Mama's Pinky Toe

A wish is a dream is a smile Jesus Christ who writes this crap. 

Just My Toots: Mama's Pinky Toe (npub1re9…2mgp)">https://justmytoots.com/Mama's Pinky Toe (npub1re9…2mgp)

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Last Notes

2026-05-21 03:55:50 UTC

- reply

Where would I put that? On my résumé!

2026-04-11 18:14:21 UTC

New Jersey is a hotbed of Italian-Americanism.

2026-04-10 15:30:19 UTC

Ken dolls are born anatomically correct. They're castrated before leaving the factory.

2026-04-09 17:57:40 UTC

Earnest white guys, manic pixie dream girls--the pipe-in at this Peet's runs the gamut.

2026-04-06 16:29:01 UTC

If you forget to have breakfast before you go out, at 9:27 you will be hungry.

2026-03-22 20:14:18 UTC

Margaret, there's a reason the president wears big shoes. It's because he's got a big dick.
- Scott Bessent on "Face the Nation"

2026-02-28 00:01:49 UTC

I do not wish him pain in dying, and I do not seek to cause his demise, but when Trump is dead, I will rejoice. When Trump is dead, I will feel good. When Trump is dead, I will celebrate.
When Trump is dead, I will say
HAPPY TRUMP IS DEAD DAY, EVERYBODY!

2026-01-04 17:22:48 UTC

I would rather give up . . .

2025-12-20 19:13:33 UTC

Improve a movie by adding "fucking" to the title. I'll go first. "Four Weddings and a Fucking Funeral."

2025-12-08 01:51:02 UTC

"Sacramento" spelled backwards is "Serutan."

2025-12-07 04:44:36 UTC

Oh, baby, baby, baby. Hegseth me!
- Mrs. Jost

2025-10-29 20:22:22 UTC

My Gun Plan
1. All guns are free
2. All guns are Red Ryder BB guns
Related: My Healthcare Plan
1. All healthcare covers emergency ophthamology

2025-10-29 19:38:16 UTC

Sometimes you call someone on the phone and by the way they say "hello?"
you can tell they are stupid.

2025-10-24 20:20:54 UTC

You can't be a manager at KFC till you strangle a chicken. It's part of your swearing-in.

2025-10-24 19:23:52 UTC

America has more stupid people than Canada. Like a lot more.

2025-09-29 04:02:06 UTC

If you are zaftig and your sister is cruel, she may say, "Pregnant lady coming through! Pregnant lady coming through!" because she is so fucking funny.

2025-08-12 17:01:35 UTC

Kristi Noem and Corey Lewandowski are two creepy people who happen to dig each other. Why can't everybody just accept that?

2025-05-29 18:35:56 UTC

This is a placeholder post.

2025-05-12 05:03:27 UTC

Bullshit is a skill. Calling out bullshit is also a skill.

2025-04-29 02:28:21 UTC

I have not been elected prime minister of Canada. This is what the people want, and I accept that.

2025-04-26 16:58:15 UTC

Courage is not freaking out when you look up your checking account in the last days of the month.

2025-04-22 14:57:50 UTC

I am in love with . . .

2025-04-16 23:29:21 UTC

If a form specifies sex and you write in "polly wolly doodle," that is perfectly acceptable.

2025-04-16 17:21:28 UTC

Fancy
https://s3.eu-central-2.wasabisys.com/mastodonworld/media_attachments/files/114/348/784/648/143/178/original/da741c5330d2b483.jpeg

2025-04-16 05:37:45 UTC

You tug on the hips and jump up an inch or two. The Pantyhose Hop. To pull the crotch up.

2025-04-16 05:12:21 UTC

Dippity-Do, Dippity-Do--it's fun just to say it.

2025-04-16 03:39:23 UTC

It was a pleasure to be fellated by you.
- a greeting card with a lovely, lovely sentiment

2025-04-16 03:28:19 UTC

I only buy licensed products that lampoon consumerism.

2025-04-16 03:21:58 UTC

Ken's got no nads 'cause he's a sissy. G.I. Joe's got no nads 'cause they were shot off in Nam.

2025-04-16 03:14:57 UTC

The First Rule of Charm
You can cover a fart with a hoarselaugh.

2025-04-16 02:58:17 UTC

I would rather be . . .

2025-04-14 17:15:21 UTC

Candy is dandy but Brandy has bigger boobs.

2025-04-14 15:04:43 UTC

Can't you see I'm wearing elastic waist sweatpants? It means I surrender.

