dugglebutt

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Last Notes

2026-06-16 17:20:40 UTC

There was this guy in 2007 who is an archeologist and he was sent into Lake Michigan to find shipwrecks (which are numerous)
What he found was far more disturbing.
He noticed a giant rock formation. It has been called the Lake Michigan Stonehenge
It is a bit of a misnomer, but he took pictures and brought them back and this clearly caused an alarm in the scientific community
It has been carbon-dated to roughly 8,000 to 10,000 years. And nobody has any clue why it is there or who put it there.

2026-05-27 00:53:23 UTC

I am a gigantic human by nature. You know what’s fun about being a huge human?
Fucken nothing
Have fun ducking under doors. And man, enjoy taking public transportation with your kneecaps in your nostrils
This is what we deal with

2026-05-24 22:15:30 UTC

I have a really dumb question, that is seemingly very innocuous, but it is something that I can’t really fathom:
If you are a fiction writer, how do you come up with characters’ names?
Anyone can just name a character Todd Butthole or whatever, but they must put some degree of thought into it.
How do they do that?

2026-01-10 20:11:57 UTC

Dude one of the funniest holdovers about the Untied States, is you can legitimately, and I am not making this up, just ride a horse around
You can just do that.
They are legally considered vehicles lol
Classic move, humans lmaooo

2026-01-09 00:58:08 UTC

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I mean, like. I just kinda don’t wanna.
I’m cool here on the Ol’ Terra Firma, as it were.
Seems like a decent evolutionary plan so far.

2026-01-08 17:38:08 UTC

This is insanity: the primary reason why perfume and cologne is so expensive is because it uses this thing called Ambergris, which is essentially just Sperm Whale shit
It apparently works to stick to humans’ skin and is exceedingly rare (because you have to track down a Sperm Whale and wait for it to poop or die) but it is the primary ingredient in every perfume.
Humans be crazy.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ambergris?wprov=sfti1

2026-01-06 18:52:41 UTC

Everyone believes that John D. Rockefeller was the wealthiest American in history
Not true
Scottish-American Andrew Carnegie was
But he gave all of his money away to charity
Guy died without a penny in his hand
Dude was rad.

2025-12-28 21:15:12 UTC

Because I have the humor of a 10 year old:
Toilet-maker and businessman Thomas Crapper (from which the term, ‘take a crap’ comes from), famously invented ‘The Floating Ballcock’, which revolutionized plumbing
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/115/799/261/278/884/387/original/db0f0c403afa1216.png

2025-12-26 05:35:00 UTC

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lol in the words of Groucho Marx:
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member

2025-12-26 04:21:22 UTC

Because nobody cares anymore:
I bet COVID did a number on those membership swingers clubs

2025-12-02 20:55:26 UTC

So, whatever. I have had a really shitty couple of days. One of my friends was found dead in his apartment yesterday morning. I have just been ruminating on this probably to a bad extent. I can’t stop thinking about it.
I’m trying to get my mind off but nothing is working.
Fuck.

2025-11-15 23:29:13 UTC

You know what sucks is I am a huge human being. I mean I consider myself to be 6’3” 250 (even though my doctors tell me I am 6’4” 265) but I never really wanted to be this way. And the worst thing is that people are always trying to fight me.
And I am not necessarily a pacifist, but I really don’t like fighting at all.
So it’s really annoying because I will take you down, but I certainly don’t want to. But I will.

2025-11-13 16:40:44 UTC

That same night, I needed to get ice but there are only every other floor, so I head downstairs and immediately, this is like 1 AM, at least 12 Secret Service agents surround me and they are like, what do you want? I was like, uhhhh, I. Want. Ice? So they follow me to the ice machine and back.
It scared the absolute shit out of me. Apparently the president of Iran was on that floor, thus the Secret Service presence. I absolutely fly back to my room and I was like, well I’m not doing that again lol

2025-10-24 15:28:48 UTC

I always thought Richard Nixon was sort of hilarious because, after the Watergate Scandal, he holds a press conference then just, famously says, “I am not a crook” then just jumps on a helicopter and just disappears into the ethos. Everyone saw this happen and was just like, wait what the fuck?? Classic move.

