I used to have a proper job where I sliced into human flesh and tore spirit-speech from the oozing remains of men; now it's mostly admin.
Public Key
npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Profile Code
nprofile1qqszmxmg0d9r8an3fdtrc8ww62sejcly7wkn3x205sn0ukaspxgajcspz3mhxue69uhhyetvv9ujuerpd46hxtnfduqs6amnwvaz7tmwdaejumr0dsm6fk5g
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Published at
2026-07-24T16:02:50Z Event JSON
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Last Notes npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Mum currently up and fretting about being ready for a hair appointment in 3.5h. Has put shoes on. Last night we had 'is it morning or evening?'. Followed shortly after by 'so the appointment is in half an hour?', when it was 12.5h away. She's been complaining that 'the door isn't working' 🙃🙃 npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I remain a whorl of body image issues but I am also trying to get more comfortable with my chonky muscle look. It's either lose weight and be weak or keep eating and being strong, and I like being strong 😁 https://cdn.hosted.spacebear.ee/sb-b8d695b8334e7e4a55369aa252aee890/media_attachments/files/116/891/865/193/646/396/original/60963307370d9f69.jpg npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Sheffield (and also my room) is blessedly normal this evening. But if tomorrow is a different story I'm very tempted to just head for a hotel on Friday night. I really cannot abide heat and hot sleepless nights are the worst. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Very tempted to get a hotel for the next few nights ❄️ npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Leg workout leaving me DRIPPING https://cdn.hosted.spacebear.ee/sb-b8d695b8334e7e4a55369aa252aee890/media_attachments/files/116/879/506/174/270/098/original/66907021ea058c44.jpg npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Ahhhhh fuck I really should have booked today off 😕 npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Tomorrow I will NOT go to the gym, and in two weeks I'm going away for a few days, which is probably for the best, recovery wise. My body keeps insisting it is 20 years older than I would like it to be. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I went to the gym and all I got was this ridiculous pump npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford My lower body half always lagged behind, cos I'm wary of pushing it hard enough. There is a PT with the most incredible legs at the gym and come September I might grab 3 months of sessions with him. I am too gay to have no ass. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Step ups continued, tho they are currently a poor muscle building move because I totter about like a baby gazelle. Will keep at them because balance and functional strength is ever more important, but thankfully I also remembered leg presses exist. I am trying to not do squats, partly because I'm getting wary of loading that much weight onto my spine as I age, and partly because fuck me they're boring. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Lolll I love muscle memory https://cdn.hosted.spacebear.ee/sb-b8d695b8334e7e4a55369aa252aee890/media_attachments/files/116/821/124/584/562/593/original/4499960c4cb33e7e.jpg npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Lolllll my muscle pump is back npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Ed Zitron has been posting about it on Blue sky dot appe npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Tom's Trip is beautifully comedic but also quite stressful npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford OK so far my favourite is Patricia's Party npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Oh my days I've just started Widow's Bay, it is a DELIGHT npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford that's the badger! npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Truly, my powers are weakest at midsummer npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Started doing step ups and good lord my stability and balance is awful npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I'm behaving in quite a depressed way rn. And I'm... fuck me I'm lonely and bored. Solving this is entirely up to me but I'm not sure how to go about it. How do gays make friends without fucking first? Honestly I don't know. Getting lots of flashbacks to my 20s, when I had a social life (and had, if anything, too much fun). Also coincident with having a local queer scene. Understandably, very currently aware of the rapid passing of years and the onrush of age. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Very rough run 😕 npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Just take a look at this dork https://cdn.hosted.spacebear.ee/sb-b8d695b8334e7e4a55369aa252aee890/media_attachments/files/116/714/784/160/998/729/original/e9533df4573bdc6e.jpg npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford 20 years ago I was regularly pounding any available dance floor in Vauxhall for 36h, and today I am regretting the two lattes I had yesterday because they've given me a sleepy comedown this afternoon. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I actually think I'll be fine, although father's day last year was the last half normal day we had so it's something of an anchor moment. I could probably just ignore it and carry on as normal. I reserve the right to go to Manchester and get hog wild drunk at the Eagle npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Oh good lord it's father's day in 2 weeks 😵💫 npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Appalled to discover that a day of sensibly eating slow burning carbs gives me stable energy which lasts into the evening (I'm even considering going out for a run. At SEVEN PM!); unlike yesterday's diet of pastries and chocolate coated peanuts, which had me semi-comatose by the time work finished. WHO KNEW?! npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Friendship ENDED with Churchill New best friend is PUFFIN npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Honestly. What