The VHS Wizard 🦝📼🧙

Actor / Cartoonist / Author / Humorist (and kinda bad at all of them), but I've failed at more things than most people have tried.

Married, poly, old and in a lot of pain. Played a doctor on TV. Former G+ Influencer. An actual wizard.

I know an unhealthy, generally worrying amount of things about the following topics:
#MST3K
#Rifftrax
#Riffing
#Tokusatsu
#SuperSentai
#KamenRider
#Cryptids
#1970sMadeForTVMovies
#Stargate
#DoctorWho

Pronouns: any/all (agender)
Website: cinematicftp.com
Occupation: Wizard
aka: DrakkenZero, Adam Smithee, Kallisti_X

Public Key

npub1xzljv9zu82cwavp3l5whyadqk9nnv4vygn45y9uxadxxjgzah3gsgrw335

NIP-05 Address

[email protected]

Profile Code

nprofile1qqsrp0exz3wr4v8wkqcl68tjwkstzeek2kzyf66zz7rwknrfypwmc5gprpmhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuumwdae8gtnnda3kjctvqy28wumn8ghj7un9d3shjtnyv9kh2uewd9hsqgkxgk

Publishing to

relay.snort.social

relay.damus.io

nos.lol

Author Public Key

npub1xzljv9zu82cwavp3l5whyadqk9nnv4vygn45y9uxadxxjgzah3gsgrw335

Show more details

Published at

2026-07-25T02:34:01Z

Kind type

0 Metadata

Event JSON

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Last Notes

2026-06-18 23:20:27 UTC

I love that on the regular internet, you can be like "I need to find out what part this is on my 2025 car" and all the results you get back are for car rentals, people trying to sell you a car, trying to buy your car, or AI slop videos explaining to you what a car is in the least intelligible way possible.
But... in the #Fediverse you can be like "anybody know the correct wiring layout and voltages for a 1974 "Passion-o-Meter" novelty Love Tester from Hanlon Amusements in Fairbanks, Alabama? I found one while doing recreational free diving in a cave system in Peru and I'm trying to put it back together again" and not only does NOBODY question any part of the insane statement made, but three people who happen to specialize in that exact sort of thing immediately emerge from the woodwork like the reverse of Homer Simpson going into the hedge.

2026-06-18 12:48:04 UTC

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I just read all this aloud, did I cast a spell?

2026-06-17 22:22:27 UTC

https://retro-pizza.s3.de.io.cloud.ovh.net/media_attachments/files/116/767/772/030/296/220/original/0c661a660d4192e2.png

2026-06-14 22:29:37 UTC

I know it's stupid, but it feels so nice to have a cat sit on me. We used to have cuddly cats but the ones we have now are not usually ones to sit on your lap or snuggle up next to you.
Gracie (shown here) is very weird, and while it's always ever on her own terms, this evening she has chosen to sit on my leg and stick her claws into me.
#catsofmastodon
https://retro-pizza.s3.de.io.cloud.ovh.net/media_attachments/files/116/750/815/729/321/775/original/bd11be258da50d91.jpg
https://retro-pizza.s3.de.io.cloud.ovh.net/media_attachments/files/116/750/816/105/787/161/original/0aed447003406957.jpg
https://retro-pizza.s3.de.io.cloud.ovh.net/media_attachments/files/116/750/816/297/529/558/original/42a8360ff32f7eb8.jpg

2026-06-01 18:20:07 UTC

#meteorology and #Weather Mastodon (and BlueSky)
My child is officially a Senior in High School starting this year and is being wooed by colleges left, right, and center. - because I'm pretty sure she's a good catch:
She's autistic, has (nearly) straight A's, tests super well, has good extracurriculars (bowling and choir). We're also turbo poor. So, like I said, lots of colleges making pitches.
She is interested in two things - art and meteorology. And as much as art is kinda her real true passions, so is GETTING PAID A LIVING WAGE. Do you have any recommendations or suggestions for colleges or programs that she should look into?
We are in Ohio, and she had been looking for ones either here or maybe Kentucky... but if it's a good enough of a fit I think she might be willing to go away to college.