2025-10-21 17:24:13 UTC

It’s not overtly uncommon for a comet to fly into our orbit, it happens quite frequently. What is unusual about 3I/ATLAS is that it is not from our solar system and it is spewing water.
That is what’s weird about it

2025-10-19 20:34:16 UTC

Wow. Apparently MTV is shutting down shop. That sucks. So many good memories.
RIP.

2025-10-18 02:01:37 UTC

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I mean it will be fine but damn. Just sort of can’t see out of my left eye rn. Gotta be prescient of that I suppose lol

2025-10-18 01:58:24 UTC

One thing ppl don’t tell you about getting older is you have to start wearing glasses. And I was just switching from my phone to a baseball game and I inadvertently stuck whatever the earpiece is called directly into my eye socket because you aren’t really concerned about your glasses, more about what’s going on. And ow. That one hurt. Ow. Um ow.

2025-10-14 19:36:23 UTC

It’s so insane how in the early 2000’s Detroit was a huge Mecca of music. Just out of nowhere. Eminem, White Stripes and for what it’s worth, Kid Rock and the Insane Clown Posse. Just nuts how Detroit just pumped out huge acts. How did that happen??

2025-10-10 22:13:56 UTC

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this could get really messy. North America, South America, Europe, Africa and the rest of Asia. This could be WW3. It is going to be a disaster. Gear up.

2025-10-10 22:03:54 UTC

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I would not be shocked if we go to proper war with China soon.

2025-10-10 22:02:10 UTC

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https://www.reuters.com/world/china/china-tightens-rare-earth-export-controls-2025-10-09/

2025-10-10 21:53:33 UTC

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it’s difficult to mansplain this. Basically the Chinese own a huge amount of basic metals, like 70%. Lithium and other heavy metals. Which every battery is built from. And they came out this morning saying they dropping huge tariffs across the board, to every country. So they are essentially fucking everyone.
We should have seen this coming, and we did, but nobody did anything about it

2025-10-10 21:11:05 UTC

Jesus Christ. The S&P Index has fallen 3% already today. $1.5 TRILLION was wiped off the map this morning. This is going to be a rollercoaster and not in a good way

2025-10-10 04:36:29 UTC

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well. Nothing good. I basically got into this huge argument with my entire family. Ugh. It’s fine.

2025-10-10 03:57:48 UTC

So I just had the worst day of my life. That was fun. It isn’t raining, it is hailing. I am getting absolutely crushed over here. Jesus. Just slaughtered.

2025-10-07 15:51:31 UTC

Europe is crazy because everyone thinks the cities are a million miles away from each other, but you can literally stand on the cliffs of Dover and just see Paris. London and Paris are like an hour away from each other. People swim from one to another frequently.

2025-10-01 22:20:28 UTC

It’s sort of hilarious to me how everyone in the rap community “hates” each other and “has beef”
Go screw. You have the easiest jobs in the world. You walk around a stage and lip synch for half an hour and get paid $200,000

2025-09-29 21:25:36 UTC

Willie Nelson once said the USA national animal should be the horse and yanno, that makes a lot of sense

2025-09-27 03:56:12 UTC

So. Okay. I was in this fraternity called Delta Kappa Epsilon (DKE)
And here is the crazy part. So. Every chapter has these things called a Chapter Room
We all have these things
Okay?
So there was this guy named George HW Bush. And he was the sitting president of The United States of America
I really shouldn’t speak about this
But I am going to
Fuck you FBI 🖕
And the DKE brothers have this rule where unless you are a chapter senior, you are absolutely not allowed to enter the Chapter Room. You just fucking aren’t.
And George HW Bush tried to get into the Colgate Mu Temple Chapter Room. And the brothers would absolutely not allow him in.
They stood in front of the door. There is only 1. There is an entrance and no exit. And the seniors stood in front of the door with their arms crossed and just said no. And the Secret Service was like, “uh maybe we should not push the subject”
And the craziest shit is he was a Phi Yale DKE. And the brothers would stand there and say to the fucking goddamn president of the United States, “no”
Do you have any idea insane that is? It’s just mindblowing
It’s typically believed that the Mu Temple holds all of the Skulls from the Skull and Crossbones Society. It has never been confirmed. But idk. I could believe it.

