Fortune

Follow me for wise, witty and occasionally wigged out little things to spice up your day! I will send a new fortune every 30 minutes!

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Last Notes

2026-09-01 22:05:06 CEST

All this big deal about white collar crime -- what's WRONG with white collar
crime? Who enjoys his job today? You? Me? Anybody? The only satisfying
part of any job is coffee break, lunch hour and quitting time. Years ago
there was at least the hope of improvement -- eventual promotion -- more
important jobs to come. Once you can be sold the myth that you may make
president of the company you'll hardly ever steal stamps. But nobody
believes he's going to be president anymore. The more people change jobs
the more they realize that there is a direct connection between working for
a living and total stupefying boredom. So why NOT take revenge? You're not
going to find ME knocking a guy because he pads an expense account and his
home stationery carries the company emblem. Take away crime from the white
collar worker and you will rob him of his last vestige of job interest.
-- J. Feiffer

2026-08-28 03:02:39 CEST

Pushing 40 is exercise enough.

2026-08-28 01:02:37 CEST

And as we stand on the edge of darkness
Let our chant fill the void
That others may know
In the land of the night
The ship of the sun
Is drawn by
The grateful dead.
-- Tibetan "Book of the Dead," ca. 4000 BC.

2026-08-27 22:02:34 CEST

One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs -- but it is amazing
how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette.
-- Professor Charles P. Issawi

2026-08-27 20:02:32 CEST

Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.
-- Jawaharlal Nehru

2026-08-27 19:02:31 CEST

While you don't greatly need the outside world, it's still very
reassuring to know that it's still there.

2026-08-27 17:02:29 CEST

The very remembrance of my former misfortune proves a new one to me.
-- Miguel de Cervantes

2026-08-27 16:02:28 CEST

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the men are strong, the women are pretty,
and the children are above-average.
-- Garrison Keillor

2026-08-27 15:02:27 CEST

The man scarce lives who is not more credulous than he ought to be.... The
natural disposition is always to believe. It is acquired wisdom and experience
only that teach incredulity, and they very seldom teach it enough.
-- Adam Smith

2026-08-27 12:02:24 CEST

A plethora of individuals with expertise in culinary techniques contaminate
the potable concoction produced by steeping certain edible nutriments.

2026-08-27 10:02:22 CEST

Good morning. This is the telephone company. Due to repairs, we're
giving you advance notice that your service will be cut off indefinitely
at ten o'clock. That's two minutes from now.

2026-08-27 09:02:21 CEST

A penny saved is a penny to squander.
-- Ambrose Bierce

2026-08-27 07:02:19 CEST

Your compliance with all terms and conditions, expressed and implied, is
automatic upon viewing.

2026-08-27 06:02:18 CEST

"Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context."

2026-08-27 04:02:16 CEST

(null cookie; hope that's ok)

2026-08-27 00:02:11 CEST

You must include all income you receive in the form of money, property
and services if it is not specifically exempt. Report property (goods)
and services at their fair market values. Examples include income from
bartering or swapping transactions, side commissions, kickbacks, rent
paid in services, illegal activities (such as stealing, drugs, etc.),
cash skimming by proprietors and tradesmen, "moonlighting" services,
gambling, prizes and awards. Not reporting such income can lead to
prosecution for perjury and fraud.
-- Excerpt from Taxachussetts income tax forms

2026-08-26 23:02:10 CEST

HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death!

2026-08-26 22:02:09 CEST

Don't shout for help at night. You might wake your neighbors.
-- Stanislaw Jerzy Lec, "Unkempt Thoughts"

2026-08-26 21:02:00 CEST

I am very fond of the company of ladies. I like their beauty,
I like their delicacy, I like their vivacity, and I like their silence.
-- Samuel Johnson

2026-08-26 19:01:58 CEST

Herth's Law:
He who turns the other cheek too far gets it in the neck.

2026-08-26 18:01:57 CEST

I would like the government to do all it can to mitigate, then, in
understanding, in mutuality of interest, in concern for the common good,
our tasks will be solved.
-- Warren G. Harding

2026-08-26 17:01:55 CEST

We cannot command nature except by obeying her.
-- Sir Francis Bacon

2026-08-26 15:01:53 CEST

In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really
good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they actually change
their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really
do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are
human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot
recall the last time something like that happened in politics or religion.
-- Carl Sagan, 1987 CSICOP keynote address

2026-08-26 14:01:52 CEST

A fool-proof method for sculpting an elephant: first, get a huge block of
marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an elephant.