2026-05-21 14:20:37 UTC

A question for my fellow #Fediverse denizens, sparked by a post from @npub1ud3…08sa - I'm curious how much overlap there is between Fediverse/Mastodon users and the middle-old internet culture, the sort of things from the late 2000s thru the early 2010s.
If you are an active, committed, "Fediverse is my main/only social media account" sort of person... which of these did you have - and actively use - back in the day?
And to be clear, I'm not looking for casual users on either end of the scale - I'm looking for hardcore, this-is-my-passion types. People who moderated, who maintained multiple livejournals for specific fandoms, people who spent hours agnoizing over which midi files to play when people opened your web page.

2026-05-06 13:41:04 UTC

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RIP.
One of the few things that I do miss about older, louder, less efficient optical hard drives was that you could hear the death rattle coming if you were tuned in enough. Gave you a heads up so you could prepare.

2026-04-22 19:16:08 UTC

#Battery and #repair nerds, need help finding the correct(ish) battery for a device.
It's a mini Digital TV that was made like 10+ years ago and still works fine, but the battery is shot and doesn't hold a charge.
I sort of know how to read one of these batteries, but am having a hard time finding an exact match. It doesn't need to be EXACTLY the same, in fact I'd be fine with a much larger capacity battery, as long as it fits inside the compartment on the tv - and is the correct polarity, because a lot of the ones I am seeing have the red and black wires in the opposite configuration and I don't have the manual dexterity to re-wire one of these anymore.
Amazon, AliExpress, wherever, can anybody match something up to this?
#Electronics
https://retro-pizza.s3.de.io.cloud.ovh.net/media_attachments/files/116/449/903/417/809/802/original/e176848f16e294cd.png
https://retro-pizza.s3.de.io.cloud.ovh.net/media_attachments/files/116/449/903/883/294/006/original/042f282dc8821e95.png
https://retro-pizza.s3.de.io.cloud.ovh.net/media_attachments/files/116/449/904/507/626/269/original/427f99b4d1d5667a.png

2026-04-06 19:46:10 UTC

I don't really know much about this particular sphere of the world, but if there's anybody who has a hyperfixation with educational software from the 1980s, it would be here on Mastodon.
Friend of mine is clearing out her parent's house and has found several old 5¼" floppy educational games for the Apple II. They've still got their original boxes, but have definitely been "loved".
I am always paranoid about lost media and software preservation... are these something anybody would... want? Is it worth trying to find people who are into this?
#RetroComputing #RetroGaming #AppleII #SoftwearPreservation
https://retro.pizza/system/media_attachments/files/116/359/458/460/756/517/original/278ad479c809bc3d.png
https://retro.pizza/system/media_attachments/files/116/359/469/348/159/879/original/3841381620679f42.png
https://retro.pizza/system/media_attachments/files/116/359/471/169/623/299/original/c1c7b83a9ead6893.png
https://retro.pizza/system/media_attachments/files/116/359/473/024/511/820/original/68efa074027f6ca5.png

2026-04-02 15:28:40 UTC

This is some peak cat entertainment
https://retro.pizza/system/media_attachments/files/116/335/813/917/385/640/original/a043caf93efe6a2f.mp4

2026-03-16 05:08:33 UTC

Does anybody with a #Patreon account have any ideas or suggestions on how to export ALL info from a Patreon account?
All the tools I've found are focused on scraping/exporting data from a Patreon that is NOT yours (just ones you subscribe to), but I'm really hoping to find a method to do it from within.
Ideally, I'd like to get all the history of everything, not just the posts but also comments and likes and stuff like that.