2025-09-26 00:37:21 UTC

I have no clue what to do anymore. I am just staring at the ceiling. I hate this fucking planet earth man. I am literally on my elbows and knees now. I cannot figure this out. What did I do to create this situation?
This nightmare is never going to end.

2025-09-21 03:58:53 UTC

There was a guy.
His name was Thomas Crapper. Who was a plumber.
And the reason why ‘taking a crap’ exists is named after him
Which is hilarious
BUT
He also invented the floating ballcock and the U-Bend
Dude was a living meme lolll
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Crapper?wprov=sfti1#

2025-09-09 00:06:27 UTC

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People think that issue is over. Oh buddy. it’s just getting started.

2025-09-08 23:57:56 UTC

The craziest thing about the Chernobyl reactor disaster is that shit isn’t over. It’s been like 40 years. That thing is still digging into the bowels of the earth. The sarcophagus that was put on top needs to be replaced soon. Like it’s not just going away any time soon.

2025-09-03 21:37:26 UTC

“RIVERS BE DAMMED!!”
- beavers, probably

2025-08-27 01:23:50 UTC

In terms of popular music, I believe Mariah Carey can hit all 8 octaves. And strangely, Mike Patton (Faith No More etc) can hit like 6. Which is insane

2025-08-23 02:30:11 UTC

There was this time when I was a kid where like Time Capsules were a trend. Do people still do that?
It was like wow a letter I completely remember writing as some stupid class project to myself 20 years ago. Neat.

2025-08-15 19:43:32 UTC

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It actually hurts me a lot. I don’t mind if it is now in retrospect. My life could have been completely different. I could have been a world class athlete. But nope. I decided not to and went to college instead. I don’t think that was the wrong decision

2025-08-15 19:25:03 UTC

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I’m actually good in retrospect that I didn’t join the USA Olympic Swimming Squad because my life would have been much different. Idk. Maybe it would been better. I have no idea. I just don’t know.

2025-08-15 18:46:24 UTC

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It actually sucks because I told my parents, and they were like, you have to go to Hamilton. And I was like, alright

2025-08-15 18:43:09 UTC

I had this really weird thing where I was extremely good at sports in high school. I got recruited by every D1 school for football. Everyone. Alabama, Michigan, Ohio State, Auburn. All of them
But the most insane shit is that the US Olympic Swimming squad wanted me. And had already gotten into college, so I had to turn down their offer.

2025-08-03 02:55:00 UTC

I love how the 10th largest pyramid in the world is located in Memphis, TN and it’s a Bass Pro Shops
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memphis_Pyramid?wprov=sfti1#

2025-07-30 02:18:10 UTC

"If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of freemen, we must live through all time, or die by suicide”
- A. Lincoln

2025-07-14 19:24:17 UTC

So like I’m a little bit larger downstairs. And people think it’s great. I can absolutely tell you that it is not
Like, having a large penis actually sucks.
I can’t tell you how many times women have said we can’t have sex. Because I would actually hurt them
And I was just like okay, well that’s fine.
I mean I never ever wanted to hurt anyone
I mean I suppose it’s fine now that I am older. I don’t care too much.
Whatever I guess it’s fine. I just don’t want to hurt anyone.

2025-07-14 15:17:35 UTC

So last night at like 2 AM someone installed these weird black boxes on a telephone pole near my house. There has been a black van just parked next to them all day. Wtf? I mean if that doesn’t scream FBI, idk what does.

2025-07-06 19:29:24 UTC

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It’s really not that impressive at all lol.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/114/807/937/352/016/444/original/4034d80e466287d2.png

2025-07-06 18:35:14 UTC

You know what’s crazy is the end of the Bible always talks about how the final showdown between good and evil happens on the fields of Armageddon, like it’s some MCU shit.
Armageddon is a real place. You can just go there. It’s largely just farmland. Not much happening in terms of biblical revolt.
Just kind of growing grains and stuff. Day to day stuff.