2026-08-26 13:01:51 CEST

* boren tosses matlab across the room and hopes it breaks into a number
aproaching infinite peices

2026-08-26 12:01:50 CEST

If the rich could pay the poor to die for them, what a living the poor
could make!

2026-08-26 11:01:49 CEST

The Korean War must have been fun.

2026-08-26 10:01:48 CEST

Trust in Allah, but tie your camel.
-- Arabian proverb

2026-08-26 09:01:47 CEST

With reasonable men I will reason;
with humane men I will plead;
but to tyrants I will give no quarter.
-- William Lloyd Garrison

2026-08-26 08:01:46 CEST

Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
Corollary:
Following the rules will not get the job done.

2026-08-26 07:01:45 CEST

Staff meeting in the conference room in 3 minutes.

2026-08-26 06:01:44 CEST

First law of debate:
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

2026-08-26 05:01:43 CEST

Send your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY'', Box 40474, San Francisco, CA
94140, USA

2026-08-26 04:01:42 CEST

"Hello again, Peabody here..."
-- Mister Peabody

2026-08-26 03:01:41 CEST

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
-- Benjamin Franklin, 1759

2026-08-26 02:01:40 CEST

You know you've been sitting in front of your Lisp machine too long
when you go out to the junk food machine and start wondering how to
make it give you the CADR of Item H so you can get that yummie
chocolate cupcake that's stuck behind the disgusting vanilla one.

2026-08-26 01:01:39 CEST

*** DO YOU HAVE A RESTLESS URGE TO PROGRAM? ***
Do you want the instant respect that comes from being able to use technical
terms that nobody understands? Do you want to strike fear and loathing into
the hearts of DP managers everywhere? If so, then let the Famous Programmers'
School lead you on... into the world of professional computer programming.
*** IS PROGRAMMING FOR YOU? ***
Programming is not for everyone. But, if you have the desire to learn, we can
help you get started. All you need is the Famous Programmers' Course and
enough money to keep those lessons coming month after month.
*** TAKE OUR FREE APTITUDE TEST ***
To help determine if you are qualified to be a programmer, take a moment to
try this simple test:
(1) Write down the numbers from zero to nine and the first six letters
of the alphabet (Hint: 0123456789ABCDEF).
(2) Whose picture is on the back of a twenty-dollar bill?
(3) What is the state capital of Idaho?
If you managed to read all three questions without wondering why we asked
them, you may have a future as a computer programmer.

2026-08-26 00:01:38 CEST

Spirtle, n.:
The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in your eye.
-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"

2026-08-25 23:01:36 CEST

The first time, it's a KLUDGE!
The second, a trick.
Later, it's a well-established technique!
-- Mike Broido, Intermetrics

2026-08-25 22:01:35 CEST

If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.

2026-08-25 21:01:34 CEST

The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal.
-- Blair

2026-08-25 20:01:33 CEST

Courtship to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.
-- William Congreve

2026-08-25 19:01:32 CEST

A Code of Honour: never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief
as your goal. There are too many women in the world to justify that sort of
dishonourable behaviour. Unless she's really attractive.
-- Bruce J. Friedman, "Sex and the Lonely Guy"

2026-08-25 18:01:31 CEST

It isn't an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

2026-08-25 17:01:29 CEST

Cynic, n.:
A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not
as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking
out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

2026-08-25 16:01:28 CEST

You tread upon my patience.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"

2026-08-25 15:01:27 CEST

panic: kernel trap (ignored)

2026-08-25 14:01:26 CEST

You will be divorced within a year.

2026-08-25 13:01:25 CEST

Without followers, evil cannot spread.
-- Spock, "And The Children Shall Lead", stardate 5029.5

2026-08-25 12:01:24 CEST

What fools these morals be!

2026-08-25 11:01:22 CEST

Let's all show human CONCERN for REVERAND MOON's legal difficulties!!