2026-02-13 15:22:36 UTC

Story Idea
Demons are real and very dangerous, but can be captured and contained through complicated magic circles, mandalas, or sigils that let mages bind them and tap into their power.
For a long time, everybody assumed that the bigger the circle, the more powerful it was... but a math nerd, who is not actually a mage, figures out that it's not the AREA of the magic circle that determines the power, it's the BOUNDARY - the length of the outside-most edge.
Using this knowledge, he captures one of the most powerful demons in the world... using the Mandelbrot Set, since the boundary for one of those is technically infinite.
Now, he has accidentally become a mage because he has an incredibly powerful demon bound to him, and he's going to go wreck the magic world by using maths and logic to decode and modernize their whole bullshit.
It's like Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, but without the TERF lady being involved and hopefully no AI Death Cults either.
https://retro.pizza/system/media_attachments/files/116/063/985/178/606/745/original/ce28bff8d44d2fdf.png
https://retro.pizza/system/media_attachments/files/116/063/985/843/743/886/original/e9cdb266d8a684f8.png

2026-02-06 17:13:11 UTC

May this find you in your time of need
https://retro.pizza/system/media_attachments/files/116/024/795/354/771/506/original/df72572135df609e.png

2026-01-30 00:02:30 UTC

- reply

I am instantly inherently distrustful of this information source due to the low effort crappy AI artwork.

2026-01-29 02:30:33 UTC

It's time for the return of the Raccoon Wizard. I present to you... Trash Cantrip!
#PixelArt #BakaChibiMon
https://retro.pizza/system/media_attachments/files/115/976/031/336/525/093/original/1c69a55f3bf3ab0b.png

2026-01-28 15:30:32 UTC

- reply

"Can you explain this gap in your resume?"
"You're absolutely right — there is a gap in my resume. And while that time in my life was a watershed moment for me, unfortunately I am limited in what I can say about the exact specifics. It's important to remember-"
"Nevermind, I know."
"Here's three things that-"
"Please stop."
"Of course! I hope this helps!"

2026-01-25 01:08:39 UTC

I call this one Moon Scream
#PixelArt #BakaChibiMon
https://retro.pizza/system/media_attachments/files/115/953/053/046/619/148/original/7cd21fb3271234d6.png

2026-01-10 00:28:50 UTC

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If you think that's good...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iczg2z5xOUE

2025-12-23 16:44:07 UTC

Stole this from Reddit, but someone fucking with the shaders for Cyberpunk 2077 figured out the sweet spot for chromatic abberation and blur to make it look like a VHS tape, and it suddenly makes the game look incredibly... real.
Original post here - https://www.reddit.com/r/pcmasterrace/comments/1ptmnb3/uncanny_vhsstyle_reshade_preset_for_cyberpunk_2077/
https://retro.pizza/system/media_attachments/files/115/769/878/927/914/094/original/5ba27d4d82f966b8.mp4

2025-11-20 14:12:14 UTC

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It's that old thing, the "if you're not paying for the product, it's because you ARE the product."
We pay for Mastodon. Maybe not you, individually, but someone does. Owners pay for hosting and bandwidth and storage and the domain and all that other fun stuff. And I've seen the numbers for some of these instances, they can be very... not cheap to run.
So, if you're on Mastodon and have a few bucks to chip in, see if your instance owner has a patreon or a kofi or something, maybe chip in and do your part.

2025-10-28 13:26:25 UTC

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This is a failure of society being unable to separate the ritual from the reason. We *used* to kill dragons because they hoarded wealth, leaving the 99.9% majority of the world in abject poverty while the .01% dragons sat on mountains of gold they never would be able to use all of, and yet they were compelled to gather more.
In order to free up the economy, those dragons that could not be reasoned or bargained with had to go. Especially the ones that promised that there was some sort of "trickle down" effect to their mountains of gold.
But... somewhere between antiquity and now, we've lost the reason (hoarding wealth and resources hurts all of us) and kept the ritual (dragons = must be killed).
All I'm saying is... dragons were never the problem. We need to remember that.

2025-10-15 16:03:20 UTC

I am about to attack some of you directly with nostalgia.
After a long time of dancing around trying to get to a time/date that would work, I have successfully navigated Archive.Org's wayback machine and managed to pull up a page... from the legendary lost SciFi Channel BBoards
This is the MST3K bboard.
I am here, somewhere. In the past. Shitposting in 1999. How many of you were here too?
https://web.archive.org/web/19991011203548/http://www.scifi.com/bboard/browse.cgi/1/5/247/ if you want to poke around
#MST3K
https://retro.pizza/system/media_attachments/files/115/379/021/794/031/706/original/78f2cd719345cdcd.png