2025-07-03 21:20:40 UTC

The Fourth of July is funny to me because the police are just like, you know what? Just for today, we are going to let drunk people play with explosives

2025-06-25 05:26:24 UTC

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I’ve lost so much weight over the past few years, my doctors are like, “you need to eat”. They are right but it’s extremely difficult. I’ve lost something like 150 lbs. like it’s kind of messed up.

2025-06-25 05:16:37 UTC

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I don’t really like feeling dumb but I mean I have to eat. Like you know, that’s a huge thing. Otherwise like you die I guess idk. I just eat like 2 meals a week. Like not 2 meals a day. 2 meals a week. I will easily go 3 or 4 days without food. It’s weird because you sort of don’t get hungry anymore.

2025-06-25 05:11:21 UTC

You know what’s stupid? I basically have to smoke pot as a medicinal purpose. Because my stupid stomach bleeds all the time so I’m not hungry for days. It’s a long story, I had cancer and all this stuff. But weed makes me hungry. I guess getting stoned is fun but I actually don’t really like it.

2025-06-24 20:07:14 UTC

From what I understand Death Valley in California is one of the hottest places on earth. It contains the Badwater Basin. I mean if “Death” and “Badwater” weren’t enough to make you not want to go there, I’m not sure what would.
Like you can’t really even go there. I mean you *can* but you will quickly regret that decision lol

2025-06-23 04:00:15 UTC

I have this really weird problem where. Okay this sounds stupid. I don’t why this is the case but women find me very attractive. And I have had like sit-downs with female friends of mine and they are like, well you are funny and that’s very disarming. And I’m like, what? But I guess that’s a thing. I had no idea.

2025-06-16 00:47:57 UTC

So I got struck by lightning a long time ago and the most important thing I took away from that is just how simply quickly the human brain can comprehend what is happening
You see a bolt of lightning strike a tree and it happens within 1 millionth of a second. When you get struck, that lasts for several minutes. Immediately your brain tells you to just drop to the floor. You can’t. You don’t even have the time to turn your body off and hit the ground. Time doesn’t exist anymore.
But what your mind does, is revolve through every single scenario in one billionth of a second. It’s fascinating how fast it calculates when it needs to.
Eventually, it ends up with, “well I guess this is how I die now”
Not fun.
I mean I didn’t die (clearly) but I certainly didn’t dodge a bullet there

2025-06-07 02:48:47 UTC

That goddamn thing called the Swan in Fallout 4 will just uncreate you. That thing is inoperative. It will simply remove you out of the game. You have to be aware of it. Because it will just come out of nowhere and destroy you. Just get ready for that one.

2025-05-31 00:52:06 UTC

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I will say one thing about cocaine and I will never speak about this ever again: cocaine is quite possibly the greatest drug ever.
That shit is so fucking addictive. It’s incredible. If you do it one time, you will find yourself in this insane backwards story. Don’t do that. It’s a huge nightmare.

2025-05-31 00:37:50 UTC

I’m so glad I never fucked around with hardcore drugs. That was never my game at all. I screwed around with cocaine for like 1 year. I would not recommend it at all. I drink and I smoke pot once in a while. That’s it.
I’m a stupid bad idiot. But I’m not that stupid.

2025-01-07 22:56:41 UTC

Kinda want to make a documentary about how the Vengabus pulled up and they were ultimately the ones who Let All The Dogs Out
I mean, there is no actual proof that you can’t convince me I’m wrong

2024-12-12 02:42:21 UTC

Artificial Intelligence is so funny to me because it’s just basically a bunch of anti-social nerds explaining to a computer, that has absolutely no frame of reference, what it’s like to be human lol

2024-11-19 18:29:18 UTC

I have one of those Toto bidet toilet seats, and lemme tell you, goldmine.
The bidet function is great but the heated seat is awesome.
Only downside is you have to have an electrician install a plug behind the toilet. But worth it.
Warming the buns on a winter’s day is fantastic.