2025-04-14 12:59:41 UTC

A sphinx is a minx with its nose shot off.

2025-04-09 17:54:19 UTC

Don't get me wrong. You're stupid enough to be on Fox News, and you're blonde enough to be on Fox News, but are you both stupid enough and blonde enough to be on Fox News? Not everybody makes the cut. Now let's have another twirl.

2025-04-07 23:04:13 UTC

I'd like to know a little Spanish. But not too much. I don't want to be deported!

2025-04-05 23:33:44 UTC

For my birthday I would like . . .

2025-04-04 19:50:21 UTC

You give me an itch.
- some damn Barbara Stanwyck thing

2025-03-31 17:55:37 UTC

I would rather give up . . .

2025-03-30 05:06:51 UTC

If James Bond were real, he would have handled someone like Elon Musk by now.

2025-03-30 04:19:09 UTC

I wonder if JD and Usha did the dirty in Greenland.

2025-03-29 21:26:09 UTC

Amber Ruffin, guilty of JWB
https://bit.ly/3QVDhVW

2025-03-29 20:38:09 UTC

JD was a fat kid, so maybe don't bully him too bad.

2025-03-27 19:37:42 UTC

Would you sell one of your ears for $10?

2025-03-27 19:26:37 UTC

Liza Minnelli has had two movie abortions.

2025-03-25 16:23:40 UTC

I would rather get a ride with . . .

2025-03-24 19:13:27 UTC

I left my wallet on the train this morning. A man I have never met will hand it off to me on the last train this evening. I think I may have gotten mixed up in espionage.

2025-03-23 19:24:37 UTC

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Emojis are glitter for your eyes.

2025-03-23 18:40:55 UTC

I am going to fight emojis with hieroglyphs. Who's inscrutable now?
https://s3.eu-central-2.wasabisys.com/mastodonworld/media_attachments/files/114/213/195/963/748/674/original/154d8af52f8b5550.jpg

2025-03-23 17:43:54 UTC

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Some of these posts are thought but not thought out.

2025-03-23 16:49:12 UTC

The right person will smell pretty.

2025-03-23 15:01:31 UTC

This seems like a scam.
https://gofund.me/9480cf61

2025-03-23 12:49:38 UTC

Would the Munchkins be MAGA?

2025-03-21 23:38:08 UTC

Fucking Comcast.

2025-03-19 19:30:20 UTC

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Forbes reports there are 57 Canadian billionaires! Who knew?

2025-03-17 03:08:19 UTC

In the commercials the babies love wearing diapers, the toddlers love wearing diapers, and the old people love wearing diapers. Everybody loves wearing diapers! This may be something to look into.

2025-03-16 16:59:12 UTC

If it has a hinge, it is not a sandwich. If its central ingredient is eaten only as part of a food apparatus, it is not a sandwich. If it is schlong-shaped, it is not a sandwich. Let the word go forth, from this time and place: a hot dog is not a sandwich.

2025-03-14 16:32:39 UTC

Infinite time plus infinite cookies equals infinite happy.

2025-03-13 19:56:01 UTC

Above the 49th parallel, below the 49th parallel
https://s3.eu-central-2.wasabisys.com/mastodonworld/media_attachments/files/114/156/867/033/665/998/original/b24a8e27a19cd5f5.jpeg

2025-03-11 01:08:54 UTC

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Done.

2025-03-11 01:00:49 UTC

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It is true than anything short of absolute charity means unmet need. But the cost of American intelligence is practically zero, and the munitions save Ukrainian lives from an affirmative, malicious injustice rather than the happenstance of want.

2025-03-11 00:51:41 UTC

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Withholding intelligence is already costing Ukrainian lives, and withholding munitions will cost more Ukrainian lives. RFK Jr.'s vaccine skepticism will cost more lives. He's also doing great non fatal harms. It is a harsh sentiment, but it's not uncharitable.

2025-03-11 00:35:49 UTC

Donald Trump is a horrible person and I hope he dies.

2025-03-10 23:47:22 UTC

Bottom of the ninth, no outs, runners in scoring position, and my aunt did what she does best. She laid down a perfectly delicious Bundt cake.

2025-03-07 16:07:11 UTC

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Yes, but . . . this label or price tag or something.
https://s3.eu-central-2.wasabisys.com/mastodonworld/media_attachments/files/114/122/002/027/013/605/original/720bf2ba856078a9.png

2025-03-07 16:03:20 UTC

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Not swearing increases the chance that I may explode.