2026-08-25 10:01:21 CEST

"I don't know where we come from,
Don't know where we're going to,
And if all this should have a reason,
We would be the last to know.
So let's just hope there is a promised land,
And until then,
...as best as you can."
-- Steppenwolf, "Rock Me Baby"

2026-08-25 09:01:20 CEST

Q: How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. We'll fix it in software.
Q: How many system programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The application can work around it.
Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. We'll document it in the manual.
Q: How many tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The user can figure it out.

2026-08-25 08:01:19 CEST

We lie loudest when we lie to ourselves.
-- Eric Hoffer

2026-08-25 07:01:18 CEST

A woman physician has made the statement that smoking is neither
physically defective nor morally degrading, and that nicotine, even
when indulged to in excess, is less harmful than excessive petting."
-- Purdue Exponent, Jan 16, 1925

2026-08-25 06:01:17 CEST

Tom's hungry, time to eat lunch.

2026-08-25 05:01:16 CEST

The only difference in the game of love over the last few thousand years
is that they've changed trumps from clubs to diamonds.
-- The Indianapolis Star

2026-08-25 04:01:14 CEST

*** NEWS FLASH ***
Archeologists find PDP-11/24 inside brain cavity of fossilized dinosaur
skeleton! Many Digital users fear that RSX-11M may be even more primitive
than DEC admits. Price adjustments at 11:00.

2026-08-25 03:01:13 CEST

The next person to mention spaghetti stacks to me is going to have
his head knocked off.
-- Bill Conrad

2026-08-25 01:01:02 CEST

Paralysis through analysis.

2026-08-25 00:01:01 CEST

You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.

2026-08-24 23:01:00 CEST

The IBM purchase of ROLM gives new meaning to the term "twisted pair".
-- Howard Anderson, "Yankee Group"

2026-08-24 22:00:59 CEST

Who are the artists in the Computer Graphics Show? Wavefront's latest box, or
the people who programmed it? Should Mandelbrot get all the credit for the
output of programs like MandelVroom?
-- Peter da Silva

2026-08-24 21:00:58 CEST

... TheysaidDoyouseethebiggreenglowinthedarkhouseuponthehill?andIsaidYesIsee
thebiggreenglowinthedarkhouseuponthehillTheresabigdarkforestbetweenmeandthe
biggreenglowinthedarkhouseuponthehillandalittleoldladyridingonaHoovervacuum
cleanersayingIllgetyoumyprettyandyourlittledogTototoo ...
I don't even *HAVE* a dog Toto...

2026-08-24 20:00:57 CEST

I'd rather laugh with the sinners,
Than cry with the saints,
The sinners are much more fun!
-- Billy Joel, "Only The Good Die Young"

2026-08-24 19:00:54 CEST

Uh-oh!! I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!!

2026-08-24 18:00:53 CEST

There is only one word for aid that is genuinely without strings,
and that word is blackmail.
-- Colm Brogan

2026-08-24 17:00:50 CEST

"Now this is a totally brain damaged algorithm. Gag me with a smurfette."
-- P. Buhr, Computer Science 354

2026-08-24 16:00:49 CEST

T: One big monster, he called TROLL.
He don't rock, and he don't roll;
Drink no wine, and smoke no stogies.
He just Love To Eat Them Roguies.
-- The Roguelet's ABC

2026-08-24 15:00:47 CEST

When you dig another out of trouble, you've got a place to bury your own.

2026-08-24 14:00:46 CEST

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be
regarded as a criminal offence.
-- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5

2026-08-24 13:00:45 CEST

Not a flying toy.

2026-08-24 12:00:44 CEST

"Card readers? We don't need no stinking card readers."
-- Peter da Silva (at the National Academy of Sciences, 1965, in a
particularly vivid fantasy)

2026-08-24 11:00:43 CEST

If you want to see useful Perl examples, we can certainly arrange to have
comp.lang.misc flooded with them, but I don't think that would help the
advance of civilization. :-)
-- Larry Wall in <[email protected]>

2026-08-24 10:00:42 CEST

A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least the end of the blackboard.
-- Prof. Steiner

2026-08-24 09:00:41 CEST

A book is the work of a mind, doing its work in the way that a mind deems
best. That's dangerous. Is the work of some mere individual mind likely to
serve the aims of collectively accepted compromises, which are known in the
schools as 'standards'? Any mind that would audaciously put itself forth to
work all alone is surely a bad example for the students, and probably, if
not downright antisocial, at least a little off-center, self-indulgent,
elitist. ... It's just good pedagogy, therefore, to stay away from such
stuff, and use instead, if film-strips and rap-sessions must be
supplemented, 'texts,' selected, or prepared, or adapted, by real
professionals. Those texts are called 'reading material.' They are the
academic equivalent of the 'listening material' that fills waiting-rooms,
and the 'eating material' that you can buy in thousands of convenient eating
resource centers along the roads.
-- The Underground Grammarian

2026-08-24 08:00:40 CEST

Marriage, n.:
The evil aye.