2024-10-25 04:28:22 UTC

There is this thing you can do, I would *strongly* suggest fucken not doing it, but you can scuba the USS Arizona at Pearl Harbor in Hawaii. It’s wildly dark so godspeed
It’s just full of skeletons and oil. Do *not* under any circumstance do that.
It’s incredibly illegal. Like not even close to being legal. It’s out of this realm.
Ppl scuba it at like 3AM. I could not imagine a worse nightmare scenario, but ppl do it.

2024-10-15 04:35:45 UTC

Some people: It’s Columbus Day!!
Other people: It’s Indigenous Peoples’ Day!!
Me: I haven’t looked at a calendar in 4 years

2024-10-10 03:06:56 UTC

My gmail Avi has been a Chicago Cubs logo since like 2003 because I was a beta-tester and I have no clue how to change it lmaooo

2024-10-06 20:19:40 UTC

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I am unaware(?) what is this magic you speak of?

2024-10-06 20:17:17 UTC

Been thinking a lot about geothermal heating. It’s like $10,000 and all they do is bore a deep hole in the ground and stick a metal pipe in it and you have free heat forever. Leonardo DiCaprio has it in his manhattan house. Not a bad investment.

2024-09-25 13:39:27 UTC

Naval history is sometimes ridiculous because gov’ts do all these stupid things. Like the Japanese gov’t put basically their entire budget into ONE boat called the Yamato during WWII. So clearly the Americans were like, well we gotta sink that thing. And we did. You couldn’t miss it, it was enormous

2024-09-23 01:32:15 UTC

I was just listening to Beethoven and Spotify asked me if I wanted to listen to his new album? I’m sorry, what? Did I miss something? Is he going on tour again?

2024-09-21 18:02:11 UTC

I have this trashcan made by this company called Simple Human, and like sometimes I look at it and I’m like, “Man, could you not be any more offensive?” But then I realize that I’m apparently a person who talks to trashcans, and I guess it makes sense.

2024-09-15 18:26:01 UTC

You absolute monsters. You absolute animals. Did you know that Helium, which is a periodic gas, is simply vanishing throughout our solar system? One tiny balloon of helium is worth about $15.
Helium is so expensive. Nobody has any clue. And you have no idea lmaoooo

2024-09-14 05:08:36 UTC

Somebody, who I would hope works at Apple in Cupertino, CA needs to explain to me, like I am a 6 year old child, why it is that only one AirPod charges while the other one lies dormant in the charger. What is this nonsense?

2024-09-13 16:53:38 UTC

“The truth is like poetry - nobody wants to hear it”

2024-08-25 17:14:49 UTC

There is a guy named The Second Earl of Sandwich which is quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever read in my life. Can you imagine? You’re not even the primary Earl of Sandwich. You’re the second one. Just fantastic stuff. Thanks god. You’ve done it again.

2024-08-19 01:04:42 UTC

I don’t know if many people know this but the pacific ocean is insanely large. Like ridiculous. It’s like half the size of the planet earth. Like wtf? What the shit is going on over there?
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/985/993/427/456/068/original/c55e2097432de3e4.png

2024-07-01 05:00:51 UTC

If you ever find yourself in NYC you are bored and having nothing to do and have no money, listen to me. Jump on the 6 train heading south. There is this wild subway stop that nobody knows about that has been closed off from the public for decades.
The 6 heading south technically terminates at I think Wall, which there be an announcement saying all passengers must leave the train. Stay on. Jump to the right side of the train with a window. The 6 does a huge loop to become the 6 heading north, but by doing so, it goes through the City Hall stop.
It’s not a stop anymore but the MTA always keeps it immaculate because only they are allowed to see it. It’s completely marble w fountains and hanging gardens and light shining from the sidewalk above. If I’m not mistaken, this is where the subway scene in ghostbusters 2 was filmed.
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/709/466/236/487/439/original/46dee2f76cd65e36.png
https://media.beige.party/media_attachments/files/112/709/466/598/138/217/original/0c46c57adeaf7389.png

2024-02-29 18:18:31 UTC

I always thought it was sort of funny that there is a country named The United States of America. That’s not really a name of a country. That’s a description of a place. But I guess Americans are not great at naming stuff. The Great Lakes? The Grand Canyon? The Rocky Mountains? Yeah those are all correct. They are all exactly those descriptions.