2025-03-07 13:34:44 UTC

- The world is my litter box.
- The litter box is your litter box! Jeez.

2025-03-07 00:35:07 UTC

- reply

Color TV

2025-03-07 00:33:44 UTC

Greenland, Canada, Gaza, Panama—what a pig he is.

2025-03-06 23:58:36 UTC

Banff is . . .

2025-03-06 23:09:35 UTC

If he shares his bananas, he might be a good monkey.

2025-03-06 23:06:14 UTC

I always leave the house the same way -- incognito.

2025-03-06 22:52:37 UTC

I walk with a phantom limp.

2025-03-06 22:49:35 UTC

He does the salute and he does the nerve pinch. It makes you wonder what else Spock can do with his hands.

2025-03-06 22:47:04 UTC

If I am drinking malt liquor on a park bench in the middle of the day, it is because I AM DOING RESEARCH.

2025-03-06 22:44:07 UTC

Molotov is to Ribbentrop as . . .

2025-03-06 21:04:09 UTC

Chevy van is to Ford Econoline as seduction is to abduction.

2025-03-06 18:50:02 UTC

Having two mothers is . . .

2025-03-06 18:22:26 UTC

You'll know the country's taken a turn when Newt Gingrich stops saying "Judeo-Christian" and just says "Christian."

2025-03-06 18:12:12 UTC

I'm starting a religion based on some Wonka bars I found in upstate New York.

2025-03-05 18:31:28 UTC

I want a happy pill. I want two happy pills. I WANT ALL THE HAPPY PILLS!

2025-02-27 03:22:56 UTC

I have solved the trolley problem with a Gatling gun. You can solve lots of problems with a Gatling gun.

2025-02-21 20:24:47 UTC

Thanks, Mitch McConnell!

2025-02-21 19:30:20 UTC

Tired: George Washington Carver
Wired: Ray J
https://s3.eu-central-2.wasabisys.com/mastodonworld/media_attachments/files/114/043/511/509/158/719/original/dc89d933573498d0.png

2025-02-19 11:00:31 UTC

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It's excellent. It's odd I'm down on the glut of superhero movies since I've quite enjoyed the recent glut of science fiction movies.

2025-02-19 09:53:45 UTC

I feel about superhero movies the way Trump feels about Black people. There are some good ones, too, I suppose.

2025-02-18 23:13:59 UTC

I am . . .

2025-02-18 22:01:32 UTC

I'm the Loch Ness Monster. Ask me anything.

2025-02-18 20:50:55 UTC

"Heart Eyes" is an insufferable romcom. I am rooting for the serial killer.

2025-02-17 21:32:22 UTC

I'd like to introduce squirrels into our relationship.

2025-02-17 20:54:33 UTC

If you buy something from Temu, it means you're going to hell.

2025-02-14 23:07:06 UTC

If I converted to Judaism, it would mostly be for the space laser.

2025-02-14 19:11:30 UTC

One piece at a time and it didn't cost me a dime.
https://s3.eu-central-2.wasabisys.com/mastodonworld/media_attachments/files/114/003/808/613/786/062/original/b4c28d6e9c490b19.jpeg

2025-02-14 04:36:39 UTC

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Put.io is a service--a website--that you can copy-and-paste a magnet link to. It downloads a file and saves it to your account. It's ten bucks a month for 100 GB of storage. The amount of storage doesn't really matter because you just download then download the file from your Put.io.
Eztvx.to is the site I go to for TV shows whose magnet links I copy over to my Put.io account.
It's easier but less flexible than torrenting.

2025-02-14 04:28:15 UTC

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eztvx.to ($0) + put.io ($10 a month)

2025-02-14 03:28:13 UTC

Is this poll necessary?

2025-02-13 23:20:44 UTC

If you're an influencer, brands send you moisturizer. That's how it works.

2025-02-04 22:36:20 UTC

Did I eat this slice of shoe leather pizza? Yes, I did.
https://s3.eu-central-2.wasabisys.com/mastodonworld/media_attachments/files/113/948/003/598/192/799/original/b67d0cc81a017cd5.jpg

2025-01-25 22:33:05 UTC

"I like what you're wearing" and "I like how you've festooned yourself" are similar and yet not.

2025-01-25 14:55:57 UTC

In the U.K., "lollipop men" hang out near elementary schools and are allowed to have close contact with children.