Queen of Lasers and NYT/USAT Bestselling author of Fairyland, Space Opera, Deathless, The Past Is Red, & more. Any/All
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2026-07-11T03:34:54Z Event JSON
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Last Notes npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I know it’s a weird thing to say. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Oh, wow, this is definitely how the government investigates a very unexpected serious & real crime that was really committed, seriously, whose details totally matter, so we basically HAVE to give Trump $400 million & shut down the Democratic Party forever about it, that’s just the law, you guys. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente AHHHHH! npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The use of “hallucinate” is a stroke of true evil genius in the AI world. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Just in case nuclear war starts tonight I wanted to say, despite all the complaining, it’s been a jewel of a life with all of you, hanging on a golden chain of moments of togetherness and connection and care. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente From my new piece concerning the Anthropic settlement: npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I just finished filing my claim with the #Anthropic settlement, which used FIFTEEN of my books to train the goddamned Temu Terminator, and I am fucking furious and heartbroken about it: npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Concerning the war in Iran, and probably one of the saddest things I've ever written. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente If any Danish speakers follow me... npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The more that comes out, the more it feels like Epstein was low-key running half the planet to a bizarrely granular degree, until he died, at which point the desperate need to hide that fact kept on running it. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Since I posted the This Is Why You Feel That Way essay yesterday, several people have messaged me to say that they understood why it was paywalled, but they were strongly affected and wished they could share it. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The Vanilla Kraken AWAKETH npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I’ll post a clear daytime pic tomorrow but I’m just so proud of the Childe and my team pumpkin work this year, and it looks SO COOL at night. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente @nprofile…pmx6 short for Velveteen :) npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente A true saga unfurled on BlueSky over the last few days. A family member died unexpectedly & left behind a dog who desperately needed a home. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente HELLO TECH PEOPLE npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente From my new piece on Trump as the pre-WW2 world trying to claw its way out of its very fresh grave: npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente New Substack essay on the baffling march toward war for no reason by men who missed every single memo from the 20th century: npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente @nprofile…93zc @nprofile…2map You are now…Wombatman npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Sure, pretty late-night insomniac dumbslop but… npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Millennials really need to stop bagging on Boomers for having so many Precious Moments figurines or whatever because I know almost all of us have a fucking ROOM full of old cables we are simply emotionally incapable of throwing away. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente God, it’s like living in a kingdom where the absolute worst people you went to high school with, in every sub-genre of student, is in charge. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Have I mentioned I have a story in this anthology AND I’ll be doing two events for the launch?? npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Media: PEOPLE ARENT DOING THIS THING ANYMORE & IT’S GOING TO END THE WORLD!! npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente So glad I picked one of these up, my garss is getting way out of control. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente You know, I’ve had a lot of bad days lately. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Today, an 11 year old boy on the island brought me two free lobsters from his own cages & boat (father is a fisherman) because he only started to like reading when he read my Minecraft book npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Every once in awhile, I think of my favorite “…the fuck did you just say?” phraseology, which is from Homer’s Iliad, proving we have never, ever changed as a species, only become less fancily inclined. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente @nprofile…skq8 That was actually my first thought. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente From my new essay Move Fast and Break People Pt. 4: The Apotheosis of the Lolcow… npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente My streak of gross luck continues… npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Watching Sleeping Beauty with the child, who immediately ran off on their own quest to defeat Maleficent. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The fact that how much money fucking #Superman makes has become some kind of political proving ground is real stupid, but… npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente FUCKING WHY npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Just here to remind everyone that the thing calling itself Mechahitler is the same thing people are using as a free therapist every single day. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente You know, I had a novel/novella proposal I was going to send out this year about the first AI POTUS candidate, but I honestly think I waited to long. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I don’t see why the menfolk got so pressed about the whole Bear vs Man thing. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I need the phrase (or its equivalent in everyday casual speech) of “What the fuck” in as many languages as possible. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I need a Muslim consult for the book I’m working on. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente For years, people would literally chase me down on the street, thinking I was, or asking if I knew I looked like, Abby from NCIS. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Man, I love how the whole tone of the media reaction to Trump dragging us into war with #Iran is just…sorrowful resignation & not the SHIT-CANO OF 24/7 FURIOUS DOLPHIN-SHRIEKING that would follow any Dem breathing too loudly in the direction of Tehran. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente It’s hard to escape the dawning realization that part (or all) of the goal of Google’s AI Overview is to simply eradicate the concept of anyone else having any kind of website at all. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente In retrospect, the flaw in the Turing Test was always using human discernment as the model to measure against. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Noir is camp for straight people. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente @nprofile…2jfw @nprofile…wpd3 @nprofile…kd40 @nprofile…pk58 Jesus fucking Christ you used AI to respond to a post about AI you replaced yourself what is the point of you, then? npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente You know you can just not use AI, right? npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente From my new piece on Biden’s cancer diagnosis, the media & online response, and what controlled opposition actually means… npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente New Recipe up at Patreon! npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Those of us whose work was used to train LLMs should file a class-action custody suit as ChatGPT’s genetic parents. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente AMAZING how many words the right has to gin up, & how often they have to cycle them, to demonize "normal people who aren't hateful, rude, sadistic pieces of shit" just to continue their little pantomime of being the normal, rational ones npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The problem with how good #Andor was is that it makes A New Hope hit a little different, even though it doesn’t mean any harm. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The thing people still don’t seem to get? npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente At this point, if I woke up in the morning to find out US dollars have been replaced with lit firecrackers, McDonalds has been given direct control of the military, the 2026 midterms will be determined by the outcome of Purge festivities district by district, & all women have been legally reclassified as rhinoceroses, I'd barely blink. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I’m going to say this slowly. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Oh my god, 6 year old just asked a post-bath question for the ages: npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente @nprofile…0nz2 @nprofile…fp32 I actually used to DIY a kind of Patreon-Before-Patreon back in the day. The amount of extra work it was on top of producing the content for it took over a huge swath of my life. We DO need these sites, few of us are big enough to make it happen alone. It's not such an easy solution to go it alone. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente If you want to help out, obv. becoming a patron if you weren't before would help shore up the gaping hole we're all grappling with. But do it through a BROWSER, which circumvents all these issues npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Basically: any subscriptions made through the iOS/Apple store now have the 30% fee applied, which comes out of our portion of the sub. It also seems iOS subscriptions are subject to a 75 DAY hold, which is truly beyond any normal processing time npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Many changes took effect at #Patreon today, all devastating to creators' income,especially those of us who rely on Patreon to...not die npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I have not let the Childe watch Little Shop of Horrors yet but they’ve been LOVING the soundtrack. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I don’t want to hear one more female character referred to as a motherfucking Mary Sue ever the shit again npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente At school drop-off awhile back, one of the other parents pulled me aside & whispered the most 19th century thing anyone’s ever said to me: npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Delightful Linguistic Distraction of the Day: npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Also, those men, & any who fantasize about being the orgiastic cannibal warlord of their sub-development, have no idea how to feed, clothe, educate, inspire, organize, or heal anyone. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The last six weeks have been nothing but these spoilt princes lighting things on fire, then strutting around pretending it’ll be better burnt while privately scrambling to somehow un-burn it because turns out the thing did something pretty fucking important. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Why would there be an apocalypse when you’re in charge and so amazing at everything, Elon? npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The Trump administration is just the Tulsa Massacre writ large. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente To be clear, I take no real hope from this. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Oh my god I was sharing the Four Tops with a Young Person & told her to pull up Baby I Need Your Lovin and autocorrect changed it to BABY I NEED YOUR LOGIN npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I deeply resent that society is falling apart except for all the parts where WE still have to obey the rules & pay our taxes & pretend things are normal enough to function day in & day out. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I apologize to anyone waiting on responses from me about anything, I’m going on 5 days of sick and that long you’d be getting better but I’m much worse today. High fever. No more yelling about politics. I collapse. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente And I mean wild. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I’ve been thinking a lot, like everyone else, about What Can Be Done when #Democrats have no institutional power & the media ignores them. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Shall we talk about the Civil Rights Act? Because that was 1964. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The other side? npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Women couldn’t have their own credit until 1974. Marital rape became illegal nationwide in 1994. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente How strange to think an entire generation has now grown up knowing the President only as the Main Character of America and not the stewardship of a public office: briefly held, gently relinquished. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Can you imagine the absolute SEETHING uproar if literally any woman, no matter how conservative, hauled her 4 year old into the Oval Office with her for a meeting, talked over the President, then let her kid tell the President to shut up and go away? npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente 24 hours! npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I've been working on this series for about 2 months npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I'm so incredibly pleased to see that my novel Space Oddity made the Locus Recommended Reading List! npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente This isn’t misinformation, it’s pure lying. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente We are now forecast to get 34 inches of snow in the next 7 days. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente The problem with the Alien franchise at this point is that no one is willing to progress the story or the lore into the timeline’s future npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente It is my birthday. Made it to Level 45 without dying! npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente It seems societies the world over will do just about anything to get folks to have more babies…except the untenably radical notion of being minimally decent to the people who risk their lives to give birth. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Followed up, when the space book went missing for a short time, with the truly immortal, eyes brimming with tears: npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Almost-5-year-old is reading a book about space out loud to me. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Why is the Fulton County seal so much smaller on Trump’s mugshot than everyone else’s? npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente An aggressively drama-prone social media network with no block button (or a paid one, you know that’s what’s up) sounds like just a super fantastic idea that in no way will make everything garbage just so no one can ignore the Colicky Emerald Baby and his Nazi friends. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I have a bad feeling Tuberville is blocking those top military spots so they’ll stay open long enough for Trump to get elected, pardon everyone, and then fill those positions with loyalists who will back the next coup. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente I just found out Christopher Lloyd was 47 when Back to the Future came out, 46 when it was filmed, and I gotta be honest I was not emotionally ready to face that I’m only three years younger than noted cryptkeeper DOC FUCKING BROWN tonight okay npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Apparently the answer to a hitherto unsolvable plot problem is to sign 1200 bookplates because it’s so inexpressibly boring to write my name 1200 times my poor brain is like FINE WHATEVER I GUESS, WE HAVE TO DO *SOMETHING* UP HERE OR WE WILL LITERALLY DIE TO ESCAPE npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente @npub1lup…jra8 Comfort Me With Apples, no contest. Maaaaybe Deathless if you like that npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente An old guy bought me & my friend a shot at the bar because my friend told him I was a writer. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente “What do you want to be for Halloween this year, love? Any thoughts?” npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Goddammit I do not want that fucking X on my phone screen it looks like porn is just SUPER important to me I hate it. npub1jv9ztv5v7suycyxru9mn6em4tycn3qtcm7g39rh505kfanuwgy6s9sptvj Catherynne M. Valente Also if you are an SFF writer or we know each other otherwise, online or IRL, say hi so I can follow you!
