Why is the Fulton County seal so much smaller on Trump’s mugshot than everyone else’s? Hoping it’s less noticeable that it IS a mugshot? The special treatment for this radioactive toad will never end. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente An aggressively drama-prone social media network with no block button (or a paid one, you know that’s what’s up) sounds like just a super fantastic idea that in no way will make everything garbage just so no one can ignore the Colicky Emerald Baby and his Nazi friends. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I have a bad feeling Tuberville is blocking those top military spots so they’ll stay open long enough for Trump to get elected, pardon everyone, and then fill those positions with loyalists who will back the next coup. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I just found out Christopher Lloyd was 47 when Back to the Future came out, 46 when it was filmed, and I gotta be honest I was not emotionally ready to face that I’m only three years younger than noted cryptkeeper DOC FUCKING BROWN tonight okay npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Apparently the answer to a hitherto unsolvable plot problem is to sign 1200 bookplates because it’s so inexpressibly boring to write my name 1200 times my poor brain is like FINE WHATEVER I GUESS, WE HAVE TO DO *SOMETHING* UP HERE OR WE WILL LITERALLY DIE TO ESCAPE npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente @npub1lup…jra8 Comfort Me With Apples, no contest. Maaaaybe Deathless if you like that npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente An old guy bought me & my friend a shot at the bar because my friend told him I was a writer. “How many books have you written?” “46. #47 is out next year.” “WOW. What? How? How many did Hemingway have, 10 in his whole life?” “…mate, Hemigway’s rent was $10 a month in Key West. I gotta hustle a little more than my man Ernie.” npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente “What do you want to be for Halloween this year, love? Any thoughts?” 4 year old: “YOU!” “Me?!” “Yeah, I just need a black wig, a black dress, a BIG necklace, and some books!” “Okay…but why is that scary?” 4: “Because then *I* would make the rules!” *literal villain cackle* “…you’re right. That’s the most terrifying costume I’ve ever heard of.” npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Goddammit I do not want that fucking X on my phone screen it looks like porn is just SUPER important to me I hate it. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Also if you are an SFF writer or we know each other otherwise, online or IRL, say hi so I can follow you!