2026-08-24 07:00:39 CEST

Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug
than an old bird of paradise.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

2026-08-24 06:00:38 CEST

I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... I have read the
INSTRUCTIONS ...

2026-08-24 05:00:36 CEST

Q: What do you call the scratches that you get when a female
sheep bites you?
A: Ewe nicks.

2026-08-24 04:00:35 CEST

Now of my threescore years and ten,
Twenty will not come again,
And take from seventy springs a score,
It leaves me only fifty more.
And since to look at things in bloom
Fifty springs are little room,
About the woodlands I will go
To see the cherry hung with snow.
-- A. E. Housman

2026-08-24 03:00:34 CEST

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
-- Paul Erlich

2026-08-24 02:00:33 CEST

Remember -- only 10% of anything can be in the top 10%.

2026-08-24 01:00:32 CEST

Error in operator: add beer

2026-08-24 00:00:31 CEST

QOTD:
My mother was the travel agent for guilt trips.

2026-08-23 23:00:30 CEST

The Sage
Honest people use no rhetoric;
Rhetoric is not honesty.
Enlightened people are not cultured;
Culture is not enlightenment.
Content people are not wealthy;
Wealth is not contentment.
So the sage does not serve himself;
The more he does for others, the more he is satisfied;
The more he gives, the more he receives.
Nature flourishes at the expense of no one;
So the sage benefits all men and contends with none.
-- Lao Tse, "Tao Te Ching"

2026-08-23 22:00:29 CEST

Be both a speaker of words and a doer of deeds.
-- Homer

2026-08-23 18:00:25 CEST

No sooner had Edger Allen Poe
Finished his old Raven,
then he started his Old Crow.

2026-08-23 17:00:24 CEST

After watching my newly-retired dad spend two weeks learning how to make a new
folder, it became obvious that "intuitive" mostly means "what the writer or
speaker of intuitive likes".
(Bruce Ediger, [email protected], in comp.os.linux.misc, on X the
intuitiveness of a Mac interface.)

2026-08-23 16:00:23 CEST

Gary Hart: living proof that you *can* screw your brains out.

2026-08-23 13:00:20 CEST

"Don't talk to me about disclaimers! I invented disclaimers!"
-- The Censored Hacker

2026-08-23 11:00:17 CEST

Fiery energy lanced out, but the beams struck an intangible wall between
the Gubru and the rapidly turning Earth ship.
"Water!" it shrieked as it read the spectral report. "A barrier of water
vapor! A civilized race could not have found such a trick in the Library!
A civilized race could not have stooped so low! A civilized race would not
have..."
It screamed as the Gubru ship hit a cloud of drifting snowflakes.
-- Startide Rising, by David Brin

2026-08-23 10:00:16 CEST

Admiration, n.:
Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

2026-08-23 09:00:15 CEST

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
-- Mark Twain

2026-08-23 08:00:14 CEST

The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why
some people feel there is no God.
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"

2026-08-23 05:00:02 CEST

Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.

2026-08-23 04:00:01 CEST

We gave you an atomic bomb, what do you want, mermaids?
-- I. I. Rabi to the Atomic Energy Commission

2026-08-22 23:59:57 CEST

This quote is taken from the Diamondback, the University of Maryland
student newspaper, of Tuesday, 3/10/87.
One disadvantage of the Univac system is that it does not use
Unix, a recently developed program which translates from one
computer language to another and has a built-in editing system
which identifies errors in the original program.

2026-08-22 22:59:56 CEST

Hmmm ... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET
FIDDLE ORCHESTRA ... ha ... ha ...

2026-08-22 19:59:53 CEST

I am a deeply superficial person.
-- Andy Warhol