is this mess? These are REAL chromosomes developed by ACTUAL eukaryotic evolutionary pressure. This is NO WAY to order genomic information, we are being taken for absolute FOOLS. https://cdn.hosted.spacebear.ee/sb-b8d695b8334e7e4a55369aa252aee890/media_attachments/files/116/686/425/875/666/152/original/27f24d7590656681.jpg npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford If human home marrow chromosomes could be a bit easier to tell from one another, that would make my day much easier, thx npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Healthline radically underestimating how dangerous I already assumed this to be https://cdn.hosted.spacebear.ee/sb-b8d695b8334e7e4a55369aa252aee890/media_attachments/files/116/659/335/090/446/395/original/66981246a410a62d.png npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford *still* ill 🙄 Not atrociously ill but also definitely not "I can leave the house and get to work and busy myself about a laboratory". Dangerously close to beating my previous playtime on CK3 npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Threads figured it out?? *Threads*??? https://cdn.hosted.spacebear.ee/sb-b8d695b8334e7e4a55369aa252aee890/media_attachments/files/116/647/364/256/351/272/original/72c04757b5587804.jpg npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Lolsob, just remembered I was chatting to an Age UK care worker yesterday about last year, and dad, and she said "can I just ask, are you getting any therapy?" 🙃 npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Day 2 of a thankfully mild flu which I should see the back of before long. Thank heavens I booked today off work else I would've had to use a suck day 😵💫 npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Came to mum's yesterday to help her out with stuff today, and I think I have flu 🙃. It's either that or COVID so fun times. Wishing I'd nabbed a box of lab gloves and wipes from work. Have opened loads of windows and will just have to help from a distance 🫠 npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I think gym just x2 per week. Tbh that plus running plus running uphill is probably more than enough to keep me ticking over. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Racked up a barbell for deadlifts and realised I really, really couldn't be bothered. My watch is telling me I'm a bit too knackered for a workout but I think I'm just bored of gyms. Went home, picked up a kettlebell, and took it for a walk around the block. Wishing I had more space at home so I could throw a sandbag around. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Going from 3-4 filter coffees before work and 3-4 instants through the day to... zero... was a rough landing but been an interesting and pretty gentle ride after that. Lots of sleeeeeeep, tho. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Entering week 3 of no caffeine and I am sleeeeeeeping 👀 npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford OTOH my tache is massive. Not related to caffeine but got to take wins where I find them. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I think the lack of caffeine has me slouching into a low and meh mood :/. Do I have to be at work or can I just stay home and snuggle? npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford It's fine I went to the gym and now I feel absolutely jacked 🙃 npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I got back from a run and looked at my midriff and now am once again convinced I am Too Fat. FFS. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Alzheimer's is such a brutal end. There are things I feel I need to confess, even tho they need no absolution. Can't afford a therapist 🙃. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I would fuckin love a balance enhancing robot tail and I'm not even slightly joking. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford God it's never the good stuff is it? It's always "the high will diminish but not the constipation", "you'll never come up the same but you'll still chew your cheeks off", "your muscles will shrink back but your spleen will be chonky". I suppose I should be glad my balls got back to normal, but no one's on Grindr filtering for large spleens npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Heading to the GP tomorrow, because I'm assuming I have IBS but it's never been rubber stamped, and also one of my symptoms is 'my spleen is sore'*, which feels like it should be checked out... *(My spleen is a bit bigger than usual** so it's not totally unusual for it to get a big aggy, but even so) **(some things stay big even after you stop steroids) npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I love living with my teenaged nieces and I love that they are so comfortable and happy here, but also they are very loud and full of energy and I am, fundamentally, a bookish woodland creature from a Richard Scarry picture book; I am at home to curl up and read and go to bed with the setting sun, I do not need feet pounding on stairs and constant phone chat and surprise teenage guests npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I'm more of a sci-fi guy, but am so glad I took a punt on his Tyrant Philosophers series. Just started book 3 after finishing Strife and feeling bereft. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford "The great care home cash grab: how private equity turned vulnerable elderly people into human ATMs" https://www.theguardian.com/society/2026/mar/28/the-great-care-home-cash-grab-how-private-equity-turned-vulnerable-elderly-people-into-human-atms npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford "Been to the year 3000, Lived underground, there wasn't much water' npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Are you on the ace spectrum, Phil, or do you just have a strong preference for the kind of sex you can't easily get in your current life? (I am suddenly horny, which happens sometimes, but god no I do not want to engage with the apps) npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I might go on a gentle run. Maybe. But I am still in my pyjamas so... npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford being a super-lark is a bit annoying when it comes to socialising, and the way my body tends to enforce bedtime with an iron fist is a bit much, but I take both those things gladly if they are packaged with "I consistently get a solid 8-9.5h sleep a night, no questions" npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I am allotted two (2) nights of randomly poor sleep per year; last night was apparently one of them. Have decided to leave gym until tomorrow and have a cute little day of books and notes and naps. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Don't know what happened, bit just woke from a nap feeling like I hadn't eaten food since 1973, and have just inhaled a massive bowl of pasta 👀 npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I will die on the hill that GoT was a soap, and its real downfall was the showrunners not understanding that and assuming it had to come to a conclusion. It was clearly just a rolling hot mess. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Omg I could post this on my pixelfed account. Steady on. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I've posted this on bluesky, which is mental, no idea who follows me. Also somewhat true for here but there's less of you, and also over here were mostly interested in moss. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Fun workout! Here are my nipples xx https://cdn.hosted.spacebear.ee/sb-b8d695b8334e7e4a55369aa252aee890/media_attachments/files/116/345/817/702/228/051/original/ba9c8de75d139446.jpg npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I've come to the gym for a silly little light chest and arms workout and its SO FUN npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I'm glad we all had fun npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford eventually descending, by way of convergent evolution, into an alcohol Yeltsin npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford a Lenin npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford my Drugs Tsar recollection seems to be a USian import, along with the UK use of the term generally. How tawdry. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford When did we start getting tsars in the UK? I remember New Labour bringing in a Drugs Tsar and I thought it was a weird title, but they can't have just made it up in 1997. Can they? Do Slavic states use the term 'emperor' for equivalent functionary roles? Or do they go with Kaiser? Do other anglophone countries have Tsars? Or does Australia have e.g. Drug Popes? npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I am reading Hutton's Pagan Britain (2013), and the man is a DELIGHT to read, his gentle but incisive, thoughtful manner just as evident in the text as his live lectures. Cannot help but read it in his voice. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford With every passing day I get closer to ordering an eink phone 👀 npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford they pipped me as they drove by a few moments later, and I gave them a thumbs up, felt v masc4masc npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford In completely unrelated news, I did a big run at lunch and while I was jogging by topless I was approached by 3 workmen asking for a hand. Sadly this did not play out as it does in the movies and they just wanted my help pushing their van. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Anyway that was a very spicy extra 40 mins in la laboratoire npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford It is never a good time when sample receipt gets something in a tub at 1700 (we absolutely should never ever get anything large enough to be in a tub) npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I remember going there way back when and looking in horror at the lunar module, which is far too steampunk for comfort npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Fuck me I think I remember watching this on ??C4?? circa 2005 npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford The Saxony-Anhalt State Museum of Prehistory welcomes you, real fuckin' sexy like you want www.landesmuseum-vorgeschichte.de/en/ https://cdn.hosted.spacebear.ee/sb-b8d695b8334e7e4a55369aa252aee890/media_attachments/files/116/323/351/667/003/654/original/75c80dbebd6b5b65.png npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Had a go at running home and it was fine (my body is happier to run at lunch but a run home seems convenient?), only snag is I left my keys at work and my brother is out (this is not convenient) npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I did consider just lying but that would be a terrible way to initiate a counselling relationship. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Messaged the counselling service at worn and they replied back saying they're triaging people and could I fill in and send back a PHQ-9 🙃🙃 (PHQ-9 is a depression screening tool. I've filled enough in - and been depressed enough before - to know that my score would be 0. So no counselling for me, despite trauma 🙃🙃) npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I stepped up to the terrace to go to him, to help him. And I'd not taken two steps when a chilling nightmare of black poured over the neighbor's fence and positioned itself between me and dad. This ape dog thing on all fours, freezing me to the spot in terror. It didn't want to hurt me. But it was very protective of dad and was very clear that I should keep to my side of the line. And then, of course, I woke up. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I called over but he didn't hear me. Just carried on with that puzzled, figuring-it-out expression. He had been blisteringly intelligent in life, enjoyed puzzling things through. He'd tried to puzzle his way through the dementia, which only increased his confusion and fury, and fear, when he couldn't. Trapped. He didn't look trapped, in the dream in the garden. Just... lost. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford The visitation dream I had wasn't even a visitation in the usual sense. It was a couple of days after he'd died, that time outside time that is all shock and silence and appalling, grotesque empty space. I was in the back garden - god he loved the garden, he loved being outside, in hospital he kept begging, please can I just go outside? - I looked over and there he was, on the upper terrace. Confused, trying to puzzle out where he was. Drifty, but not like the Alzheimers. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford The following day was weird at work. Off centre.I'm lucky that my job has so much time for me to just... take time out. Anyway. Why am I typing all this? I dunno. I'm feeling increasingly off-kilter to the world, baffled by its absurdities. I will be at the monastery in a month. Mugwort is a relaxant, and said to bring dreams of the dead. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Lucid dreams can be breathtakingly vivid. He didn't know why I was hugging him so tight and crying and telling him I loved him and missed him, he just hugged back a little bemused and confused.I could *feel* his body, skin and bone, under his raggy tee. I couldn't let go. But of course the dream fell away and I was left with that strange resolidifying sensation I get when stepping smoothly from dream to waking. That, and the memory of his body in my arms, the the tears on my cheeks. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I've woken in dreams since I was a teenager. The other day, just before waking, saw dad, and knew I was dreaming. It wasn't a visitation dream - I have had those; once for Phil, and once for dad, immediately after he passed, altho he was confused and lost at the time, and tho I tried to approach I was firmly warned away. The other day he was just in the living room. Honestly it was more a memory replay than a dream. Except this time I knew he was gone, so when I went to hug him... I knew npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Funny old weekend. Funny old day. Brewing some mugwort tea. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford you just reminded me of this excellent and eye opening video https://youtu.be/TwKpj2ISQAc (It is a... long one, I admit) npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I am feeling a bit peculiar and this monastery trip can't come quickly enough tbh npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Go wild and make notes on neolithic britain in Swedish npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I might make it to the gym for a quick joints-friendly workout (i.e. pushing a sled for 10 mins), but OTOH I might just stay where I am and read about neolithic Britain for the day, along with some Swedish revision npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford yup, 4th installment. Came out on Thursday (Tchaikovsky is someone I pre-order) npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Anyway, time to get back to my little book* *Children of Strife npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford The three marks of existence are inherent components of subjective reality which, once fully perceived, lead to enlightenment. Impermanence, inherent discomfort, and the nonexistence of an underlying "self". The *reason* for Buddhist meditation is to see these, because intellectual acceptance of them isn't enough. You need to feel it in your bones. I think I'm beginning to feel it, a little, in my bones. And its unsettling. But not bad. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I sat and wrote something dad-adjacent today. It might grow into something fuller, who knows. I am feeling very... aware of the three marks of existence, these days. Which is fine... good, even... but I'm glad I'm going to be at the monastery soon. I'm maybe a little unsteady... In a good way? If I can work with it, or let it be? I am back in a routine and back doing things and let's be honest, I'm not really sure why I'm doing any of it npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford I read this years ago and it's stayed with me ever since https://theoutline.com/post/2209/what-the-caves-are-trying-to-tell-us npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Ronald Hutton has pointed out that circles are a more egalitarian design than the long barrows which preceded them, themselves probably meant to reflect the long-houses of the then-living. So a plague, an uprising, an primitive anarchist utopia rising up and lasting 1000 years? Probably not. But fun to think about. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford There's a chance the early neolithic peoples were wiped out by plague, and the stone circle builders came to an empty island filled with ancient mysterious ruins. This just breaks my brain. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford All of complex life on the planet is the final act in a four act play, the whole span of human existence not even a brief line, and most of that history is only recorded in stone and dust and a few marks on cave walls. Time is just big. Really really big. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Reading up on late neolithic Britain. The stone circle builders! Who were they?? What was their society like?? And what the everloving fuck *happened*??? "Chambered tombs were blocked up and abandoned, implying that people were ceasing to use them as cultic sites... Various archaeologists have suggested that this was a period of particular turmoil within the British Isles" There is just so much time, it makes my brain ache. npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford "Centre for Long-Term Resilience" is a name which might as well be made of red flags ( [@davidgerard](https://circumstances.run/@davidgerard ) ) https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2026/mar/27/number-of-ai-chatbots-ignoring-human-instructions-increasing-study-says npub19kdks762x0m8zj6k8swua54pn937fuad8zv5lfpxledmqzv3m93q36d7ts Pipford Strength is flooding back 🤗. I think the silly little hill sprints last week might have given me a solid metabolic kick (which would explain how I've felt in the days following the silly little hill sprints, ie pretty fucking ruined fading to a pleasant buzz of tiredness)